When the doorbell rang—rudely interrupting John Mulaney's flawless delivery of 'Horse in a Hospital'—I cackled. Loudly.

Kaelin startled awake, bleary-eyed and cranky; she was perpetually ready to go back to sleep. Given she'd been lying upside down, with her head dangling from the couch, I had no idea how she'd managed to doze off in the first place.

Liv looked up over at me sadly, and her position on the tall barstool meant she was looked down at me. The disappointed look was rather sobering. "You're such a garbage human being," she said mournfully.

"I've accepted that," I replied.

Alec tapped my sister's shoulder. "She's character building!"

Well, my intentions were actually just outright malicious. I was being mean for the sake of it. It wasn't the most ethically sound plot I'd ever hatched, but moral integrity seemed to defenestrate itself in the presence of Jace Hartley.

"Are you going to answer the door?" Kaelin asked blearily.

I sprung off the couch, unable to hide the spring in my step as I pranced towards the door. Well, hobbled. "Yes, but only because it's Daria."

Alec frowned. "What makes you say that?"

"She respectfully rang the doorbell once. Hartley would press on it a thousand times, because he's a dick."

Kaelin shrugged in agreement.

I wandered to the front door and threw it open. As predicted, it was Daria's familiar grin that greeted me on the other side of the door. Her dark curls were pulled into the cutest braids, and the dotted yellow sundress she was wearing only further fortified her adorable girl-next-door image. Yeah, I had the biggest girl crush on Daria. She was the single most adorable person I'd ever met.

In stark contrast, Jace remained in the passenger seat of Daria's 1969 Fiat 500 (I really liked cars, and Daria's was adorable and also bright pink), slouching. Night and day, those two. Except with Daria and Jace, you never saw one without the other. They were, as my friends had said, a package deal. Jace seemed reluctant to move any closer to my front door. Given what I had in store for him, I could hardly blame Hartley for the hesitation.

I waved cheerfully at him. He frowned in response. I grinned.

"Looking forward to the project?" Daria asked kindly.

"Not at all," I responded, with an exaggerated thumbs-up. "I hate my life right now!"

Jace came up behind Daria. The frown had melted from his face, and his cheery smile replaced it. He was a strange figure in the shadow of the doorway, the cut of his silhouette incongruous to the opulent surroundings of Chambermore. Hartley had never darkened my doorstep before, and I didn't know how comfortable I was with the change.

"I'd say welcome to my home, but welcome is perhaps an exaggeration, am I right?" I said to Hartley. "I can't believe I have to see your face outside of school."

He smiled at me like I'd just told him I had selected him as 'Sexiest Man Alive'. This Hartley was strange; he laughed at my insults. I was really going to have to think outside the box. "Aw, Elle, you missed me."

"Wow, you have drastically misread our relationship."

"Okay, Lena. Whatever you say."

I was a moment away from punching him in the gut when Liv came up behind me. Okay, I wouldn't punch him. I was sincerely against violence against men. But also, come on. Is it really assault if he, basically, is begging me to do it?

The politically correct Lena in my head screamed 'UM, YES.'

She was as annoying as Hartley sometimes.

"Good afternoon, Jace," Liv said warmly. "Hey, Daria. How are you guys?"

Liv and Alec had been the rare kind of older students that managed to befriend everyone in the entire school. She was the older, perfect version of me. Kinder, prettier, funnier, more alluring. Everyone loved Liv. Most people struggled to branch out beyond their own exclusive friendship circles, but Liv managed to have deep and meaningful conversations with 90% of the school body. She was similar to Daria in that way, though Liv's cutting humor was completely absent in her 2.0 version.

If Jace hadn't already monopolized Daria's friendship, I was sure Daria would live here, hanging with Liv and Alec.

"I'm great!" Daria said cheerfully.

"I've been better," said Jace. For such a mediocre statement, his tone was equally as chipper. "Lena made me feel bad about myself. She says I'm not welcome."

I gasped. "You snitch, bitch!"

Jace looked smug. Daria, in rare and incredible form, looked mildly exasperated. Liv looked horrified.

"Lena Katerina-Millicent Montez!" Liv exclaimed, turning to me with a critical frown. Behind her back, Jace mouthed Lena Katerina-Millicent Montez? When I didn't correct Liv and confirm that my name was something less pretentious, Jace was forced to hide his derisive snort in Daria's shoulder. She patted his head sympathetically, recognizing that resisting the urge to openly mock my name was slowly killing Jace.

"Why yes, Olivia Rose Montez?"

Jace had recovered enough to comment. "If you were trying to make her name sound as pretentious as yours, you have failed significantly."

"Shut up."

"Lena!" Liv admonished.

"Sorry," I mumbled.

"Jace, come in. Don't listen to Lena, you're very welcome," said Liv. "Daria, do you want to stay for a while? Alec and Kaelin are here."

Daria brightened. "Sure, I'd love to. I was going to have to come back to pick Jace up anyways."

I nudged Jace. "Aw, is Daria your chauffeur?"

Jace rolled his eyes, and didn't deign me with a response. I knew as well as he did that he wasn't eighteen for another two months. And honestly? Daria was an excellent driver and those two were completely inseparable; after he sat his test, I couldn't see Jace ever getting behind the wheel again. Daria would drive him around forever.

For all of her kindness, she did that anyway. She grabbed Jace's wrist now, dragging him behind her into the house. I followed them in, shutting the door behind me.

When Jace took in the entryway, his eyes widened. Daria had been over before, plenty of times. It was odd, when I thought about it. I rarely saw Jace without Daria, but I had definitely seen Daria without Jace. I wondered what Jace did without her, especially now that he wasn't dating McKenna anymore. Returned to his shiny, hot corner of hell to plot my demise? Murdered puppies?

And why did I suddenly care?

Nice Jace was sending me for a tailspin, even if he was a suck up snitch.

"Well, now I understand why you're such a lazy shit," said Jace. "You have to run a marathon to if you want to leave your room for a bowl of ice-cream."

I primped my hair. "That's why I have an ensuite kitchen from my bedroom."

"You're shitting me."

I laughed. "Yes, 100%."

Jace had enough self-awareness to look ashamed.

We passed through the living room. Liv immediately returned to Alec's side at the kitchen bench, lifting herself to sit on the island so that Daria could take the other barstool. Kaelin hadn't moved from the couch.

She was impolite enough that she didn't worry about greeting Jace. I loved that girl.

"How long do you think this will take?" I said to Jace.

"Shockingly, this is a multi-month, fifteen-page paper. You know we're going to have to do this—" he gestured between us "—on multiple occasions?"

"See, I was thinking."

"Rare form," said Jace.

"I hate your guts." I smiled sweetly. "But, okay, if we map out our paper today, figure out what we're each going to write, we can just like... not meet up at all. One and done, you know? Hit it and quit it."

Kaelin looked up at that. "I think you guys have severely misinterpreted the nature of this project."

Liv's eyebrows had skyrocketed in scandalized amusement.

"I approve," said Alec, shrugging. "Fuck the system by the fucking each other."

"Weren't you school captain? And top of your year level?" Kaelin said.

"He was second," Liv said gleefully.

Jace and I took matching steps neatly away from each other. Well, as matching as steps can be when one party hops. I often avoided Hartley, but now it was as if he'd recently contracted the plague. I scowled at my cousins—Daria was, naturally, exempt, because she was a personified ray of sunshine—in a way that was cutting. You could've dissolved Jace's dead body with the acid that emanated from my stare.Jace spoke first, his hands thrown up as if he was being confronted with the barrel of a gun. "I swear I only have the purest of intentions with Lena."

"No, you don't," I shot back. "I distinctly recall you peeing in my sandbox."

Alec scrunched his nose in disgust.

"Lena, we were four. I think it's time to get over that. Even if I didn't do it."

"Pee. In my sandbox. What kind of nasty fucker does that?"

"Not me!" Jace proclaimed.

Kaelin cracked one sleepy eye open. "Can you guys go bang—I mean, decide on your project—upstairs? None of us are interested in this foreplay."

"Speak for yourself," said Daria, in uncharacteristically raunchy fashion.

Maybe Daria deserved my scowl as well. But then she smiled tentatively, in the way she always did when she made a joke that had the capacity to offend anyone, almost as if she was ashamed. I forgave her instantly.

"I swear if anyone makes another banging joke, not only will I puke up my lunch, but also my guts. My stomach will abandon me. You will have that on your conscience." I pointed at all of them in a watchful, suspicious manner.

Alec and Kaelin looked at each other, clearly debating whether to make another banging joke.

"I wouldn't be that bad," Jace muttered.

Liv looked at him softly, with the kind of sympathy you'd give a kicked puppy. "Aw, Jace. It's more of a moral thing for Lena. Or, like, repressed desire. I'm sure you're great."

I looked at Liv with repressed disappointment (desire, my ass). "You, Liv? I expected better."

"You shouldn't," she said lightly.

I decided promptly that I hated my whole family.

"Come on, Hartley. Let's debate witch trials," I said. I resisted the urge to grab his wrist and drag him upstairs with me. Mostly because I didn't want cooties.

I didn't look behind me to see if he was following. I simply marched up the staircase, leaning on the railing in order to take weight off my injured foot; this was one of my favourite parts of the house. This was primarily because it looked like Cher's entryway in Clueless. But I couldn't look back at Jace if I wanted to. I had revenge planned, and Jace knew my revenge smirk better than anyone. Suspicion would undermine the surprise element.

I was a terrible person.

"Just keep it down, guys! I know angry sex is violent, but I'm trying to take a nap here!" Kaelin called from behind us.

I threw both of my arms in the air in a double middle-finger salute.

"So," Jace said from right behind me. "Where are we going?"

I continued to climb the stairs. "We can go to my room. You know, if you can resist the urge to angry bang and all."

Jace laughed, as if the mere thought was ludicrous. Absurd. It would hurt my feelings if I didn't hate him. "I don't think that will be a problem, Montez. I'm more concerned that you'll leave me to die in this labyrinth of a home."

"I'm thinking about it."

"I'll haunt you forever."

"I am no longer thinking about it."

We eventually came to a stop outside my room. The door was closed, and I hesitated with my hand on the handle. Jace looked at me expectantly.

It was odd. The thought of Hartley in my bedroom. Our rivalry had always been confined to school, our friends, the public sphere. Even downstairs, although his presence had penetrated my home, it wasn't... all that different from our usual interactions. There was Daria and Kaelin and the older duo to undercut the awkwardness, and all I'd had to do was react to what they had said and be rude about Hartley's personality and face. But this was just Jace and me, in my own private space.

I had no idea what we would even talk about. Flinging insults had always been our game, constantly at it, like monkeys flinging shit. I resisted the urge to smile at the comparison. But without it, without the buffer of friends and family and classmates, I honestly didn't know where I stood with him.

There was also some choice décor in my room that Hartley would make fun of me for, so that was definitely a factor.

"What are you waiting for, Lena?" he said softly.

I opened the door.

A/N: Hello guys! So, I'm back. I really gotta work on pumping these out more efficiently. I'd just like to say thank you so much for reading this book. As I believe I've said previously, this project is my true fun, love project. I don't have a plan (which is evident by the complete lack of plot but whatever), I don't have a structure. I just write what pops into my head. It's the project I write when I want to just feel complete joy in just writing.

I do apologise for that lack of plot and structure. This whole story is mostly bitchy dialogue and shenanigans, but I love it regardless. I hope you do too. When it's completed, I might make a shiny 2.0 version without the rambling, for the benefit of readers. But I kinda like my rambly one (secretly, shhh).