— Author's Note —

Hi!! Normally I don't put my notes before the story starts, but tonight was the big SNL performance and I felt like I wanted to say a few things. Despite what anyone says, I think they were amazing tonight! Nervous or not, they were amazing and made my night better. I feel almost selfish for being scared about what might happen after the show, but now I am just grateful. Grateful to have found such an amazing band so early, one that has truly changed my life and gotten me through the hardest of times. Anyway, I just wanted to express my love for these boys in everything they do! Haha I just wrote amazing so many times. Now on to the chapter....

"I'm almost there. He's pulling up right now."

"God, I can't wait to see you!" I said.

"Babe, come downstairs!" Jake said into the phone. I didn't bother putting on shoes, I ran downstairs in leggings, big socks, and a huge sweatshirt. I don't know why I took the stairs, but I did. I burst through the front doors and there he was. Standing on the sidewalk having just stepped out of the car. I ran to him, jumping into his arms like I had when I left. I planted kisses all over his face and he laughed at me, but I didn't care about looking stupid.

"Hey! Save some sugar for us." I heard a voice say. I turned to look into the car and saw everyone, well everyone I cared about. Ronnie and the guys. Sammy smiled widely at me.

"NO FUCKING WAY!" I yelled.

"Two weeks with us baby." Ronnie said to me. I felt like I was on some sort of drug, one I'd never had, but I would very much become an addict for it.

"How? When?"

"We just wanted to see you.. Isn't that good enough?" Jake said, like he was hiding something. I can't deal with this boys shit right now. I just wanted him to be present.

"Well, come on, come up! Katie left the other day for Colorado, but she basically lives at her boyfriends apartment so we can all stay in our room." They laughed at me, shaking their heads.

"Mags, you're on drugs if you think we're staying in the same room as you too." Danny said. I thought for a minute, well there's a couch and my other roommates are gone. I'll just put my sheets on their beds and then make them back up when they come back. They all nodded. We headed up the elevator after the security guards took copies of all of their IDs. We walked into the common area kitchen which had turned into walls filled with concert posters. Dylan and I had discovered the New York underground scene and we were obsessed over it, then I had Niall's posters all over the walls and a few of Glen's. Glen was much more well known than Niall, but it didn't matter to me. They looked around in awe.

"Yeah, I know. We've gone a little crazy, but wouldn't you if you could see live music every night?" They all nodded in amazement.

"This is whose house we're going to go to for Thanksgiving." I said pointing at a picture of Niall, Clare (his wife), Glen, Katie, and I. Lily had taken the photo and it was such a happy moment. "Actually I should probably tell him there will be more people, but we can do that tonight!"

"Tonight?" Josh said. I smiled shyly.

"Yeah, I'm doing a set at the Scratcher." I said quietly.

"You're what??" Ronnie said in shock.

"Yeah, I haven't played any of my own stuff, but I'm really happy just being up there."

"I'm so in!" She responded.

"Good because it's mandatory! I want you to meet my friends. Typical me, comes here for college and is only friends with her roommates and people she met at a bar." I smiled thinking of all the good memories we had shared together.

Jake grabbed a hold of my arm as we were the only two still awake. I smiled at his grasp. I got up and held onto his hand, leading him into my room. I closed the door, making sure not to make any noise. "I missed you so much." He said kissing me.

"Mmmm, I missed you too." He started kissing down my neck. "Jake?"

"Mmm, yeah?" He said, too busy on my neck and chest.

"I love that everyone is here, but... well, I thought it was just going to be us." He stopped kissing me immediately giving me those eyes, he thought he'd done something wrong. I curled my fingers in his hair.

"I thought you would like it." He said quickly, his tone wasn't normal, it was like the one he had outside.

"I do love it, I love seeing them, but I wanted to introduce you to everyone first. Then I would introduce the rest of you guys. I didn't want to overwhelm people."

"I'm sorry." He hung his head and I regretted saying what I said.

"Don't be sorry, I was just wondering why the change of heart?"

"I don't know..." There it was again. I decided not to pry anymore, I didn't want to start a fight. I kiss him, but he was still uncomfortable. I kiss him again, then his cheeks, his jaw, his neck, his chest. That's when he starts to feel better.

"Come on... I missed you." I said pulling him over to my bed. I got on it and pulled him to me. He continued kissing my neck, but this time going lower and lower. As he took off my pants, my brain kept going over how this felt wrong. We weren't city people. Or at least I was and they felt wrong here. Together we weren't meant for this place, but I was forcing it on him. I miss the Jake in Michigan. I miss feeling young with him. As he got inside of me, I groaned loudly, not remembering the feeling it had been so long. He shushed me and started moving in and out of me. He felt good, really good. I remember all those times we would sneak out. He would lay a blanket on our cliff and we would look at the stars. Him in me like this put all of those stars back in my head. When I came it was euphoria, I tilted my head back grabbing his back for dear life, for safety. He came a little bit after me and I realized why while he pushed in and out of me. It was because he wasn't waiting for me, he had someone at home he was doing this with. I had stayed faithful to him, but he wasn't to me and I told him I was fine with it. As he finished, he fell on me, hugging my naked body. I felt his heart pounding, mine not far behind in speed. I started to cry, not a one glistening tear cry. I was crying full on. I couldn't help it. Jake noticed once I was making noise, it must have been a real decreaser of self esteem, seeing as he was still inside of me riding out an orgasm.

"What's wrong?" He asked. I couldn't speak, I needed him to get off of me, to get out of me. I shook my head quickly. "Mags.." I kept shaking. My body felt cold. I had tears streaming down my face. He wasn't getting it so I pushed him, not hard, just enough so he would get out of me. I grabbed my underwear putting them on and running out of the door slamming my bedroom door behind me, which in hindsight was probably not a good, idea because it woke everyone up. Sammy was the first to notice me standing outside of the door.

"Mags?" He said rubbing his eyes.

"What's happening?" Josh asked. I stood there, frozen, trembling in my place, tears trickling rapidly down my cheeks.

"What did he do?" Sam said. As soon as he stood up, I ran across the room to the bathroom, locking the door behind me. I tried to slow down my breathing, my heart was pounding faster than it was before.

"Maggie! Open the door!" I heard Daniel's voice yell.

"Come on Maggie, we only want to help." Sam said.

"What's going on?" I heard Ronnie say softly, like she hadn't been awake for the first portion of this.

"I don't know, she came out of her room trembling and crying," Sam said, then whispering, "she wasn't wearing pants. I think something might have happened." I heard the sigh of Ronnie.

"Mags," she said, knocking on the door lightly, "hey babe, open up. It's just me, let's talk." Without really thinking, I unlocked the door. Ronnie slid into the bathroom, careful to not let anyone else see in. Before closing the door, she whispered "Go talk to Jake."

Ronnie spun around to me, sitting on the big, white bath mat. I was looking at my toes and silent except for my loud breathing. "Hey, Mags?" I looked up to her. She came over to be leaning up against the bathtub so we could sit next to each other. "What happened?" I shook my head, staying quiet for a while.

"Why did you guys come? I don't mean to be mean, I just need to know."

"We wanted to come sweets, we missed you." She said, rubbing my back and playing with my hair.

"I know that's not true, I need you to tell me right now Ron.. I need you to tell me." She looked at the floor and closed her eyes, shaking her head.

"We- we were going to have Thanksgiving at home and just Jake was going to come, but.. Hannah got mad when he said he was the only one going. She said she didn't trust him with you alone. She said she didn't trust any girl with him alone... He said the only way he could come is if we all went. We were thrilled with the idea, but we knew that it was wrong for him to do." She had her eyes closed, she didn't want to look at me, she didn't want to see my pain. I let out shaky breaths, she had confirmed my doubts. "Tell me what happened." She said.

I began. "We were alone, you all had fallen asleep and I missed him, so we went into my room. I don't want to gross you out, he's your brother."

"He's my brother he already grosses me out."

"Well, I asked him the same thing, but he just said that you missed me. I didn't believe him, but I let it go... We, well, we started having sex and it was around the time of him.. you know, and I just froze up. I came fast, like really fast, but I noticed he hadn't. I realized that it was because I wasn't sleeping with someone else, but he was. I was saving myself for him, every inch of pleasure I was saving for him, he didn't save anything for me. I started panicking. I started crying, I pushed him out of me. Now we're here." I said.

"Oh my god." She said, pulling my body to hers. I started crying again.

"He doesn't want me or if he does, it's because he can't have me."

"Mags that's not true. He loves you, I know he loves you." I shook my head.

"If he loved me, he wouldn't be doing this, he wouldn't be putting me through this."

"Maggie, I want you to be together, but have you ever thought of having someone else. You know like she is to him." I looked at her shocked.

"No, I would never do that."

"Then why are you letting someone do that to you. You don't deserve this."

"I need him, I love him too much to let him go."

"Then you need to stick through this. You need to be the only person he needs, but you can't stop your own dreams for that." I nodded. "Come on, let's get dressed and go have so much fun tonight. We can put on pretty dresses and you can play your heart out."

"Well, it's not really a party dressy type of place, but yeah." I said giggling, looking at my red eyes. Trying harder than anything to not think about the bad things. Trying to focus on how much I know he loves me and how much I love him.