.

Tables line my old high school gym with ivory and lilac table cloths. These tables house silly little wedding games, pitchers of mimosas and little bags of Hershey kisses in the same lilac color. There's a cake that says 'Future Mrs. Porter' in the center of the room with a fountain of chocolate to dip strawberries and pretzels.

Every woman I've known in my life walks in, dressed up, pretend smiles, clutching gifts that there is a whole separate table for. They walk straight to me and give me hugs, kisses on my cheek, tell me how beautiful I look, how they can't wait to see me walk down the aisle a week from today.

The fakest smile in the room is mine. I smile and pretend I'm okay. I pretend that I'm not screaming inside, terrified for the life of my daughter and me. Trust no one. I'm seriously supposed to sit here, open a blender from my great aunt Betty and assume she wants to murder my daughter? Did she lace the blender with raspberries?

Sydney hands me gifts as Morgan keeps track of who bought me what with her little notepad. I unwrap each one, smile, say how much I love it how badly Kane and I wanted a second toaster (because the person didn't understand how to use a fucking registry). Then I hand the gift back to Sydney, and repeat.

Once we finally get through all the cheesy games I'm finally able to eat and think without anyone needing the pretend smile from my face. I take a bite of my cucumber sandwich and set it back down when my stomach churns.

I can't eat. I can't sleep. It's been two days since Jax came back into my life. When I'm not thinking about how terrified I am for Zo and I, I'm thinking about how terrified I am for him. I can't lose him twice, I won't live through it this time.

Jax is back. I'm engaged to Kane. I love Kane. There is no denying that I love Kane Porter. There is also no denying that I love Jax Parker. Being in the same room with him, feeling his eyes on me again, it hurt. It took everything in me not to jump into his tattooed arms and not let go.

I'm home for my wedding. I can't think about Jax like this anymore. Who knows where he's been or what he's done with his life. He could have a girlfriend, a family of his own. Jesus please don't let him have any of that, I can't take it. The look on his face when he heard Kane was my fiancé... it made me sick. He hated Kane and for a good reason. But I love Kane, so much. It's not like Jax begged me to come back to him the second he saw me again either. We haven't even talked about Zo, just about how my dad him and I need to figure out who killed Courtney and who is threatening us.

"Are you okay, Gabby? You've barely eaten the last two days."

I look back to my baby sister and nod my head. "I'm fine. I could really use fresh air. I want to call Kane and hear his voice, it calms me."

"Go." She nudges her arm with mine. "I'll cover for you with mom."

I grab my phone and quickly make my way back outside the school where I sit in my car and lock my doors.

My finger hovers over the name. I hesitate but eventually force myself to press it and hold the phone to my ear and wait.

"Books..." he sighs. "You okay?"

Tears fill my cheeks and my makeup runs. "You mean for seven years I could have just pressed your number and spoke to you?"

"I would never have answered. You called me the first few months, remember?"

I sniffle and wipe my eyes, smearing the mascara even more. "I remember" I whisper. "I wanted to hear your voice."

"I wanted to hear yours too."

"But you left. You left me here and I broke. I was pregnant and alone and broken..."

"I know, Gabby..." he croaks. "I had to..."

"I'm marrying Kane. I love Kane..."

Once again he turns quiet, not elaborating on the subject. I want him to say something about it. Yell at me! Be mad that I'm not with you! Be mad that Kane is raising your daughter! Say this hurts you as bad as it hurts me...

His throat clears. "How's your bridal shit going?"

He knows I'm at my bridal shower. His mom is right inside, also wearing a fake smile. "I'm sitting outside, alone in my car talking to my dead ex. How do you think it's going?"

"You shouldn't be out there alone..."

"I couldn't breathe in there. I just... needed someone to calm me down."

He gets quiet for another minute or so before I hear his voice again, I can hear it with his fake smile behind it. "Did you get any good gifts?"

I give a real smile, he's trying to cheer up and calm my anxiety. Man, I've really missed our phone calls. "I got my very own popcorn popper!"

"I think your supposed to share the gifts, that's sort of the intent..."

"Fuck that. It's mine. I'm not sharing."

He chuckles on the other side of the phone and just hearing his honest laugh makes me feel a million times better.

"I should get back in there before my mom comes out and physically drags me back in..."

"Yeah, good plan."

"Thank you for answering this time, Alfie."

"Anytime, Books."

<><><>

Once again, I feel as though I'm back to being a teenager in this bedroom. I'm sifting through my closet, tossing clothes to the floor, hangers fly, shoes kicked everywhere, suitcases lie open across the bed. Sydney appears in the doorway, folds her arms and just watches the carnage unfold. I ignore her standing there. I have to find something to wear to my bachelorette party. Honestly, I don't even care what I wear tonight. I think I'm just taking out my frustrations on my closet.

"Um, Gabs?"

"WHAT?!"

Her eyes grow wider as I snap. My hands still frantically sift through hanging clothes that I'm not actually even looking at, I think I just took out Zo's little jacket and contemplated wearing it before tossing it to the floor. She walks over, grabs me by my elbow and begins dragging me back to her room. She shuts the door behind us and opens her closet.

"What's wrong with you?" She asks as she begins pulling down a few dress options for me.

I throw myself back onto her bed and stare at the glow-in-the-dark sticky stars that we put up there when I was about fourteen. "Nothing" I mutter.

"It's not nothing. You're acting weird. You're pale and I haven't seen you eat since the sleepover. Is the whole Felix thing bugging you? If it is we can call him up and get his ass over here. Work it out already."

"He's always an ass. That's not really bothering me."

She hands me a dark orange dress and I hand it back to her, scrunching my face as a way to tell her hell no. She holds up another dress in a lime green color and again I shake my head no. Her eyes roll. "Gabs, talk to me. Are you having cold feet? You could tell me if you were. Trust me, I get it. This wedding shit gives me anxiety too. You are saying you will spend every day of the rest of your life with one person, it's scary."

"No, I love Kane." I shake my head. I trust my sister more than anyone. I could tell her anything and she would never judge me. She has always been there for me, even when we didn't agree on something - at the end of the day she was my sister and we would work it out. But this, this was a whole different level. I can only talk to my dad and Jax. And even with Jax, it's not like I could talk about Kane. And then what girl wants to talk to their dad about loving these two guys at the same time. I just need this wedding to be over with. I need to marry Kane and go home, back to our safe little life.

She holds up another dress and instantly I fall in love with it. It's a solid black halter with a plummeting V-neck, a little flowy on the bottom for dancing, knee length with an open back. "How do I make my boobs stay up? No way I can wear a bra with that..."

She smiles big. "Tit tape!" We both burst into giggles and I take the dress from her to put on.

She gets me all dolled up, taping my tits into place, putting some loose curls into my hair and handing me some strappy heels to wear with the dress.

"You look hot Gabs, wait until Kane sees you. He won't be able to keep his hands off you. Wanna borrow my cuffs?"

I roll my eyes at her. "I think it's more important you save those for work. And it's not like Kane will see me tonight. Defeats the purpose of the bachelorette party."

"Actually we are meeting the guys at Kane's for the first round and then we are separating."

"Oh" I grab my clutch and place it under my arm. I wasn't exactly planning on seeing Tyler yet. I'm not sure I'm ready for that. Seven years, didn't miss him once.

"We will make it quick, Gabs. I'll order shots, you'll kiss your man and then we move over to Mickey's. The guys are going into town right away so we won't see them the rest of the night."

I give her another fake smile and nod. "Great."

<><><>

My bachelorette party attendees include my mom, Morgan and Sydney. Zo and Emmett were hanging out with dad tonight. Dad insisted on staying home with the kids while everyone went out. They thought he was just having a grandpa night but I knew better. He's scared. I didn't argue once when he said he wanted Zo tonight.

Multiple curse words spill from my lips as we walk into Kane's. All the girls notice but no one says anything. They know how badly I didn't want to come in here. At the same time, this bar is Kane's pride and joy. His brother may be running it while we are in Minnesota but this is my fiancé's bar and he's proud of it. I can make a quick showing for him.

"Holy fuck" Kane's eyes double in size when he spots me. He sets his beer down behind the bar and moves swiftly until he is in front of me, hands on my waste and lips connecting with mine. He already tastes like Corona and lime. A groan escapes him and his hands move to my ass.

"Be good Porter" I giggle and push him away.

"That's hard to do when you look like that and your dad won't let me touch you. I'm not sure I can keep my hands off while you are here with me."

"Told you." Syd rolls her eyes. "Youngest Porter! Line the bar with tequila shots please."

My glare moves to the bar, catching the glance of Tyler for the first time in seven years. His face is the same, slightly bulkier in the arms and chest the way Kane is now. I know nothing about his life here in Luxberg other than him working this bar, and I don't care to learn. He still creeps me out. My breathing intensifies and Kane takes quick notice. "I'll make the drinks."

"It's fine. Make mine a double Tyler."

He looks genuinely surprised that I even spoke to him. He lines the bar with shot glasses, pulls his tequila from the shelf and pours them out. He pushes mine forward. "A double for the bride."

I hear Morgan attempting to talk Cole into coming out with the girls and as I turn I watch him whisper something into her ear that makes her eyes light up and her cheeks turn pink. She smiles and he gives her a sweet kiss.

I grab my shot glass and hold it up. "Woohoo! To Morgan and Cole! It only took like twenty years, a few rounds of truth or dare spin the bottle, a huge fight and a quickie in my dad's billiard room! Thank fuck!"

"Gabrielle!" My mom yells across the bar as my friends all laugh. I give her a shrug.

"Might wanna Lysol the pool table Mrs. B!" Kane calls out and wraps his arm around me from behind.

I slam the shot and quickly swap the glass for my lime wedge. As the burn makes its way down my throat I suddenly remember how much I hate tequila, I never drink it. Which reminds me of the last time I did, the night of the senior party. Tyler stalking me from school to my house. Morgan pissing me off. Kane calling me a liar. Felix telling me he wanted me to stay away from him. Jax telling me he loved me for the first time. Making love in the shower to Jax... Making love in his bed... Jax.

The look on my face must tell quite the story because when I look up to my sister she's frowning at me. I set the lime back down and look to Tyler. "One more."

His brow lifts, questioning my choice. "Another double?"

"Yep."

"Babe, you might wanna pace yourself." Kane's hold on me tightens.

"I know how much tequila I can tolerate, as do most of you. Back off."

"Okay." He removes his arm from around me and holds it up as if to surrender. "We are going into town. I love you. Have fun tonight..."

I feel terrible for snapping at him. I reach up and kiss him sweetly, mutter I'm sorry and hug him. He returns the hug and kisses my hair. "One week Gabby. I love you."

Once again I'm forcing a smile to my lips. "I love you too, handsome."

He and the guys make their way to the door and I grab my new shot from Tyler, slam it and skip the wedge. I want it to burn this time. I want to to hurt for the thoughts I just had. I have no desire to party tonight. Not when I know Jax is hiding in his house. Not when I know someone is trying to hurt us. An old familiar knot begins to form in my throat, telling me I'm on the verge of some major tears this evening.

"You okay, Gabby?" Tyler takes the shot glass and set it in the bin full of dirty glasses.

"I'm never okay." The truth escapes my lips with ease; Tequila on an empty stomach likely helping with that. He doesn't respond. He just presses his lips together and walks away to the other customers at the bar.

<><><>

Most of our time is spent one town over which is roughly ten miles away. They have a few more bars than we do. We find one with a DJ and basically plant ourselves here for the night. My mom leaves around ten to go help my dad put the kids to bed, we knew she wouldn't make it the whole night. This leaves me with my two besties.

Morgan spends the entire evening talking about Cole. Suddenly I'm glad that this didn't happen until now because I'm not sure I could have handled listening to this for the four years we lived together during college. She keeps glancing at her phone and talking about meeting up with him.

"Morgan just go. We won't be out much longer anyways."

Her brown eyes grow. "Really, are you sure?" Her smile tells me she really wants to go find him. I don't blame her. When you finally get time with that person you've been in love with, it hurts to be apart. She's crazy about him and now is when the relationship is the most fun.

"Go." I give her a big hug. "Give him a hug for me."

"I will!" She plants a big kiss on my cheek. "Call me tomorrow!" I give her a nod and she practically runs out the door.

I sit at the bar and stir my Long Island iced tea, not even bothering to drink from my glass. Sydney crawls up into the seat beside me and watches me close before finally breaking her silence with her question she's been waiting to ask all night.

"You're depressed again, Gabs. Is home really that bad? What is going on with you?"

Is home really that bad? Yes. It's worse. But I can't tell her that. The knot forms again in my throat and this time I can't hold it back. Tears fall down my face, causing dark lines of makeup to streak. I hate this shit, I don't know why I let her put it on me.

"Gabby talk to me. I can't help if you don't. Is it town?"

"No."

"Felix?"

"No."

"Kane?"

"No." My voice cracks that time and she grabs my hand.

"So it is Kane? Are you having doubts?"

I cover my face and begin bawling. They aren't doubts. I fell in love with him. I let go of my love for Jax for Kane. Jax was gone. But now he's back. He's back and he acts as if he isn't feeling anything for me. Like he moved away and just stopped loving me. How do I do that? Not feel? Even if he does have a girlfriend, I have Kane and I still feel it. That energy that pulls us together is there. That electricity when our eyes meet is there. I've only seen him once since he's been home and I felt it all!

"So maybe some doubts... how bad?"

I stand from the bar and toss down my money. "Let's go home."

"Okay..."

We leave the bar and order an Uber. I don't speak another word to her the entire way home but I feel her eyes on me. She's worried. Shit, I'm worried. My sanity is fucking gone. I need someone to talk to about this.

When we are dropped off in front of the house, Sydney begins to walk up the driveway. I grab her arm and pull her back. "What?" she looks to me oddly.

"Come with me."

She doesn't even ask, she just allows me to guide her. I stop at my car and remove my heels, pulling out some much comfier black Chuck Taylor's from my trunk and sliding my aching feet into them.

"You needed me here while you changed your shoes? How drunk are you?" She motions to the house. "You could have walked a few feet and taken off your shoes completely."

"I'm not drunk." I grab her hand again and begin running across the street.

"Gabby, what the hell? Stop running! I'm still in heels! Where are we going?" I slow my pace so that she can keep up, gripping her hand tight. I walk her around the back of the blue house and tap on the back door. "Gabby?" She asks again.

"I love Kane." I tell her quickly before the door opens.

Larry stands in the doorway and sighs when he sees me. He says nothing, just slides the door open further, knowing I need to see him. I pull Syd in the house as she continues her questions.

"Gabby what does the Parker house have to do with you loving Kane?"

I walk her down the hallway and rap lightly on his door. It takes what seems like forever but the door eventually opens to a sleepy tattooed man in nothing more than pajama pants.

"Holy fuck." Sydney's eyes bulge from her head and she covers her mouth in shock.

"Books, what the fuck?!" he motions to my sister.

"I am losing my mind, Jax! I needed to talk to someone who isn't my dad. She was fourteen at the time and was with my mom the entire night. She's a police officer now. I want her to help us. Please don't be mad at me, I need her right now. I trust her more than anyone in this world."

He holds the door open further for us to enter. "You realize you just put her into danger, right? Your dad is going to be irate. Now he has three of you over there to watch and I can't help..."

"Gabby, Jax is... he's... oh my God, he's..." She continues stammering, shifting her attention between me and my dead ex.

I squeeze her hand again hard. "Syd... I'm not okay."

She understands what I mean immediately, nodding and squeezing my hand in return. "Tell me everything..."