《From hate to love (BxB) COMPLETED √》Chapter 3 - Feeling nauseous

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His heart was hammering inside his chest, his breathing was fast, his hands were sweaty. Armin walked towards the man that stood in front of the aisle. The man was dressed in a navy blue shiny wedding suit with a purple belt. It was the first time he saw him.

The man stood in the last rays of sunlight of the day, almost a golden glow around him as the sun was about to set and the sky was painted in all kinds of colors, orange, pinks, and purples.

The man that Armin had been avoiding until now, smiled at him, but Armin didn't see the honest, happy, and warm smile. He could only see the imperfection: the large scar on the man's face that looked monstrous to him.

He swallowed a big lump in his throat, and while walking past the guests that all sat on their flower-decorated chairs, he had to grab one of those chairs for a moment as he felt unstable and his knees weak.

God, he couldn't go through with this, could he?

He then looked at Kristof's hands which were covered in satin purple gloves. There was nothing weird to be seen, but Armin could picture it in his head.

A stump instead of a hand...

He cursed his decision from the night before. He should have looked at Kristof then. Maybe he wouldn't be so shocked right now.

He felt he needed to throw up, right in front of all these people.

His feet dragged over the floor which was filled with little lilac flower petals. Above his head dangled hundreds of wisteria flower branches that let go of their petals every now and then when the wind softly blew. A soft rain of petals fell on him while he walked.

Just a few more steps and he would stand beside his future husband, Kristof.

Only just one meter away now... Armin swallowed and swallowed, just to prevent himself from puking the little food he had inside his stomach all over the floor.

After taking the last step, they were now side by side. There was no turning back anymore.

Armin looked at Kristof. He didn't see the kind eyes, not the loving smile. Only that pink disgusting line of lumpy flesh. That deep cut. That flaw.

Armin pressed his forehead against the door.

"Well, are you gonna open up the door?" asked Kristof with a soft voice. A beautiful voice.

Armin had his hand on the doorknob to open the door, but he changed his mind, he didn't know why.

Half an hour ago he was looking in the hallway for portraits, but now...now he didn't want to see Kristof. What if the man was so grotesque, so ugly that he changed his mind about the whole marriage?

His father would never forgive him and he would end up homeless and without family. He would be a disgrace to his family and probably shunned as punishment.

"No. I don't want to see you yet. Tomorrow at the ceremony, I want to meet you for the first time."

It was quiet for a while, but then he heard the soft voice again.

"Are you sure? Are you not curious? I'm sure you heard the stories about my looks. Don't you want to see me first?"

"I'm sure. I don't want to see you now. Tomorrow."

"Okay, I respect that. I wanted to see you, but I can wait until tomorrow."

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Armin turned his head and leaned against the door, his cheek against the cold wood. Kristof sounded friendly. Maybe they could talk a little.

"We can talk like this for a while," Armin proposed.

Kristof slid down and sat on the floor, back against the door. Armin heard a muffled sound through the door, it sounded like Kristof. He did the same and also dropped down. Turning his back against the door.

The flickering light of the candle came shining in from under the door and Kristof began talking.

"Today I met the King. He wants to visit the mine. I agreed that I will take him there next week. I would like to show it to you also. Would you come as well?"

Armin was curious. He heard from his father that Kristof was the owner of his own diamond mine. He wondered what happened in the mines. He had never seen a real diamond before and he would be honored to meet his King.

"I will, I'm curious about what you do in the mine."

Kristof leaned his head against the door and closed his eyes. He smiled.

"That makes me happy. I'm very glad you are interested in what I do. I'm interested in what you do as well. I want to know everything about you, Armin. And you can always ask me everything about anything. If you need something, want something, please ask me or ask one of our servants. I intend on spoiling you."

Armin could hear Kristof chuckle. He seemed happy.

"Why do you want to marry me?"

"Actually, I already saw you once, five years ago. It was at the market. You were there with friends. It was a hot day, and you dipped in the fountain water to cool off. You splashed your friends wet and some old grandfather got angry with you when you accidentally splashed all over him while aiming for one of your friends. He hit you with his cane. You and your friends were running around laughing."

Kristof smiled while he talked about his memory.

Armin remembered that day as well. That was a good day. "You were really there?" he asked.

"Well, I was somewhat disguised."

"When I saw you there, I admired you. Your youth, your innocence, your beauty. Things I never really had. I found you... interesting."

"Oh."

Armin wondered what Kristof's life had been like, but he didn't ask.

"And when I spoke to your father and he told me you wanted to marry me as well, I was so happy. Even though I know you want it to gain financial support, that is okay for me. I will try to make you happy and give you my love. I don't ask for yours in return."

What? Marry him as well?

Armin wanted to scream. He wanted to ask Kristof what he meant when he said that his father told him that he wanted to marry him as well. His father lied! Armin never spoke of those words. How could his own father do this? That selfish old man!

"Armin?" Kristof thought he heard the sound of a soft sob at the other side of the door.

Kristof heard right, Armin was crying. Holding his hands against his mouth so that he would not burst into loud, ugly tears, he swallowed his sobs. Trying to sound as calm as possible he said to Kristof, "I'm sleepy, I will go to bed now."

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He stood up and threw himself on the bed where he dug his head in a pillow and silently cried his heart out.

He then heard the beautiful voice on the other side of the door for the last time, "Okay, I will see you tomorrow. Sleep well, Armin."

Kristof felt strange at the sudden loss of contact. First Armin wanted to talk to him and then when he was still in the middle of his story, the boy told him that he was tired and wanted to sleep.

He had an uneasy feeling inside, something he couldn't yet explain.

Being hungry, Kristof took his place at the head of the table where Armin's family was still dining and drinking.

"Welcome everyone, I'm so sorry I couldn't pick you up myself, but I had other urgent matters to attend to."

Kristof looked at his future family-in-law. They were looking back at him, but only for a second. Then they would hastily look away. Just like every other person always did. It was either that or staring.

Kristof was used to it already.

"It's fine, we understand. I am afraid Armin is already in his room," Armin's father answered.

"I know, I've talked to Armin already, he is going to sleep now."

"Okay, he probably wants to be well-rested for the big day tomorrow. Then, please allow me to introduce my family to you."

"Please do," Kristof said.

"I'm Theo, this is my wife, Malee." Theo laid his hand on his wife's shoulder.

Malee gave Kristof a small nod.

"And these are our other three children; Simon, Robin, and Lavina."

The three children bowed their heads and paid their respects.

"Welcome to my home, I am Kristof."

"We know," Lavina replied.

They ate and talked for a while. Slowly, the family was more at ease. Kristof told about his visit to the palace. Especially Lavina wanted to know everything about the King, his castle, and family and Kristof gladly told her everything she wanted to know.

"And what do you think about your brother's new house, little princess?"

Lavina's eyes started to twinkle. She looked at Kristof. He had called her a princess!

"I like it, it's just like a castle from a fairytale."

Even though Lavina was already twelve, she was still just a kid. The younger ones were always much sooner used to Kristof's appearance than the adults.

"Haha, well you can come to visit us as much as you want if it's okay with your parents of course."

People were eating, drinking, talking, singing, and dancing underneath the stars. Flames that came from the torches lighted up the area. Everyone was having a good time. Family and friends.

Everyone, except for two men.

It was a tradition that the wedded couple left the party earlier for the wedding night so Armin and Kristof were brought to two separate rooms where the servants washed them and dressed them in traditional night clothing.

When finished, Armin found himself in the master bedroom. It was another room instead of where he slept last night. This was probably the room they will share from now on. He stood in front of the mirror looking at something akin to a ghost. He looked so pale.

His throat was dry and a warm unlikeable feeling came creeping up his back when he heard the doorknob twisting. When the door slowly opened, Kristof came in, walking a few meters inside, and stayed still.

"I've talked to your father and he told me that this marriage was not mutual... Armin, you have to believe me when I say I never wanted it like this. I didn't know better."

His words were soft, full of compassion and sincerity but Armin felt bitter...

"So, what do you want from me now then? Look at us, dressed like this. This wedding night. Do you want me?" Armin's voice trembled.

Kristof just looked, he didn't respond. Couldn't respond. His heart ached.

Armin walked over to the bed. He took his undergarment off but left his clothing on. He then laid down on the bed, covering himself with the sheet, and spread his legs.

"I will never love you," he spoke bitterly as tears started to form in his eyes. "You can have my body now, but you will never have my soul nor my heart!" he barked at Kristof.

Kristof just stood there, watching Armin who laid on the bed offering himself. Or at least, offering his body still dressed in ceremonial clothes.

"I won't take you tonight. I will never force you to do something you don't want to do." The words were soft.

"Well that's a little late now, don't you think? I was forced. Forced to marry you! I am young, handsome, I was in love with someone, and now? Now, I am married to you. Look at you. You're pathetic! You're ugly! Look at you and then look at me! How could you possibly think we can make each other happy?"

Armin wanted to hurt him. The man took away his life. His love. His family. Everything. He deliberately spoke the harsh words. He wanted his husband to feel pain. Like he felt pain too.

The hurt showed in Kristof's eyes. "I will leave you now. Sleep. It was a busy day for both of us." His husband left the room.

It took Armin by surprise that Kristof wouldn't sleep in the same room. He felt relieved about it though. And somewhat thankful that the man didn't force himself on him. The thought alone was repulsive to him.

The young man laid there on the bed, looking at his new room. His room in his new home, where he would spend the rest of his life. He couldn't hold it in anymore and burst out in tears.

Kristof could hear the crying when he closed the door. He was hurt as well. Hurt by the words. Hurt by Theo, who sold out his son to him with lies. Hurt that the life he thought he would have, was once again a failure. And above all, hurt by seeing Armin look miserable all day long.

Nothing like the lively boy in the fountain he saw five years ago.

The older man fled to another room and slammed the door shut. Tears pricked behind his eyes. He had never cried since he was an adult. Never. But there came a tear running down his cheek and a suffocating feeling around his throat.

He unscrewed his wooden hand off the arm cuff and looked at it with much frustration while walking to the mirror. As all emotions boiled up, he slammed the wooden hand into the mirror, as hard as he could, and saw his own image shattering into thousands of small pieces.

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