《Face Your Fears》Chapter 31

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It was a little after midnight when I turned the SUV down the road to my aunt Sophia's house.

I was beyond exhausted, my ass was sore, and I just wanted to get out of the car to finally, finally be able to see Hadley for myself.

In reality it had only been about two days since I'd last seen her, but it felt as if it had been much longer than that.

I'd had to do some smoothing over before I was actually able to leave the city for Albany. Like getting the information from the four international flight tickets that had been mysteriously placed on my kitchen counter to my mother, and visting my aunt Karin and Carlo to ensure them that everything was fine, and that my business had taken me out of the city for a few days.

Business. I felt incredibly guilty about lying to them. But what choice did I have?

They wouldn't even believe the truth if I told them. There was no point in upsetting the apple cart any further.

Lauren had finally been released from the hospital, my mother and my little sisters were coming home, and I was on the way to be with my wife. All was supposedly right with the world.

At the very least, the drive gave me time to reflect over everything that had happened.

There was no doubt in my mind that I would spend hours laying awake at night, every night, staring up at the ceiling and wondering why Lucrezia had done what she did, why Death had even bothered in the first place. Why things were the way that they had come to be.

Destiny seemed like too stupid of a word. The same with fate.

But after everything that had happened, was it really so difficult to believe that sometimes things simply just happened the way they did?

I was anxious to tell Hadley everything. She'd known Death and had been apart of that world longer than I had. I hoped she would be able to shed some small light on what had happened.

I'd called Sophia when I'd left the city to tell her that I was on the way to Albany, but I'd asked her not to tell Hadley. I was afraid that if I heard her voice, I'd lose it. I needed to see her for myself, to have her in my arms, and not just hear her voice over the phone. That way I could be sure she was okay and not hurt.

I stomped a little too forcefully on the breaks when I pulled the car round into my aunt's driveway and killed the engine.

The windows were all dark, but I knew there had to be at least one person awake. Sophia had known I was coming.

I stepped quietly up the porch, to the front door, and raised a hand to knock gently.

A few seconds later, the door swung open and Sophia was standing in the doorway, looking out at me with slightly sleep dazed eyes.

"Archer?"

"Hi, zia," I said. "I'm sorry it's so late."

"No, no, come in." She ushered me inside and then threw her arms around me in a tight hug. "I'm glad you're here. Is everything okay now?"

My family was much smarter than I gave them credit for. I wasn't that good of an actor, and neither was Hadley. Of course they'd known something was wrong.

"Yeah," I said. "Everything's fine. It's going to stay fine."

I felt a huge wave of relief washing over me at finally being able to say those words and knowing that they were the truth, and not a lie.

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I wanted the rest of my life to be like that.

"Good," Sophia said, leaning back to place a hand against my cheek. "Glad to hear it."

"Where's Hadley?"

I was surprised I'd managed to last that long without bursting.

"In the living room," Sophia said. "She's been having trouble sleeping because of the baby, so she's watching William's Spongebob videos."

"That's my girl."

I left Sophia in the foyer and made my way to the living room. Sure enough, Hadley was curled up on the couch underneath a thick afghan, eyes a little glazed over as she watched Spongebob's adventures with his idiotic friend Patrick on the TV.

I hovered by the couch for a few seconds, hoping she would notice me because I didn't know what I could possibly say to her that would make this okay. It became a lost cause, though, when I realized her attention was firmly riveted by that damn yellow sponge.

"You know, sometimes I wish you'd look at me like the way you look at Spongebob and Patrick."

It didn't exactly register with Hadley right away that I was speaking, standing not five feet away from her, but she let out a quiet squeak when she finally did see me and tried to heave herself up off the couch.

"No, don't get up." I quickly moved to sit down beside her on the couch, reaching out for her. "Just stay."

Hadley leaned against my side, resting her head on my shoulder, lacing her fingers tightly through mine. I kept my arms around her, pressing my cheek against her hair. She looked the same. Felt the same. Even smelled the same, like cinnamon and vanilla.

Except it was all different now.

She was the first to break silence.

"Are you okay?" Her voice was muffled by my shoulder. "I thought..."

"Well, there's your problem," I said. "Stop thinking. I'm fine. Are you fine?"

Hadley gave a small laugh, and it sounded like her real laugh, and I liked hearing it. "I've been on pins and needles for almost three days, wondering if you would ever come back to me. But other than that, you know, I've been good."

I pressed a kiss against her hair, hiding a smile. When in doubt, the best defense was always sarcasm. "And the baby?"

Hadley sighed, and I saw her eyes slide shut. Hopefully now she would be able to sleep.

"Wonderful," she said. "Particularly active at the moment."

Or maybe not.

"Because you're here, probably."

"My bad."

The episode of Spongebob playing on the TV had finished and the next one had started before either of us spoke again.

"Is it over?"

I could barely hear Hadley she was speaking so quietly.

"Yeah," I said. "It's over."

I felt her relax against me, but she might have given a little sob. "And Death?"

"I don't know."

Hadley pulled away from me to give me a frown. "What do you mean you don't know?"

"Exactly that," I said. "I don't know. He's fine. I mean, I made it out alive because of him. I'm just not sure when we'll see him again."

If we ever saw him again, to be exact. He hadn't been too clear on that subject.

"Oh," Hadley said softly. "Okay. I actually...don't know how I feel about that, really."

I would tell Hadley about Death and Lucrezia and what had occured in my nightmare, but not right then. She didn't need the worry, and I wanted to think about something else.

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"I know," I said. "Me, too. But we should probably try and get some sleep."

Hadley dropped her head onto my shoulder with a snort. "Yeah, right. Sleep. Impossible."

"Let's just try, okay? We can talk about that later. Right now I kind of just want to be with you."

I grabbed the remote and flicked the TV off, then gathered Hadley up in my arms and made for the stairs. She hadn't weighed all that much before she'd gotten pregnant, so carrying her up to the guest room wasn't a strain.

We curled up together on the bed, and despite everything, we were both asleep in minutes. And for the first night in what felt like months, I didn't dream.

It felt like I had only just closed my eyes when I felt someone gently shaking my arm.

"Archer."

I ignored the voice and kept my eyes firmly shut. I wanted to keep sleeping. Just sleep.

"Archer!"

"Huh."

"Will you just wake up, please? Archer."

I sat up a little too quickly and the room tilted for a moment before settling again. I had to rub the sleep from my eyes to be able to make out the face of the person beside me, gripping my arm tightly.

"Hadley? What is it?" I glanced over at the clock on the nightstand. "It's barely five. Can't you try and get more sleep?"

Hadley didn't waste any time getting to the point.

"I think we need to go to the hospital."

"What? Why?"

"Oh, well, the fact that I'm almost nine months pregnant has absolutely nothing to do with thinking that we need to go the hospital."

It took a few seconds before everything seemed to finally click.

"Oh. Oh. Shit!"

"And now he gets it!" Hadley said with a sarcastic laugh. "Jesus, will you just calm down? It's not like I'm about to have the baby right this second."

I realized then that I already had my pants on and was currently struggling to pull on my shoes, my arm braced against the door for balance.

"Oh," I said stupidly. "Sorry."

"Don't be sorry, just help me up, will you?"

I carefully helped Hadley to her feet, helped her pull on her jacket, and then grabbed the bag she had packed for the baby weeks ago that she'd so tactfully brought with her, just in case.

It was difficult wrapping my mind around the fact that it might actually be needed.

"Do you need me to carry you?" I asked nervously as we left the guest room. "Because I can - "

Hadley burst out laughing. She was laughing so hard she actually had to lean against the wall for support. I wouldn't have been surprised had she just woken up everyone in the entire house.

"What?" I demanded, a little offended. "What the hell is so funny?"

"You!" Hadley gasped, pointing a finger at me. "Geez, you're freaking out about this worse than I am! You'd think you're the one that's going to give birth, not me!"

"Well, excuse me for - "

The hallway light flicked on and my aunt Sophia and her husband Marc appeared, stepping out of their bedroom down the hallway.

"What's going on, you two?" Marc asked. "Is everything all right?"

Just as I opened my mouth to explain, Hadley busted out laughing all over again.

"Oh, God, your pants are on backwards, Archer!"

"Jesus, Hadley!"

I had to give my aunt and uncle credit, because they were able to put two and two together despite the fact that Hadley was still laughing and I was now struggling with my pants.

"Hadley, are you okay?" Sophia said, reaching out to place a hand on her arm. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong," Hadley said, sighing heavily, running her jacket sleeve under her eyes. "I just think it's time to go to the hospital."

Sophia broke out into a wide smile almost immediately. "Are you sure?"

"Pretty sure," Hadley said confidently.

I couldn't stop glaring at her.

How the hell was she being so calm about this?

She was going to be giving birth to our first kid in soon enough time and she was acting like she was about to go for a stroll through the damn park?

Sophia started barking out orders left and right, telling Marc to go get the car ready and that he was going to need to stay behind with William, then snapping at me to fix my pants before she helped Hadley down the stairs.

Marc grumbled something under his breath in Italian about demanding women and followed them down the stairs while I stepped into the guest room to put my pants on the right way this time.

I did a quick sweep of the room to make sure that we had everything we could possibly need - and yet I still suspected we would accidentially leave something behind - and then joined the others outside.

Marc had already started the SUV and Sophia had somehow managed to help Hadley up into the front seat. She was telling Hadley that she would follow us to the hospital after she had everything situated here at the house.

"You ready for this, Archer?" Marc said as he stood beside me, giving me this almost sympathetic look.

I laughed before I could hold it back. "Not a chance in hell."

"Yeah, well. You will be."

Marc clapped me on the shoulder, gave me a quick hug, and then went about convincing Sophia that she should probably change out of her pajamas before following us to the hospital.

I climbed in to the front seat of the SUV and buckled myself in. I meant to turn the emergency break off and pull the car out of park, but I ended up just sitting there, gripping the steering wheel, watching the horizon begin to brighten with the first signs of dawn.

"Archer?"

"You know, this almost seems sort of anticlimactic in a way," I said to Hadley, glancing over at her. "After everything that's happened to us."

Hadley gave a grim sort of smile. "What were you expecting?"

"I don't know." I blew out a sigh. "Maybe you having the kid in the kitchen at the coffee house because we couldn't get you to a hospital in enough time?"

"That's just gross, Archer. We cook in there."

"I know, I know. I just sort of..."

Hadley reached across the console and gripped my hand tightly, squeezing. She was looking at me like I had put the moon and stars in the sky, and I had never been more thankful to be right where I was that second, even if I was currently scared shitless. "You with me?"

"And then some," I promised.

In the end, it was nothing like I would have expected.

I remembered hearing once that time seemed to stop when you saw your child for the very first time, and maybe in some sense that was true, but at the same time, it was like everything was thrown in to fast forward.

I barely heard the doctor announce that the baby was a boy.

I could barely take my eyes off of him as the nurse let Hadley see him for a moment.

He was so tiny, and he already had a mess of dark hair on his head, and I couldn't be exactly sure, but I swore he looked like Hadley already.

He was crying for all his lungs were worth, and Hadley was crying, and I was sort of just standing there in this daze, hardly able to believe that this moment was actually here.

After months of waiting and agonizing over the future, everything that could happen and everything that could possibly go wrong, our kid was finally here.

Somehow I managed to tear my gaze away from the baby to look to Hadley, and she was positively glowing.

I leaned down on an impulse to kiss her, smiling when she gave a delighted laugh.

"You were amazing," I told her. "Really. He is amazing."

"A boy," she said with that grin I'd fallen in love with years ago. "I guess I should have realized you were going to be right."

"Yeah, well, for the first and only time," I said.

"I was so sure it was going to be a girl, though!"

"Um. Are you...upset that we had a boy?" I said awkwardly, thinking. "Because - "

"No, of course not!" Hadley said quickly, looking alarmed. "I was just led to believe differently, that's all."

There was something about the way she spoke that made me think to ask her more about it later, because at that moment a nurse approached us with our son in her arms and said, "Excuse me. Would you like to hold your son?"

The baby boy latched onto Hadley's finger the second he was placed in her arms, blinking up at her with unfocused eyes.

"He's beautiful," she said, stroking a finger across his cheek. "I can't believe he's actually here."

"Yeah, me neither," I agreed, just as baffled.

"Do you have a name for him?" the nurse asked, watching us with a smile.

"Shit," Hadley and I gasped in unison, staring at each other in horror.

"That is the one thing we never agreed on. A name."

The nurse laughed, reaching over to squeeze my shoulder. "Oh, I'm sure you'll come up with one soon enough."

She wandered off, leavig Hadley and I alone with the baby.

"Archer, here."

I didn't have any time to protest before Hadley leaned up to carefully place the baby in my arms.

I'd held plenty of babies - inevitable, when you had so many cousins - but this was entirely different. There was nothing else like it. I couldn't explain it.

The baby was squirming in my arms like all newborns did, and when he held on to my finger, I knew I was done for.

I was completely and utterly had.

I looked up in shock when Hadley suddenly burst out laughing.

"What?" I was a little concerned for her wellbeing that she was laughing so loudly like that. "Why are you laughing at me like that?"

"You're loving this already, aren't you?" she said with a very smug look on her face.

There was no point dancing around the truth. Not anymore. What good did that do anyways?

"Absolutely, I am."

It took a bit of convincing on Hadley's part to actually get me to leave her and the baby alone for a few minutes so I could inform the rest of the family of the momentous occasion. We couldn't avoid it forever. Besides, I wouldn't put it past either of my aunts to kick down the door if enough time passed without getting an update. Best we avoid any confrontation.

I made for the waiting room with a little skip in my step, and the second I rounded the corner, I was being bombarded by a whole slew of people. I was shocked by the alarming amount of my family members that actually had made the three hour drive down here. You could always count on family, I supposed.

"Well, did she have the baby?"

"Is it a boy or a girl?"

"How is Hadley doing?"

"Are you - "

"Everybody, calm down!" Carlo said loudly. "One at a time!"

"Well?" My aunt Sophia gripped my shoulders tightly, an overly eager expression on her face. "Did she have the baby?"

The asshole part of myself wanted to let the anticipation sink in a little further, because it was funny seeing Carlo and my uncles looking so anxious, but I didn't want to sustain any bodily injuries.

I took a deep breath and everybody seemed to inch a little closer at that, and I was unable to keep from smiling when I broke the news.

"She had the baby. A boy."

Total chaos ensued.

All of the girls crowed around to throw their arms around me and kiss my cheeks while my uncles clapped me on the back and told me that my life was going to be hell from here on out. I refrained from telling them that they had no idea how close I had come to that being my actual reality.

"Well, what's his name?" Mia said excitedly once things had quieted down a bit.

"Milo," I said proudly. "Six pounds, thirteen ounces. Twenty inches long. Spitting image of Hadley already, I swear."

There would be plenty of time for questions later, for the family to meet him so they could coo over him and kiss his cheek and forehead and tell him all of the wonderful things he was going to do with his life.

But for right then, just being there was enough.

________________________________________________________

Like, I'm not even sure if this chapter even needs a note. It was crazy and fun and sad all at the same to write, so I hope you like the outcome!

Don't forget to drop a note and tell me what you think! :)

Lots of love,

Ally

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