My heart sunk as my eyes shot down the hall, seeing Jess standing in the doorway. I hated how this was how she was first hearing it from me, whether it was directly to her or not. I quickly went back into Sam's hotel room to avoid having to deal with this anymore. The last thing I wanted now was having to talk about it, but knowing Jess she would want to. 

"Hey.. what did Jake want?" Sam asked, keeping his eyes locked on the tv.

"I told him I loved Jess." His head shot up as he stared at me, wide-eyed.

"You.. what?" He said. He reached over for the remote, shutting the tv off. I plopped down on the bed, rolling over.

"And she heard." I mumbled, now hiding my face in my pillow.

"Oh, wow.. okay.. um.." He said, making his way over, sitting down at the foot of the bed.

"Do you.. do you want to talk about it?" He asked reluctantly.

"Not really, no." I mumbled into the pillow. "I just want to be alone."

"Okay.." He said, getting back up. "I was gonna.. go outside for a bit anyway, so.. that's fine. I'll.. I'll be back in a bit." He quickly grabbed his coat from the chair and I heard the door close behind him.

I eventually sat up, looking around the room for my phone. Without thinking, I called Ronnie.

"Hey." She said, picking up right away. "What's going on? You never call." She laughed. I couldn't help but smile.

"Hey.. I just.. I needed someone to talk to. Someone who's.. not here." I said.

"Oh no, what happened?" She asked. I sighed, getting up and began to pace around the room.

"It's just not fair, Jake always manages to have these perfect moments with her, and it feels like.. nothing ever goes right for me. And maybe if for once it did, then maybe things could work out but it always feels like I'm the one who get's the short end of the stick with everything and-" She cut me off.

"Josh, woah, what are you talking about?" She asked. I sighed.

"Jake and I got into a fight and.. I told him I loved Jess. And she overheard and now.. I don't know what to do, but also, what does it even matter? I just-"

"Oh, okay. Well.. do you?" She asked simply. I hesitated, biting down on my lip. I could feel my heart start to beat faster.

"I.. I think I do. I don't know what else I would call it." I said quietly.

"And she heard you?"

"Yeah."

"But she didn't say anything?"

"Well, I kinda.. ran off before anyone could say anything. I just.. I didn't want to deal with it. Things are already bad enough with Jake and I know this is just going to make it worse. And then Jess told me she was thinking about moving in with him and I-"

"Move in with him?" She asked, her voice getting louder. "Where?"

"That's what I said, but apparently Jake was thinking about buying his own place back home."

"And he didn't tell any of us?"

"Apparently it was just an idea, but-"

"I'll have to call him." She said. I giggled to myself.

"No.." I sighed. "Cause then he'll know I talked to you. I just need to talk it out."

"So now what are you gonna do?" She asked.

"I guess at some point I'm gonna have to talk to her. Which.. won't matter. I know she loves Jake. It's like it doesn't even matter that we kissed because-"

"You kissed??" She yelled. My stomach dropped. I guess I hadn't really mentioned it to anyone. "Why don't you tell me anything? We always tell each other everything!" 

"I'm sorry, Ron, I've been dealing with a lot. And we're shooting the music video in a few days, and now we have to hire someone for that because Jake didn't want Jess doing it with me, and I-"

"Wait, like he forbid her?" She laughed. I smirked.

"That's what it sounded like." I sighed.

"But she wanted to?" Ronnie asked. I could hear the smile in her voice. My cheeks burned.

"I.. I think so, yeah." She was quiet for a moment.

"I can't believe you finally kissed her and you didn't tell me." She said. "So how was it?" It felt like my face was on fire.

"I really don't think I want to be having this conversation with my little sister." I said, a smile escaping my lips. But it felt nice to feel like someone was on my side for once. Even just for a moment.

"Come on, I know how you get.." She said. I groaned, plopping back down on the bed.

"It was.. perfect" I sighed. "It just felt like.. everything was finally happening. Like something was really going to happen. And then.. she ran off. Back to Jake. Just like always." She was quiet for a minute.

"Josh, where do you honestly see this going?" She asked.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean.. she's with Jake. So.. in the end, she's either gonna stay with him.. and then she becomes your sister in law.. or.. somehow you finally convince her to be with you. But then.. that'll hang over your head with Jake for the rest of your life. So.. where do you really see this going?"

I hadn't really thought about it like that. I mean, it made sense. It could really only go one of two ways, right? Unless she just decided to up and leave both of us all together. I think in the end, that would hurt the least for everyone. 

"I hate fighting with Jake." I said quietly.

"So then-"

"But I want her, Ronnie." She was quiet again.

"Then I guess all you can do is be there. But.. if she wants to be with Jake, you need to respect that. He's our brother and he's happy." I got back up, pacing around the room again.

"They're always fighting, Ron. Her and I, we're just.. we just get each other. It's.. always easy when we're together. When things are good, she makes me feel like.. I'm the only one in the world.. so I don't understand why she doesn't see that.. we're so much better for each other."

"Love doesn't always make sense, Josh." 

Then I heard the door unlock.

"Ronnie, I'll talk to you later." I said.

"Alright, just.. don't overthink too much."

"Okay." I sighed, hanging up.

Sam stormed in, slamming the door behind him.

"Hey.." I said, sitting up. He tossed his jacket onto the back of the chair, plopping back down onto the couch.

"He is crazy." Sam mumbled to himself.

"W-what are you talking about?" I asked. He rolled his eyes.

"I ran into Jess outside, and we were just talking.. about everything.. and then Jake comes out to find her and suddenly he thinks her and I are running around together behind his back and.." He sighed, turning the tv back on, kicking his feet up. "He's never been like this."

My stomach dropped. I hated being in this position. I knew it was my fault he was acting like this. But at the same time, I knew the longer I let it linger, the worse it was gonna get. I got up from the bed, and Sam's eyes shot over to me.

"Where are you going?" He snapped, standing back up.

"I just.. I need to know once and for all." I said, making my way over to the door. Sam quickly ran over, standing in front of it.

"You cannot go over there right now." He said. "They're probably fighting, over you, and the last thing you need to do is go over there and make it any worse." I glared up at him.

"What happened to all those times you pushed me to go after her?" I snapped. He bit down on his lip, shaking his head.

"Josh, you.. you didn't see him. He's a wreck. Look, I'm sorry but you need to back off. He needs her." I stopped, staring back up at him. 

This wasn't fair. Jake always got everything he wanted. The rest of us put our dreams on hold for him. We gave up everything for him to have all of this, and not a day went by that I didn't think about it, how it all could've been different. And when it came down to it, he gets her now too? 

"Just.. sleep on it, okay?" Sam said. "We have off tomorrow. Everyone needs a day.. apart. To cool down. Just.. give them one day." 

I finally rolled my eyes, going back over to the bed, plopping back down, and turning away until I forced myself to fall asleep.