I turned my head to look at the group, but it was just too dark to make them out. "Americans?" Alex nodded at me. "Well, I can't drink this."

"Why? It's just a drink." He sighed at my face, obviously not going to give in and drink it. "You don't need to tell me you won't drink it, tell them." He laughed at his joke, but I didn't take it as a joke. I figured if I got over there and it wasn't them I could just thank them, but if it was them I could yell at them or something. I got closer and closer, and my hopes dying. I noticed the shape of Sammy first, then Danny, then Josh, then Jake. They were looking at me as I walked to them, once I got there I didn't say anything. They were probably expecting me to be happy to see them, to smile and ask them how they've been, but they should know better than that. I slammed the drink on the table, quieting their table, but not the rest of the restaurant. "I can buy myself drinks. I don't need you." I turned on my heels, not letting anyone speak. I had this terrible taste in my mouth like I might be sick. I ran a little to the bar putting on my jacket and my cross body purse. I kissed Alex on the cheek and said "I'll be back in a couple days, merci d'être si bon avec moi." He nodded and smiled at me as I hit the door open, obviously mad. I was walking fast down the street, but slowed down because I realized I was running from no one.

Once again, it was just me, my cigarettes, and Paris at night. I decided to walk along the Seine near the Notre Dame cathedral. It was beautiful at night, up against the sparkling river. It must have been late, but I didn't feel tired. I had some cocktails, smoked some cigs, but the air woke me up each time I got sleepy and I was thankful for it. I looked through my purse for my phone and my earbuds, I went to my Apple Music and started Time Out of Mind. The album started and I thought about what I had always promised them. I thought of the dreams I had shared with Jake. We wanted to travel, to be together, but I guess I should have known that would never happen. I missed the other boys. I knew that Josh had loved me, he probably still does, I couldn't hurt him anymore. God I'm such a selfish bitch. Not being able to hug Danny was getting to me and my talks with Sammy were hard to let go of. They never would have chose me.

I heard a car honking its horn, I looked at what it was honking at, a black car drove slowly down the big street as if it was looking for a building number. I rolled my eyes at the person, you couldn't pull that shit in Paris or in any city for that matter. I quickly turned my neck to look at the car again and realized what it was. It was the car in the back of the bar, were they following me? Jesus Christ. I started to head back to my dorm apartment, so I wouldn't have to deal with it. Outside of the dorms was a restaurant with outdoor seating, students all sat outside drinking, eating, and having a good time. The car stopped as I pulled out my student ID card to scan into the building. "Stop!" I heard Sam's voice yell. The door opened and he came running towards me. "Maggie, don't do this. Don't shut me out." I looked at him, his eyes large and hopeful.

"S- I'm sorry, I can't." I Iooked at the car, where all the boys were most likely looking at me. I pulled him closer to me so I could whisper to him. "I miss you, but I can't Sa-" I wasn't letting myself say their names, any of their names and Sammy noticed.

"I'm asking you, please. I miss you. We all miss you, just talk to us, or talk to me." I looked at the car one more time, then back at Sammy. Then I pointed to the restaurant, "You and me, just us." I said. He nodded at me, surprised I had even said yes to him. We settled into our seats and I imagined what he was doing in the car, what he thought of me. Jesus Maggie, DON'T! "Do you want anything?"

"Wine?" I nodded at him.

"White or red?"

"It's a red night."

"Excusez-moi mademoiselle, pouvons nous avoir une bouteille de vin rouge?" I asked the waitress.

"Certainement." She responded walking off.

"You're good at that." Sammy said. I smiled at him.

"That's what happens when you study a language." He chuckled at my sarcasm.

"You look good, I like the hair."

"Thanks, I like yours too, it's longer."

"So, how have you been?" He asked taking the topic slowly.

"Good, I've been good. I guess my dad got his wish in me going to college, but I'm okay. I can't complain, I've lived in two of the best cities in the world." He saw right through me.

"Mags, come on. I know you, how are you really?"

"Stop Sam. It's not going to be like how it used to be." I said sternly.

"I don't understand why. You're my best friend, I never wanted you to get hurt. I told you it was a bad idea, but you were in love with him by then. I didn't want that to come between us."

"But it did Sammy." I said, putting my hand on his. "I love you, but it changed everything." I felt my eyes well up. "I can't look at you without thinking about him, do you know how much that hurts?" He shook his head. "It's the worst feeling." The waitress set the wine on the table in between us and two glasses. I tasted it and told her it was good so she would leave us alone.

"I think you should talk to him. He's been in a lot of pain over this." I scoffed at him. I took a hug sip of my wine.

"He's been in a lot of pain??" I almost yelled, causing people -- people I know -- to turn and look. "He's the one that broke my heart. He took it and stomped on it." I didn't want to tell Sam this, but he was the reason I was scared I might never love again. "Sammy, you know he was in the wrong. I thought you might stay with me, but I guess what they always say is true. Blood is thicker than water."

"Maggie, he's my brother. I know he was wrong, but don't you think what you did was wrong too? You both fucked up, he maybe more... I just need you back okay?" I felt a tear trickle down my cheek, I brushed it away hoping he wouldn't notice, but he did.

"I need you too.. You can have me back, hell Danny can too, but I don't think I can deal with the other two."

"You sang songs for Jake tonight, or were they for Josh... You have to miss them."

"Sammy, you either take me or you leave me, I gave you my offer."

"Fine, I'll take you." We chatted for maybe a half an hour more and I realized how much I missed everything about him. He was so comfortable and laid back. Then I decided it was probably best if I went to bed. We walked back over to the front of my dorm building and stood there. The car still parked on the side of the street, but not on.

"Do you remember when we were little and you would... you would.." There they were, walking down the street back to the car or were they going towards us. "I should get inside, I have an early morning class." I kissed him on the cheek and spun on my heels.

"Maggie..." I heard him say, that voice. I stood still, stopped in my tracks. "Maggie.."

"What's happening in here?" Karen asked, utterly confused. I didn't know what to say, so I just stood there with my mouth open. Jamie undid his fist, putting his hand back down near his side.

"Nothing, we were just talking." He said, trying to keep his cool. I turned to look at Jake, his eyes were full of surprise. Shit had I done something wrong, I shouldn't have said that I love him.

"I think we all know that something is happening and it's going to need to be explained." Karen said sternly back. The entire group of people had their eyes on us and I was uncomfortable. I cleared my throat ready to explain.

"I- well- I didn't want anyone to get hurt. I've been searching for something or someone that feels like home and I found that in this family. You all make me better, but I've been with Jake for a few weeks or really what seems like a couple years. A weird off and on type of thing since he was in high school." I looked at Jake, who seemed embarrassed, but so was I. I kept my eyes focused on my shoes after that, except when the room went silent.

"We'll talk about this tomorrow, young lady." My mother said. I nodded at her. Everyone went back to eating, but it wasn't the same. Everyone was distracted this time. Conversation continued and I excused myself to the bathroom. Locking the door, I looked at my face. It was dark, obviously stressed out. I could see stress pimples coming in and I just felt awful. There was a light knock on the door.

"Someone's in here!" I called.

"Mags, it's me." Sammy's voice rang. I ran my hand over the door know, unlocking it.

"Come in." I responded. Sam's slender frame scooched in the door and leaned against it, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath.

"Sooo... Jake?" I was chewing the inside of my lip hoping for the topic to go away, but all I was really doing was hurting my lip.

"Yeah.."

"I don't know if this is such a good idea, Maggie. What about Hannah?" I flinched at the sound of her name.

"Listen Sammy, please don't worry. We have an agreement, nothing bad will happen."

"How can nothing bad happen? This whole thing is destined to fail, for one of you or the both of you to get broken hearts, or hurt people besides yourselves." I sighed at him.

"I can't just stop."

"Yes, you can, you can stop."

"Sammy, I love him. I really do. I can't stop that." He shook his head at me.

"I don't want to see you hurt, I can't lose you." He sounded desperate, like his words were just shooting out of his mouth, with no control.

"Hey now... you're not going to." I said sweetly, brushing a piece of hair away from his eye and putting it behind his ear. "You and me, that's never going to change. I love you so much Samuel, you're my best friend always, my brother always." I hugged him tightly, squeezing his body to me.