[Chapter 27]

"What is it about you people that whenever we go to a new timeline, you feel the need to pick up...strays?" Rip said as we walked back onto the Waverider.

"Nice. I didn't get to see it last time around," Hex said.

"Last time?" Ray asks.

"A long story, which we will not be telling," Rip said quickly, failing to hide his surprise.

"My coat suits you good," Hex comments

"What are you doing here, Jonah?" Rip asks.

"Collecting on a bounty, wetting my whistle, when your friends here got in a lot of trouble," Hex explains.

"We might've gotten into a barroom brawl back in town," Ray elaborates.

"Well, that was entirely predictable," Rip said, annoyed.

"One of them poured lead into a member of the Stillwater gang," Hex adds.

"Mr. Rory," Rip guesses.

"Snart, actually," Ray corrects.

"Oh, that was gonna be my next guess or Isabelle," Rip said sarcastically as I smirk.

"This guy tried to kill Grey. Snart saved him," Jax explains.

"And brought this town a whole lot of hell in the bargain. Those boys you were trading hands within the saloon... they're all members of the Stillwater gang," Hex explains.

"Why can't a gang ever be a bunch of good guys?" Ray mumbles, half to himself.

"Jeb Stillwater and his friends been raiding this town for the past three months. Stealing, robbing, killing," Hex continues.

"Well, he'll have to go through us," Ray says heroically.

"No, he won't. No doubt your... your little ruckus has already placed the timeline at risk, to say nothing of potentially alerting the Hunters to our presence here," Rip declines.

"Sounds like someone's planning on busting out of town again," Hex comments pointedly at Rip.

"Leaving already?" Mick asks gruffly, walking into the room.

"Look who's awake," I said smirking and Mick glared at me.

"You got lucky," Mick mutters.

"Whatever makes you sleep at night," I wink and Leonard growled annoyed as he watched our interaction.

"No. No. Look, this town is being terrorized by the Stillwater gang. And I aim to do something about it," Ray explains, ignoring our bantering.

"You 'aim to'? You getting all native on us, Haircut?" Mick asks, amused.

"Look, we signed on to this mission..." Ray starts to explain.

"To stop Vandal Savage," Rip interrupts.

"To be heroes. And saving a town from a marauding gang of criminals... that is what heroes do," Ray corrects.

"Quite a posse of saints you're riding along with nowadays," Hex said laughing. I saw Kendra walking towards us, before suddenly turning around and heading in the opposite direction.

"Hey. Bridge is, uh, that way," I said, following her. I was done with the hero talk for now.

"Yeah, I'm not going to the bridge. I'm, uh... Where am I going, Gideon?" Kendra asks, drawing up a blank.

"The valley you described is consistent with Albano Gulch," Gideon replies.

"Yeah, there," Kendra said.

"Okay, wait. Why?" I ask, furrowing my eyebrows.

"Back at the saloon, I ran into a woman, and she caused me to have more memory flashes, so... I think I might have known her in one of my past lives. And if so, she might be able to help me find Carter," Kendra explains quickly.

"So you're just gonna run out there and try and find her?" I ask.

"Actually, I was planning on flying," Kendra corrects.

"You want a partner in crime?" I offer.

"Why?" Kendra asks confused.

"I don't feel like playing hero," I say simply.

"You want to avoid Leonard," Kendra concluded.

"I never said that," I avoid Kendra's eyes.

"You basically just did right now."

"I did not," I scoff.

"Whatever makes you sleep at night," Kendra quotes me from earlier. "Okay, fine, you can come," Kendra agrees.

"But you're definitely not carrying me," I add quickly.

"How do you propose we get there?" Kendra asks.

I think for a moment, and then give Kendra a wide smile.

***

"You know, there's something weird going on with your face," Kendra jokes as we rode on horseback in the countryside.

"What?" I ask confusedly.

"You're smiling. Like a genuine smile. I didn't know you could do that," Kendra elaborates, amused.

"Don't tell anyone," I smile. "But I used to ride horses all the time in my old life. Before I was an Elemental."

"You never talk about your life before... you know," Kendra falls quiet.

"I never liked talking about my siblings or the times when I was happy. I never wanted to allow myself to be happy again."

"You felt like you were betraying your siblings because you were alive and happy while they are..." she trailed off again.

"Dead? Yeah, I guess I didn't want what they would never have again."

"You have to believe they are happy. They're at peace."

"But what if they are not?"

"Maybe they won't be at peace until you come to terms with their death."

"I don't think I'll ever get over it," I say.

Kendra shakes her head. "It's not about getting over it. It's about not letting it dictate your life anymore. You are given so many chances, your memory wiped clean so many times." Kendra says.

"Everything but their death," I reply.

"That's the only thing you remember when you wake up again because your subconscious won't let it go. That will always be the memory the drives your anger and pain. You have to accept they are gone and then move with your life. Always hold them in your heart but don't put your whole life and future on hold just because you are grieving," Kendra lectures. "Losing people sucks and hurts like hell, but they shouldn't control you. Not unless you let it."

I fall silent for a little while.

"When I was younger, I actually went horse-back riding with my dad. He taught me. It was our thing I guess. It's just all of this... it's so pure, so simple. I'd say I miss simple, but it's been so long since my life was simple that, I don't remember what it feels like," I say softly as we stopped.

"I know what you mean. I've been having more and more memory flashes lately, and I'm not entirely sure why," Kendra explains to me.

"Well, if this woman was a friend of yours in a past life, hopefully, she'll have another piece for your puzzle," I say.

"Look whose being optimistic," Kendra teases me and I roll my eyes.

"Which way?" I ask.

"There," Kendra pointed and we kept on riding. We soon arrived at a hut.

"I wonder why she lives alone all the way out here," Kendra curiously asks.

"Because... I value my privacy!" The woman shouted, pointing a gun at us.

"Wait, wait, wait," Kendra said frantically. "Don't you remember me... from the saloon back in Salvation?"

"I remembered you, you wigged-out little girl. If I'd wanted to talk to you then, I would have talked to you then. I ain't fixing to talk to you now. Now, get off my land!" She said to usrudely.

"Listen, we're not trying to start any trouble," I said calmly.

"Do you want that pretty little mouth of yours filled with lead?" She threatens me.

"You can try," I laugh, then turn to Kendra. "Your friend has a colorful personality."

"I ain't got friends. I keep to myself," The woman said.

"She's right. She wasn't my friend. I was her," Kendra said in realization.

We lit a fire and the old Kendra showed us a photo of her and old Carter.

"We sat for that picture at the county fair, 1830. He looked like such a gentleman," Old Kendra explains with love in her eyes.

"What was his name?" Kendra asks.

"Hannibal. Hannibal Hawkes," Old Kendra replies.

"And what happened?" Kendra questions.

"Was it Savage?" I ask.

"What is this?" Kendra asked pointing to a bracelet in the picture. "It looks familiar."

"That was ours in our first life," Old Kendra explains.

"I remember," Kendra said suddenly.

"We crossed with Savage in Jefferson City. He had it with him. We escaped with it and our lives," Old Kendra explains to me.

"Do you still have it?" Kendra asks.

"We lost it to bandits about a year later. We heard that the Pinkertons were after the same bandits, but we just..." Old Kendra stopped.

"Hey. What is it?" I asked Kendra while she looked deep in concentration.

"Objects present at the moment of my... our first death can be used to kill Savage. So, if I can get my hands on that bracelet, then..." Kendra starts but Old Kendra cut her off.

"You're going to try to kill Savage with a bracelet?" Old Kendra asks confused and then shakes her head. "You need to stop."

"Stop what?" Kendra asks.

"Fighting our destiny. Ain't destiny what brought you here?" Old Kendra asks.

"What part of destiny is she fighting?" I ask.

"All of it. We get reborn. We find Hannibal... Carter... then Savage finds us, and then we die. That's... that's the way it is. It's the way it's always gonna be," Old Kendra explains.

"I don't believe that," Kendra argues.

"Well, I have a few more years on you. You can't break the cycle. That's why I live out here, alone," Old Kendra says.

"For the rest of your life?" Kendra asks.

"Well, I guess I had to figure that out the hard way. I was still a young woman when Savage left me a widow. Instead of waiting for him to find me and kill me so that I could love myHannibal in the next life, I tried to find love in this one. Talk about a curse," Old Kendra muttered.

"What happened?" Kendra asked softly.

"He was a good man, but he wasn't a soul mate. It was like fate was trying to break us apart. Eventually, fate broke both our hearts. So I made a promise to myself that I wasn't gonnado that to a person again," Old Kendra explains as I looked at Kendra and knew she was thinking about Ray.

"I'm... I'm sorry to hear that," Kendra said.

"No, I'm who's sorry... to have to be the one to let you know that you're never going to be able to love anyone else, ever. How much do you know about our previous lives? I reckon not alot because you didn't recognize me, so let me tell you that we did love other men... loved them real and pure, but it never ended well, not ever. Tragedy or heartbreak... that's how italways ends if the man's not Carter," Old Kendra said firmly.

***

"You want to talk about it?" I asked Kendra as we got back to the Waverider.

"Not really," Kendra replies quietly.

"You don't have to listen to her, you know?" I said.

"Is this you not talking about it?" Kendra asks and I smirk.

"No. This is me ignoring you saying you don't want to talk about it. Look, I get it. Things may have gone very wrong for Old West you and whoever she loved who wasn't Carter," Isay.

"But?" Kendra prompt.

"But in Old West, you didn't know Ray Palmer. She didn't love Ray Palmer. You do. And you have to live your life. She already lived hers," I explain.

"So when are you going to talk to Leonard?" Kendra asks and I glare at her.

"You gave me unwanted advice so now I'm going to return the favor. I get it. You're pissed at Leonard for messing up your crappy plan of trying to save the timeline and screwing up the future. But his heart was in the right place. You're both are gonna be miserable until you talk to each other about it," Kendra said.

"Does this pretty face look miserable to you?" I ask, pointing to my face. Kendra rolled her eyes and smiles at me.

"Yes. Soman up and go do it," Kendra said motivatingly before walking off.

I groan in protest but I still walk through the Waverider, looking for Leonard. I found him with the rest of the team, minus Jax.

"What the hell did you guys do now?" I ask, slightly worried.

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