-Whistles (sometimes tunelessly)

-Bites his nails

-Makes a weird humming noise when concentrating on something

-Chews loudly at meals

-Cannot do even the simplest math problem and whines "I'm terrible at this" every single damn time

-Is obsessively neat and literally cannot sleep (or let you sleep) unless all his things are put away just so

-Finishes a container of food, then puts the empty container back in the fridge

-Forgets to put the cap back on toothpaste and shampoo bottles

-Doesn't tighten the lid on the mayonnaise jar

-Inhales his food like he hasn't eaten in days, and is a messy eater

-Forgets to put the clothes in the dryer after a wash cycle and lets them just mold in the washer

-Has a horribly juvenile sense of humor, a poop joke can have him crying with hysterics

-Is a light sleeper and startles awake at least 10 times a night

-Can hog the bathroom for hours (probably staring at his phone)

-Leaves his drinking glasses and coffee mugs around the house

-Refuses to use a towel more than once

-Will only use unscented deodorant and gets pissy if you forget and buy him something else

-Only remembers one line of a song and will sing it over and over, filling in the gaps with "la la la"

-Is a total grouch in the morning, although he never sleeps through his alarm

-He clears his throat a lot, and it totally bugs

-Is the type who will set his alarm two hours before he has to get up, then hits the snooze a dozen times

-His alarm is really loud and annoying, too

-Leaves the toilet seat up

-Farts in his sleep

-Wants to have sex at inopportune moments and pouts if you say no

-Spills coffee on all your books and dogears the pages

-Drinks too much and hiccups at like 100 decibels when he's super shitfaced

-Knows a smattering of several different languages and irritatingly throws random phrases into your conversations, thinking it sounds cool

-His chuckle is low and sexy, but when he really laughs, it's high-pitched and annoying as hell

-Insists on a certain brand of toilet paper that costs about three times as much as the generic kind

-Leaves exercise equipment such as kettlebells and hand weights around the house randomly, and you are always stubbing your toes on them

-Can't sleep unless the room is pitch black and about 40 degrees

-Does a full-body wax once a month and forces you to help him reach some of the harder spots

-Uses up all the hot water, every fucking morning

-Is prone to random fits of drama over stupid things like someone using his hairbrush

-Is really good at giving the silent treatment when he's pissed off

-Is addicted to peppermint gum and sometimes chomps it like a cow when he's stressed out

-When you are upset or have a problem, he says "Well, now, what are we going to do about this?" in the most condescending tone

-Worries about what his parents think too much and gets this unattractive look on his face whenever they call

-Is meticulous about clipping his toenails every Sunday and will do it in front of you

-Is the total king of mansplaining

-Does this annoying thing where he puts up one finger at you when you try to ask him a question while he's reading

-Will clean the entire kitchen...but won't do the dishes, he just stacks them in the sink until it overflows

-Draws out certain words when he's mad: "I said EX-PLIIIIIICIT-LY not to touch the papers on my desk, did I not make that CRYYYYYY-STAL clear?"

-Cannot handle thumping bass beats and will threaten to shoot up an entire house party on your street if the music goes past 10 p.m.

-Leaves piles of dirty clothes all around the room

-Calls you indescribably rude names in his language when he's pissed off, which he thinks you don't understand but you actually do

-Grunts when he works out like a meathead

-Has a strange bedtime ritual where he walks around the bedroom five times and does several sets of calf raises with his eyes closed. Refuses to tell you why he does this but nobody sleeps until he's finished

-Asks you to buy bananas and avocados, then doesn't eat them, and they go brown

-Makes a loud gagging noise, almost like throwing up, when he brushes his teeth in the morning

-Uses British spelling for common English words ("colour," "grey," etc.) for no known reason

-Makes a total mess in the kitchen every time he cooks dinner, and never lifts a finger to clean up

-He can't hold his liquor

-Gets a little too handsy with your girl friends sometimes, then acts innocently put out when you are angry

-Uses the word "folks" too much: "Hey folks!" "What's up, folks?"

-Snores loudly when sleeping on his back, and smacks you when you try to roll him over on his side