《Scattered light》Do You See What I See
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Put your arms around me
What you feel is what you are
And what you are is beautiful
- Goo Goo Dolls
I've never been the most observant person, and definitely not intuitive in the slightest, so it doesn't surprise me that it takes several factors blended together for me to realize its summer. First it's the trickling sweat beading on the back of my neck in the stuffy truck, bringing to light the way my shirt clings to my back against the sticky vinyl seat. Next is the way the air wavers just above the pavement stretching out before us, heat radiating off of the rough black surface. Lastly, and most noticeable, are the sunflowers. I remember, what seems like years ago, when Hinata mentioned that the train track in summer were lined with them, but I never could have imagined anything like this. The horizon is nothing but flowers and sunshine, breathtaking in the way only nature can be, giving you the feeling that the world is so much deeper than you can ever truly begin to comprehend.
I met Hinata in September, our story beginning as the leaves began to all and the air turned cold, fitting almost too perfectly with the person I was back then. I was reserved, removed from the idea of ever enjoying life the way I do now; a constant blizzard raging in my chest. But now, almost a full year later, and I've never felt so akin to the blazing August sun. It feels now, as I realize this gradual change in the season so suddenly, as if we are heading towards the summer of our lives.
"I still can't believe it," Suga says, pulling me away from the scenery and back into the thick air of the moving truck, both windows rolled all the way down yet doing nothing to cut the heat. "You've never been further that a fifteen minute walk from me since we met. Now you're going to be so far away." He lets out a quick sniffle and Hinata hides a laugh against my shoulder.
"Suga it's only an hour drive at most. You could literally come over every weekend if you wanted," I tell him, pulling at the front of my shirt to try and cool the sweat that gathers around my neck and chest.
"I know. I'm just going to miss you both so much," he sniffles again, and I roll my eyes. He's been acting like this ever since we told him about the property listing we found out in Hinata's home town. We were apprehensive about it at first, intimidated by the thought of purchasing a piece of land, but the price was too good to pass up, mostly due to the poor condition of the house, and we fell in love with the idea of it.
It had taken about two months worth of working on it every weekend, but eventually the two of us, along with Uncle Ittetsu and some other people in town, we rebuilt the collapsing walls and replaced the floors and roof. Little by little the broken down house became something new again, built with our own hands and the support of the community.
Slowly everything fell together around us until the decision felt like a goal we had unknowingly been working towards our whole life. Yachi bought the diner and found herself understaffed, and Hinata was all too excited to accept when she asked him to join the team after the move. He also put up a few hand painted cards for sale at the florist shop to make a little extra cash for the new house and they grew really popular with the online orders. Watching him paint new cards, usually different types of flowers or small animals, crept into our nightly routine.
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As for me, a position for music teacher opened up at Natsu's high school and she talked me into applying. Hinata was worried I wouldn't enjoy myself continuing in the teaching field, but I assured him that the schedule would give me plenty of time to work on my own projects and eventually figure out where to go from there.
I feels odd now, making this final trip and actually bringing our things along with us, our entire life stuffed into cardboard walls and sliding around in the back of a mostly empty truck. I almost feel as if it isn't real, but Hinata squeezes my hand from where he sits between Suga and I, and I know that it is, and I am so beyond excited to finally start our life here.
"So which road do I take?" Suga asks, leaning forward and squinting as he searches for the small dirt path off of the main road that I told him would lead us home.
"Up ahead a little more," I reply, the endless fields of grass split perfectly at the horizon by the vast country sky already familiar to me. "By the way, where'd Daichi and Oikawa go?" They had been following behind us in Daichi's mini cooper but I don't see their reflection in the side mirror anymore.
"They turned onto the highway a while ago. I think Daichi mentioned stopping by a store on the way before we left. Hopefully the GPS will lead them all the way out here," he explains, eyes darting to the mirror on his side, hands gripped tightly on the steering wheel even though we haven't seen any other traffic since leaving the city.
Hinata looks up at me and shrugs, squeezing my fingers despite the sweat between our palms. He's calm; the brightness of his eyes the only betrayer of his feelings. This is a new level of excitement; usually he can't stay still, but now he has transcended the plane of hyper motion and moved on to stony silence. I can only imagine what his thoughts sound like right now.
"You know what I'm going to miss the most?" Suga continues, water works just on the edge of his words. "The random video game sessions we had. Or pizza night. Wait! No. Definitely the dumb arguments you and Oikawa would get into," he says, choking a bit on the last few words.
"Holy shit, Suga, you sound like we're dying or something. Trust me, Oikawa and I are still going to argue about stupid shit literally every time we see each other," I shout, laughing because he sounds so ridiculous.
"Okay, okay. I know, I'm sorry. It just feels so weird."
"We'll come visit you so much that you'll get sick of us," Hinata signs, and I interpret since Suga can't (won't) look away from the road. And even if he did his sign language recognition still isn't great. "It'll be like nothing even changed."
"I'm going to hold you to that promise," Suga chuckles, and I'm surprised to find that the sob threatening at the back of his throat is finally gone. It took Hinata a fraction of the time it took me to learn how to calm Suga down.
"Is that it?" He asks, pointing ahead of us where the top of the house begins to rise through the haze of thick summer air. Hinata and I both nod and he smiles, finally tuning away from the road to look at us. "It sure sticks out."
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"I painted it, Hinata beams, some of his jittery excitement showing through the closer we get. Suga laughs and shifts his eyes to mine and I shrug, fondly remembering how carried away he got with the paint job. He could barely carry all of the buckets of paint he bought, trying to stack them on top of each other and almost toppling over countless times. Almost every section of our house is a different color. One for each outside wall, another for the window frames, three more for the porch and stairs. He kept it simple on the inside, but the outside looks like a page out of a Dr. Seuss book, and I love it.
The tires make a satisfying crunch on the gravel driveway and he three of us hop out of the cab, taking deep gulps of the outside air that is only fractions thinner and cooler than the inside. We start to carry in boxes while we wait for Daichi and Oikawa to show up, setting them down randomly on the wood floors. Every box breathes new life into the confines of the empty house, warming the walls and lighting a flame behind the dark glass windows. Each thump of cardboard hitting the floor like a heartbeat transforming the skeletal shelter into a home.
The couches come in next; and we just place them in the middle of the living room, planning to figure out how we'll decorate sometime later. We didn't bring much with us, there wasn't much tobring, but as Hinata goes around opening all of the curtains and windows I realize that I am not wanting for anything anymore. I have everything I need right here, and it feels amazing.
"It sure is hot out here. Are you guys going to get an air conditioner set up?" Suga asks, dropping onto a box next to me and pulling at his sweaty shirt. We're both panting slightly after carrying the furniture, but the heat doesn't bother me so much anymore. When you live in constant view of the sun you get used to the warm tingle it leaves on your skin and on the walls of your heart.
"Hinata says country air conditioning is big windows and taking a dip in the river," I chuckle.
"If that's the case I have a feeling you're in for a rough summer. Do you even know how to swim?
"I can doggy paddle," I shrug, pulling out my phone to check the time. "I think Daichi and Oikawa might've gotten lost somewhere."
"Oh you're right, it has been a while. I should call them," Suga replies, worry creeping into his voice, but his words are cut off by the sound of more tires on the gravel outside.
"Speak of the devil," I whisper, looking up as Daichi and Oikawa walk through the open front door.
"Knock knock," Daichi calls from behind a towering pile of pizza boxes, just as Hinata makes his way back downstairs, face lighting up at the sight of food.
"Oh no, you guys already unloaded everything? What a shame," Oikawa sighs, faking a shrug, a bag with cups and sodas in one hand.
"Surprise," Daichi continues, ignoring Oikawa and interrupting before I can say something snarky back to him. "It's the first official pizza night in your new house. We figured it was the best way to break the place in."
Hinata skips over, grabbing a pizza slice from the top of the box and eating half of it in one bite. "Why so many, though?" I ask.
"Well...," he answers, words trailing off at the end as he looks over at Suga and tries not to smile. I don't like where this is going.
"Yo yo yo, where my party people at?" The sound of footsteps and two very familiar voices call from the front porch.
"We called a few people over," Suga says, smiling as Bokuto and Kuroo make their way into the living room, Kenma following close behind.
"I did too!" Hinata chimes in, wiping pizza sauce on the side of his jeans before signing. "They should be here soon." He smiles brightly before grabbing another slice of pizza and following Kenma to the sofa. I'm trying to be annoyed, trying very hard, but the feeling doesn't come as easily as it used to.
"Wow, sweet bachelor pad, bro," Bokuto nods, stepping up next to me and lightly punching my shoulder. I don't know how he manages but I barely notice the beer he slips in my hand.
"It's not a bachelor pad, Bo," Kuroo laughs, clapping a hand on my other shoulder. "That's only for single guys. By the way, where's the fridge? We brought a whole case of beer that is not going to last long in this heat."
"The new appliances aren't going to be delivered until tomorrow sometime," I tell him, handing the beer over to him with a smirk. "The electricity isn't even on yet. Looks like you're gonna have to drink fast."
"Shit, really? You're gonna help us right?" Bo asks, eyes growing more desperate as he scans the room and everyone shakes their heads.
"Not a huge fan of warm beer in the afternoon," Daichi shrugs, pouring a glass of soda and handing it to Suga. "It's all yours, guys."
"Make sure you drink a lot of water with it," Suga adds, handing the glass to Oikawa as Daichi pours another.
"Well, bottoms up, bro," Kuroo shrugs, popping the top of one of the beers and tapping the can against Bokuto's. They wrap their arms together and drink, not moving until both of the cans are drained, crushing them in their fists with a satisfied laughing growl afterwards, the four of us watching in stunned (almost impressed) silence.
"So, pizza," Oikawa says, shaking his head and turning away as they reach for another can. He pulls paper plates from the bag he sat on the counter and hands them out. I hadn't realized how hungry I was until my stomach lets out a grumble when he offers the open pizza box to me.
"Looks like you guys started without us," comes another familiar voice from the kitchen door. I turn to find Natsu standing there, arms crossed and eyebrows raised as she watches Bokuto lean his head against Kuroo's shoulder, taking a break after the second downed beer.
"Don't even ask," I mumble through a bite of pizza, rolling my eyes at them.
"Oh no, trust me, I wasn't going to. I've found its better not to know," she smiles, tearing her eyes away from them and stepping into the room to wrap a small arm around my waist. I don't even hesitate to return her hugs anymore, her familiar strawberry scent filling my nostrils and adding another crucial piece to that feeling of home. "I brought you something."
She holds up a bag in her hand, pulling out a Tupperware of chocolate chip cookies. "You're the best, lil sis," I tell her, taking one and biting into it.
"I know," she smirks, offering the bowl of cookies to everyone else in the kitchen. "Uncle Ittetsu brought some stuff too. They're in the backyard setting up. We brought fold up tables and chairs since we figured you didn't have any yet. Oh, and an ice chest."
They? Who else could be here? "Don't tell Bo and Kuroo yet," I whisper, looking over to where Kuroo sits on the floor, halfway done with a third beer and stacking the empty cans in a pyramid on Bokuto's thigh.
"Of course not. You think I'm gonna let that end? They haven't even gotten started yet. Come on." I grab the sodas Daichi brought and Natsu grabs my free hand, pulling me through the living room to the back door, only stopping so I can tell Hinata his guests have arrived.
"All of them?" He asks, hopping up from the couch where he was watching Kenma do whatever it is he does on his phone.
"No not yet," Natsu answers, and again I ask, just how many people are coming?
The glass panel in the back door has a few paint splatters from where Hinata got a bit carried away, but it makes me smile. Everything about this place is ours, and I adore it from the foundation to the crooked tiles in the upstairs bathroom.
"Mom! You made it!" Hinata calls when we get outside, skipping over to where his mom is setting folding chairs around a plastic table and throwing his arms around her.
"Just barely," she smiles, running a hand through his hair. "My boss tried to call a meeting as I was leaving, but I told him that I had a prior engagement and no desire whatsoever to sit in a room with ten men talking over each other because they're trying to prove that I'm not the loudest one in the room." It still surprises me sometimes just how identical she and Natsu are.
"Where'd Uncle Ittetsu go?" Natsu asks, setting her cookies down and pulling the ice chest out from under the table for me.
"He went to grab the rest of the food from the car," she answers, turning to me and smiling again. "You boys are in for a treat. Ittetsu made so much food its ridiculous."
Hinata's face lights up at the mention of more food, and he and Natsu head towards the side of the house where the cars are parked, their mother turning to me after they head off. "How are you, Tobio?"
In the last few months I've spent quite a bit of time around Hinata's family with all the preparations, his mom included, and we've grown pretty close in such a short time. "Good," I answer, letting her hug me and pat my hair the same way she did her son's. "I'm still sort of in disbelief that this is happening. Everything feels to...perfect, you know? Like I'm going to wake up from a dream at any minute."
"That's real happiness, kid," she says. "That means you've made it big."
"I'm just trying not to lose it."
She looks over to where Uncle Ittetsu rounds the corner, Tupperware bowls stacked in his arms and struggling to hand some off to his niece and nephew without sending the whole tower down, and then to the table over to the side of us where the rest of the group starts to trickle out of the house and into the yard, some a bit more unsteady than others."It's harder than you think."
And she's right, I think. Losing this wouldn't be an easy task. I've fucked up so many times in the past, and yet these people I love so much have never left my side. All this time I thought I was the one holding onto them with all of my might, but it never occurred to me that they were holding on to me too. "Thanks, Yume," I grin, a new brightness adding to the excitement that was already coursing through my veins.
"Don't thank me for telling the truth." She cups a hand on my face, gently patting it as she smiles in that loving way only mothers can achieve. Her words mean a lot, coming from someone who threw away the love she had and somehow won it all back. She speaks from experience, and it feels great to be able to partake in her redemption.
"Kageyama, look!" Hinata calls, and I turn to find him holding up a plate of meat buns, already stuffing one into his cheeks like a hamster and grabbing for another.
"Hey! Slow down you're gonna make yourself sick," I say, whisking the plate away from him and replacing it with a glass of water from a pitcher someone set out.
"But I'm starving," he pouts, holding the meat bun between his teeth as he signs.
"Save room for dessert, Shouyou," Uncle Ittetsu laughs, finally getting everything set up and walking over to us. "I have a feeling you're going to like it. By the way, I didn't get a chance to finally congratulate you boys. Did you get everything moved in?"
"Mostly," I answer, accepting the quick hug he pulls us into. "We brought what furniture we had and a few boxes of random stuff; clothes, dishes, electronics. We have a shipment of a few other things coming tomorrow. I guess we couldn't wait to just get in here."
"It's exciting isn't it? You both worked so hard on this place and now you finally get to live in it," he beams, probably just as excited as we are.
"We couldn't have done it without you," Hinata signs, gulping down the last bits of his food.
"Really," I nod, remembering how much he taught the both of us during the rebuilding process. "We could never thank you enough."
"Well, now that you're all the way out here come visit me more often and we'll call it even."
"We promise," the both of us say together, voices mingling in the slight breeze that has picked up, dissipating a bit of the stagnant heat.
"Perfect," he grins, putting a hand on both of our shoulders, leaning up a bit on his toes to reach mine. His dark eyes widen as he sees something behind us. "Oh! The last of your guests are here."
We both turn just as two women make their way into the yard; one short and blonde and the other dark haired and elegantly beautiful, hands clasped between them. Yachi carries a pie in her hands, and before I notice Hinata has bounded over their way, jumping in circles around them. Kiyoko smiles, taking the pie from Yachi's hands as she struggles not to drop it during the attack.
They manage to keep the pie safe until it reaches the table, Hinata cutting into it as soon as the plate hits the plastic. Where he got the knife I have no idea. Yachi hovers over him, looking like she's going to faint any time the knife gets remotely close to his fingers, and Kiyoko turns to me.
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