So, although the other night admittedly was a mess, and although August is now even colder than he was, and although Rayne and I had hardly spoken other than him texting a few times... my life wasn't in shambles.

It was the first of August today and I decided that today was going to be a good one.

So August being in the garden with dad was slightly distracting but Luella and I were sat in the kitchen, I was cooking up pancakes and she was scrolling through my laptop looking through my little plan for this September.

I have been working on this for the last week, thinking about flights, hostels, money. I have a draft trip which would take me from September to the beginning of Christmas holidays. So I would fly home on the 13th of December and then I would start Uni in the second semester.

"I am jealous." She says as she finishes reading it. "And you just have the money to do this?"

I nod. "Well the plan is to do everything cheap, plus I have savings and if I don't end up quitting then I'll have the money from this summer too."

I put some food on plates for us and then I pause, looking at that fact I made loads and I look at Luella. "Can you offer August and my dad food please?"

She looked at me wide eyed and she shakes her head. "Your dad is scary Em, don't make me go out there."

"My dad isn't scary."

"He is." She laughs and I just look out towards the back door.

You know who is scary? August and his judgemental eyes.

Goodness.

I walk discretely to the door and sort of take in their faces, if they were intense then I wouldn't go out, if they were calm then- they both looked at me.

Apparently, I wasn't discrete.

I opened the back door and send them both a smile. "Hey um, sorry to interrupt. I made food, there is loads if you want some?"

My dad nods interested and August shakes his head.

"I will bring you a plate then." I say to my dad and he sends me a grateful smile.

Everything in me wants to bring august one too, because it just seems so rude not to. But since I haven't actually been able to talk to him, I am working on listening to what people want more. Like- I think I am a slightly pushy person.

Just slightly.

Okay I am a very pushy person. So yeah, I am working on it.

I won't bring him pancakes.

"Will you please come tonight?" Luella says and I shake my head.

They were having a party for August. Like it's his birthday tomorrow.

"I am sorry." I smile.

"It's fine I just get so bored now when you aren't there. Like this week has been trash because your refusal of coming to the flat makes my life complicated."

"Lue." I laugh. "We've done fun things this week."

"Yeah but now I am exhausted and all I wanna do is eat shit."

I lift my hands up in confusion. How the two are connected and my fault, is beyond me.

"Seriously though. Doing more than just hanging at Trev's literally drains the life out of me."

We've been into town a few times, done the summer markets, been on a few walks, we even went to the fireworks this Wednesday.

"I'm sorry you're tired." I say honestly. I seriously feel like I never get tired at the moment. I love summer because you can do so much and there's so much time.

"It's okay. I feel good. Like because we've been pretty productive. But I just- it's probably hormonal. I cried and everything yesterday."

My eyes widened in amusement. "You cried?"

"Mhm sobbed like a baby. T, bless him, didn't know what to do."

"For real he came to my room and asked what you are supposed to do when they cry."

My shoulder's tense when I hear August's voice and my Dad laughs as he catches onto the conversation.

"Hug them." My dad says proudly, as if he was impressed, he knew the answer.

"I didn't wanna be hugged." Luella laughs at him and his face falls slightly.

"Okay well what did you say Leo?" My dad says and my eyebrows shoot up, still just plating up food but shocked that my dad used my name for August.

"I told him to get out of my room." August chuckles and my dad just shakes his head disapprovingly.

I hand Luella a plate and then my dad one.

"You not eating?" Lue says and I shrug.

I felt a little sick to be honest.

I was going to eat, I have so much food here but I just felt slightly off so I didn't wanna add anything into my body.

"I will have some later I think." I say once my dad looks at me slightly questionably.

"I shouldn't be eating." My dad chuckles. "We have dinner round at Ivy's in an hour."

"Pardon?" I say surprised. I am out of this loop apparently.

"Yeah? Rayne didn't say? Family BBQ later."

"With who?" I ask quietly, clearing up the mess I made and Luella is just sat happily eating up at the kitchen island.

"Us?" Dad says. "What do you mean who?"

"Like-"

"Your mum, me, the boys and then Ivy and Jackson."

"Okay." I whisper, looking down and then I just abandon my place stood against the side.

"What time?" I ask.

My dad's eyebrows furrow.

"6." He says and I nod.

"I shall make myself scarce by then." Luella mumbles, her mouth full and she turns the laptop around and I smile at what she was showing me.

It was a protest page, a little facebook one and I just cocked my head to the side in confusion.

"We should go."

"What's it for?" I ask.

She shrugged. "I just feel like being disruptive."

I shake my head at that. "I've always wanted to go to one, but lets find one that we actually agree with the cause yeah?"

She rolls her eyes exaggeratedly, my dad and August were sat down at the kitchen table now and I love how I never hear them conversing nicely, usually they are sort of arguing, but August is at our house a lot.

Like he is always here, talking, working with my dad their relationship makes me smile. I like that he has someone. Especially my dad, like my dad's a good person to have.

Anyway Luella agrees to keep an eye out and just listen to her amused. Apparently because we had done so many wholesome things this week she wanted us to do something on her terms.

I am just happy she hasn't mentioned the piecing yet.

Oh also I got my hair cut! This morning, that's why Lue is here at home because we went for breakfast, I got my hair cut and then we heading back here.

It's not short or anything, but it's definitely shorter and more tamed.

August and my dad stay downstairs after he ate, and Lue and I went up, me getting changed and Lue just grabbing her things from my room.

"So like after your family BBQ, obviously August is going to be coming home and so... you could always just jump in the car with him?"

I roll my eyes.

"Luella."

"I wanna get drunk with you." She pouts.

"I thought today was a sober day anyway?" I ask and she freezes slightly and then she groans, throwing herself back on my bed in frustration.

"It's August's birthday though? Surely I can have one day-"

I shrug. "It's up to you, obviously, I just thought your mum liked it."

"My mum's controlling." Lue mutters and then she checks her phone. "Speaking of which, the witch is outside."

"Lue." I laugh, shaking my head and she mutters no word of an apology towards calling her mother a witch. Apparently, she was one.

After getting changed and being called downstairs, August, my dad and I head out the door to walk to Ivy and Jackson's. Luckily my dad speaks enough for the both of us, but the fact we weren't speaking was pretty heavy and obvious as we walked together.

I needed to apologise.

I knew this. I needed to explain to him that I wasn't trying it on, that I just care about him and I am annoyingly affectionate. I just- he hurt my feelinsg sure, but it was after I stressed him out. And honestly, although he was most definitely not my crush anymore, him getting angry at me and calling me out didn't make him a bad person, it sort of just highlighted to me that he was a loyal guy.

That he was looking out for his little brother.

But I didn't know how to get him to talk to me or well I didn't wanna- he'll just dismiss me. I know how it'll go.

And also I am about to have to go and see Rayne. It's making me feel even more sick.

I still am not at all hungry so I wonder how I'll get around eating, I won't be able to, especially since they would have brought things specifically for me. They are sweethearts honestly.

"Emersyn." My dad says and I look up, lifting my hand to block the sun.

"You good?" He asks.

I frown then, wondering why he is asking.

"Yeah why?"

"You aren't talking excessive amounts." He says and I just frown a little, looking at the floor.

He nudges his shoulder into mine, trying to let me know he was just messing around, but I feel annoying, like that they even find me annoying. And I am stressed because Rayne and also stressed because August and, I let out a huff. At least Lottie will keep me company.

...

"Lottie's at her friends." Ivy smiles at me when I ask of her location.

I frown.

"Rayne's already outside though if you just wanna head through."

I nod slowly, looking around for my mum and since I can't even find her, I just head out and Rayne's head lifts from his hands when he sees me.

He was sat at the table besides his brother, August and my dad went straight outside when we got here, whereas I hung back to talk to Ivy.

"Hi." I say, walking around him and taking a seat down beside him, I feel awkward, pained.

"You okay?" He whispers, turning to me and I shrug honestly.

"Feel stressed." I offer back.

We sit in silence and he is the one to break it. Of course.

"I miss you." He says, ignoring August's presence and admittedly my eyes look from Rayne to August's face.

He must have felt my eyes because he looks up and he nods once at me, standing up and heading away from Rayne and I.

As August was now stood beside my dad and Jackson, I take a deep breath and look back towards my Rayne.

Who wasn't really my Rayne anymore.

"I miss you too." I whisper. It was true, I missed him, but it didn't mean I wanted anything to change.

He looks pained, his eyes searching my face and then Ivy and my mum come out with big bowls of salad and pasta and I smile at the sight of them.

"Emmy we have veggie burgers for ya."

"Thankyou Ivy." I say, leaning back on my chair and tilting my face up to the evening sun.

"You wanna go talk Em?" Rayne says and I shake my head.

"Dinner. Family." I say and he nods, smiling to his mum when she comes and sits down, taking August's original place.

And then we settle, I am a little quiet but I find myself feeling more comfortable when the adults come and sit down with us, talking and laughing between themselves and not noticing the tension.

August isn't talking much, but he's not cold, not when he's spoken to by one of our parents. But he does look tired, and he for sure isn't looking at me.

Which is chill. He never used to look at me anyway.

"Right yous are probably dying to go and do your own thing." Ivy chuckles and waves for us to go.

Usually Rayne and I would head upstairs now and we both looked at each other slightly awkwardly.

But he stands and pulls out my chair, so I guess I am following him to his room.

"It's been really weird not talking this week."

I stay quiet. I dunno what to say.

"Emersyn are you still mad at me?" He asks as soon as we walk into his bedroom and I just shrug.

Was I?

Yeah.

Did I think I also overreacted and freaked out a little... yeah...

I pull a face and then I slump down on his bed, lying down and he sorta laughs, sorta breathes a little painfully.

"I told my mates we broke up." Rayne says quietly and my eyes widen surprised, I stare at the ceiling and he sat down beside me.

"Told my mum too."

I frown at that, they didn't say anything tonight.

Rayne comes and sits down on the bed too, lying down so we were both staring up at the ceiling, shoulders pressed.

"Told her we were fine, she was surprised that we ended things. Told me we should try. That it's only been a month." He laughs gently and he grows silent.

"Also ended it with Will."

"You did?" I ask, turning my head to look at him.

"Mhm. It was shit. I was trying to end it and he was like there's nothing to end. Made me feel like a right dickhead."

I frown. "I am sorry." I whisper.

"It's okay." He says. "I would have never got with a girl who had a boyfriend, so I don't fucking know why I thought it was alright to get with a guy."

"Did it ever cross your mind that he was using Amelia the same way you were using me?"

Rayne shakes his head. "I think he loves her. Like genuinely. I think he just- I dunno what the fuck we were doing."

"So it's over?" I ask and he nods.

"A couple of weeks ago I had a beautiful girlfriend and a fiery affair on the side. Now I have nothing." His tone is jokey, amused and I just shrug.

"You have a friend." I tell him and he sits up, looking down at me.

"Just a friend?"

"Huh?" I whisper.

"Not a bestfriend?"

I couldn't help but let my lips tug up at that.

I shake my head. "Lue's overtaken you I am afraid. We can be friends on a simply trial basis."

He smiles down at me. Amused. "So you have a new best friend huh?"

I nod. Smiling a little back at him. "Yeah she's never made me cry."

His hand lifts to his chest and he gasps, lying back down next to me.

"Well I will find a new best friend too then."

"Fine with me."

He chuckles and rolls on his side. "Tell me what's been happening in your life Emersyn? I know we only haven't talked in like a week or so but I feel as if it's been a lot longer."

I shrug. Nothing really to report. "I have been doing a lot with Lue, it's been really nice actually. We went walking and we had a picnic on the beach, and we watched the fireworks off the pier the other night."

Rayne nods.

"Oh and I also slept in your brothers bed and we had a full blown fall out."

Rayne turns his head to me in surprise.

"You what?"

"Yeah." I cringe, laughing. "I was really drunk and you know me really drunk I get extra ass affectionate and I think lovey Emmy was a little much."

He smiles, amused. "You slept in his bed?"

"Yeah but he wasn't in it, he got out when I kissed his freaking hands."

Rayne chuckles, fully amused.

"God I wish I could have seen his face."

"I know. I think he thinks I am yanoe like- cheating on you. Cos he was like 'Emersyn you were all over me last night' and like told me off because obviously you and he said I needed to get a grip." I pout, turning my head to Rayne's.

Rayne nods. "Wow at least he didn't like- god imagine if he thought you were coming onto him and he didn't like mind it."

"I know." I say. "He also called me an idiot cos apparently I put myself in a vulnerable position."

"Sounds like you might have done." Rayne says gently.

I look at him then. "You aren't pissed off are you that your brother thinks I am obsessed with him?"

Rayne laughs and shakes his head. "You are obsessed with him."

"He's just pretty." I mumble, looking back at his amused face with a smile.

"No Em. I am not annoyed about that. Curious as to how you ended up in his bed though?"

Um...

"I can't really remember I think I just asked."

"And he let you?"

I nod. "He probably said no to be fair. But he climbed in too so..."

Rayne laughs and shakes his head at me. "But now you two are fighting?"

I shrug. "I need to apologise to him, explain that like I- I shouldn't have argued back to him I guess."

"Huh?"

"Like- I am not sorry for my actions. Other than the ones that made him uncomfortable. But in the morning he was so harsh and I was harsh back and I feel bad about that."

He nods. "Go talk to him now then."

I shake my head. "No I am afraid."

Rayne laughs. "Afraid?"

"Yeah August is intense."

"You don't have to actually be afraid of him though." Rayne says and I sit up.

"You think I should go apologise?"

He nods.

I look towards the door nervously, thinking about heading downstairs and finding him.

"He'll just be cold."

"Probably but he'll know where your head is at then. I said this before, I think august needs a friend like you, my life was awful this last week, like you are shit to lose Em. I want August to know what it feels like to have someone like you in his life."

I turn to Rayne then, that was such a nice thing to say.

"I am going to be brave."

He nods.

Brave but not pushy." I mumble to myself and stand, heading to the door but just before I go to pull it open, there's a knock from the other side.

"It's me." His voice is deep behind the door and I look back around at Rayne panicked.

"Come in bro." Rayne calls and then the door opens and me being the dickhead I am, doesn't move, so August whacks the door into me and I stumble away.

"Jesus Emersyn I thought you'd move. Are you okay?" Rayne is trying to hold in his laughter as I clutch my injured arm and I just huff.

"Fine. Thanks." I mumble and I turn to look at the basher.

"Why'd you say come in if she was so close to the door?" August says, confused and Rayne laughs then, loudly.

"I really thought she'd step back." Rayne gets to his feet and walks to me, lifting my arm in his hand.

It was fine.

Probably a bruise if that.

I just throw him a glare and we both look at August.

"You alright?" Rayne asks his brother and August lets out a tense noise.

I dunno what that meant. Yes or No.

"Can we have a word?" He says and I wait for him to direct his question to one of us and I am surprised when his eyes attach to mine.

"I was just about to come and ask you the same thing." I say softly, trying to ask casual and not shocked.

He backs away, heading out of Rayne's room and I throw a small smile to Rayne and then I follow August down the hall to his room.

Goodness.

He opens the door and I follow him in, feeling slightly, actually majorly awkward.

"You are so quiet it's more unnerving than your usual-"

"I am sorry." I blurt and then I wince because I totally interrupted him.

"Yeah I grow quiet when I am nervous." I say honestly and he walks around me and sits down on his bed, so I go and sit down on his desk chair, swivelling it around to face him.

"You're nervous?" August says and I nod.

"Yeah a little."

"Why?"

"Because I wanna make up with you, I don't want this to go badly."

His lips tug up at that. "You haven't been coming with Luella to the flat."

I nod slowly. "I didn't think I was that welcome anymore."

August chuckles. "Em you were never welcome."

I frown, looking at my feet. "I am sorry I made you uncomfortable last Wednesday. I know I am pushy and a lot and annoying."

He frowns but nods.