I should have known.

I never should have left.

I knew she wasn't feeling well.

But she still insisted I go.

And for what?

I then felt Josh quickly put the car in drive and pull up to their house.

"You guys get out, Jaime and I are gonna follow them to the hospital." He snapped, turning back to them.

"Is.. is everything okay?" Jake asked. Josh waved him off, motioning towards their house. They didn't hesitate to quickly pile out of the car, rushing up their driveway.

I could feel my heart beating in my throat, my head spinning.

"It's gonna be okay." He said, reaching his arm behind my seat and quickly backing down the road to my house again. "Don't worry, it's gonna be okay."

I wanted nothing more than to believe him.

He threw the car in park and instantly hopped out, hastily making his way up the driveway and into my house. I don't know what came over me, but I just couldn't move. I was always the one who had to take care of everything, but I stayed frozen in place as the blinding lights glared through the car window.

Why was this happening?

Why did this keep happening?

It wasn't long before I saw two of the paramedics carrying my mom out on a stretcher, Josh following them closely. I finally managed to open the door when he ran back down to the car, practically pushing me back inside.

"It's okay, we're gonna follow them, alright?" I nodded, doing my best to hold in the tears as he ran back around to the drivers side.

The blaring sirens echoed down the street as we followed them on the way to the hospital. I kept my eyes forward, locked on the blurry lights that shone through the windshield, for a quick moment, resembling the beautiful red and blue fireworks from before. If only I had known then..

Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Josh occasionally peeking over.

"Are you alright?" He finally asked. I nodded, still unsure of how I was feeling. How was I supposed to feel? It never got easier, no matter how many times I've been through this. I was just thankful that I didn't have to go through it alone this time. I reached over for his hand, tightly intertwining our fingers.

"W-we're.. we're almost there. Don't worry, everything's gonna be okay." He managed. But I knew he couldn't promise that. No one could. Even still, I was happy that I at least had him here with me.

When we got to the hospital, he pulled in behind the ambulance, hesitating before letting go of my hand, and quickly making his way around to the passenger's side.

"Wait here, okay? I'll go check on her, I'll be right back." I nodded, holding my stare on him as he flashed me a gentle smile, his eyes lingering on me for a moment before rushing into the building.

I watched him as he rushed inside, following the paramedics as they carried her stretcher through the doors of the emergency room. I couldn't even tell you how many times I had been through this before, but every single time.. alone.

It was like time didn't exist at the hospital. The only indicator of time passing was the sun finally peeking its way through the blinds of the waiting room windows, gracefully lighting up what was once overflowing in glaring florescence; minutes dragging on for hours when you're anxiously anticipating news that could change your entire life.

I snapped out of my anxious daze as he eventually made his way over, sitting down close to me. He put his hand out again, making it available for me to grab if need be, or so I told myself. I took the opportunity to be as close to him as possible while I could, without there being any questions. I moved my hand over his, gently rubbing my thumb across his palm before intertwining our fingers again. Peeking back up at him, I saw a smile escape his lips, as big as a situation like this would allow.

"How is she?" I managed, feeling my eyes well up with tears again. I felt guilty enough that I was letting him bear the burden of all of this, but it just came to a point where I couldn't carry the weight of it alone anymore.

"She's alright." He sighed, holding my hand tighter. I felt guilty for allowing myself to get excited over the fact that this was as close to him as I'd ever been, it was just a shame it had to be under such circumstances. So I couldn't help but wonder if it was just out of pity.

"Did they say anything, or.." I trailed off.

"They said they'd let me know once they knew anything."

He sat with me in silence, nothing but the blaring tv on the other side of the room to distract me from my restless thoughts until I could feel my eyelids start to get heavier. I couldn't tell you what time it was, but I knew it was already late by the time we got back from the carnival, so I couldn't even imagine how much time had gone by.

He noticed.

I peeked up at him as he motioned down, giving me another subtle smile. I moved in closer, leaning my head on his shoulder, finally allowing myself to close my eyes. It felt as though I had only been out for a second before his hand gently shook me awake.

"Jaime.." He whispered. I shot up, frantically looking around, but there was still no sight of her.

"Hey, hey.. it's okay. They.. they're checking her in for the night, but they said we could come back tomorrow to see her if you want." I nodded, grabbing his hand again as he helped me up, leading me back out to his car.

The drive was quiet, but I appreciated it. There was nothing else to say. This was just my life now, and I felt guilty for dragging him into it.

He finally pulled up to my house, but I couldn't bring myself to move, more tears filling my eyes.

"It's gonna be okay." He said softly, taking my hand again. I looked down as he gently rubbed his thumb across my palm.

"Josh.. could I.. can I stay with you tonight?" I finally asked, knowing there was no way I could spend the night alone in my house. He stared back at me wide-eyed.

"O-oh, um.. y-yeah. Yeah, sure.. of course." He said, starting the car again, slowly driving down the road and pulling up to his house.

It had been a while since I had actually been in their house. Before all of this started, we used to come over all the time for dinners, barbecue's.. everything. But it just didn't feel right to leave my mom at home to go over and enjoy myself when she was stuck in bed alone.

But it looked just as I remembered.

He quietly guided me through their kitchen and up the stairs to his bedroom, quietly shutting the door behind us. I looked around, unable to remember the last time I was in his bedroom, but was sure it was long enough ago where it wasn't "inappropriate" for two friends to be alone in their bedroom together.

He went into his dresser, pulling out a t-shirt and a pair of shorts, handing them to me.

"I'm.. gonna go get washed up. You can get changed if you want, I.. I figured you'd be more comfortable."

"Thank you, Josh." He nodded, giving me a gentle smile before leaving the room, shutting the door behind him. I quickly changed into his clothes, unsure of how long he would be. They smelt just like him. How badly I wished we could be like this.. under different circumstances. I felt guilty for feeling any sort of joy right now, despite having fantasized about this moment for as long as I could remember.

It wasn't long before I heard a gentle knock on the door.

"Come in." I giggled to myself. He popped his head in, smirking back at me. "You don't have to knock, it's your room." He shrugged, coming in and shutting the door behind him.

"Of course I do." He said simply, now going into his closet, pulling out spare pillows and blankets. I watched as he started making up a bed on the floor next to his, eventually lying down in it.

"Oh, that.. that's not for me?" He shook his head, flashing me a wide grin.

"Of course not.. you get the bed." I bit down on my lip, feeling my cheeks burn.

I.. got to sleep.. in his bed?

I tried my best to contain my smile as I lied down, clutching one of his pillows close to me. It all smelt like him. Rolling over, I peeked down at him on the ground to see him already staring up at me, his head propped up on his hand.

"You should go to sleep." He whispered. "It's late."

"So should you." He shrugged, his smile growing.

"I'll be okay."

I held my stare on him for a moment, knowing exactly what I wanted to say, but unsure if I should, not wanting to push anything too far, not after everything else that happened today.

"Josh.." I finally managed, leaning over the side of the bed. He sat back up, facing me again.

"Yeah?" I hesitated for a moment, feeling my heart beat faster.

"Could you.. um.."

"What is it?" He laughed. I couldn't help but smile, feeling my cheeks burn.

"Could you.. stay up here with me?" I finally asked, doing everything in my power not bury myself within his blankets out of embarrassment, but all I really wanted was.. to be comforted by him right now.

He was quiet for a moment, his smile growing.

"Oh.. y-yeah." He said. "I.. y-yeah, sure.. whatever you need, Jaime."

He got up, cautiously sitting down next to me. I moved over, lifting the covers to make room for him. He bit down on his lip, hesitating before carefully maneuvering himself under, mindful in his movements as if making sure he didn't get too close.

But all I wanted was for him to be as close as possible.

I reached over for his hand, intertwining our fingers once again. I heard him sigh as he slowly shifted closer to me, his leg now pressed up against mine. I could feel my heart beating faster as I was instantly made aware of just how warm he was, his body radiating so much heat, like my own personal furnace, only making me want to be buried within him.

"It's gonna be okay, Jaime." He whispered, and I felt more tears come to my eyes again.

"Jaime.." He sighed, now wrapping his arm around me. I reached over, wrapping my arm around his stomach, hiding my face in his chest.

It wasn't fair, I had wanted this forever, to be with him like this, and I couldn't even enjoy it, not when I had no idea what tomorrow was going to bring me.

"It's going to be okay, Jaime. I'm here. I'll always be here." He whispered into my ear, his fingers now gently moving up and down my back.

And I knew that no matter what happened, if I had him, no matter how, maybe things would be okay.