.

A nightmare. A terrible nightmare where I dreamt that girls were being date-raped at school. That Jax held me as I cried because I thought I had possibly been date-raped by Tyler Porter. That would be absurd...

My eyes flicker open to my bedroom. It's dark out but my light is on. The window is open allowing fresh air from the lake to absorb into my cool sheets.

It was definitely a nightmare. I'm in my room. None of it happened.

I rub my eyes, removing the crud from the corners that only occurs after you cry and then sleep.

But I was crying...

"Gabby? Do you want me to get your dad?"

I sit up quickly to see Courtney sitting in the corner of my room reading a book. I stare at her, unable to bring words to my lips. If she's here...

It wasn't a dream. Tyler Porter might have raped me...

I feel like I can't breathe, like my lungs have given up on me. Tears form in my eyes again as I search my room for Jax. He isn't here... but a UNI 2014 Wrestling Team sweatshirt is lying beside me. I clutch it in my hands, using it to cover my face, masking my sobs.

"Gabby you need to breathe, I know it's terrible and that gut feeling never goes away, but breathing helps with the crying - I promise." Courtney pleads for me to find my air, but I can't. "I'll get your dad." She tosses her book down and runs from my room.

My dad. My dad knows?!

Within a matter of moments his tall stature appears in my doorway. His eyes are wide and stained red. He looks like he has been crying too. He looks terrible, as if he has aged ten years in single day. He doesn't say anything. I don't even know what to say to him.

He walks slowly to my bed and sits beside me, staring at the floor.

"Do you want me to be your dad first or a police officer first?"

Sobs escape me as I cover my face again with the gray sweatshirt, my shoulders shaking. His arm wraps around me and pulls me into him as I cry.

"Dad first Gabs..." he cries with me and gives me a reassuring squeeze.

I don't want either one right now. I didn't want him to know. My dad will never look at me the same again.

"Where is Jax? What did he tell you?" I pull away from my dad and take one deep breath, sniffling as I do.

He didn't stay. Jax promised he would stay with me and I told him I didn't want to tell my dad.

He sighs, not wanting to talk about Jackson Porter. "He's sitting in the town jail cell..."

"What?!" I pull the tear-soaked sweatshirt down from my face and stare at my dad.

My mind begins swarming with thoughts of Jax harming Tyler, breaking Tyler. I remember nothing from the lake, I'm not certain I was raped. But I hated him, I know I never would have consented.

Oh God... what did he do to him?

"He's angry. He has not actually been arrested. He told me to put him there Gabs. I agree with him, it's for the best until you tell me what happened and I figure out if I have enough to arrest someone..."

"So he didn't hurt Tyler..." I close my eyes and exhale.

I find myself finally taking multiple deep breaths. But the man beside me, he has stopped breathing and he's quiet.

"Tyler... as in Tyler Porter?" he asks through gritted teeth.

I look back up to my dad. I have never seen him so angry in my life. His face has turned red and his lips are pressed together tight. His eyes wander around the room quickly, almost as if he's attempting to choose what weapon to use for when he finds him.

"I don't know what happened, I don't remember" I begin crying again with my head shaking violently. "I don't remember dad!" I clutch his shirt in my fists, forcing him to listen and calm down.

"Gabby I need to ask questions. I need to be a cop now, do you want me to get mom? She doesn't know yet... and she's going to lose her mind..."

"Please don't tell her" I beg him. "She will never be the same, don't tell her."

He sighs and stares at me. "Gabby what happened?"

This is the part no girl ever wants to tell their dad. The story about how they had sex for the first time. My stomach twists as I feel like I'm going to throw up. I don't want my dad to look at me different. Even times when he's been mad, or upset with me, he always found a way to stay playful about it, like I was his world. The way he's looking at me right now, he believes I'm broken. I don't want to make this even worse, but I know I have to tell him. I don't want this to happen to another girl. Maybe it didn't even happen, but it should be investigated. Tyler should be first on their list of suspects; I know in my gut that this is true.

With one more swipe of my tears, and one more deep breath of fresh lake air, I look to my dad and begin the story of my homecoming weekend.

"The night you brought me home from the lake in your car. I went to the lake to read and found a party. Tyler's homecoming party. There were like forty people there. You saw it, they had a full bar practically set up..."

He's nodding his head as he remembers that night and the party he broke up. He told everyone to leave the booze and walk home so that he could drive his intoxicated daughter home. He knew that if he arrested one, he would have to arrest me too. So everyone got to leave (which he would likely get in trouble for if County found out.)

"I remember someone putting their arm around me and handing me a blue solo cup to put my drink in. I knew you were patrolling, I didn't have my car, and Morgan and Cole weren't with me... so I told myself one. I would have one drink with Tyler and his friends and then I'd walk back home. So I took my cup and made the lightest drink I could think of with the ingredients at my disposal. Sprite and Cherry McGillicuddy's..."

"Just one?" he asks as he watches me.

I nod my head yes. My face feels hot from the tears. The lump in my throat returns. I'm not ready to tell him this next part.

"Dad I don't remember much after that..."

"Tell me everything you can remember Gabby. Any little detail. I remember some kids at that party but I want a list of the ones you remember... the girls and the guys..."

My hands are gripping my comforter tight, my knuckles are white and my entire body is shaking.

"I don't even remember finishing the drink. It was like I went to sleep. When I woke up I was in the back of Tyler's Escort. He had his pants off and so did I..."

I begin to sob, losing all ground on the breathing I had taken control of. He grabs my shoulder with his arm and pulls me close to him. "I know this is terrible Gabby, and it's terrible for me but let's get it out and get it over with, okay? I won't judge you, I love you."

I nod my head yes crying into his blue plaid shirt.

"H-He kept tel-telling me that we had such a good time. Li-like he was drilling it into my head that we had fun. My head was spinning and he handed me back my jeans. I- I could barely get them on. He kept repeating that the sex was so good and the oral sex was good too. My head hurt so bad. It wasn't until I had my jeans on that I even registered what he was s-saying. And then it hit me, that I had lost my virginity to Tyler in the back of his car..."

I feel my dad go limp against me but he pulls me tighter to his chest.

"I don't remember it. I don't remember if I said yes or no. I don't even remember anything from the act itself. I opened his car door as quick as I could and literally crawled out of it. I thought I was drunk. That maybe I had kept drinking and just couldn't remember it? I attempted to stand and walk but I couldn't, I fell and skinned my palms. I was covered in dirt and little sticks from the ground by the lake. Then I remember everyone panicking because you blocked the only way out with your car. You put me in the back and told everyone to walk home. As you took the bottles Tyler approached the car and told me to have a nice night and that's when I started throwing up. It wasn't because I drank. It was because I was comprehending that I had just had sex with Tyler and I hated him... I liked Kane. I never had a hangover. The next day my body hurt everywhere but my head was fine. Anytime I drink with Cole and Morgan... I get a hangover."

He nods and lets go of me, standing from the bed. He holds his hand over his mouth as he paces my bedroom floor.

"Dad I don't know if I said yes or no. I don't even remember having sex... that can't be enough to do anything to him... and I don't want to accuse him of something like that if I did say yes..."

"Your story is very similar to another girl's from that weekend Gabs" he rubs his face. He lets out a sigh. "Gabby have you had sex since that night?"

My eyes shoot to him. He gives me a side glance, his aged eyes telling me he hates asking this. What the hell does he need to know that for?

"N-No..."

"I need you to be honest with me. Have you?" His voice is serious. I feel like this is his way of asking if I've slept with Jax.

"No! I haven't!" I stare at the wall, avoiding anymore eye contact as I discuss my sex life with my dad.

"You might need an exam Gabby, to see if you have had... intercourse... with penetration..." I can literally hear the man cringe as he says the words no father wants to say. "There is skin that breaks..."

My eyes close as I focus on my breathing.

I'm about to make this even worse...

"What about someone's fingers...?" I let out an apologetic sigh. "Do those count...?"

His eyes bulge from his head as he turns to me. I know in his head he is thinking Jax... and he's right. No way in hell does he need to know the owner of those fingers is.

His hand runs through his hair with his eyes still bulging from their aged sockets.

"Jesus Gabs... I don't know..."