November 2005

Aditya had been having trouble concentrating. The coach had told him to sit this day's match out after he had scored zero goals in the last two matches. He tried to reason with his coach but he wouldn't listen. He asked Aditya to stay away from the game until he had it all together but Aditya didn't know if that would ever be possible because the reason of his distraction wasn't something small or insignificant. It was Vikram.

Vikram had become every waking thought in Aditya's life and even when he was trying not to think about him, he was still thinking about him. Of late he had seen Vikram lurk around in the library, despite Vikram's best efforts to stay hidden. He didn't know why Vikram was doing that and he tried not to care but he still did.

That is why he found himself in the library every day, returning the books he hadn't even completed, just to see Vikram look at him through the books. It gave him a kind of comfort that he couldn't describe. He couldn't give Vikram anything else, but he could give him this.

Since the day after the kiss, Aditya had thrown himself into everything that he could- books, football, his work but nothing seemed to be working. As more days had passed, Aditya found himself being more lost than before.

After the incident in the clubroom, Aditya wondered for a long time if he'd done the right thing, telling Vikram that he didn't want to be friend with him because he wanted to be so much more. On several occasions, Aditya found himself walking towards the clubroom before his laps, wanting to find Vikram there and tell him that he was wrong, that he would take his words back, that Vikram could be anything he wanted to be with Aditya and he wouldn't complain as along as it meant they were together, but he snapped himself out of it every time.

He knew his own performance at the games had gone down, and he tried very hard to overcome it, but it was impossible. So when the coach told him to sit the match out, Aditya agreed even if he didn't want to because he didn't want Vikram watching him play like this.

So here he was, sitting in the library when the match was due to begin any minute now.

He loosely held a copy of Neil Gainman's American Gods in his hand, which he was halfway through with but his mind was somewhere else. It was on Vikram.

Aditya sat in one of the front rows of the library and he had specifically chosen this seat because it was geographically the farthest seat away from where Vikram usually sat. He wasn't sure what he had achieved by doing this because Vikram wasn't even there in the library. Yet, it sort of made sense in his brain because by sitting where he was, Aditya knew he was away and yet felt weirdly connected to Vikram.

A loud cheer from the field drew Aditya's attention and he finally closed the book he wasn't reading anyway. Getting up, Aditya walked to the windows on the left and looked out. The match had begun.

Aditya watched his school team play decently well and in less than ten minutes, they already had their first goal in. They seemed to be doing well without him and it made Aditya angry because he had told himself that they would lose if the coach didn't let him play. To see himself being proved wrong pinched a little.

He turned away, deciding to go back to his seat because he didn't want to watch the match any longer.

When Aditya reached his seat, he found a note on his table. Aditya was sure it wasn't there when he had gone to see the match.

Picking it up, he looked around to see who the owner was but the only person apart from him there was Mrs. Sengupta and he was pretty sure she wasn't the one to leave it.

Slowly, Aditya unfolded the note.

'Meet me in the clubroom' it said.

If it were a race, Aditya was sure he was going to win because he had never run so fast in his entire life. The moment he had seen the note, he knew it was from Vikram and he sprinted, not even thinking twice.

He hopped the stairs, multiple at a time and ran through the deserted hallway to find himself outside the clubroom.

Standing in front of the door, Aditya panted from the sudden running.

"Calm down." he told himself, exhaling a deep breath. His hand touched the doorknob and the metal felt cold against his skin. Once his breathing was controlled, he was ready.

He turned the knob and walked in.

Standing there, looking out the window, was none other than Vikram.

He slowly turned around and looked at Aditya. Vikram had his camera in his hand, which he had probably been using to take photos of the match that he had just come from. When he saw Aditya, he set the camera on the table carefully.

It seemed to Aditya that Vikram was waiting for something. But Aditya didn't know what it was.

"Hi." Aditya said slowly.

"Hi." Vikram replied.

Aditya let out an unexpected laugh. "Hi." he said again, not really sure what else to say.

"You said that already!"

Aditya had no idea what came over him but he rushed to Vikram and in the very next moment, he had his hand on the side of Vikram's face.

Vikram's breath hitched and his eyes grew wider. He thought Aditya would kiss him but he did not. Instead, he pressed his forehead against Vikram's and closed his eyes.

Aditya breathed Vikram in.

"Hi." Aditya said again, slowly opening his eyes and looking into the dark brown orbs of this freckled boy.

"H..." Vikram lost his voice for a second. "Hi." he said again.

Aditya smiled and something inside of Vikram melted.

"How do you always smell of lemons?" Aditya asked suddenly.

"D... detergent?" Vikram said innocently and Aditya launched into a laughter.

"Why aren't you at the match?" Vikram asked.

"Coach asked me to sit this one out"

"So why did you ask me to meet you here?"

Hearing this, Aditya took a step back from Vikram and looked at him in confusion.

"I didn't ask you to come here, you asked me."

"I didn't." Vikram said, "I got your note." he pulled a paper from his pocket.

"No, I got your note." Aditya said, pulling his note from his pocket.

Vikram stared at the note in Aditya's hand. "I didn't send that."

"And I didn't send that." he said, pointing to Vikram's note.

Vikram stared at Aditya for a second, wondering what had just happened.

And then it clicked him. "Fuck!" he said. "It was Ruvee."

"Whoa..." Aditya said, walking further away from Vikram. "Ruvee knows?" he asked, "About us?"

"Yeah." Vikram said, pursing his lips. "Well she doesn't know about... that." he said, unable to understand why he couldn't just say the word kiss.

"What did you tell her then?"

"Nothing." Vikram quickly said. "I just told her that we fought."

"And she just believed you and decided to put us together in one room?"

Fuck, Vikram thought. He didn't want Aditya to know that Ruvee was aware of the fact that he liked Aditya. "Her mind works in weird ways." Vikram said.

Aditya's face broke into a smile. "You know you're a very bad liar, right?"

Fucking hell. How was he going to convince Aditya to back off from this topic?

"I... I need to get back." Vikram said, grabbing his camera and turning around when Aditya grabbed him by the arms and spun his around.

"Vikram." he said in a whisper and walked closer. "What does Ruvee know?" he asked, leaning closer than he should.

Vikram was so lost in the moment that he forgot to respond.

"What does she know?" Aditya asked in a voice that only Vikram could hear.

Vikram swallowed a lump in his throat.

Aditya moved closer to Vikram's ears. "Does she know that it was you who had reached out to me out by the lake?"

A shiver ran down Vikram's entire body.

Slowly, Aditya moved down to Vikram's neck and Vikram felt his skin tingle under Aditya's warm breath. He closed his eyes.

"Does she know how your face flushes when I am this close to you?" Aditya asked.

Vikram's heart skipped. What was Aditya doing?

Moving to his jaw, Aditya hovered his lips so close that Vikram could feel it lightly graze against him. "Does she know how you react when I touch you?"

Vikram's knees were beginning to betray him. He tried to fight with every inch of strength in his body but Aditya was making it impossible.

If Vikram thought that was the end, he was wrong. Aditya turned towards Vikram, holding Vikram's face in his hands and lips less than an inch away from his own. "Does she know how wild your kisses are?" Aditya asked and Vikram found all his resolve crumbling like a sandcastle.

Vikram opened his eyes, slowly. Aditya was looking at him, waiting for something, anything, any reaction that would tell him that Vikram wanted this as much as Aditya did. Aditya was so close that all Vikram had to do was nudge himself a little and his lips would meet Aditya's.

Vikram's lips trembled and Aditya wanted to take them into his just to make them stop.

In that moment, Vikram thought of giving in, he thought of letting Aditya have what he wanted because Vikram wanted that too. He thought of Lyon and the streets lit by dim lights and of him, walking down the roads with Aditya's hand in his. He thought of the lake and the cool water running down his spine as Aditya watched him swim. In that moment, Vikram only thought of Aditya.

But thinking of Aditya soon followed with everything else.

An image of Kshitij suddenly flashed in Vikram's mind and he gasped, pulling himself away from Aditya and his reach. What was he doing? He had almost given into the temptation of kissing Aditya. He had told himself that it would never come to this. He had decided to ignore him, he had decided that they would be happier without each other and Vikram was about to break all of that.

A wave of panic ran through his body when he thought of the implications of this, what would happen when everyone found out, the people in the school, his teachers, his parents.

No, Vikram couldn't risk that.

He took a step away from Aditya.

"I am sorry." he said, realizing hitting him like an ocean wave. "I am sorry."

"Vikram." Aditya said, trying to reach out but Vikram turned around.

"I am sorry. I can't..." Vikram said, tears forming in his eyes, and in the very next moment, Vikram ran out of the clubroom.

This was torture. Vikram hated everything. How could he have been so weak? Why did Aditya make him so weak? Vikram thought of the kiss that almost happened. What if he had given in? What would have happened then? How would they keep this away from everyone? How long would this go on for until either of them realized that it was wrong from the very beginning? That it was something that shouldn't have ever started?

Many months ago, Vikram had told Aditya that beginnings were just as important as endings because without beginnings, the ends would never happen. If only he had known that it was the beginning of something so colloquially damaging, he wouldn't have taken the first step. If only he could turn back time, he would just let him and Shruti be.

But he knew he was only kidding himself. Even if he had a chance to go back, he would do the same things again, and again, and again until it became a habit because no matter what, Vikram didn't regret anything all that had happened between him and Aditya.

It had been a week since that day at the clubroom and Vikram had stopped going to the library when Aditya was there. He had stopped looking for ways to seek him actively. Vikram had found out that Aditya had gone back to playing matches, and Vikram had stopped. He didn't even want to watch him play through his lenses anymore because each time he looked at Aditya, Vikram felt a gaping hole in his heart that just refused to fill.

For a week Vikram had avoided everything until Ruvee pulled him out of his hiding and forced him to go to the match that day.

"Come on." Ruvee said, tugging at Vikram's hand as he sat in the clubroom. "The match is about to begin."

Vikram pulled his hand away. "I am still mad at you for pulling that stunt." he said in a huff.

"I am sorry." Ruvee said, "I just thought you guys would be able to figure it out if you just talked."

Vikram didn't say anything, neither did he look at her. Instead, he was busy reading something on photojournalism. What Kartik had told him really struck with Vikram, about the travelling and meeting new people and the more Vikram read about it, the more interested he got.

"Please Vikram." Ruvee said, pulling at his hand again. "I need new shots of the match."

"All matches are the same." Vikram hissed, "I've already given you enough photos."

"This is the last match of the season, the last match of our final year." she said with a pause. "It's the last match... Aditya will play in."

The words hit Vikram very hard. It indeed was Aditya's last match, shouldn't Vikram be there to see it?

Vikram shook his head. "I am not going."

"Vikram." Ruvee said, suddenly sounding very serious. "This article I write on the final match is my submission project for universities." she said. "It's the article that can get me into the program I want to take up. If you don't help me, I won't be able get in."

The absurdity of the situation was absolutely ridiculous to Vikram. "Are you really emotionally blackmailing me right now?"

Ruvee frowned and blinked innocently. "Please Vikram." she said, "My entire future depends on your presence at the football match."

Vikram exhaled. He knew if Ruvee wanted something, she would get it anyhow. There was no point in fighting because she could go on stating facts forever and eventually Vikram would have to give in. So why waste time?

"Fine." he said, getting up and Ruvee took his hand and pulled him towards the door. "But I am going because of you, nothing else."

"Sure." Ruvee said as they were halfway through the door. "Whatever helps you sleep at night."

Hearing this, Vikram tried to yank his hand free but goddamnit, Ruvee's grip was cage like.

The match started and Vikram looked anywhere but wherever Aditya was. If Aditya was on the left of the field, Vikram would look at the right side. If Aditya was on the right, Vikram would look on the left and if Aditya was in the center of the field, Vikram would look up at the sky for who knew what reason.

Vikram did everything he could to avoid Aditya but even then, his eyes would eventually find him, running, chasing the ball, saving it, passing it and then, he scored his first goal.

The crowd screamed and yelled because this was the first goal Aditya had scored since his streak of zero. But then, something wilder happened. He turned towards the crowd, right where Vikram was sitting with Ruvee and in the next moment, he waved his hand at them, smiling.

Everyone in the stands slowly turned towards Vikram.

Vikram stopped breathing. What was Aditya doing? Why was he waving at him so openly? Was he out of his mind? A wave of fear ran across him. Did he make Aditya lose his mind?

Vikram was about to lose his own shit when he saw that waving back at him, was Ruvee. Vikram breathed out as the panic escaped him slowly. So he was waving to Ruvee.

Wait... why was he waving to Ruvee?

The crowd, disinterested that it was Ruvee that Aditya was waving too, turned their focus on the match again.

The game went on and paused for half time. By then, their school had scored two goals and the visitors were one goal behind. The halftime ended and the game resumed. Vikram drew his camera and began taking shots. He couldn't help it so he decided to just fuck it and follow Aditya around.

They were now at 3-3. The other team was playing really well and Vikram wasn't sure if his school would win.

His eyes and camera followed Aditya as he glided through the field at superhuman speed and extraordinary skills. They were now 4-3 in the lead with only five minutes left on the clock.

Vikram waited with bated breath. Either Aditya would score another goal and guarantee them victory, or try to stall the other team, preventing them from taking the ball for the next five minutes to guarantee a win.

Aditya chose the first approach.

He dabbled the ball and passed it to Jaideep, another member in the team, who ran towards the goal with it. Aditya ran ahead as well. Half of the players from the other team were running after Jaideep and the other half after Aditya.

Jaideep passed the ball back to Aditya who was strategically placed in front of the goal as the players from the other team tried to stop him.

Just as Aditya was ready, someone from the other team managed to reach him and the moment Aditya's foot hit the ball, the other player's foot hit his. Aditya missed the shot but came crashing down to the ground with a big thud and then, the unthinkable happened.

The sudden impact jerked his body down with so much force that his head came crashing down to the hard ground.

The only thing Vikram remembered after that was his screams, Aditya's unmoving body, his tears, Ruvee's voice and the sound of the ambulance.