《Face Your Fears》Chapter 12

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Christmas passed with next to no drama - which was surprising, considering all that happened in the past few days.

Of course I still had the urge to sock Havoc in the face whenever I saw him with his hands on Lauren, but I was thankfully able to restrain myself.

All of the younger kids were thrilled with their presents, the adults enjoyed catching up with one another, and it was with a depressed air that we all departed from Sophia and Marc's on December 27th.

Hadley was bombarded with ten times the amount of hugs and kisses she normally would've been had she not been pregnant. My aunts told her they all needed to call her and keep her updated on how she and the baby were doing, and that they expected to know straight away when she went into labor.

That was still a little far off, I thought, but it was never too early for my aunts.

I heaved all of our luggage into the back of the SUV while everyone else did the same, and then came the goodbyes.

"You keep in touch, too, young man!" Karin scolded me, pinching my cheek after giving me a bone crushing hug. "We live in the same city, but we rarely ever see you anymore."

"Sorry, zia, I'm just busy with work," I said, grinning. "And now with the baby..."

Yeah, I didn't want to think about how hectic things were going to be when the baby arrived.

"All the more reason to keep in touch!" Karin cried, whapping me in the arm.

Good point.

I caught hold of Lauren's arm as she passed to say goodbye to Mom and pulled her to the side, away from prying ears.

"Listen," I said immediately. "You need to watch your back, okay?"

Lauren frowned, looking confused. "What are you talking about? Watch my back with what?"

"That guy you brought home," I muttered, dropping my voice to a low whisper. "He's bad news, Lauren. Trust me. And I don't want to see you get hurt."

She looked at me incredulously for a moment, waiting to see if I was actually serious. When it became obvious that I was completely serious, she snorted out a laugh.

"Archer, come on. I would expect you to be protective over the triplets, but not me. Henry's a good guy, he's - "

"Just trust me on this one, Lauren. Seriously."

She glared up at me through narrowed eyes, and she had an uncanny resemblance to her mother.

"You don't even know him."

"Do you even know him?"

"Of course," she snapped. "Of course I know him."

"I wouldn't be so sure."

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I wasn't normally one for physical affection - except for where my wife was concerned - and just to prove my point, I hugged her tightly for a moment and then stepped back.

"I'm serious, Lauren. Be careful."

I left to say goodbye to the others before she could say anything else, leaving her standing there with a baffled expression on her face.

I wanted to shout at her the real truth of what was going on and why I got the creeps whenever I saw Henry even looking at her, but that would just make matters much worse. And like she would believe me anyways.

There wasn't anything else I could do, was there?

After we were all squeezed to death and had said our goodbyes, the triplets and Mom piled into the back seats of the SUV - I was expected to drive again, sadly - and Hadley joined me up front.

The girls squabbled on the three hour drive home, like normal, and Mom was bent forward in her seat half the time, keeping up rapid conversation with Hadley. Every so often they would throw a comment or question at me that required an answer, but other than that, my thoughts were strictly elsewhere.

I knew I had to face my fears and that I couldn't put it off any longer. But where was I supposed to start? Was I supposed to start with the easiest ones and work my way up to the hardest ones?

A little more explanation on this entire thing would have been nice.

By the time I pulled the SUV through the alley way beside Mama Rosa's and parked beside the back door, the sun was already setting and everyone was asleep.

I roused them all and helped unload the luggage while Mom unlocked the back door and the girls traipsed upstairs.

"Do you want to stay and rest up for a bit?" Mom asked as I dropped her suitcase at the foot of the stairs.

I looked over to Hadley, drinking a glass of water in the kitchen.

"Thanks, Regina, but we really should be getting home now," Hadley answered. "I've got to go back to work tomorrow and I need to review a few case files."

"Are you sure you'll be okay to go to work?" Regina asked, heading over to Hadley, a concerned look on her face.

"I'll be fine," Hadley said, smiling. "No worries."

I don't think Mom was reassured.

We said our goodbyes to the girls and Mom and left, luggage in hand.

Silence fell between us during the cab ride home. My ass was sore from being in the car for so long and I was a little tired, but it was nothing compared to how exhausted Hadley looked.

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Was carrying a child really all that exhausting?

I was a little relieved I'd never get the chance to find that out.

When we made it to our apartment complex, I carried our suitcase up to the third floor while Hadley walked in front of me. She kicked off her shoes the second she unlocked the door to the apartment and immediately made for the bedroom.

"Hadley?" I called after her. "Are you - "

"I'm fine," she said, waving a hand over her shoulder. "I have to pee."

"Right."

I dropped the suitcase by the door in the bedroom, kicked off my shoes and then tossed myself down onto the bed face-first.

The bathroom door on the other side of the room opened a minute or two later and Hadley settled herself down onto the bed beside me.

I rolled over until my head was resting in her lap and sighed heavily.

What we were supposed to do now?

"What's on your mind, love?" Hadley asked, running her fingers through my hair.

"What isn't on my mind?" I grumbled.

"Ah. I see."

"It's just..."

I couldn't finish my sentence.

"It's just...what?" Hadley asked after a moment.

"I don't know how to start this. The whole facing my fears thing."

I felt stupid for admiting that, but it was the God honest truth. As much as I liked to pretend I knew everything and that I was confident enough in myself, that wasn't always the case.

I had weaknesses just like everyone else did. I was just an ass about admitting them.

"Well, I think I know where we could start," Hadley said thoughtfully.

I cracked open an eye and stared up at her. "What?"

"Will you..." She took a deep breath, waited a moment. "Tell me about that night?"

I didn't have to ask to know what night she was talking about. And the last time I'd talked about that night had been when I'd testified at my father's trial fifteen years ago.

"Hadley..."

She leaned down and brushed her lips against mine, holding my face in her hands.

"Archer, please..."

Looking up into her eyes and seeing the desperate look there, the concern and worry, makes me start to talk.

I don't want to talk, but I did. And I told her everything.

I told her about Mom and Chris, how their relationship was and how happy they were together, how happy I was after my asshole of a father was out of the picture, how good things were for us. Then when Mom announced she was expecting the triplets, how we were all happy and glad new members of the family would be joining us.

But then the story of what happened that night, the night I found Chris lying dead on the floor in the apartment, caught up with me.

I literally had to force the words out. It was a herculean task to keep my mouth moving, but somehow I managed it.

Nearly bursting into tears wasn't the manly thing to do, retelling that story, but could anybody really blame me?

That night was forever going to be a part of my past. Sooner or later I was going to have to get used to talking about it. This was my first reluctant step, and for all I knew, it might end up being more beneficial in the long run.

"Archer..." Hadley sighed, resting her forehead against mine, her eyes squeezed shut. "I'm so sorry. So sorry. You shouldn't have had to deal with that - no one should ever have to deal with that - and I'm - "

"Hadley, stop. Please. Just stop." I caught her hands in mine, forced her to look at me. "Don't apologize. It's...I don't know, something that can't be helped."

She took a deep breath, tracing her fingers over the side of my face. "I know, Archer. It's just..."

I reached up and brushed away a few tears streaking down her cheeks. "Miele, don't cry."

She managed a small, twitchy smile. "Sorry. Can't help it."

I had a feeling she really couldn't, if the past few weeks were anything to go by.

"You know, about what you said the other day..." Hadley continued anxiously.

"I've said lots of things."

"Ah, well, I'm talking about when you said you're afraid you're going to end up like your father."

"Of course you are."

Hadley sighed and rolled her eyes, looking exasperated. "Archer, I just don't understand how you could even think that. You're nothing like your father."

I raised myself up on my elbows until Hadley and I were leveled with each other, our eyes locked.

"Hadley, you've never met the guy. And if I have it my way, you never will. As much as I want to deny it, he's my father, and I can't help that. I am a part of him."

Her head dropped against my shoulder and she sighed again, sounding tired.

"You're right," she whispered. "I know you are. But that doesn't make you you."

"It's enough to scare the shit out of me."

Okay, that hadn't been so hard to say

"I wish I knew what to say," Hadley said thickly after a moment. "Something that could make everything better."

I rested my cheek against the top of her head, our clasped hands resting in my lap.

"Sadly, life doesn't always have easy ways out like that.”

Life never works out the way we want anyways, did it?

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