《Give Me All Your Hopeless Hearts // Frerard》December 4th
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As I head down the hall to check in for study, Hayley calls after me. "Frank, Frank!" I stop, turning around. She flashes a smile and jogs over to me. "Hey, man. You got a minute before you have to go?"
"I got like 10 minutes, to be honest," I say, glancing at the clock on the wall. "What's up?"
She smiles at me. "So I was gonna have some people over on Saturday, you think you'd be available?"
"Oh, yeah, I think that'd be great, what time?"
She thinks back. "Uh, around after 3, does that work?" I give her a nod. "Super. Cody, Jenna, and Amelia are busy so they won't be going."
"What are they doing?" I ask.
"Oh, well, Cody's got a hockey game and Amelia promised to go with Jenna to go see him."
"Alright, and the others?"
"Everyone else probably can, Patrick is a maybe but most likely."
"Awesome," I say. I see Brendon walking briskly toward the room with his earbuds in. "Hey, man," I say, giving a wave at his direction. He doesn't respond, taking a moment before realizing it's me than giving a quick smile. He hustles into the room.
Hayley looks at me. "That was weird-" She stops when she sees Audrey walk down the hall looking rather pissed. "El Diablo," she mutters under her breath, which I'm pretty certain that means the Devil in Spanish. Hayley and I turn around and walk into the classroom.
Brendon's sitting in his seat, resting his arms on his desk. "Hey, you good, man?" I ask, walking closer to him with Hayley.
"Yeah, I'm good," he says. "Just...irritated."
Hayley doesn't say anything. I know the subject has been known to be on thin ice between the two of them before, especially because Audrey is convinced Hayley wants Brendon to date, which literally isn't the case. I know things have eased up between them but it's still weary. "You want to talk about it?" I ask him.
He gives out a heavy sigh. "I got mad at her and she's mad at me for being mad at her," he says, narrowing his eyes.
"What?" Hayley blurts out. "How does that work."
"Exactly," he mutters, nodding in her direction. He lets out a frustrated groan and proceeds to go on a rant. "I told her I couldn't hang out today because I was planning on working on my projects for finals. I have to record my song since I just finished writing it last night, and I've never played it all the way through. And have to do my lab for science. Then she suggested on coming to my place and said I could do my homework while she was there and like, I don't really want to be recording when there's someone in the house. It's just weird. I tried explaining that to her but then she said she wanted to hear me play the song and I don't really want to perform in front of an audience. So I got angry she wouldn't take no for an answer and then she turned it into her being mad at me for...being mad at her? Apparently, I'm not allowed to be pissed, only she can."
He rests his arms on the desk and just stares straight ahead. "Have you ever been mad at her before, like to her face?" I ask. I worded that terribly but he still gets the point.
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"Honestly, I don't think so," he says, "and she probably doesn't like it," he mutters. "I just got fed up so I walked away. Except she doesn't know where my classes are since I walk her to her classes, she's never been to mine."
"Honestly," Hayley says softly, "I think she didn't like that she wasn't in authority position. You were mad at her and the only way to top that is to be mad at you for being mad, kind of like she's in charge."
Brendon says his head. "You're probably right," he finally says.
"When do you see her again?" Hayley asks.
Brendon pauses for a moment. "I mean, I don't have to," he says. "I don't know, I'm just tired of her attitude. I know she hasn't changed, she's always been this way, I'm just not dealing with it anymore. And she think's I'm turning into someone I'm not, which was a whole different dispute I don't even want to get into," he groans when warning bell rings. Brendon looks at me. "Do you have to go to art? I don't wanna keep you waiting."
"Oh, you're fine. But yeah, I should probably start heading down now," I say. "I'll see you next period," I tell them both, signing out and then walking down to art.
When I walk into art, the others are already bubbling. "Hey, guys," I say, taking a seat between Gerard and Jenna.
Jenna is moping on Lynn's arm and Lynn is kind of ignoring her, continuing to paint her project. "Hey, man, did you fill everything out on the forms?" Cody asks.
"Uh, yeah. I got it done last night, my dad came home relatively early," I say.
Gerard looks at Cody. "I mean, that's four of us," Gee says.
"What's up?"
"Well, I got my stuff and so does Gerard," Cody says, "and Brendon told me this morning he got it done too. So technically we can all be roommates."
"Then we can turn it in our stuff today," I say. I glance over at Jenna. "You good?"
"She's fine," Lynn says.
"No," she whines. "Lynn can't go."
Lynn sighs at her. "You know I literally said that would probably be the case."
"Yeah, but still. And Hayley's not going either."
Jenna sits up but Lynn pouts. "No, come back," she whispers. Jenna smiles and leans back down on her arm. "But you guys will be together, and you can pick someone else, it's at least not going to be random."
Cody lets out a groan, setting down his brush. Gerard glances at him. "Dude," he whispers. There's paint dripping down his arms. "I can't believe you've done this," he says in a British accent.
Cody looks at him and snickers. "Adam," he sighs, getting up and walking away.
"Vines are literally dead," Lynn whispers, throwing a paper towel at Cody. "Clean yourself up before you keep making a mess."
"Eck, too late," he says. I look away for half a second and now there's blue over his arm. "I'm not even using blue! Where did this come from?" Cody gets up and trudges over to the sink in the back of the room.
Lynn giggles softly to herself while Jenna just rolls her eyes. "Sometimes, I wonder about him," she says, sitting up. "Anyways..."
There's a small silence as we wait for her to continue. "Anyways what?" Gerard asks.
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"Huh, good question," Jenna says, looking slightly confused.
"Okay, that came off easier than anticipated," Cody says, walking back over and taking a seat in his chair. He didn't even go to the sinks, he just wiped it on the paper towel.
"Oh, Cody," I remember. He glances up at me. I pause, noticing that he just smeared blue back on his arm somehow but I don't say anything or I'll lose my train of thought. "Uh, I finished your song, if you want to record, just let me know when it works for you..."
Cody's face lights up and a smile glows. "Really? Thanks, that's awesome, well, I'm not doing anything tonight, are you?"
I give a shrug. "No, I don't really have anything. You want to do it today?"
"Totally," he says. "You can come over after school."
"Awesome," I say. Suddenly, Gerard starts laughing, leaning forward and covering his face with his hand. The rest of us glance at him, make eye contact with each other while shrugging, then resume glaring at him. "Gee, you good?"
"It's not even funny," he laughs to himself, glancing up. "Cody." Gerard points to his arm.
I smirk myself as Cody looks at him confused then frustration dropping on his face. "I'm turning into a smurf," he mutters, getting up and marching to the sink.
After math class, I walk out with Amelia. I'm still trying to get her to say more about her and Cody but I don't really want to be harping on the topic. Otherwise, it will seem suspicious. I head out with the others, it's becoming a little colder than usual California weather. I have a jacket with me, well, more than a jacket. It's an actual coat with a hood. Jenna and Cody have one. Amelia's just wearing her hoodie but I can tell in the parking lot she's trying to get in the car faster. "Frank, you coming over?" Cody asks, getting in the car.
"I got to grab my guitar at home," I say, buckling up.
"Isn't it at school for guitar?" Jenna asks.
"No, that's the old one that I don't mind leaving in a building where the temperatures fluctuate. Mine at home is much nicer and has better sound. You want the acoustic, right?"
"Yeah," he says. "Gerard, you coming over too?" he asks.
Gerard sets his backpack down on the floor in front of him. "Uh, I don't think so," he says. "You can drop me off when Frank goes to grab his guitar."
"What, you really can't stay?" I tease. Granted I kind of mean it.
He doesn't say anything for a moment. "I don't know," he mutters. "Just drop me off at home, then I can drive over to your place myself because I don't know how long I should stay and I can go home when I need to."
"Okay, whatever works best," Cody says, pulling out of the parking lot.
He drives up to Gerard's driveway and Gee gets out of the passenger seat, grabbing his backpack and hopping out. Cody then goes down to my house and he drops me off. I run inside, nobody home, not that I was expecting it differently. I grab my guitar from my room then head back outside. It takes awhile, having to take off my shoes, walk upstairs, then put it on. If there wasn't slush on the ground, I probably could have kept them on but no, it has to be all gross and grimy outside.
Getting back in the car, I sit in the passenger seat. As we drive back down the street, we pass Gerard's house and I see him walking to the car parked in his driveway spinning keys around in his hand. I don't think I've ever seen him drive before, granted I know he can.
When we get to Cody's place, Gerard arrives less than a minute after. It's mostly a homework day, Gerard helping Amelia with math, Jenna working on her English packet. Cody and I go up to one of his rooms to record. "So do you want to run through it a couple times before we record?" he asks, shutting the door behind him.
"Yeah, that'll be good," I say, unpacking my guitar. Cody goes through his binder and rearranges his papers while I quickly make sure I'm in tune. I strum lightly, getting warmed up. After being out in the cold, my fingers are slightly stiff. "Do a run through to see how we work together then a few genuine ones to get the feel of it?"
"Yeah, that's what I was thinking," he says. "Actually, though, after we do a run through, I'm just going to start doing recordings because I don't know about you but I have my doubts on getting it right the first time."
I nod along. "Yeah, totally. I was thinking the same thing."
Cody slides over a stool toward me and I take a seat next to him. "You need the music?" he asks.
"Nah, I got it." He looks at me wide-eyed, somewhere between impressed and confused. "I have a photographic memory but with my ears instead of my eyes."
"Audiographic, nice," he says. "Okay, so..." he pauses then nervously laughs. "Okay, I'm not going to sing the first time because I feel weird but I'll be humming along."
"For the recording?" I ask.
"What? Oh, no, no. For the run through."
"Oh, okay," I laugh. "I thought you meant for like the whole thing and I was like...is that allowed?"
He sighs, shaking his head. "Nah, but just for the first time."
I nod along and then rest my guitar in playing position, strumming it lightly. I play the opening and repeat the rhythm a couple times as he wrote then I as the part shifts, I vaguely hear Cody's voice humming along softly. I glance at him and he's fixated on his music, following along with the measures. He looks very calm and proud. "Okay," he says, cutting me off. "That's freaking fantastic."
"You're the one who wrote it, I'm just playing what you made."
He hesitates for a moment before realizes that this is his writing as if he forgot. "Oh, right. But you're playing it well. Anyways," he flips through the sheets, "can you play this part?" he asks.
I glance at which part he's referring to. It's what I'm guessing it right before the bridge. "Yeah, no problem." I start playing the first couple measures and Cody's nodding along in time.
"Okay, that's good but could you increase the tempo?" he says. I don't stop playing, just speeding up at a quicker pace. "Yeah, like that, perfect. Okay, let's do the whole thing."
Cody goes over to the back of the room and brings over a microphone and headset from the shelf along with his laptop. "Whoa, you have things for this? That's so cool," I say.
He turns and looks at me while plugging everything in. "Oh, no. This stuff isn't mine, it's from the school. I knew you were coming over this week so I signed it out to use. We're supposed to use it for the project."
"Oh, well, still cool we can use it."
"Right?" he says. He slides over a recording box and adjusts the stand to the height of my guitar. "Just keep it here." He plugs the devices into the USB drive and then connects the headset in. "Okay, so I've been messing around with this stuff earlier so I think I know how it works. Ready?" I give him a quick thumbs up and he slides on the headset. A red light starts glowing and he nods. I start strumming the intro and after a moment, Cody starts, his voice shaking slightly. "Well, I've been sitting here for hours FUCK!" he says, starting to chuckle.
I slowly come to a stop as he takes off the headset and then starts messing with the cord. "You...good?" I ask.
"Yeah, I sounded bad, sorry," he says.
"It's alright, you got this."
He smiles softly, taking a deep breath and sighing. "Okay, let's try that again now." He slides the headset back on.
I smile and when the red light comes back on, I start playing. Cody keeps his hands over the headphones, holding it against his ears and he keeps his eyes closed.
"Well, I've been sitting here for hours as I wish for this to start. I set my standards high in hopes they will not fall apart." His voice is soft and calm. The tempo starts picking up and I see a small curve of a smile on his face. "It's almost like I fell asleep. My doubts have seemed to fade because I've opened up my eyes to see I'm right where I planned to be today! Today! Cast your nets, cast it out, and I hope to god you'll scream and shout. It's everything you wanted, maybe more." He pauses, taking a quiet breath. He nods his head along to the rhythm as I keep playing. "Anyone can dream through the night but only some can dream with eyes wide. There lies the fight inside, it resides in everyone. They will proclaim you a fool and it reminds you to do anything and everything to prove them a liar." He repeats the chorus, singing more open and happy. "Does it seem out of reach? Hit the ground, and run with both your feet. Here's a lesson that I hope to teach. Believe you'll be a dream catcher!" The beats change for the bridge, Cody smoothly transitions. "Cry out loud and take the stage and don't let skeptics slow your pace. With every forward step, you'll take, their breath away. Their breath away. Believe, believe they'll spit their words and some will say it seems absurd but devour the cynics, dismiss the critics, and mark my words, they'll regret it when you...cast your nets. Cast it out and I hope to god you'll scream and shout. It's everything you wanted, maybe more." Cody keeps singing, he looks really happy, preaching what he sings. I mean, he did write this. "Believe you'll be a dream catcher!" He stops, pausing a few and then his voice is soft. "Please believe you'll be a dream catcher. Please believe you'll be a dream catcher." I finish the last couple measures then let the final notes play out.
When it fades quiet, Cody clicks the recording button and the light turns off. "Dude, that was awesome," I say. " You have a good voice."
He smiles. "Thanks, I feel like mine is very distinctive compared to others singing."
"Hey, people can recognize you, it makes you unique."
He sways his head side to side. "True there. Can we record a few more times, see if we can do it better or worse."
"Yeah, no problem." Cody goes back to his laptop and sets it up again.
We play the song three more times. I even though it was repetitive, I still had fun. I really like his voice, it's really emotional and empowering. I like all of my friends' voices, to be honest. Granted, I'm friends with choir kids so not really shocking.
We wander downstairs looking for the others but we can't find them. Trudging back up the stairs, we look in Jenna's rooms but they aren't in either of them. "I'm not playing this game, that's too much moving around for me," Cody mutters, talking out his cell phone.
"Aren't you an athlete?" I ask him.
He presses Jenna's contact number and looks at Frank. "Yeah, but that doesn't mean I want to have to move more than I have to. I'm like tired-Hello?" He says suddenly when Jenna picks up. "Where are you guys?" he asks.
"We're in the attic," I hear her say through the speaker. Why'd you call?" she asks.
I start laughing seeing the look on Cody's face. "Because...we couldn't find you guys and I'm tired of going up and down the stairs."
"Dude, you play sports-"
"Okay, you know what!" he exclaims. "You and Frank have been hanging out too much." He hangs up and stares at me. "It's not that funny."
"It kind of is," I say, still unable to stop laughing.
Cody flutters his eyes, rolling them back. "Ugh, let's go," he groans, snatching my arm and hauling me along to the attic.
Gerard, Jenna, and Amelia are sprawled out on the floor. "You guys took a while," Amelia says, looking at us upside down. Her back is on the floor but her legs are propped up against the wall.
"Recorded more than one," he says, sitting next to her, leaning his back against the wall. I take a seat between Jenna and Gerard. Cody starts pushing her legs forward.
"Don't do that!" she squeals. Cody smiles softly and her body falls forward...or backward? Her legs fo over her head and she involuntarily does a somersault. Her legs hit the floor and she lifts her face off the carpet. "What was that for?" she asks. Cody shrugs, smiling softly.
"Stop that," Gerard mutters. He reaches in front of me and grabs Jenna's hand. "Stop." She freezes up, him moving her hand away from her arm. Her skin is red, looks puffy and starting to blister.
"You think I want to do this?" she asks Gerard.
He looks at her sympathetically. "You should wrap it." She doesn't say anything.
"Jen," Cody says, looking at her. "You know your dad would be upset, you just got sick."
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