《Face Your Fears》Chapter 28

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John F. Kennedy airport was crawling with people of all sorts and sizes, dragging along their luggage, bumping into other weary travelers as they rushed for their destinations.

I stood in the middle of the concourse, attempting to block out the loud noises buzzing around me as my mother and my three little sisters all stared at me apprehensively.

"Archer, I still don't understand what's going on," Mom finally said, biting her lip. "Why do we need to go to Palermo? And better yet, where on earth did you get the money to buy four international plane tickets?"

All of these questions were valid. I wanted nothing more than to tell Mom why I was literally forcing her and my sisters out of the country, but that would only put them in even more danger than they already were.

I had no way of knowing what was coming for me at Havoc's hands. I'd only met the man twice, and I got the impression that he never acted in the same way twice. After what he did to Lauren...it was obvious he had the capacity to do truly awful things. And if I could protect my loved ones from that, even in the smallest form, then I was going to jump at the chance.

How many others had made the same sacrifice before me?

"Mom. Look." I pulled her to the side, away from the girls, who were squabbling over the ticket with the window seat. "I know this is going to be difficult to understand, but I need you to trust me, okay? And it doesn't matter where I got the tickets. You and the girls just need to be on that plane in an hour."

"Trust you? Archer, I don't even..." Mom took a deep breath, squeezing her eyes shut. I said a silent prayer that she wouldn't start crying. If Mom started crying, I knew I wouldn't be able to force her onto the plane and just leave her.

I pulled her into my arms and hugged her tightly, not knowing what else to do. I was afraid and almost unwilliing to let her go, because I had to face the fact that I may never get to see my mother again, but when she made some sort of noise of protest, I took a step back.

"Sorry."

"Archer..." Mom reached out to place a hand against the side of my face. "You act like you're saying goodbye."

"No," I disagreed, remembering what I'd thought the last time I had seen Hadley. "Not goodbye. Just a see you later."

"Okay," Mom said, nodding, rubbing at her cheeks. "Okay. Just...just be careful. I want to see you again soon."

"Soon," I said, attempting a smile. "Of course."

"Girls!" Mom turned back to April, May and June, who were still squabbling with one another. "Girls, let's go! We've got a plane to catch."

The girls crowded around me to say goodbye, and I hugged them all as tightly as I could before they started protesting.

"Stay out of trouble, all right?" I told the three of them quietly while Mom was distracted with her bag. "And look after Mom."

"Don't be such a baby, Archer," April said with a scoff. "Of course we'll look after Mom."

"Good. I'll see you all really soon, then."

"Will do, brosky," June said, slapping me on the back. "Watch your back, all right?"

If only, I thought with an eye roll.

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The girls started ushering Mom towards the security line, complaining about not wanting to miss the flight. Mom turned to give me one last lingering look, gave a small smile and then slipped into the security line, quickly disappearing from sight.

I stood there and watched the spot where my mother and sisters had previously been standing, wondering what the hell was going to happen now.

It felt as if I had just done the impossible. I'd just put my mother and sisters onto a plane halfway across the world, and as much as I wanted to deny it, I had said goodbye to my wife, the woman who I think I'd always been in love with but had never realized it until it was almost too late. I knew I had done the right thing, doing all I could to make sure that the ones I held most dear were safe and away from harm, but it didn't feel that way. It really felt as if a part of myself had been ripped away, and I was left unable to breathe, consumed with a pain so strong I could not even begin to describe how torn I really was.

How was I even still standing?

"You know, I'm wondering the same thing."

I wasn't suprised at the sound of the smooth, quiet voice that had spoken from behind me. In some ways, it felt as if I had been waiting for it for half my life. I took a deep breath to steady myself and then turned.

Havoc was standing there, cool and composed, wearing the same suit he'd been the last time I'd seen him. There was a pleasant smile on his face as he regarded me. There was a part of myself that was nearly overtaken with the urge to beat the living daylight out of him for what he'd done to Lauren, but what good would that do?

This game - this fight, really - was nearly finished.

"Good to see you again, mate," Havoc said, reaching out to clap me on the shoulder. "You look well for having just given up everything you've ever loved in your entire life."

"Is that supposed to be a compliment?"

"Sort of." He reached out and slung an arm around my shoulder, tugging me to his side. "Let's go for a walk, hmm?"

I didn't object. It was pointless.

Havoc more or less dragged me along side him as we walked through the swarms of people crowding around the airport.

"I have to say, I really expected better of you," Havoc was saying conversationally. "You come from hearty stock, don't you? Strong. Capable. Maybe a little stupid, but still intelligent enough. I thought you'd be man enough to handle this."

"What are you getting at?" I demanded. "I played your stupid game, I faced my fears, I - "

Havoc burst out laughing, like I'd just told the funniest joke he'd ever heard.

I stopped walking, staring at him with a mixture of confusion and anger. What the hell was so funny?

"What?" I said shortly. "What could possibly be so funny?"

"Why, you are what's so funny, mate," Havoc said, grinning at me. "You, actually thinking that you faced your fears."

He had to be joking. There was no other explanation for it; he had to be joking.

"Now before you start protesting, let me explain something to you," Havoc said.

We were standing there, in the middle of JFK airport, people shoving past us, and I knew that this, the end, had finally arrived.

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"Explain what?" I said. My heart was starting to pound erratically against my chest and I felt clammy all over. Bad news was definitely coming. "I don't understand."

"Of course you don't understand," Havoc scoffed with a roll of his eyes. "Your mind is too small, too simple, to understand something like this."

He crooked his finger at me to follow after him again, and I did without question. His almost hypnotic words had a grip on me, and I wanted to know what he had to say.

We made our way through the jumble of people in the airport to one of the exits. Havoc pulled open one of the doors and stepped aside with a flourish to let me pass through first before following suit.

My jaw dropped.

"What the - "

I wasn't standing on the sidewalk outside of JFK, surrounded by a mess of people and cars. I was standing at the back of a dark, empty cathedral, dimly lit by the candles lining the walls beneath the stain-glass windows. I wasn't positive, but I was fairly certain I was standing in St. Patrick's. I hadn't been to mass here in ages.

What the hell was I doing here?

"Really nice place, this," Havoc said from beside me, gesturing around. "I like churches. Always have. So relaxing."

"What are we doing here?" I asked. "You brought me to a church of all places. Why?"

"Partially to make a point." He began to walk down the main aisle, running his fingers along the pews as he went. "Partially because this, dear boy, is your last fear."

What?

"My last - what are you talking about?" None of this was making any sense to me. My head was starting to throb from all of the thoughts rapidly bouncing around in my mind. "I told you, I faced my fears, I -

"Stop talking."

My mouth snapped shut and my tongue became glued to the top of my mouth. No matter how hard I tried top open my mouth and muster up the strength to say something, anything, it was futile.

"I brought you here, Archer, to show you something," Havoc said, crossing his arms as he leaned up against a pew. "Oh, I'll commend you the fact that you put on a good show facing your fears and everything. It couldn't have been easy going to see your father after all those years. He seems like a real character. I'd love to have lunch with him sometime."

My anger flared at the mention of my father. I tried to snap at him, to tell him to shut the hell up and not say a damn thing about that imbecile, but it was impossible.

"And then there was the time you drove all the way down to Boonsboro to confront your step father's parents," Havoc continued. He spoke as if he were preparing himself for a long story and was enjoying the whole thing. "I have to admit, I do so like his sister. She's a fiesty little thing, isn't she? What was her name again? Rebecca?"

This situation was growing worse and worse. Havoc was simply drawing it out, pointing out all of the things I'd done, poking and prodding at what he knew would infuriate me the most. And if I couldn't even speak, I had no way of fighting back against the way he hypnotized with his words.

"Well, and then you also approached your sisters with the truth about the death of their father - in a less than eloquent manner, might I add," Havoc said, smirking at me in a way that sent my insides spasming with fear. "Probably didn't go as well as you'd hoped, did it?"

I attempted to wrench open my mouth and speak again, but all that came out was some sort of grunting noise.

"Then there was the instance were you made the not-so-smart decision to confront your mother-in-law about her and her husband's treatment of your dear little wife Hadley," Havoc said, drumming his fingers on the edge of a pew. "Which brings us to the source of most of your fears, I'd have to say."

A strangled gasp flew from my lips when I was suddenly able to open my mouth again.

"What...the...hell...are...you..." I kept sucking in air, trying to get my breath back. "What are you talking about?"

"Why, I really don't think it's all that difficult, dear boy," Havoc said, his smirk widening as he began to saunter forward. "Of course it's very obvious that you love Hadley, any fool could tell that, but even you can't deny the fact that there are moments when you look at her and you just can't help but think this woman is too good for me. How long do I have before she realizes I'm not worth it?"

There was no point denying it, because he was right. I thought the very same at least every other day.

"And, well, Archer, it is my distinct pleasure to inform you that you are quite right," Havoc said, coming to a stop in front of me. "You are worthless. Pathetic. A miserable excuse for a human being who spends most of his time moaning and groaning about his lot in life. And d'you know, that's what annoys me the most about humanity. You can't imagine how enjoyable this is, watching you break down bit by bit until you lose whatever sanity you had to begin with. Really, a much better alternative than simply taking sweet little Hadley's life and calling it good and done."

He moved forward until we were nose-to-nose and I could see far into the depths of his mismatched eyes.

I had never thought before that the phrase paralyzed with fear would ever be accurate, but right at that moment, it damn well was.

"And d'you know what else?" Havoc continued, lowering his voice into a threatening whisper. "I'm going to enjoy watching Hadley fall apart when she discovers what happened to you even more than the frightened look in your eyes right now."

"Just what..." I swallowed back the bile that threatened to rise in my throat. "What are you planning on doing to me in a church of all places?"

"Well, before I take pleasure in ending your miserable existence, I'm going to do this," Havoc answered, snapping his fingers.

Blinding light flooded the church and a hum of conversation stirred, breaking whatever hold Havoc had held over me up until that point.

When my eyes adjusted to the lighting, I saw that the first few rows of pews were filled with people, that the front of the church was decorated with an array of white flowers and cloths spread over the altar. And set up on a stand in front of the altar was a mahogany casket covered in even more flowers.

"A funeral." I turned to Havoc in confusion. "Why am I at a funeral?"

Havoc spread his arms out with a wide smile. "Take a closer look."

I took a few tentative steps down the aisle, afraid of what I might see, when I recognized -

"Zio Vito? What is my uncle doing here? I don't - "

I took off down the aisle in a sprint and nearly landed flat on my face when I skidded across the stone floor as I reached the first pew.

"Mom? Mom, what's going on?" I sunk to the ground in front of my mother, my mother who was pale in the face and had a dead look in her eyes as she stared straight ahead, seeing nothing. "What are you doing here?"

My mother said nothing, oblivious to the fact that I was more or less shouting right at her, and instead looked down the pew. I followed her gaze and felt my insides constrict.

"Hadley."

I quickly stumbled my way to my feet and reached out for Hadley, who was sitting down the pew, past my three little sisters.

If it was possible, she looked even worse than my mother did.

Her face was thin and pale and there were dried tears streaked across her cheeks. Her hands were twisted together tightly in her lap and her lips were trembling. She looked like she had seen...well, death. She looked worse than she had the day she found out Havoc had returned and even worse than when she had been in that car accident.

I had never seen her look like this before, and it was more than painful.

And what was the most blatantly obvious was that she wasn't pregnant.

"Hadley, what happened?" I gripped her face in my hands, and her skin was as cold as ice. "What's going on? What happened to the baby? What - "

"She can't hear you, you know."

"What? Why?" I rounded on Havoc as he approached me, gripping fistfuls of his shirt. "What the hell is going on here? Where's the baby? What - "

Havoc burst out laughing. He laughed and laughed and it bounced off the walls of the church, echoing in my ears, making this even creepier than it already was.

"What is so funny?"

"Just who's funeral do you think this is, Archer?"

If the people sitting in the pews were my family, then who's funeral was this?

I took a step back, my hands falling to my sides, at a loss for words.

"Now you seem to be getting it," Havoc said with a growing smirk.

"This is... my funeral." I looked around again, the somber air in the church almost suffocating. "I'm dead."

"Bingo." Havoc perched himself on the edge of a pew, tossing his arm around my mother's shoulders, giving her a firm shake. "Welcome to your greatest fear."

"My greatest fear isn't dying," I snapped. "I'm not afraid to die."

And I truly wasn't afraid to die, because at one point I had almost taken my own life.

"I know dying isn't your greatest fear," Havoc agreed with a nod. "But losing your family is." He wiggled a finger down at Hadley. "I don't think your precious wife is taking your loss so well. She looks sort of sick. And, well, she was pregnant, wasn't she?"

"Don't."

"Well, I mean, I'm just stating the obvious, aren't I?"

"Don't you dare."

"I'm simply saying that I don't see a baby anywhere, is all. I'm wondering what could have happened."

Right from the very beginning I should have realized that this was my greatest fear. Not just losing my family, but our child. Our baby that deserved the right to live.

I was preparing myself to slam my fist into Havoc's face and not stop when footsteps began to echo off the walls, sounding extremely loud in the eerie quiet of the church.

Havoc and I both turned around at the sound of the approaching footsteps, and that was when everything literally went to hell all over again.

"Well, don't look so dumbstruck, boys," the woman said, hands on hips, smiling at the both of us. "I thought you'd be happy to see me."

Havoc rose to his feet, his jaw a tight line, hands clenched into fists at his side. I had never seen such an unhinged expression on any man's face before. He looked far from the easy, composed person he had been moments before.

"No."

"Oh, yes." The woman smiled at me and gave a small wave. "Hi, Archer."

"Agnes Schaffer? What the hell are you doing here?"

_________________________________________________________________

And after months of waiting - of which you all are absolutely fantastic for - I present to you, chapter 28 of Face Your Fears!

Literally, it took me ages

I hope you all had a fantastic holiday and are generally enjoying life at the moment. :) I know I am!

Words cannot describe how thankful I am for all of you guys, for your wonderful enthusiasm and love for what I write and especially for your patience! I am so, so sorry for the long wait, and I hope the chapter made up for it. I'd be nowhere without you all, and I'd give you all a gold star and a cookie if I could, but...you know.

Leave a comment below telling me what you guys think, if you wouldn't mind, because it'd be greatly appreciated! :)

Thanks again,

- Ally

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