Oh, just sittin' around on a Friday afternoon, sipping a glass of wine and browsing HxH fanfics, when what to my surprise?

I stumbled across an ILLUFEI fic. Now, given the fact that I'm writing the definitive theory of Feitan actually being a Zoldyck (see: THE LOST BROTHER), I can tell you that I gave a little yelp of uhhhh...oh dear! That just didn't sit right with me!

After I calmed down a bit, though, I poured myself another glass of wine and decided what could be a better topic for this headcanons book than to RATE THE PROS AND CONS OF ALL COMMON HXH SHIPS?

Let's dive in! Anchors aweigh! Feel free to weigh in--I hope you do!

(As a disclaimer: I don't hate on any shippers. You like it, fine with me! But I will give my personal opinion!)

-The two most adorable characters in the series. Together! Squee!

-They seem to have genuine, non-toxic affection for each other

-They're in 8th grade

-That's not terrible in and of itself--I mean, at least they are the same age

-I'd like to think this ship has longevity due to their compatibility, but seriously, think about who you liked in 8th grade. Can you imagine yourself with them now? How about at age 40, arguing about who drives the kids to school and shit?

-Fodder for long interesting discussions about the subtleties and distinctions of kinks and what actually turns someone on

-Come on. Use your imagination

-Largely portrayed as cute and wholesome

-They make cute mom and dad figures

-Sunshiny and positive in most fics I've read

-Easy to incorporate Gon and Killua as bit players for maximum feel-good

-No tension

-Shock factor

-Good-looking

-Sexy AF

-Oozes tension

-I actually think that Chrollo--just his personality type--would be one of the few people Kurapika would be able to successfully open up to on both an intellectual and emotional level

-The age gap is unremarkable, so stop trying to make a big deal out of it

-Disturbing if you look at it from a particular angle, which unfortunately is the most obvious angle

-Shit, seriously, I make fun of them, but these two really are perfect together

-Canonically engaged

-This is the only Hisoka ship that is not really unsettling in any way, because these two freaks match each other precisely in terms of fucked-uppedness

-Same age (roughly)

-On a strictly visual level, they look super cool next to each other

-Hisoka canonically sniffs around and makes inappropriate comments about Illumi's brothers and, of course, is a little too focused on Gon

-They don't actually have any genuine heated moments with each other; even their engagement is businesslike

-They also look way cool next to each other (I will elaborate on this shortly)

-Tons of built-in canonical excitement (Phantom Troupe shenanigans, the ultimate death match)

-Same age (roughly)

-They want to kill each other

-Toxic, dude

-He canonically expresses actual interest in her

-She seems able to handle his brand of bullshit

-She is unofficially (in terms of canon) a lesbian

-Aside from that, she simply doesn't like him

-My personal favorite, so we could stop right there (haha)

-No, seriously, they are the two hottest characters in HxH

-Who doesn't want to imagine the two hottest characters getting it on?

-They are similar in that they both are dedicated to an entity at the expense of their individuality

-Everyone looks fantastic standing next to Chrollo (Kurapika, Hisoka, etc.) and Illumi is already pretty as heck, so this is just gold

-Nobody likes this ship except me

-They don't canonically interact much and when they do, there is admittedly really not much there

-Potentially iffy social/class dynamics (Chrollo is self-made from a terrible background, Illumi is a silver-spoon wealthy kid)

-This is really the only popular Feitan ship that exists

-There are some minor Chrollo incidents, which I prefer, but I haven't read up enough on it to have an opinion on those two together

-Why Phinks, for crying out loud?