For the life of me, I can't fall asleep. I fell asleep really early around 5:45 but that was because I barely got any sleep the night before. Right after Gerard left, I immediately passed out and woke up at 4:00 am. I had over two hours to get ready but I couldn't fall back asleep. My restlessness got the best of me and after half an hour of sitting in my bed, I decided to send Gerard a text. He told me he's a light sleeper so if I ever needed someone in the middle of the night, he would probably be awake. He doesn't answer right away, figures. It's 4:36 am. Maybe in an hour or two. It's not like I won't see him later today.

Packing my guitar away for school, my phone buzzes. -Hey, you still awake?-

I reply to him. -Yeah, I can't fall back asleep. Sorry if I woke you.-

-No, it's chill. I wake up now anyway- -You think you and I could hang out before school?-

It's almost 5:00. My parents are still asleep, obviously because the house is quiet. -When?-

-Now?-

I smile as I text him back. -I'm on my way- I head downstairs with my backpack and guitar. The sun hasn't risen yet so it's relatively dark. I grab a granola bar and much on it as I walk over to Gee's house. It's chilly outside, the air numbing my exposed hands. The front lights are on when I get to his house and there's chatter going on. I feel a little anxious when I ring the doorbell and a woman wearing a suit answers it. "Yes?" she asks.

"Uh, hi. I'm Frank Iero, I-uh... I'm Gerard's friend?"

"Oh, right, yeah. He invited you over this earlier?"

"Mom, I told you," a familiar voice says. Gerard steps in front of her and opens the screen door, letting me in. I thank him as I step into the house.

"When did you tell me?" his mother asks.

Gerard looks at her irritated. "When I came downstairs and you were opening the mail talking to Dad. I asked if I somebody could come over right now and you said 'that's nice Gerard.' so I did."

"Oh, I'm sorry, I wasn't listening, I was busy with your father," she says.

Gerard looks at her and walks away, gesturing for me to follow him. "Sorry," he mutters as we head upstairs.

"No, it's okay. I didn't mean to get you in trouble."

He scoffs at me. "Yeah, like she'd pay attention enough to me to notice I'm in trouble." What he said last night. I relate to you. Was he meaning about his parents? "Oh, let me take that," he says, grabbing the empty wrapper from my hands and throwing it away.

"Thanks, who's all here?"

"Uh, well my parents are still home, they haven't left yet. And then it's my mom's sister and her husband with their daughter Grace. Elena was supposed to come over but her back is hurting her. My parents are trying to figure if they want me going to school today."

"Are you?" I ask.

"Yeah," he says matter-of-factly. "I don't care what their verdict is. Cody's going to kidnap me if he must." I sit on his bed, leaving my guitar and backpack in the corner of his room next to his backpack and portfolio. "I'm sorry, this must be awkward. Uh, how are you?" he asks, brushing his hair back, putting on a smile.

"Uh, good. A quiet morning." Gerard nods along. "Can I ask you something?"

"Shoot," he says, taking a seat in his chair at his desk, sitting backward and facing me.

"Do your parents not trust you?" He cocks his head to the side. "Why don't they let you stay home alone." He gives a shrug. "Like, are they afraid someone's going to break into the house or what?"

"No, it's complicated." I don't like that word. It's only used when people don't want to talk about something. My parents use it a lot. "Well, they're not home most of the day. They usually leave before I do for school and they don't get home until I'm asleep. Well, until they think I'm asleep. It's like 11 at night."

"What do they do for a living? They're gone for like 15 hours of the day?"

"They work in some office in LA, big fancy job. That's where they met and stuff but they don't work the whole day."

"Why else would they be coming home so late?" Gerard doesn't reply. I stop talking when I see his eyes glazed over again, how they turn vacant when he's thinking about whatever is bottled up inside. I know I'm not Cody or even Jenna. I don't know him as much as the others have but I want him to let me in. I can't be mad at him for holding his personal life back while I do the same thing. Although, I seem to have told him more than he's told me.

"Gerard!" Someone from downstairs calls him. He rolls his eyes to the back of his head and slumps out of his chair. "Gerard!"

"Yeah?" he calls back, not getting up.

"Gerard!"

"What is it?" he cries, finally getting up and opening his door. "Yes? Mother?"

"We're leaving now and your grandmother isn't coming now. Can you go with Aunt Marie to the-"

"I'm not missing school," he calls out, walking into the hall and leaning over the banister. "I have a test to do and I got a history paper I still need to work on in class." His mom doesn't say anything. There's rowdy chatter downstairs. "Mom?" he calls out. "Mom!" She doesn't reply to him. He scowls, walking back over to the room.

As soon as he shuts the door, she calls him again. "Gerard?

"Woman, make up your damn mind," he mutters under his breath. "Yes?"

"Come down, okay?"

"Okay!" he calls back, dragging out the pronunciation with a fake politeness. He walks back over, shutting the door behind him, leaning against it.

"You're not going down?" I ask quietly.

He shakes his head. "It's fine. Watch, in 3 minutes, they're going to forget about me and all leave."

"Do you want to talk?" I ask. He clenches his jaw, his eyes staring head at his floor and his lips move as if he's muttering. "Gerard?"

"Huh?" he asks, looking at me.

His eyes are a dark hazel filled with anger. Suddenly, I'm very afraid of him. Knuckles white, fists clenched, grinding his jaw staring at me. "Are you okay?" I ask.

He's silent for a moment before he eases up. "Yeah, I'm good," he answers. I keep my eyes on him. "What?" he whispers.

"Are you okay?" I ask again.

This time, Gerard stops and his attitude washes away, his confidence, his irritation. It all leaves and what's left is a small boy, one who is very scared and alone. "No," he whispers, "haven't been for a while." He walks over to me slowly and crawls on his bed next to me, grabbing his Star Wars pillow and hugging it. I place my head on his shoulder and he breaks. Turning away, he buries his face in his pillow. From the way I feel him shaking, I know he's crying but he's silent. He doesn't make a single sound. If someone were to glance in his room, it would look like he's asleep. But I'm holding his shoulder and I feel the slight movement in his body and I know he's crying.

I don't say anything, just sitting there with him, holding his shoulder. Why is he so sad? I understand what it's like to have parents that ignore you but my sadness isn't like this. I'm more so angry, trying to be noticed. I'm a hostile sad. Gerard is a whimpering sad, one that's eating him away and breaking him down.

He's a pretender. Puts on a cocky smile and builds up this confident attitude. He walks down the halls as if he's on top of the world and he is the 'queen of sass' as he calls himself. Combat boots and a leather jacket. He's not truly him. I mean, yes, Gerard is all of those things but only on the outside. Catch him off guard, break through his barriers, he is very sad inside. He's lost. However, he's a master of hiding that version of himself. Seeing him lie on his bed curled up, he doesn't make a single sound. He's an expert in crying silently, knowing how to hide his pain in plain sight. Nobody has any idea because he hides it from them all.

When he sits up, he looks like he just woke up. Eyes slightly puffy and watery but not tearing up. His cheeks are red but fading back to his ivory skin color. "Thank you, Frankie," he whispers.

"For what?"

"Coming over, I didn't want to be alone."

"No problem," I say, putting on a smile for him. He smiles back, not genuine but close enough. Wiping his eyes with his jacket sleeve, he leans forward, resting his head on my shoulder. I bite my lip and slowly put my arm around him. "Everything's going to be okay."

I feel him nod against my shoulder. "I know, I just think too much sometimes and I worry myself." The front door slams and the chatter from downstairs fades away. Gee sits up and looks at his door. "Looks like they forgot again. Let's go before they come back for me."

The two of us head downstairs with our stuff and we walk over to Cody and Jenna's house. By the time we get there, Amelia is already over. Cody's mom answers the door and she smiles, welcoming us in. "Cody! Gerard and Frank are here," she calls up. "Uh, they might be in Jenna's room or the attic. You are welcome to leave your bags at the front."

"Thanks," Gerard says. The two of us head up to Jenna's room and sure enough, the three of them are hanging out. "Oh, hi guys!" Jenna squeals and gets up to hug us.

"Hey, you're over!" Cody says. Gerard hugs Jenna and then walks over to Cody.

"Decided to go for a walk over here," Gee says. Jenna hands Gerard and me two red and black envelopes. "What is this?" Gerard asks rhetorically while opening up.

"Halloween Party?" I ask, looking up at her.

"Ah, sweet. I was wondering when you were going to send these out," Gerard laughs, folding it neatly back up after reading it.

'It's going to be awesome because it's on a Friday this year!" Jenna exclaims. "Oh, and you HAVE to dress up."

"Done deal!" Gerard says.

"We have to?" I whisper.

Gerard and Jenna look at me. "Oh, come on, Frankie. It'll be fun." I've never dressed up for Halloween before so I have no idea what the customs are. "What were you last year?" he asks.

"Myself? I don't...dress up." Gerard drops his mouth open and looks mortified at me. "What?"

"He cosplays," Cody says casually. "He takes it as a personal offense."

"Sorry?"

"Well," Gerard say, pursing his lips together, "looks like I'm going to have to help you. There's a first time for everything."

"What are you going to do?"

"Haven't decided yet."

I go to art class with the others again. Jenna is here today so I sit between her and Gee at the end of the table. She finished the practice, looking rather annoyed at the stippling portion. Jenna takes her time filling in the outline Gerard helped her with and Cody starts making his grid. It's rather nice, talking to the others and watching them draw. I could never do any of the things they can. I have no idea how they manage to create such beautiful artworks.

I watch Gerard draw work on his project. His absorbed in the work, shutting the world surrounding him out. His eyes are bloodshot in the slightest, peeking through his bangs. I asked him if he was okay this morning. He thought about it before answering. He thought about lying and just saying yes like he always does. But he didn't. He told me the truth. Part of me wonders about him, why his family monitors him, why they're gone for so long, where they go. Whatever the reason is, it's hurting him and I can't stop thinking about it.

By my last class, I'm bored out of my skull. I can't for the life of me find the will to care about polynomials and my teacher explaining it for the second time doesn't make it any more likable. I already finished the warm-up sheet he passed out and I saw the homework on the board. I finished that too. I'd point out this class is way too easy for me but then I'll actually have to work for an A.

I take out a loose leaf of paper and stare blankly. I've been trying to write music lately. The guitar chords and the other parts, that portion comes naturally to me. What's challenging is the lyrics. Everything I try writing comes out stupid but I think it's because I'm trying too hard, I'm forcing myself to write. I don't come up with ideas, I just try to create one. That's why I always scrap my writing the second I'm halfway done with it. It's going nowhere and it sucks.

This time is different though. I have an idea this time. Gerard. I could write about him, I could write a lot of things about him, the way he twirls his pencil while he's sketching, how he purses his lip when he's listening to someone speak. How his jet black hair falls over his eyes. Okay, I'm obsessed with my friend but it's only because he's making me wonder. Knowing there's a part of him I don't know about makes me want to learn. In all honesty, this is his fault, he's making me interested in him. Honesty.

I could write about this morning. "Well, if you wanted honesty, that's all you had to say..."

Amelia and I chat while the class gets time to work on homework. "Okay, this is impossible!" she groans. "Literally, there is no way to solve this."

I glance over at her homework and analyze her work. "That's because you put 8+5=11. It's 13 silly." She glances down and sighs, frustratedly erasing her work. "It takes practice, you'll get there."

"Oh, please. I'm not some super genius like you." I smile politely. The only reason I'm good at math was that since I didn't have a social life, I always worked on homework and studying. I guess it pays off because then a social life wouldn't have mattered but now it does so I don't need to worry about learning these things. Amelia glances down at my paper. "This for English?" she asks.

"Oh, uh, more like for myself. It's...I'm trying to write music and I know that's stupid."

She shakes her head. "That's not stupid, I think it's awesome," she says, giving an encouraging smile.

"Thanks," I say.

"I'd like to read it when you finish if that's cool with you." I nod along, agreeing.

Class finishes and Amelia heads down to her last class. I tell her I'll meet the others outside because I wanted to put my textbooks in my locker since I finished the homework. On my way back, I see Hayley up ahead. I start walking over to her when a girl with dark blonde hair pushes her into the lockers. Without hesitation, I run over to her and stand between her and the girl. "Hey, leave her alone," I say.

The girl glares at me smugly. "Well, maybe you are right. You don't care because you got yourself a girlfriend," she says.

"What's your deal?" I ask her. "Huh?" She doesn't say anything instead, walks away. I turn and look at Hayley. "Who is that?" I ask.

"Audrey," she grumbles. "Bitch thinks I like Brendon and will take him away from her," she says.

"Do you like him?" I ask.

"No, he's literally like my brother. I grew up with him." She rubs her shoulder where she fell against the lockers. "But she's not paranoid. I am trying to break them up."

"What are you doing?"

"I'm trying to find someone else for him, anyone else really," she says. "I hate Audrey, I can't believe she and Amelia used to be friends."

"Used to, that's what's important. Amelia's your friend now." My phone goes off and I open it. It's Cody. -Did you die?- "Hey, I got to go, but you're going to be okay."

"Oh, yeah, I'll be fine. She's done worse to me before." I bite my lip and put my hand on her shoulder before I head out. The fact she thinks this is acceptable because she's been through worse is terrible.

I head out to the parking lot and run over to the others. "Hey, guys. Sorry to keep you waiting."

"There you are," Amelia says, "hoping you didn't die since I left you."

"Yeah, uh, is Hayley okay?" I ask. I need to be careful because I know Amelia still respects Audrey. I'd hate to be the guy to make the friend group fight, even though I'm barely in the friend group.

"What do you mean?" Jenna asks.

"Um, Audrey kind of, I don't know, she pushed her into the lockers on my way out and Hayley sounded off about how she was treated." The other look at me seriously, Gerard closes her sketchbook and Cody pockets his phone. "You didn't know?"

"She's never mentioned it before," Cody says. "I mean," he glances at Amelia in the corner of his eyes and bites his bottom lip, "maybe it was an accident?"

I give my head a shake. "No, she did it on purpose and Hayley said how she's down worse before."

"What was it about?" Amelia asks. "Like, she had to have a reason to do that."

"I asked but...no one said anything. She kind of insulted me, called me Hayley's girlfriend before leaving."

"Oh, she's just teasing," Amelia says, "she doesn't mean it."

"Do you still talk to her?" Gerard asks. "Like, when's the last time you spoke?" Amelia opens her mouth to reply but Gerard cuts her off. "And don't say English. Just because you have a class with someone and make small talk doesn't mean you actually know the. When was the last real conversation?"

"Hey, before I knew you guys, Audrey was my friend." Gerard doesn't say anything to her, just stares blankly.

I hold my breath and awkwardly stand there. "Well, sorry to keep you guys waiting to go home," I say. It transitions us to getting in the car and heading out. By the time we leave the school parking lot, the usual chatter is back.

Sitting in my room, I text Jenna. I'm trying to compromise on not wearing some costume but she keeps insisting, also saying how Gerard will shun me if I dare be "normal" on such a day. I continue working on the song I started from earlier. So far, I think I got the intro down and some other lines. 'What will it take to show you that it's not the life it seems'. As the conversation continues, it switches over to Audrey and Amelia.

They were really close before but they did lose touch. Jenna thinks they're getting a little closer again now that they have class together, which she's not sure how to take. If Audrey were to be friends with Amelia again, one of two things would happen. Either a miracle would occur and she'd join our friend group and start being nice to us, letting Brendon hang out with us, which is highly unlikely, leaving the probable choice of Amelia choosing between us and her.

Considering Jenna is her best friend and Audrey has never come close to surpassing Jenna, she's not worried about losing her as her best friend but as a friend in the group.