《Saanwli Si Raat》25. Leap of Faith ~ Future Shot
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Zubiya sighed heavily as she sat down on a chair in their common room and rubbed her throbbing head.
She felt as if a tremendous boulder has been set atop her skull through her entire duty shift and couldn't wait for her break time.
"Zubiya, do you want some tea?" Asifa, her colleague asked as she stirred her own cup of tea.
"Yes, please." Zubiya said as she rested her head back against her seat.
Asifa quickly prepared another and sat next to Zubiya and looked worriedly at her.
"Zubiya, are you alright?" Asifa asked as she lightly felt at Zubiya's forehead.
"Yeah.. It's just my head that has been aching since morning. Asiya kept me up the entire night and Asfand here has his 24-hours duty. The moment I close my eyes she wakes up crying. Asfand told me to take the day off.. But today I have a really important conference meeting. I really couldn't ignore this even if I wanted to. Do you think I would've come willingly leaving Asiya like this? The only relief I get that she has Gaiti, mama and mami looking after her. Or else I would have been tremendously worried about her. I am going to head back home immediately after I finish this meeting." Zubiya said as she straightened up and took a sip of her tea.
"Yes. And I think you should take a week break as well or at least a few days. You'll make yourself sick if you won't." Asifa suggested.
"I'll think about it..." Zubiya said softly as she remembered the fight she and Asfand had a night ago.
The fight had been based on Asiya who had just turned 7-months old. She had just got home from her duty and found Asfand, still dressed in his duty scrubs trying to quieten down Asiya, who was crying due to her teething pains.
The fight ended with some bitter words they to each other. Bitter words that they didn't mean to say.
But what she said was the most cruel thing she had ever said to her husband for which she wished she could take those words right back.
She had said in a fit of anger to Asfand that he was no different than her own father. The moment those words came out of her mouth she realized what a huge mistake she had made. And the expression on Asfand's face clearly informed her of that.
How much ever he had tried to hide it she knew she had hurt him.
That night was the first time she had regretted her own existence.
As she watched Asfand walk around the room trying to lull Asiya to sleep with no expression on his face... she realized she didn't deserve him.
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He had only tried to suggest her to take lesser shifts and stay with Asiya more for a few days. She had no idea why she thought in such a manner but a memory flashed in front of her where her father had hit her mother when she had once mentioned she wished to work.
Whatever be the case she had to solve the matter between themselves... because hurting Asfand almost felt as if a knife was pierced into her heart. And she couldn't deal with the pain anymore.
Asfand rubbed his eyes as he finally sat in his chair. The longest shift ever that he must have ever taken is finally taking it's toll on him.
He would normally try to lessen his shifts to head back quickly to his wife and daughter. But this time he had purposefully taken a long shift because he had felt he needed some time away from home. From Zubiya. The only thing he felt guilty about was he wouldn't be able to see his baby-girl for an entire day.
But for the first time in his married life he felt he needed this time.
You know what? There is no difference between you and my father! You - men have the same characters!
He felt the words pierce into his heart. Howmuch ever he tried to avoid thinking about it he couldn't just forget what Zubiya said.
Was he actually a bad husband? A bad father?
He looked up suddenly as his door opened with a loud thump and Zubiya entered to his room.
"Asfand, let's go home. Enough is enough." Zubiya said as she stood in front of his table.
"I am sorry but I can't leave. Call the driver. My shift will end tomorrow." Asfand said monotonously as he put on his glasses once more and opened up a file in front of him, rifting through the pages mindlessly.
"I don't know. I have already spoken to Dr. Shehroze and do you know what he said? He informed me that you are doing duty shifts more than your own duty hours for these couple of days. So please, stop this nonsense and come home with me. Asiya will be waiting for us. Don't you even care for her? Have you got any idea how much she must have missed you in these past two days?" Zubiya asked him, almost begging.
Asfand sighed heavily and finally walked out of the room without giving her a single glance.
Zubiya smiled and shook her head softly as she followed her husband to their car.
Reaching their home after the most silent ride ever (between them), it was the same. Without a single glance at her Asfand stepped out of the car and walked into their house and directly headed towards their bedroom. Zubiya walked slowly into the house, giving mama-mami her salaam. Mami slightly winked at her and nodded her head once so as to give her encouragement.
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When she enquired about Daniyal bhai and Gaiti bhabi, mami informed her they had stepped out for a while to take Muskaan to a restaurant as she had been throwing a tantrum the whole day.
Zubiya finally walked up to her room and found Asfand, already changed into his pajama-kurti half-lying on the bed beside their daughter and running his hand atop Asiya's head as she slept peacefully.
Zubiya stood there for awhile taking in the scene. It melted her heart everytime she saw them together. She desperately wished to grab them in a huge hug together but she knew Asfand would push her away.. Which is why she needed to make everything between them alright.
Finally at night when everyone had fallen asleep and Zubiya had finished feeding Asiya, she looked toward her husband who silently took Asiya in his arms and playing with her.
She had just started to learn speaking and had already began saying "mmaa", "abbi" and "dada-didi". Gaiti has been trying to teach her to say "chachi-chachu" but Asiya instead calls her "Agga" and Daniyal bhai "adda". Surprisingly Muskan was the happiest to hear Asiya call her "Mush".
Zubiya smiled as Asiya looked at Asfand and clearly said, "Abbi".
"Yes, say abbi." Asfand said back to her. Asiya squealed with glee and rested her head on his chest as he lulled her back to sleep.
After Asiya fell asleep and was laid on the bed Asfand was about to switch off the light when she quickly spoke up, "Asfand, wait!".
Asfand stopped short and finally looked back at her.
She felt as if days had passed since he had looked at her properly.
"Asfand, I am really sorry. You know I didn't mean it. You can never be like Abbi. I feel so ashamed that I even compared you to him. Can you please forgive me? Please?" Zubiya softly asked him, almost pleading him.
"Zubiya, the matter is not about forgiving. I don't want your apology. It is about realization. But please tell me this one thing - am I really not that different from your father? Do you really think that way?" Asfand asked back in a quieter tone.
It hurt Zubiya to see him like this... so down. In the numerous fights they had previously - this wasn't the case before.
This was her fault.
"No, Asfand. How can I make you believe that I didn't mean what all I said? Those words just came out of my mouth unintensionally. Perhaps.. I said them because once my father had stopped my mother from working.. and I thought maybe.. you too.. " Zubiya stammered as she looked down unable to meet his eyes at the moment.
"That perhaps I would also stop you from working? Am I right? Zubiya, if I would have been such a man then I would have had objected you from working years back! Why now? Zubiya, stop comparing the whole world with your parents! Stop! Everyone in this world isn't cruel. Please, try to take a leap of faith! How long can you be fearful of this entire world and it's unfairness?" Asfand exclaimed as quietly as he could, keeping his sleeping daughter in his mind.
"I already took a leap of faith. Or else I wouldn't have been here today. You made me take a leap of faith. I am sorry, Asfand. Please, forgive me. I really cannot tolerate seeing you hurt like this. I swear, I'll make it up to you however you want." Zubiya almost begged him.
"However I want? Think over it." Asfand said as he lifted his right brow at her.
Zubiya rolled her eyes at him and said with a slight grin, "However you want. Chalo."
"You'll have to pick up my dirty launderies for a week. Agreed?" Asfand said and tried to control his snort as he watched Zubiya's face crumple with disgust.
"Okay. Agreed. Now that I've made a mistake, I have to pay for it as well." Zubiya said grumpily.
"Now, this is for you." Asfand said as he slightly shifted to his right and opened his bedside drawer taking out a small red rose and brought it to her. "Happy Valentine's day, Zubiya."
Zubiya, overwhelmed with various feelings that she couldn't put a name to all - gratefulness, thankful to Allah, guilt, love, warmth.. put her right palm over her mouth. She blinked off tears as he grabbed Asfand in a tight hug, being very careful of Asiya between them.
"Thank you, Asfi. Thank you so much. I love you." Zubiya whispered.
Lost in each other's grasp they failed to notice, they had woken their little one.
Asiya, happy to see both of her parents rolled around and fell atop them, breaking them out of their hug to catch her just in time.
Zubiya laughed through her tears as she took Asiya in her arms and kissed her all over her face.
Asfand smiled and took them back in his arms again.
Where they both belonged.
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