.

Just because I was allowed go to prom did not mean my grounding was lifted. My house was still a prison. I wasn't allowed to go further than my front porch and that is where I didn't want to be. I knew from there, I would see Jax and he would see me.

My floor is littered with clothes and hangers that I have torn out of my closet. I thought I would just wear the dress that I had recently worn to the last homecoming dance but it didn't look right when I tried it on. It had a glittery top with a sweetheart neckline and had a bit of a mesh 'poof' on the bottom. It was bright blue and I had silver heels to match. I looked like a typical high school girl in it. I realize that I was a high school girl but I didn't feel like one anymore. Something about me had changed since the last time I had worn it.

I stand in the mirror and stare at the dress with tears coming down my face. This is not me. This was the me from before the night at the lake. Before I had climbed into the backseat of a car owned by a boy I couldn't even stand and blacked out. Before I lost my dad's trust and was taken away in his cop car, throwing up cherry flavored liquor.

"Pretty!" Sydney stands in my doorway smiling at the dress.

I sit on the edge of my bed, the poof flares out as I do. "Do you want it Syd? You can wear it to your first homecoming next year..."

"Gabby why are you crying?" She frowns at me. "You look beautiful..."

"I don't think I want to go. This isn't the right dress." I wipe my face on my arm.

"Not the right dress or not the right guy?" she asks and sits next to me on the bed.

Insightful little shit she was.

"Both" I laugh as more tears come down. "I like Jackson but it would never work. Dad would murder him and he doesn't even like me like that."

I stand and attempt to unzip the back of the dress, I need it off of me. Sydney sees my struggle and stands to unzip it for me.

"I thought you liked Kane, Gabs..."

"I did... do... A lot happened Syd. It's not the same between us as it was before. I didn't even know he liked me too."

I let the blue mesh fall to the ground around my feet to step out of it and hand it to Syd. I know I'm never going to wear it again. It will be beautiful on her next year, it will compliment her blond hair and pale skin just as it did mine. She cradles it in her arms and looks back up to me. "Let's ask mom if we can go to town and find you a different dress. You should go to your prom. I'll do your hair and makeup tonight."

Sydney and I rarely spoke civil to each other. Her and I were definitely not friends but we were family. Her high school years with our overbearing dad were fast approaching. The girl turned fourteen last week and it was as if she had matured an additional five years. I stare at her and don't see a little girl anymore. She mastered those makeup YouTube videos that made her look like a clown a few months ago. She looked more adult than I felt right now.

I smile at my baby sister and wipe the tears away from my cheeks again. "Okay."

<><><>

"Nothing poofy!" I yell out the dressing room.

"I know Gabby! I'm trying!" she says angrily.

A half hour car ride into town with this girl put us right back to normal with our sisterly bickering. She's still a brat.

The sound of hangers hitting each other as my sister sorts through a bunch of dresses continues.

I'm standing here in my underwear as she takes her time searching. She wants this to be more perfect than I do. I'm quickly losing patience and begin snapping my rubber bands.

"Gabby knock it off. I hear your snapping. I'm trying to find one to your standards, but you don't want to look like a high schooler and these dresses are made FOR PROM."

"You're taking forever! Let's try a different store. Or I could just not go... I think that's a good plan actually..."

"Oh! This one!" I hear her yell happily. "Not poofy, not high school-ish. It's hot. You need to try it!"

The hanger falls over the top of the dressing room and I pull it down to hold it up in front of me.

She was right. I was holding a solid dark red dress. It has spaghetti straps and the front plunged a little into a V and so did the back. There was a bit of nude colored material on one side of the bust. It went all the way to the floor and had a slit all the way up the front to show leg. The top and bottom were separated by a seam and it made the bottom poof out a little, but not in a prom dress sort of way; In an elegant kind of way.

She was right, this was definitely not the normal prom dress, and for once I found myself loving a dress.

"Try it on! I see someone we know. I'll be back in a second." I hear Sydney walk away and begin talking to a male voice.

I shimmy into the red dress, pulling it down over my head. When I look in the mirror I smile big. This is definitely the one. It fits perfectly, hugging all the correct spots, showing just enough cleavage.

I unlatch the dressing room door and walk out. "Syd I need help zipping it." My arm is around my back, attempting to clutch the zipper between my fingers with no use.

Her giggles with a male's catch my attention, I look up and spot her standing and laughing with Tyler Porter. My gut sinks as seeing them together. He's practically hanging all over her, she's fourteen! He looks up at me with a smirk and his eyes widen as he looks at the dress.

"Syd get away from him." I walk towards there direction quickly.

"It's just Tyler..." she holds out her hand to him as if to show me he's harmless. She grew up with Tyler and Kane too, again, they practically lived with us whenever their mom was sick. She may think he's being playful, but I know better.

I want him nowhere near her.

He walks towards me, leaving Sydney, grabs my hips and turns me around. My entire body tenses up to the point where it hurts.

"Gabby... I wasn't very happy to hear that Kane was taking you to our prom. Better than thug... but still not happy with your choice."

I don't bother giving him the satisfaction of lipping off about Jackson. He wants to get a rise out of me and he always does.

He grabs the zipper. He places one finger in the slit as he slowly zippers it up so that his finger runs up my bare skin. His finger wiggles against my bra strap as he goes.

"Tyler don't touch me" I cringe and pull away from him.

"I already have. So why are going with Kane and not me? I thought you said he wasn't interested after you slept with me..."

Sydney's mouth falls ajar as her eyes dart between Tyler and myself. I feel like I want to burst into tears and then throw up. I need to get away from him.

Does he get kicks out of telling every person I know that I slept with him?

She is fourteen years old, Felix knowing was one thing but he should not be saying shit like that in front of Sydney.

"Syd this is the one, come in here with me and help me get it off." She continues staring at me as I begin to cry. "Syd come help."

"Okay" she nods and follows me back to the dressing room.

"I'll save a dance for you Gabby" he calls out to me as I slam the door shut behind us. "The dress is hot!"

"Gabby!" she whispers.

My eyes meet hers in the mirror. The shock is still plastered to her face as mine floods from my crying. "I don't want to talk about it Sydney. It was a huge mistake. I was drunk and now he won't leave me alone. That's why Jax walked me across the street the night he was on the porch. Stay away from him."

She nods her head yes and unzips the dress.

"I just need to get some shoes and we can go home." I attempt to change the conversation away from Tyler Porter. I take my T-shirt and swipe it across my face to dry it.

"Why don't you use the silver ones? They will still match this..."

"Because I know exactly which ones I want to wear with this dress and now I have a reason to buy them..."

<><><>

"You can talk to me about it." Sydney treads lightly as she begins applying my makeup. She brushes a light coating of powder to my face as I press my eyes closed tight.

My long hair is pinned back into a loose messy bun beneath one ear. We had searched pictures of celebrity hair styles for an hour before finding one of Miranda Lambert that we both liked. She nailed it on the first try and then smothered me with hairspray. Fairly certain that hairspray will be the only thing I taste and smell the entire night.

I look up to her and sigh, not wanting to have this conversation with her. But I suppose maybe I needed this talk before high school.

"Stay away from alcohol and boys Syd." Suddenly I feel like my dad, I leave out the part where boys only 'think with their dicks'.

"Is that really why you and Kane haven't ended up together?" She goes to put on blush and I grab her arm.

"Sydney I hate makeup. You are putting the bare minimum on me. Blush is not happening."

"It is happening, it will be light, promise."

I let go of her arm and look back to her. "Kane was mad when he found out. I didn't know he liked me, he said that he never acted upon it because of his and Felix's friendship. It wouldn't have mattered anyways. I obviously wasn't thinking that I liked Kane that night."

"So what were you thinking then?" She tosses the blush back to the vanity and grabs black eyeliner.

"I don't remember."

She hands me the eyeliner and lifts a brow. "You don't remember?"

"No. I was drunk. It was the night dad brought me home in the cop car."

She forces a laugh. "The night you puked out his window. Dad said that you would have been in huge trouble if you weren't already going to die of a hangover. That was your punishment."

"I didn't have one and that wasn't my punishment..." I sigh and stare at the ground.

Tyler was my punishment. Losing my virginity to someone I hated was the worst punishment there was.

Do not start crying Gabby, she will want to reapply all this shit again.

I look back up at her and she's frowning back at me. I hold up the eyeliner to her, "I don't know how to apply this..."

Her frown relaxes and she smiles at me with a few chuckles. "Jesus Gabby you are hopeless... I hope you can manage the lipstick tonight..."