A/N: It's been a long time. I had some extra chapters but I couldn't write them. I figured that instead of leaving it forever empty, to do what's time. This is the end. It's been one hell of a ride. This story was my diary as a teenager and it helped me cope with the pains of high school, the hardship of young queer romance/difficult crushes, the death of my friend, and the anxiety of friends and growing up. All these stories, conversations, events, are true. This was my life and was Frank. I started as a sophomore and junior in high school and well... I'm starting my senior year of college in two weeks. I have met some wonderful friends along the way. It's been... coming up 6 years now. This chapter, this story, this is for Hudson. She gave me the last I needed to finish. I'm in a much better place, I'm an adult now... weird. But feels right. High school is long past me and so is my MCR phase. This is the final chapter of that part of my life as well. But the friends I've made, Julia, Hudson. You are with me in the next ones we have together... As I used to say as a 15-year-old... Keep running and stay limitless

Life has a habit of flying by. They say the older you get, the faster it passes. I'm not looking forward to being older and years pass without noticing and hours are the new seconds. Time is cruel in the sense there's never enough. That you never know when goodbyes are the last ones. When being in a place may be the last place you have been in. How one minute, you're on top of the world, on cloud nine, invincible. The next you're at rock bottom, in the worst part of your life, suffering.

That's another funny thing about time. It gets easier to manage the longer you've been around. A year and a half ago, I went through what was the worst thing in my life. One of my best friends died and the love of my life was almost lost too. It put in a perception. Days with a 64% on a test, times where I got 3 hours of sleep and having a cold used to be bad days. Days where my parents fought and I felt helpless and alone used to be my worst days. But I've grown and felt a new level of agonizing. I know there will be more bad days ahead of me but not everything will be the worst I've already been through. I also know that I have more tragedies ahead of me. Going to college will be fun but scary.

My parents went to therapy last Christmas and it's finally been okay. They separated for some time but assorted their trauma. I never would have believed I would come home every day with my parents laughing and. being happy together. Days where I felt I could bring friends over for dinner and not stress. They actually let me have a birthday party there. They meet Gerard. They were very supportive of me being gay and in a healthy relationship. I am glad things have healed over. But now I'm scared to leave them. My parents are old and I didn't spend a lot of my life, my childhood, with them. Most of it wasn't my fault and they admitted it. But now things are more noticeable.

I can see the grey growing abundant in their hair, the wrinkles in their skin, that they get tired a lot. I'm worried about the tragedy that one day, my parents will pass away and I will have to endure the loss of loved ones again. I wish I could say I will never feel the day I did the day we lost Amelia. But unfortunately, it's a part of life. It's impossible.

The thing about losing a loved one is that it meant you loved them/ I loved Amelia fiercely. She was my friend and it hurt. But I got to have a friend like her. I would rather have the pain of losing her than have never known her. Without a doubt.

Last year on her birthday, we all got together for a party. We played her favorite songs, watched a movie she loved, Sky High. Jenna talked about how disappointing high school was for her because we didn't have superpowers. We all ordered pizza too and talked. Cried. Laughed. We still miss her but moving on doesn't mean being forgotten.

Now that we graduated and summer is over, times are weird. I don't know where or when, but somewhere along the line we fell out with some of our friends. Brendon and Sarah are still together but they hang out with other crowds now. Gerard still talks with him now and then but with different schedules senior year and him committed to voice lessons, we didn't see each other as much. Hayley too stuck around with Brendon and not so much us. Patrick transferred schools to get college credit and we really tried keeping in touch be he stopped trying on his end. It reminded me of my "friends" back in New Jersey and I gave up first. But Gerard, Cody, Jenna, and I stayed close.

Of course, Hayley, Brendon, Sarah, and the rest of each other met up for graduation. We got dinner, caught up, talked. It felt good. But with us going to college, I knew that would be the last time seeing them. It's weird... Knowing it's the past tense while in the present. I don't know if that's worse than not knowing. I can't imagine how Gerard did it.

It was four months ago when Mikey passed away. Gerard knew it was coming. We knew. His whole family knew. He had been in therapy ever since his accident to help cope. But then he transferred to deal with the grief of knowing his baby brother would die. I tried to be there for him but a lot of it involved letting him have time with Mikey while he had it. I was on the phone a lot of late nights listening to him cry or trying to distract him. It hurt but I was there for him.

The week after his funeral, My parents invited him with us for a weekend vacation. They insisted it was business and wanted with son's boyfriend to come with but I know my parents just wanted to help Gerard get out of the house. It wasn't as fun as a hotel resort sounded. Lots of both of us crying, watching sitcoms to distract and more crying.

It's not easy being a kid. Adults give us so much shit for having it easy but we don't. And not even talking about the typical how hard high school is, being well rounded, trying to sleep, having a job, trying to get into college. Tha adds on but that's not what's hard. Every day, you're fighting a war and you feel like you're losing. I knew so many people trying to do everything to stay alive, to show up, to make it to the next day, and not kill themselves. There were times I myself wasn't sure if I could. People died. Amelia. There were a couple of other deaths from car accidents and another cancer death. I didn't know those people but I had a class with some who did. And I saw the devastation they had. The devastation I knew all too well.

Being 17 is a war. Trying to stay alive, to see it all make sense, to find happiness. It's hard. Being a teenager is not the glory it looks like anywhere. It's one of the worst parts of my life. I'm going to be 19 in a few months but 19 is sure as hell better than 17. And I've heard 22 is better than 19 and 30 is better than all your 20s. However, I will not rush to grow up because time passes fast enough. I'm going to college in a week. Gerard is leaving tomorrow.

Gerard is flying to new york to Brendon. They're both going to the same fine arts school. Gerard found his connection to art again. On my 18th birthday, I went to a tattoo place and got a sleeve of a galaxy on my arm. The one he had painted a long time ago. When he was still healing and giving up on art. I know people told me not to get one with meaning to a relationship but it's a beautiful galaxy. And god forbid, anything does happen with Gerard and me, I'm happy knowing it inspired someone to go after their passion.

Gerard spent a lot of time in physical therapy. After 6 months, he finally was able to get the shaking under control and resume drawing. He cried with happiness when he made it that far. Unforntiually, his leg is permanently damaged. He still wears the leg brace but he doesn't need a crutch. He's grown comfortable with his brace though. He jokes about how it got him some scholarships and he feels like a cyborg.

Having a brace has made some things harder but I'm so happy he's the Gerard I know. He's not the same. He will never be the same boy I first fell in love with. That boy didn't see death, didn't lose his best friend before his eyes, didn't watch his baby brother die. That boy could run and never knew pain the one he does now. That boy also was afraid to love. Gerard and I started to date after we finished our Second Hand Lions movie night. He kissed me again and we just held each other. We've come a long way since then. His mood swings and emotional injuries have healed. The trauma still lives in him but who doesn't have to carry trauma at some point?

Gerard and I changed our anniversary date to March 23rd. It was too painful to make it the day of the accident. But that was when our real relationship came out. We told the others and they were overjoyed. They were so excited and happy. I wish I got to tell Amelia but I know she's smiling down on us.

Cody was so happy for us. He hasn't dated since and I don't blame him. He's still in therapy but he's a lot brighter. He was captain of the hockey team senior year. He actually got a hockey scholarship to Madison Wisconsin. He's learning forensic science. Jenna is also planning on going out there with him. She's taking a gap year. Everything's still been hard for her and she feels she can heal better out of school. She'll try college once she's better.

Because they're going to Wisconsin, their family is moving. They're sold the house and they're starting the move-out process. It's been really emotional. They loved their house so much, so many memories. But they have a beautiful one ready in Wisconsin. It's a lake house and near Cody's school. They'll still have their own room and hobby room too. I saw it when they were there and face timing me. I plan to visit for Thanksgiving break.

It's been really painful knowing my friends are leaving but I have a lot of plans ready too. I ended up taking the accelerated math class and the tutoring math gig. I actually fell in love with it. As much as I love music and songwriting, hobbies aren't always meant to be careers. I got a 35 on my ACT and it landed me nearly a full ride to Malibu. I'm going to be a math teacher so I guess I didn't hate high school that much. Hopefully somewhere when I'm teaching, I can be understanding for my students. Because I get it. Being a teenager is a war and you're fighting for your life. I never want a math test to be someone's breaking point.

The four of us hung out for the last time. It was a bittersweet time at Gerard's house. Jenna and Cody left and it was Gerard and I once again left on his couch.

"I can't believe we're at the end already," I say.

Gerard propped his leg on the coffee table and adjusted his brace. "I haven't processed that I'm leaving tomorrow. It hasn't hit me. I still haven't believed we're really not going back to Cody and Jenna's house."

"I know. There are so many memories. Hide and seek."

"God! Hide and seek was always epic," he laughs. "Even being disabled, I still whooped your ass."

I laugh and roll my eyes. "I don' know how to fucking do that. And you can't even bend one of your legs all the way! How do you manage to find nooks to crawl into!"

He shrugs. "I'm just gifted. God gave me a brace because I was getting too good. You didn't stand a chance anymore."

I shake my head and rest against his shoulder. It's quiet and I can hear the soft strum of his heartbeat. "I'm going to miss you like crazy," I whisper.

His fingers find their way to my hair. "I'm going to miss you too. I promise to call you never day."

I nod. "I know that... sometimes things get busy and you might not be able to but I'm going to try and-"

"Frank," he says, "I don't want you to worry the last time we have before I go." I can feel my cheeks get hot and he slides his fingers down to my arm. He traces over my tattoo. "You have given me so much. You reminded me who I was. You were there for me so much. You have been the eye to the storm that's crashing around me. You aren't getting away from being that easy." His lips press against my temple and I ease.

"I love you, you know that?" I say.

He tilts his head back. "Hmmm, this is news to me. I don't think you've mentioned." I elbow him and he laughs. I'm going to miss his laugh. His warmth. His touch. "I love you, too," he says. His fingers idle back and forth. "Look, I know I'm leaving early tomorrow but would you want to stay the night?"

"Is that even a question? Of course," I say, wrapping my arms around him. He laughs and I just hold him. "When are your parents coming home?"

He glances at his watch. "They got a few more hours of work," he says. Gerard never forgave his parents for how they treated him. He hates his mom still but he keeps it to himself. His dad and he are rocky because he expects Gerard to move on. But how do you move on from someone wanting to pull the plug on you? He thinks his parents have no idea how he feels about him. I honestly believe that because they aren't around enough to know. There's a reason he's flying across the country and there's also a reason Brendon's family is taking him.

"We got some time then alone," I sigh. I am glad to have my boyfriend to myself. Especially with how shitty his parents are.

Gerard raises an eyebrow. "Oh? You like that we have the house to ourselves?" He smirks and my heart drops.

"Wait, no-no, I didn't mean it like that," I sit up. He catches my collar and smiles at me with hooded eyes. I catch my breath.

"Oh, Frankie, don't play innocent," he teases. He pulls me in and our lips crash together. My eyes melt shut as he kisses me deeply. "You know this brace doesn't stop me," he murmurs against my lips. He pulls away and looks into my eyes, checking me over. I smile and he smiles back. He leans in and kisses my neck. "I can give you one hell of a goodbye."

I keep my eyes closed as his lips drag to my collarbone. "I don't want this to be goodbye," I manage to get out.

Gerard looks up at me and smiles. "Then how about I give you something that will last until we see each other again." I look at him and nod. Gerard was planning on flying back for labor day to see me. I would then see him again for Columbus day.

Gerard gripping my hips and adjusts me on the couch. I gasp as I slide down and he smiles above me. "You're a beautiful mess," I say.

Gerard's unbuttoning my shirt. "And I've like to make a beautiful mess out of you." I turn my head away blushing and he catches my chin. "Don't look away. I want to see your face as I ruin you."

"Gerard."

"Yes, love?"

I stare at him and he fiddles his hands at my jeans. "Nothing, I love you."

He cracks a grin and he runs his tongue down my stomach. I shiver and gasp out. The excitement burns as his mouth trails down.

Gerard and I moved to his bedroom. He has a TV in his room now and he flicks through his options. We lay against each other under the blanket of his bed. His parents are coming home soon but his door is shut. We haven't gotten dressed yet but our clothes are hidden under his bed just in case. I feel his skin pressed against mine and I never want it to end. Our legs are tangled and arms wrapped around one another. His brace is also under the bed and I'm very careful about moving him.

Gerard idlely stokes my hair while he scrolls with the remote in his other. "What do you want to watch?" He asks. "Want something loud to hide the fact we'll have rough two?"

I blush and look at him. "You... you seriously have energy for more?" He laughs and I shake my head. "I am tired, babe. You... wear me out."

"I'm honored," he says. He pulls the blanket back up to our necks. "Oh, how about Stardust?"

I look at the cover. "Oh, we've seen that one before, right?" I ask.

"It was the movie we watched when I fell in love with you," he whispers.

"Then absolutely." I kiss his cheek and he cuddles me close.

I adored the movie still. The romance, the noble princes, the pirates, the witches. The unconditional love. The beautiful ending of it all. The narrator begins. "A philosopher once asked, 'Are we human because we gaze at the stars, or do we gaze at them because we are human?'"

"Gerard," I whisper. "When we're not together, I just. I want you to know that I don't want to lose you."

He looks at me and cups my cheeks. "Hey, Frankie-"

"No, I know I'm being anxious but... I'm worried we're going to grow apart. And I don't want it to happen but I also don't want to hold you back. You're going to be in New York and I just..." I look at him and he kisses my cheek. "I'm sorry."

"No, don't apologize," he says. He brushes my hair out of my face. "You might be right. And I don't want us to break up either. But we'll try out long-distance and we'll make it work as best we can." He looks into my eyes and I feel safe instead. After all this time, I still get butterflies from his eyes. "Maybe I'm hopeless, maybe I'm love struck but..." He looks at the movie and smiles. "As Yvaine says, I would give you my heart, only in exchange for yours."

He blushes and feels my eyes water. His thumb reaches up and wipes them away. "I'd give you my heart but it's a bit hopeless right now."

He smiles back. "Well, I'd take your so-called hopeless heart and refill it with hope. Just the way you did with mine." He kisses me and I let the moment last.