As I opened the door, my whole body went numb. Jake was sitting on the edge of the bed, scrolling through his phone. At the sound of the door, he picked up his head, his eyes going wide, and in that moment, it was like I had forgotten how to breathe. I felt like I had been punched in the gut. What was he doing in here? Sam had said-

Sam.

I quickly backed out of the room, turning away when I was instantly faced with Sam again.

"No, no, no.." He said, grabbing my arms. "Jess, you have to talk to him." My face got hot, tears coming to my eyes again.

"Sam, I told you, I don't want to see him. How could you-"

"Because, it's not what you think, Jess. Just.. talk to him."

"Of course it's what I think! He did what he always does!" He bit down on his lip, shaking his head.

"Just..." He motioned back towards the room, still holding me in place. "You two have to stop running away and just talk to each other. You both are saying the same things, but you never say them to each other. Now talk." He pushed me back into the room, shutting the door behind me.

"And neither of you are coming out until you solve this." He called out. My cheeks burned bright red as I forced myself to turn back to Jake, who was still holding his wide-eyed stare on me.

It killed me just to look at him.

We were both silent, holding our gaze until finally, I reluctantly went over, sitting down next to him on the bed, keeping my distance. When I peeked back over at him, his eyes were hurt, as if it was just as agonizing for them to meet mine again.

The tension was unbearable; I began to feel everything building up in me the longer we both refused to speak. Despite everything, I wanted nothing more than to just hold him, or more so, I just wanted him to hold me. He was within arm's reach, but he felt a million miles away.

"Jess.." He finally sighed, and then something in me snapped. I couldn't hold it in anymore. I rolled over onto the bed, covering my face with my hands as the tears began to fall again. My chest felt tight as I tried my best to hold in my choppy breaths that slowly grew into sobs, but it was no use. My stomach dropped when I felt his hand on my back.

"Jess.." He said again. I pulled away, refusing to look at him.

"Don't touch me." I snapped. How was he fine? After everything, how was he okay? And here I was..

"How could you do this to me?" I yelled, finally sitting up to face him. He stared back at me now with tears in his eyes, his face flushed. I held my glare on him, feeling like I was going to be sick. How dare he start crying like this wasn't all his fault?

"Jess.. I.." He managed, his voice cracking.

"Why is it always so easy for you to just.. walk away from me?" I cried. "Why.. why can't you ever just.. fight for me? How am I supposed to believe the things you say to me when you just.. leave! You always just leave!" He stayed quiet, biting down on his lip as he reached out for me, more tears filling his eyes.

"No!" I snapped, pulling away. "All I wanted was for us to be 'done' and.. I.. I thought we finally were! What is it that.. makes it so easy for you to just leave me whenever things get hard? How am I supposed to.. plan a life with someone like that? What if I was pregnant? You would just.. walk out on me?" He hesitated for a moment, reaching out for me again. I held my stare, letting him this time. My heart started beating faster as he gently wiped away my tears, while leaving his own to fall down his face. My eyes moved down to his neck where I saw he was still wearing the necklace I had gotten him for Christmas. I saw him do the same, a small smile escaping from his lips. But it didn't last long.

"I was ready for everything with you, and you left." I wept. "And I hate that.. despite everything, I still want you. I hate that you can make me feel like this, and I still want everything.. with you, and only you." I moved in closer, wiping his tears, pushing the hair out of his face.

"Whether you want me or not.. I am always going to be yours." I whispered. He sighed, gently running his fingers through my hair, pulling me in closer.

"Jess, of course I want you. All I want is you." He said softly. My heart jumped. "But.. I'm not good for you. You deserve-"

"What do you mean? Yes you are."

"Jess, we just.. we can't-"

"Why not?" I demanded. He stopped, biting down on his lip as his cheeks burned.

"I just want what's best for you, and I'm not-"

"You are the best thing that's ever happened to me." I said softly, now holding his face in my hands. He stared back at me teary-eyed, his gaze moving down to my lips. "I don't know what happened to make you think-"

"Your dad said no." He finally said. My heart dropped.

"W-what?" I exhaled. He looked away, trying to hold in more of the tears that would inevitably find their way out.

"I told him that I wanted to propose to you.. and he said no. He said.. if I really loved you as much as I say I do.. I need to leave you alone. Because.. I'm not good for you. I would only.. hurt you in the long run, and Jess, I.. I don't know what you've gone through in the past, and maybe.. one day you can talk about that with me but.. I can tell you, I would never-" My stomach dropped.

"I know you wouldn't." I said. "Jake, I love you, I don't care what-"

"Jess, I love you more than anything, but-"

"No 'but,' why don't I get a say in this? Why is this between you two? This is my life, I know what I've been through, and.. I'll tell you about that. I promise. But.. this isn't his decision. I appreciate you trying to involve him in this, but if he doesn't approve then.. I don't want him involved in any of this."

"Jess, he's your family.."

"You're my family." I sighed, pulling him into a passionate kiss. 

I thought my heart was going to pound out of my chest as I felt his hand move up to my face, pulling me in closer, kissing me back harder. I then crawled into his lap, tangling my fingers in his hair. He leaned his forehead against mine, staring back up at me with bloodshot eyes.

"Jess, I just.. I don't feel right knowing he doesn't-" I cut him off, pulling him into another kiss. He sighed, slowly moving his hands up my back, pulling me closer.

"No." I sighed, my lips moving down to his neck. "This is my decision, and I choose you. I choose you and I'll choose you every single time." His grip on me got tighter as he lifted me up, placing me down on the bed, crawling over me.

My heart was racing as he stared down at me with dazed eyes, a gentle smile spread across his lips. All I wanted was to kiss him again. And so, so much more.

"Jess, I-"

"No." I said again, pulling him back in. "You don't get to run away anymore. I'm your's and you're mine and.. that's it. We're done." He bit down on his lip, trying to contain his smile, before pulling me into a deep kiss. I wrapped my arms around him, clinging onto him like if I ever let go, he would disappear forever.

I would never be able to let go of him ever again.

"Okay." He finally sighed, staring back into my eyes. "I'm yours."

His lips then moved down to my neck, his soft kisses slowly turning into gentle bites. My grip on him got tighter, pulling him closer. I always needed him closer. 

Nuzzling my face in his hair, my heart jumped at the smell of his cologne; warm tobacco, familiar and woodsy like a crackling bonfire. I couldn't remember the last time I had smelt it so vividly, though I guess I really couldn't remember the last time I was away from him long enough to forget.

I always thought it was interesting how you couldn't smell your own home until you'd been away from it for so long, but once you returned, it was the most comforting wave of nostalgia. And that was him.

Because he was my home.