t h i r t e en

been expecting it, but when he saw Hampstead Swim Club listed under the teams competing on the programme, he was still surprised.

Not at the fact that they'd qualified. No, that was the least surprising about seeing their name. Oliver's old swim club hadn't part of a high school but their own respective team that trained outside school hours, and one of the best in the area — it was unsurprising they'd bumped out the other clubs to represent North London in the competition. It just meant Oliver would be seeing old teammates sooner than he'd been expecting and rather than swimming with them, he was competing against them. An interesting change.

No one else was paying any attention to the programmes Coach Jeffries had handed out. They were milling in the foyer of the leisure centre where the competition was being held, which was filled with teenagers each wearing their respective kit to mark out which club or team they were representing. Oliver himself was wearing the navy-and-pale-blue sports jacket which told everyone he was swimming for Woodway High School — the school's logo stitched over the breast pocket and his name, STERLING, printed across the back in white block letters. Oliver scanned the crowds for the familiar splash of red and yellow that were Hampstead's colours but he couldn't spot them.

"Check this out," Charlie said excitedly, scampering back from the vending machines he'd been checking out. Coach Jeffries had left them to go sign their team in at the reception. "Those vending machines have Cheetos! Spicy Cheetos, no less. I'm moving to London just for the vending machines with spicy Cheetos."

Dex eyed the packet in Charlie's hands. "Should you really be eating those now? It's just that we're going to have to swim in an hour..."

"Dex is right," Kessy said, snatching the crisps from Charlie before he could rip them open. "You're seriously going to eat this shit right before a meet?"

"They taste good! And you don't just get them in any vending machine!"

"Then eat them after the meet, dumbass."

"But I want to eat them now."

"I don't care if you want to become an astronaut. We're here to win and you certainly won't be doing that if you stuff yourself full of crap."

Oliver's attention wandered away from their predictable bickering and found Reed, who was standing a little way off from their group in a deep discussion with Bailey. Whatever they were talking about didn't seem to be a heartwarming making up over whatever had been the issue over the past two weeks — Bailey was frowning and even though Reed was facing away from him, there was a tense set to his shoulders. Oliver watched as Reed shook his head and Bailey gestured, the furrow between her eyebrows deepening, only for Reed to shake his head again. Neither of them looked happy at all.

"I think they're going to break up," a quiet voice said.

Oliver started, more out of guilt at openly watching than anything, and glanced over at Dex who had just addressed him. Oliver had never really spoken to Dex before, not properly — he was always there in the background, silent yet observant, but he rarely voiced his own thoughts. It was easy for someone as reserved and soft-spoken as Dex to fade into the background in the presence of people like Charlie and Kessy, so loudly brash. Now that he thought about it, Oliver didn't think he'd ever been alone with Dex long enough for the two of them to have a proper conversation.

"Really?" Oliver asked, but he wasn't surprised. He'd been suspecting the same thing for a while. "Why?"

"Just from what Bailey was telling me about it," Dex said, with a small shrug. "I just...I thought you would have known. I thought Reed would have said something to you."

"There's a lot Reed doesn't tell me about his life," Oliver said.

"But aren't you best friends?"

Dex clearly didn't ask it with any malicious intent, looking genuinely curious, but it felt a little like a jab anyway. Theywerebest friends – or they were supposed to be, anyway. There was a time Reed would have told him everything and Oliver wouldn't have hesitated to return the favour. That dynamic had shifted into something a little more uncertain and detached no matter how hard Oliver had tried to avoid it. Maybe it was inevitable, after they'd broken the boundaries of friendship with a kiss, to ever return to normal again. When Reed and Bailey rejoined their group, immediately separating from one another to make distance, Reed still didn't say anything about it to Oliver.

And Oliver still didn't ask.

It was Oliver's old swimming teammates who found him rather than the other way around. He was waiting on the poolside waiting for Woodway to be called to do warm-up laps in the pool when he heard someone call, "Oliver!" He wasn't the only one who turned around to see a familiar blonde-haired girl making her way towards him, grinning from ear-to-ear.

"Marcie," Oliver smiled, just as she pulled him into a hug. She was just as he remembered – tall for a girl, almost as tall as him, with her honey blonde hair cropped to her chin. "Long time no see."

"Since you ditchedus, you mean," she teased. "It must be, what, two months now? Three months? Too long, bitch. You need to text more. What are you doing here?"

Oliver glanced at where the others were watching the exchange with polite interest, about to explain he was swimming with a new team, when he saw the two people he had prayed he wouldn't have to run into when he saw Hampstead printed on the programme. Two people he had hoped to avoid for very different reasons. Ife Adeyemi, captain of Hampstead swim team, who had never particularly liked Oliver for what she called his "lazy attitude to swimming" just because he'd missed a couple of practices and treated all competing teams like they were some kind of enemy she had to defeat. Now that Oliver was onone of those competing teams, he couldn't imagine Ife would have anything friendly to say to him. She treated swimming like it was a life-or-death situation rather than just a sport.

Finley Abbott-Smith, on the other hand, was someone who would be a little toofriendly with him. When Oliver was fifteen, he started seriously questioning whether he might like guys too and he also moved up from his junior team to Hampstead Swim Club. That was where he'd met Finley who was in the year above and already had something of a reputation for hooking up with guys. One thing led to another and it was too easy for Oliver to end up fooling around with him, never anything official or serious, nothing but experimentation for Oliver and fun for Finley. The problem arose in that Oliver never felt as if he had any control in whatever it was between them – Finley would always be the one to decide a date and time to meet up, never at his place, always on his terms. Oliver had ended it, whatever it was, a year ago but it had still always felt like there was a strange power dynamic there. One which didn't favour Oliver.

"Sterling," Ife said, she came to a stop in front of him, as if his name was an infectious disease. Finley said nothing but smirked when Oliver met his gaze. "Found a new team to swim with, then? Just as well. You weren't good enough to stay with us."

Marcie made a sound of disbelief. "Oliver was one of our best swimmers, Ife."

"Talent isn't the only thing that matters, and it was always wasted on you," Ife said, her lip curling with disdain. "You always lacked any responsibility or commitment to swimming. I don't want anyone like that on my team."

Charlie's eyes widened in surprise at her less-than-friendly greeting and Reed scowled, looking like he wanted to say something, but Oliver put an arm out to stop him when he made as if to take a step forward. Oliver couldn't give less of a shit what Ife thought about him, hadn't while he had swum on a team with her and certainly not now. He didn't need Reed to get in any trouble for starting a fight on his account before they any of them had even touched the water. It wasn't worth it. Oliver ignored Ife in favour of Finley, who had been uncharacteristically quiet for this long.

"Aren't you supposed to be at uni?" Oliver asked.

"Nice to see you too, Oliver," Finley said, shaking his head in mock dismay. "Is that any way to greet an old flame?"

Oliver instantly regretted deciding to address him. This wasn't news to Marcie or Ife – everyone on the Hampstead team knew about the two of them, Finley was fairly obvious about it – but it certainly was to Oliver's new teammates. Reed, in particular, was suddenly looking at him as if hoping to pick apart every secret Oliver might be keeping with his gaze alone. Oliver didn't trust himself to look at Reed – he didn't want Finley to know he'd gotten to him and certainly didn't want to give him any ammunition to work with, like his feelings for Reed. Finley had always been irritatingly perceptive at spotting those things.

"You didn't answer the question," Oliver pointed out. "Don't tell me you didn't go to uni just to continue swimming with Hampstead."

Finley rolled his eyes. "Obviously not. I decided to stay in London, study at UCL. Why? Thinking about coming back? 'Cause I certainly won't be leaving if you do."

Ife huffed out an annoyed breath, as unimpressed by Finley's flirting as she always was, and Oliver found himself in agreement with her for once. "No," Oliver said shortly. "I'm not."

"Shame," Finley said, and winked. "You've been missed."

A loud buzzer sounded to signal the end of the ten-minute slot for the current swimmers in the pool and a voice over the speakers announced Hampstead Swim Club as the next group up for warm-up laps. "See you in the water," Ife said, slanting a look towards Oliver. Her dark eyes were anything but friendly. "Keep up if you can, Sterling."

Oliver smiled without much humour. "Let the best team win."

Finley shot Oliver another wink before following after Ife after she strode away but Marcie lingered, looking conflicted. "I'm sorry about them," she said, with an apologetic look. "They're just...well, you know how they are. Finley is relentless. I really want to stay and hear all about your new life up north, but I have to – "

"It's fine, Marc," Oliver assured her. "Go swim. We'll catch up later, okay? After we've gotten through this competition."

"We better. We're not all like that, I promise," Marcie said to the others, giving Oliver one last quick hug before hurrying to join her team already in the water. "And don't forget to text me, hoe!"

Oliver released a long breath at the somewhat stressful interaction and finally let himself look at Reed. There was a small frown on his lips, but the moment Oliver looked at him, he quickly schooled his expression into something neutral. Oliver couldn't really tell what he was thinking.

"Well." Kessy looked at him with raised eyebrows. "That was something else. I can't tell if your old teammates hate or like you."

"A mix of both, I'd say," Oliver said.

Charlie clapped him on the shoulder. "Well, it's safe to say you've got a better team here! We all like you, Oli."

"You know what, Charlie, you're not so bad yourself. Stop calling me Oli," Oliver continued, "and it'll be perfect."

Charlie just laughed. "No can do, Oli."

Reed didn't make any comment about the interaction until it was just two of them on the poolside, after the competition had begun. Charlie was taking part in the current heat, Kessy was chatting up a girl from another team, and Dex was in discussion with Bailey further away.Oliver sometimes forgot, because Dex was so quiet and he only ever saw Bailey with Reed, that they were probably closest with each other in terms of friendship. Reed and Oliver weren't talking about Hampstead, not at first – they were placing bets on who they thought would win each heat as the swimmers took their starting positions. It was total guesswork considering you couldn't tell who was the fastest from their appearance but an entertaining enough way to pass the time, a game they played all the time as kids.

"Seriously?" Oliver said in disbelief. "You think that girl's going to win because she has green hair?"

"It's a perfectly reasonable educated guess. If she's bold enough to dye all her hair green, she's bold enough to win the race. The green hair is clearly symbolic," Reed said, so solemnly that Oliver snorted a laugh. "A symbol of triumph."

"Okay, Shakespeare. I didn't realise you were the one taking English Lit here."

Reed shrugged expansively. "What can I say? It's a gift."

"Not a very good one," Oliver remarked, when the race came to a finish and the green-haired swimmer only came fifth. Oliver chuckled at Reed's disgruntled expression. "What was that about a symbol of triumph? For me, maybe."

Reed's mature response was to squirt him in the face with his water bottle. "Alright, asshole, don't get ahead of yourself. I'll nail the next prediction."

They both turned to scan the next eight swimmers that stepped up to the lanes for the men's 800m butterfly and Oliver spotted Finley among them immediately. Partly because he was hard to miss, with his honeyed good looks and confidence that always gave him a sense of presence that was impossible to ignore, and partly because he was already looking in Oliver's direction. He was too far away to see but Oliver could've sworn he winked. Again.

"Let's give your boyfriend a chance to prove himself. I'll bet on him," Reed said, having seen Finley too. Oliver searched for something mocking or rude in his tone and found only indifference he didn't believe for a second. "What's his name, Frank? Fred?"

"Finley. And he's not my boyfriend," Oliver said.

"Ex-boyfriend, then."

"No," Oliver frowned. "We never dated."

Whatever it was between the two of them, there was a mutual understanding that it would never stray into relationship territory. Oliver just needed something purely physical to confirm those unanswered questions he'd had for so long, not wanting feelings to make things more complicated, and Finley had serious commitment issues. He'd never actually said as much to Oliver, but he didn't need to. It was clear that he wasn't ready to be tied down to anything and it was why Finley was always the one calling the shots, always the one in control, so he could walk away before Oliver.

"You should tell him that," Reed said, just as the whistle sounded. The swimmers dove into the water with clean precision to the cheers and encouragement of the onlooking teams. Oliver watched Reed watch Finley. "He seems to think you did."

"We had a...thing," Oliver said carefully, struggling to find the right phrase. "We never dated, but Fin always liked to play mind games. He didn't know if I was out in Manchester but by calling me anold flame,he made it pretty clear that I wasn't straight. Even if I wasn't ready for my new team to know that yet."

"Asshole." To Oliver's surprise, Reed looked pissed off at that. Pissed off on hisbehalf. "Why the hell would you get involved with a prick like that?"

It was a simple matter of Oliver being too confused and curious to care much beyond the fact that Fin had been good looking, experienced, and there at the right time. It had been convenient and purely physical. For some reason, he was reluctant to voice his thoughts to Reed and found himself saying, "I don't know. He's a good swimmer," Oliver shrugged, just as the swimmers climbed out of the pool and the large electric board with the times displayed Finley as taking second place.

"A dickhead who can swim. What high standards you have," Reed said sarcastically.

Must be my type, Oliver thought, the irony that Reed could pass for that exact description he'd just given Finley not going unmissed on him. For a moment, he considered voicing that aloud just to see how Reed would react, and wished he was brave enough to do it. That Halloween party two weeks ago had been the start of a conversation touching on the unspoken feelings between the two of them but had been cut short, by Reed. Oliver had wanted to finish it countless times since then but he was scared to break the friendship they'd managed to rebuild in the silence, even if it was only built on blissful ignorance.

The conversation moved on and Oliver didn't think anything more of it until, ten minutes later, Reed asked out of nowhere, "So,areyou out? Just because you mentioned Finley not knowing if you were out in Manchester," he added, looking a little defensive and a little flustered, as if Oliver had questioned why he would ask. "I was just wondering, you know...for future reference."

Oliver had to think about it.. The concept of coming outhad always felt strange, that he had to at some point notify everyone in his life – or at least, everyone that mattered – that he was, in fact, into both girls and boys. Oliver had always been a naturally private person so for him, it had always been more important that he understand his own feelings before he started telling other people about those feelings. Once he was fairly secure in his own sexuality, once he'd addressed that confusion, he'd never given it any thought or cared much when the rest of the world would find out. Maybe that was weird, but it had always mattered more to Oliver what he thought of himself than what others thought.

Oliver's parents didn't know he was bisexual, not because he was hiding it from them but for the simple fact it had never come up in conversation. He couldn't imagine they'd have much of an issue with it and figured they'd found out about it if he ever brought a boyfriend home. And if he didn't...well, he could deal with that if it came. Sit them down and have the conversation he hadn't really thought about.

"I don't know. That game of Never Have I Ever basically outed me anyway, but I guess I am," Oliver said, with a shrug. "I don't care if people know I'm bi, but short of gathering every person in my life to make a general announcement, there isn't really any way to come out all at once. If there's a reason to mention it or someone asks, I'll say it. Otherwise, it's not necessary to know and no one else's business."

"Does Adam know?"

"I don't think so. I never told him," Oliver said, wondering not for the first time what their best friend's response would be to his sexuality. Whether he would have a problem with it. It was easy enough for Oliver to say he didn't care what other people thought about him when he hadn't actually come out to anyone who could be disgusted by it. "Does he know about the time we – "

"No," Reed said sharply. It was the first time either of them had brought it up since Halloween. "Let's keep it that way."

"Okay," Oliver said, even though that abrupt dismissal stung more than Oliver expected, even though he had been stupid to expect anything else. Regardless of whether Reed was in denial about his sexuality or he had just been drunk when he'd confessed to any kind of attraction he felt towards Oliver, he'd made his thoughts on the matter clear. Reed wanted nothing to do with him as more than a friend and Oliver was beginning to grow a little pathetic for not moving on. "We'll keep it that way."