《Give Me All Your Hopeless Hearts // Frerard》October 2nd

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When my alarm goes off, I actually want to die. With burning eyes, I shut it off and flop back down on Jenna's mattress. She's cuddled up next to me wrapped around my arms. "Warmth," she murmurs. I glance over my shoulder at her. She's snuggled up with messy hair on her face, rather cute looking. I smile and slowly take my arm back from her and creeping out of her bed. I just need to comb my hair and probably wash my face.

Wandering down the hall, I find Jenna's bathroom a few rooms over. I think the best thing about this is her soap, it smells so fresh. Apples and cinnamon. After I'm ready, I head back to her room to grab my bag but Cody's in there. He's tucking her back in, pulling the blanket up and pushing her leg back on the mattress, moving her to the center of the bed so she doesn't roll off. When he turns and sees me, he gives a smile and points to my bad. I nod and Cody picks it up and carries it out for me. "Hey," he whispers when we leave Jenna's room and he quietly shuts her door. "We have eggs and waffles for breakfast."

"Oh, I usually don't eat in the morning," I comment.

The two of us start walking down the closest staircase. "That's terrible, why not?"

"Parents are arguing in the kitchen. I just want to leave. Plus, I walk to school so I don't have time."

"You don't live far away, I could pick you up so you could eat something," he offers.

I wave him off as he leads me down the hall. "Nah, I just want to get out of the house. All they do is yell and..I just..." I trail off, not really sure what to say.

"Well, I could pick you up and bring you here. You can eat with us."

"That's-really nice of you," I say.

"Don't stress about it. It seems you got enough going on at home." We walk in the kitchen and their parents are sitting with Gerard eating breakfast. "Morning, Jim," Cody says.

"Hello, who's this?" his dad asks."

"This is Jenna and my friend Frank," he says.

"Hi, nice to meet you," I say awkwardly. I technically snuck into their house when they were asleep. However, they don't seem to think too much of a problem.

"Ah, Jenna's mentioned you before. You have a lot of classes with her, yes?" his mom says.

"Yeah, guitar and lunch and English," I say.

"And gym," Cody adds.

"Wonderful," she replies, taking her and her husband's dishes. "Well, have a good day in school. And Gerard," Gerard looks up at her and smiles politely, "I have this for your family." She takes an envelope out with his name in fancy calligraphy writing on the outside. Gerard Way.

"Oh, no. I couldn't-"

"Please accept this, I hope everything's working out, okay? You tell Donna she can always call me." Gerard takes the envelope and examines it without opening it. "I'll see you later." Their dad leaves the room and grabs the car keys. Cody's mother kisses his forehead and hugs him goodbye. "Nice meeting you, Frank. You'll have to come over for dinner one of these days."

"Oh, thank you," I say. They two of them leave and it's just Cody, Gerard and I.

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"Do you want waffles or eggs?" Cody offers, grabbing me a plate.

"Just waffles, I try not to eat meat."

"Vegetarian?"

I shrug. "Kind of?"

"That's okay, Jenna's a vegetarian so we make accommodations." He hands me my breakfast and we finish up. Gerard's still sitting in his chair twirling the unopened envelope. I want to know what's going on with him but considering he hasn't told the rest of his friend group, I feel I shouldn't even ask. I mean, Cody only knows because they're best friends and seems Cody's mom knows his family. And Jenna recently found out but Gerard sees her as his little sister.

Seeing Gerard sitting there, I could tell he didn't get a lot of sleep. his eyes are red and puffy, his hair a little on the messy side as if he didn't fully fix it but ran his fingers through it so it's "good enough". Cody looks rather tired too but not nearly as much as Gerard. Whatever's going on, Cody probably stayed up late to comfort him but staying up late seems like a rarity. For Gerard, an every night habit.

The two of us converse while we finished up and then we head out and go to school. Despite being drained, it's a nice morning. The air's a little frigid but I have a jacket for a reason and the sun was shining. I sit in the back seat, closing my eyes. Cody's car is really nice and I could fall asleep in here like a baby. The two of them talk and I mostly just listen to them. They're very lively when they tell me about their lives. Cody's an excellent storyteller, his voice is really cool and he has a really contagious laugh. Then there's Gerard, giving your daily dose of sassy commentary. Cody tells me about their year in chemistry. The two of them were lab partners and accidentally set their experiment on fire.

"And so! I guess the teacher gave us defective foil because the whole thing was tarnished," Cody exclaims.

"Meaning, Cody screwed it up," Gerard mutters.

"No, it was ripped, Gee."

"Yeah, you ripped it."

"Whatever. So, I put it over the little torch and it just blew up and we were freaking out-"

"I was rather calm," Gerard interjects.

"Shh!" Cody laughs, waving his hand in front of Gerard's face to shut him up. "Not my fault."

"Ya-huh, keep telling yourself that, bud." We arrive at the school and park relatively close. Gee takes his phone out after he unbuckles and turns it oh. "Shit," he mutters.

Cody looks at him. "Everything okay?" he asks.

"Huh?" Gerard looks up at him. "Oh, yeah." He shakes his head. "No, not that." Cody slowly nods. "Uh, Brendon, Patrick, and Hayley have a field trip for their one science class. They're not going to be here. Plus, Jenna's staying home."

"Oh, yeah that sucks," Cody says.

We all get out of the car and start walking to the school together. "My study hall is going to be quiet," I say as we walk in. I realize I'm much shorter than the two of them.

"Oh, that's right. You have it with them. Wait, that's your study? You have work you need to do today?" Gerard asks.

"No," I scoff, "it's first hour."

"You want to come down to the art room with Cody and I today?"

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"I don't have a pass," I explain.

"No, it's cool. Our teacher's chill. She'll give you one if I ask her to," he says. I look at him uneasily. "Oh, it'll be fun! Come on, I'm her favorite student, she adores me."

"Maybe, I'm not really an artist."

"Do you like art? Like, you think it's cool?" There's a smirk on his face.

"I mean, yeah-"

"Then you're coming with us."

Gerard and Cody take me to the art studio before class and I meet their teacher Ms. Gina. She's a very spiritedly woman with big, curly hair, wearing a summer dress and leggings. "Oh, you guys are in early," she says walking over to them.

"Gina, could you write my friend a pass?" Gerard asks. "My buddy Frank is in study hall and has nothing to do, please?"

Ms. Gina walks over to us. "Oh, I don't know, he's not one of my students," she says.

"It's okay," I say waving off.

"Oh, come one," Gerard smiles holding his hands out.

"Mmm, Frank, do you like art?" she asks.

"I think it's cool," I reply quietly.

"Well, that's good enough for me," she says. "Come here."

"You're the best!" Gerard calls out to her, following her to her desk with me.

"Yeah, I know," she laughs. "What's your name, Frank?"

"Iero," I say. She looks at me a little confused. "I-E-R-O," I spell out. "I'm in study hall with Mr. Cee."

"Got it," she writes. "Well, go sign out and come right back."

"Thank you," I reply and I glance at Gerard. He winks at me and I nervously laugh. It's rather a long walk to go all the way up to the science rooms and then back down to the art wing into the studio. But it's better than just sitting at my desk by me. I come back into the room and find Gerard, Cody, and Lynn sitting together at a table. The seat next to Lynn and across from Gerard is empty so I sit with them. "Hi," I reply.

"Hey, Frank," Lynn says, drawing with a ruler. "That's Jenna's seat so if you come back next week, you'll have to sit on the end between her and Gee."

"Got it, what are you guys working on?" I ask.

"Horseshit," Cody replies.

"Oh, shut up," Gerard says. "Just because you hate this assignment doesn't make it bad."

"Bro, I think everyone but you hates this project," Cody says then looks up at me. "We're doing a pen and ink drawing of some nature scene."

"That seems cool," I reply.

"I know, right?" Gerard says, then glances at Cody smugly.

"He. Didn't. Practice." Cody says. "It was torture!"

"Yes, well, it makes you better," Ms. Gina replies walking by.

"Eh, you know how I feel about this project."

"Well, Cody, you're getting better," she says looking at his assignment sheet.

So far, the art class has done practice sheets of shading templates with the ink pen. There's hatching, cross-hatching, scrumbling, and stippling. Hatching is shading by making parallel lines, cross-hatching is shading with perpendicular lines. Scrumbling is virtually shading by scribbling and stippling is pointillism. Shading is also apparently the death of them all.

"I hate this," Cody mutters under his breath.

"I know you do," Gerard replies twirling his pen in his hand.

"Well, you don't care," Lynn says. "You've finished the practice long ago and you also started without a grid on your canvas." Gerard just shrugs. He purses his lips together and stares intently at his photograph. It's a black and white picture of a deserted forest over a bridge. There's an eerie feeling from the photo but there's so much detail in his reference photo compared to Cody's and Lynn's. Lynn has a waterfall and Cody is a lone tree on a cliffside.

The look in Gerard's eyes, the way he's staring at the photo, he's completely absorbed in his element. His delicate fingers hold his chalk as he lightly outlines his drawing. His tongue sticks out a little bit as he sketches. His focus is on his work and his tiredness, his stress, all of the worry trapped in his hazel eyes diminishes. There's pure wonder in his eyes, he's lost in the art. And I think I'm lost in him.

The bell is soon to ring in five minutes and Cody is slowly growling in frustration. He's completing the last box on his template but it's the stippling. With rapid tapping of his pen, his eyes are practically bugging out of his eyes as he tries to finish the practice sheet before class ends. "I have faith in you, Cody," Lynn says, fixing her outline.

"AHhhh!" he groans. "My hand is dead."

"I relate to your hand," Gerard mutters to himself. He finished the chalk outline a few minutes ago and now he's starting in the upper left and working his way out. It looks pretty good so far.

"I hate you, Gerard," Lynn says, looking at his sketch.

"I know," he laughs. She sighs and starts erasing the grid again and he caps his marker. "Come here," he says, getting up and walking over her side. "You don't need a grid."

"Yes, I do. How else am supposed to know where everything goes in reference to the photo?" she asks. "I can't get the proportions right."

"No, stop," he says, taking the ruler from her hand. "Forget about the ruler, okay? Look at me." She lets it go and gives it to him, which he slides on the other side of the table. "You don't need a grid, Lynn. Art is free form, not replication. You don't need to make it exactly like the photo, you make it better. Don't worry about accuracy. While replication is a talent, it's not what you need to worry about."

"Gee, I need a grid to do it right."

He shakes his head. "No, there is no right and wrong; it's art."

"Tell that to Ms. Gina when she gives me a low grade if I don't use the grid."

"Gina grades on composition and effort, not art itself. Come here." Gerard picks up his chalk and puts in in Lynn's hand. "Where's your picture?" he asks. He glances at the waterfall and then takes hold of her hand. "You have a waterfall, water is fluid so your strokes need to be fluid." Holding her hand, he draws out the waterfall. "Grids trap you, you're putting a box around your abilities, you're restricting yourself. Come on, I thought Jenna would have thought you how to be limitless with art by now." She laughs lightly while Gerard moves her hand over the canvas. "Water is free, you can't have a grid. Big movements, make mistakes, be messy." He falls back into the work, lost again. I look at Lynn and she's staring at Gerard again. Gee has the shadow of a grin on his face, his tongue hovering over his bottom lip, his eyes fixated on the chalk. His movements are loose and broad, clearly exceeding the borders in the photo. "Just a little shrubbery over here and then the pool is around here. There, you're good!"

Gerard lets go of Lynn's hand and she looks over the canvas. It's a rough sketch of her waterfall. It's not accurate but it doesn't mean it's bad. "Thank you, Gee," she smiles.

"No problem," he replies, returning back to his seat when the bell rings.

"YES!" Cody exclaims. "Got this bitch done." He caps his pen and grabs his finished template and rushes over to Ms. Gina's desk. Gerard opens his leather portfolio and starts putting his papers inside. "See you in history, Frankie," he replies.

"Frankie?" I snap my head and look at him. He spins around on his heels and shrugs at me while walking backward toward the door. "I've never been called that before."

"You mind if I start?" he calls out.

I crack a grin at him. "Not at all."

"Sweet." He pops his earbuds in and then shoves his hands into his leather jacket and sways out of the room.

I laugh to myself and glance at Lynn. She puts the rest of her work in her art bin and returns it to the storage shelves. "To guitar," she says, walking down the music corridor to with me. I catch a glimpse of Gerard walking down the end of the hallway. I also catch myself smiling as I watch him head up the stairs two at a time.

Lyyn and I are the only ones in guitar today but I don't mind. I get a little closer to her and it's nice. "When did you get your electric?" I ask.

"Uh, I got it for my thirteenth birthday," she replies. "You have an electric?" she asks.

I sigh and shake my head. "See, over the summer, I was planning on getting a job so I could save up for one. Between that, my birthday, and Christmas, I was hoping I could get enough to buy one before the next year."

"How much did you save up already?"

"Well, the thing is, I never got a summer job. We moved and the process of going from New Jersey to California isn't exactly easy. I had to go through my shit, throw a lot of my stuff out and then pack what I could take with. Then there's the 45-hour drive so that's a total of 3 days to get there and back including food and rest. And when we finally got here, I had to buy new shit for the house because we left most of my stuff back home."

"What did you get to bring?"

"Half my clothes, my acoustic, computer, a few belongings."

"Only half?" I nod. "What about your bed and stuff."

"Goodwill." Lynn looks at me with her mouth hanging open. "I bought new clothes so that was kind of cheered me up because none of my stuff is worn out. New band tees, I got this leather jacket with my mom and I wear this like every day. New shoes. And I got a new bedroom set, a bigger bed. Before I had a twin so I upgraded to a queen." She nods along, understanding the justification. "Granted, by the time we were all settled and everything, you all already started school. See, my school, we start really late so we got out June 20th."

"Are you serious?" she says. "Dude, we get out like May 25th But we start in August."

I nod. "Yeah, we start like September 7th. So, I was cut out a month of my summer from that." I shrug again. "I don't know, it is what it is."

"Well, you might be able to get some for your birthday and Christmas as you said."

"Nah, my hopes from there were like a little bonus. I would have to work to afford a guitar." She looks at me sympathetically. "I mean, I'll get some stuff from my relatives around the holidays."

"What about your birthday?"

"20 bucks most. I don't have birthday parties."

"What!" she cries.

I stare at her blankly. "What?" I echo.

"How do you not have birthday parties? Like, what do you do?"

"Nothing? Last year, I think I took a nap but it was like an hour because the doorbells kept ringing so I had to stop." Lynn looks at me again puzzled and I explain. "My birthday is October 31st, Halloween."

"No way! Are you serious?" I nod. "Oh, that's so cool. That's Jenna's and Gee's favorite holiday. Hell, that's like the coolest day ever because you can just dress up and weird crazy makeup and no one judges you." I smile at her enthusiasm. "You could have like Halloween themed birthday parties. Why don't you?"

I bite my lip and contemplate telling her. Well, I can say some. "My parents...they don't get along too well so parties get messy."

"Oh," she replies.

"Yeah, so I haven't really celebrated since I was like...7?" She looks at me again heartbroken. "It's okay, I don't really mind."

"You never went out with your friends?"

"Eh, I didn't like my friends back in Jersey. They were...a lot to handle."

"That's so sad," she says. "Oh, when it's one of our birthdays, we all call them at midnight and it's tradition where they have to turn off their phone because we're leaving a voicemail so they'll listen to them in the morning when they wake up. We then take them out to the mall and buy them whatever they pick out and we have dinner together at a buffet and we just have a good time."

"That's really sweet of you guys," I say.

"Yeah, it's a lot of fun always."

The rest of class, Lynn teaches me how to play Queen. I only learn the chorus for the duration we had but it's pretty good so far. I run up to history after Lynn and I part ways. By the time I get up to the room, Gerard is already there and he's sketching again. That's a good sign he's doing better. "Hey, you," I say, taking my seat.

"Hi, Frankie," he says, putting away his drawing and then looking up at me. "Hey, sorry I was a jerk yesterday."

"Oh, don't worry about it," I tell him. Well, he brought this up let's see how far he'll go. "What happened?"

"Eh, I was just tired," he says.

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