《Burnouts》Almost Always With You
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"Hello."
"Alison?" I say in surprise when I look away from the papers in my hand and see her standing at my table.
"What are you doing?" She invites herself to sit in the chair next to mine.
"Finishing up this poetry thing I had to do," I say casually and try to tuck the papers away where she can't see them.
"Oh," she says with calm excitement, "can I read it?"
"Um," I start to shake my head, "no."
"...you're still mad at me?" Alison says sadly.
"No, not at all, I promise. It's just...personal. I don't even like it, really. I think I'll rewrite it...something better."
"If it's personal then it probably doesn't get any better."
I give her a small, unconvinced smile. "So, what'd you come here for?"
She takes a deep breath and begins picking at her nails, "I need someone to talk to...and I don't feel like I have that with anyone...but I had that with you, before everything."
"What's wrong?"
"Do you ever think it's not worth it? Loving someone else?"
I laugh a bit to lighten the mood, "Alison Sinclair, aren't you the epitome of every romance movie ever made?"
"I want to be, but none of that is real. Married couples lying and sleeping with other people, that's real."
"...did something happen with your mom and dad?"
"No...well, yes, but that's not what I want to talk to you about," she sighs. "What Trevor did to me was awful, and I should hate him..."
"But you don't," I nod in understanding.
"I know it's what I'm supposed to do. I tried— I don't want to be pathetic, that's what Audrey would call me...and everyone else who knows."
"Ali," I say empathetically, "you're not pathetic. It's okay to want him, you don't lose feelings for someone overnight."
"That's why you gave Jace a second chance?"
"Well..." I sigh, "I don't know why I did that...I guess, I wanted to be in love with Jace because that felt normal...almost required."
"When did you realize you didn't love him anymore?"
"It wasn't him I was thinking about."
"Someone else?" Ali smirked.
"Not exactly...but the idea of being with someone else didn't seem so bad."
"I was infatuated with Ethan...but I really liked Trevor."
"You should tell him," I shrug.
"I don't know..."
"If you forgive him then that's between you and Trevor. It shouldn't matter what other people think," I reassure her, "No one should be ashamed of who they have feelings for."
Alison reaches over and wraps her arms around me. "I've missed you so much," she squeezes me tighter and I laugh in her embrace. "Let me walk you to class."
"Yeah, okay," I agree to her suggestion.
She stands up first and waits for me to gather all my things before following her out.
"Have you spoken to Audrey recently?" Alison asks when we reach the hall.
"Not that I can remember, why?"
"I haven't seen her today...or Trevor, and if you knew something you'd tell me, right?" She says in a serious tone.
"Right...and I'm pretty sure Audrey finds Trevor revolting, at least that's what she always says...plus, I saw Trevor this morning," I side-eye her sudden ferocity.
"Oh," she sighs in relief, "good."
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I almost start to laugh off the tension, but I lose my train of thought when I see Miss Carter pass us by.
"Ms. Carter!" I rush to her.
"Heather Blakely," she smiles, "Is this about the club meeting next week?"
"No, I finished the poem...it may need editing...or changes, but-"
"It will remain untouched," she graciously accepts the pages in my hands. "I can't wait to read it, and I can't thank you enough."
"I really hope it helps."
"Have a wonderful rest of the day, Heather," Miss Carter smiles brightly before returning to getting lost in the crowd of students.
"You changed your mind?" Alison comes up behind me.
"Taking my own advice, I guess..."
"Are you sure we can be out here?" I ask.
"Who's gonna stop us?" Evan smirks.
"I dunno...the football team?"
"It's not football season, babe," he chuckles. I glance back at him and quickly look away before he sees my stupid smile. "Did that make you happy?" He teases, "you like the cheesy pet names?"
I shrug sheepishly, "kind of, yeah."
"We should come up with our own then," Evan lays out on the field.
"How?" I lay down as well but opposite to him.
"Anything used less than babe will work. I can call you...snuggle bunny," he laughs, "or love bug...baby cakes?"
"Stop," I cringe and laugh with him as he lays hysterical on the grass.
"You try then," Evan says as he begins to catch his breath.
"Blue."
"Because of my shirt?" He looks down at his navy blue tee.
"Your eyes."
"That was fast," he tilted his head up to see me.
"I've always called you that in my head...I guess. It was a way to think about you...without thinking about you."
Evan went silent, and for a moment I was scared that I weirded him out. I almost opened my mouth to speak again...say I was kidding, but then I felt his hair brush over my forehead...and past my nose...until I felt his lips lightly touch over mine. He smiled subtly before finally kissing me. It was one of those upside-down kisses I see in movies...I always wondered if they felt as nice...they do.
"I like it...blue," Evan nodded. "Now I have to come up with something for you..."
"You can call me whatever you want," I say softly, my voice feeling the effects of how nervously happy I get when he's this close to me
"I'll call you..." his eyes look up as he starts to think, "mine."
"Stop," I smile and cover my face with my hands.
"You like that one too, huh?" Evan says slyly, "I'll save all the cheesy pet names for you."
"Okay," I breathe out.
He leans down to kiss me, "babe," he says as he pulls away, only to kiss me again seconds later, "baby," I start to smile into the third kiss and he mumbles against my lips, "all mine."
"There you are," Heather smiles when she sees me.
"Yeah," I nod indifferently.
"Do you have any plans?"
"Why?" I stuff my hands in my pockets.
"I just thought we could quiz each other for the test on Friday," she shrugged.
"I don't really feel like science today, butterfly." I never do, but I don't feel like pretending right now, especially when I can be with people who actually want me around.
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"Oh..." she says lowly, "that's okay...some other time then."
God, don't seem so sad...
"What're you going to do then? After school?" I ask because I want her to tell me she'll be having the time of her life with her clique I can't stand or even with one of those lacrosse-playing assholes.
"I'll probably just go home," she admits.
"What about your friends?" I furrow my eyebrows, "Don't you want to be with them?"
"I don't know...maybe later."
"Yeah, okay," I nod, "see you."
She sends me a small smile before turning to walk in the direction of the main doors.
I watch her...contemplating on asking her to leave with me instead of going home.
Fuck you, Heather, for making me care about whether or not you're happy.
"Or you can hang with us," I say loud enough to catch her attention.
"Us?"
"Danny and whoever else gets in the van," I say as I walk up to her, "we'll probably just go to Johnny's or something, they won't mind if you're there with me."
"Really?" Heather says with a smile.
Aw, she wants to go.
I chuckle, "yeah, come on," I bring my hand out for her to take and she does, though she probably wouldn't have if the halls were still crowded.
"Are you sure I'm not intruding? You don't have to do this to be nice."
"I don't ever do anything I don't want to do," I shake my head, "especially to be nice."
"...you're nice to me all the time."
"I know," I almost laugh at how she's questioning it.
I go out of my way to be nice to you, Heather, and we don't even have a connection?
So, why are you still holding my hand?
"You really had me waiting on you, Rylin?" Danny complains as he's sat on the hood of his van.
"You waited like what— 2 minutes?" I raise an eyebrow at him.
"2 minutes too many," he gets up to open the sliding backdoor for me and Heather.
"Thank you," she says politely as she climbs in, and he nods in response before looking over at me with the most annoying smirk on his face.
"Shut up," I shake my head as I feel my face heat up.
"I didn't say anything," he laughs and I playfully roll my eyes before shutting the door.
He gives me that same look whenever Heather walks by, glances at me, talks to me, or even exists anywhere near me now.
"Don't forget to put your seatbelt on," I say quietly to her so Danny doesn't tease.
She laughs lightly but begins to strap herself in anyway, "better?"
"Much," I say in amusement.
I hear the front door open and shut when Danny gets in, but I look up when I hear the passenger side open as well.
"What's up?" Jordan says to Danny as he hops in. He turns to us in the backseat, "...hey," he drags on in surprise at the sight of Heather.
"Hi," she says with a smile.
He furrows his eyebrows at her and then faces Danny again, "Angela is out of town for a week, I'm bored out of my mind."
"Empty house though," Danny shrugs.
"Not really, Matt's been crashing with us some nights."
"Why?" I cut in.
"He didn't say," Jordan shrugged, "and I didn't ask."
It's probably nothing...but Danny slept over my house a lot when his dad's drinking first started getting really bad. He was 12.
I know Matt, If something was wrong...he wouldn't tell us.
"Did he stay last night?"
"Yeah, he's probably still there. That come down is a bitch."
"Acid?"
"Molly," he answered
"Where'd he score that shit?" Danny chuckles.
"He bought like 10 pills," Jordan says proudly, "he's just partying."
"With what money?"
"Matt's no dealer..." Danny adds.
"He's got cash," Jordan shrugs, "maybe he is."
"I'll handle it," I say just to end the conversation. All the centrals already think we're a bunch of pushers, I don't want to prove them right, not Heather.
"Let's go get him and then grab something to eat. I'm fucking starving," Danny shifts the van's gears to drive.
Music starts to play and I glance over at Heather.
"Are you okay?" I lean over to ask her.
She gives me an unreadable facial expression before easing my worries with a smile as she laughed lightly and pushed my hair back, "I'm fine."
"Alright," I smile in response, "just making sure."
Heather playfully rolls her eyes and begins to nod along to the radio.
"Do you know this song?"
"Yeah," I answer.
"Do you like it?" She asks with a glimmer of hope.
"Sure," I chuckle, "why?"
"It's pretty."
"Pretty?" I scoff through laughter, "it's not a ballad. It's Gin Blossoms."
She gasps in fake offense, "listen to the lyrics," Heather insists.
I raise an eyebrow and smirk when she starts to sing with the song, so she takes my hand and forces me to dance with her.
"No," I complain as I laugh and make no efforts to pull away from her.
"Sing with me, Leo," Heather says while we dance.
"Absolutely not," I shake my head and continue to laugh at how stupid we must look back here.
"Come on," she urges, "you know the words."
I playfully roll my eyes...but sing because she wants me to.
Her eyes widen and her jaw drops at the fact that I'm actually doing this, but she quickly gathers her composure to join me.
I see Jordan steal a glance at us, and I can already hear all the shit he's going to give me after Heather leaves...but it's worth it for now.
The van comes to a stop, and Danny turns the radios off. "Remind me to never play music again when you two are here."
"Whatever," I laugh it off.
"Should I just go in and get him?" Jordan questions.
"No...I'm gonna go talk to him and then I'll bring him out." I unbuckle my seat belt. "You can stay here, butterfly, I won't be long, okay?" I say assuringly and she nods like she trusts me.
She should. I wouldn't leave her with Danny and Jordan if I thought they'd mess with her.
And I'd bring her with me if I thought that was what was best for both her and Matt...but I don't think so. Matt would close up and Heather would be uncomfortable.
"Yo," I say as I come through the door and see Matt sprawled out on the sofa. He doesn't even shuffle, so I take a pillow and throw it at him," Matt!"
"Mm," he grumbles.
"What's with you, man? Get up."
"Leo?" Matt says tiredly as he peels his face from off the cushion.
"Yeah, it's me," I sigh, "why'd you skip school? And why are you crashing here?"
"Why the third degree?" He laughs wryly.
"Because you're actin' all weird. There's something going on and I know it, so just tell me."
"You're off it," Matt shakes his head, "I'm all good."
"I don't believe you," I cross my arms.
"Well, what do you want me to do? Make up a problem?" He huffs.
"Or...you can answer my questions."
"I skipped because I wanted to sleep...and I'm here...to sleep," Matt glares at me.
"You're tired, is that it?" I say unconvinced.
He huffs again and I see his jaw is tightly clenched, "look...my brother's been on me about shit I don't want to deal with so I'm not at home, cool?"
"No, not cool. What shit?"
He sighs, "Spen's been giving me jobs."
"That's where all the money is coming from? You're pushing pills?"
"No," Matt says in annoyance, "I'm snatching radios out of cars. Spen has a guy, he sells them and I get part of the profit...I don't want to, but I have to."
"No, you don't. Tell him to fuck off before you get caught...or worse."
"If I don't do it, he'll do it alone...who's going to watch out for him if he's by himself?"
"That's not your job. He's older than you, he's supposed to be keeping you out of trouble."
"I know-"
"So, stop," I say sternly, "I'll handle it..."
"How?" Matt furrows his eyebrows.
"I'll figure it out," I shrug, "now get your stuff and meet us in the van."
"Thanks, man..." He says sincerely...though he doesn't have to thank me.
"Shut up," I laugh and toss another pillow at him.
"Hey," Matt smiles and waves toward the door before leaving the room to change and get his bag. I turn to see who his gesture was for and find Heather leaning against the door frame.
"How long were you standing there?" I ask once I let her in.
"A while," she says nonchalantly.
"He's not usually like that, you know? He's just having a hard time at home," I say in defense of what she might've heard.
"Okay," She nods, "I was going to stay in the van, but they got out to smoke and asked if I wanted one-"
"What?" I raise my eyebrows.
"I said no," Heather laughs at my reaction. "But then I heard a bit of shouting and arguing...and I didn't want to interrupt, I just wanted to see if you were okay."
I smirk down at her, "I'm fine."
"I know," she looks up at me.
"You were worried about me, butterfly?"
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