There are many things in life I had trouble believing.

For instance, I found it incomprehensible that anyone could prefer milk chocolate to dark chocolate. That just wasn't right.

I also couldn't believe that, at one time in history, mullets, leg warmers, plaid bellbottoms and beehive hairdos were actually thing.

But mostly, I couldn't believe that my car was currently headed back to Aibek pack lands. The two weeks that Raevyn had worked with me had gone quickly.

She'd given me some potions, she'd cast some spells and then she'd wait a day or two to see how my pain was before trying something new since nothing seemed to be helping.

On the plus side, the pain didn't seem to be any worse than it was those first few days. My sleep was still interrupted by bad dreams, but they weren't as vivid, nor were they as terrifying. In my latest dreams, Night was hunting me, both as wolf and as man, but I always woke up just as he found me. So, in that sense, the sleeping remedies Raevyn was giving me were working. I wasn't waking up terrified, shaking and sweating from the horrific images plaguing my dreams. Now, I would just come awake with a gasp, calling Night's name.

Raevyn would search my eyes in the morning and frown at what she read there.

"These always worked before," she'd mutter as she considered her herbs and tried different combinations. "It must be the Alpha and Howl combination -- stronger than anything I've ever seen."

Owena and Echo and I explored her acres, full of rolling hills and trees, both as humans and as our fur girls. One memorable day, we even hunted with Blaisall's wolf, a timid, white-furred creature who seemed uneasy to be roaming, always casting about for new scents, ears up and alert for any unnatural noise. She seemed glad to shift back into Blaisall, and I felt terrible that her wolf didn't rejoice in the freedom of running and playing in the woods as our three wolves did.

"She's just old," Blaisall explained. "And I think having Raevyn inside of her makes her skittish. That's a lot of magic trapped inside of one little wolf. Honestly, I don't think Raevyn likes it, either, because when my wolf is out, her magic doesn't work, so I think Raevyn's discomfort makes my girl uneasy."

For most of our two weeks, we saw Raevyn, and only rarely did Blaisall move her aside. "I know you need her," she'd told us. "I don't want you to think I don't want to be with you, but Raevyn needs to be out so she can try to help you."

But at the end of two weeks, Raevyn had to admit defeat. "I'm only barely managing your pain as it it, Neera. Right now, I'm holding it at bay, but pushing back the pain of an Alpha rejection is like trying to hold back a tsunami with a cardboard wall. It's only temporary. It won't last. I can give you the sleeping herbal potion and show you what you need to make it, but I'm afraid that's the best I can do. I've used all of my strongest spells that should have helped, but the pain is getting around them, especially in the day time."

I tried to mask my dismay and pressed my hand to hers. "You tried your hardest. I appreciate everything you've done."

"I'm so sorry, child," she said sadly. "I thought I could help you more."

"Raevyn, honestly, I don't want you to feel bad. I've never seen anyone try harder to help a complete stranger. I can't even express how much I appreciate it."

She gave me a small smile and patted my hand. "If I didn't know better, I'd say there was some magie maléfique involved."

"What's that?" Echo asked.

"A magic that no longer exists," she said with a shudder. "And be thankful for that. It was pure evil."

"It's that much stronger than...any other magic?" I asked.

"Nothing should be stronger than the pull of a Destined One. Nothing," she explained to the three of us after dinner. "Not even my magic could prevent that kind of pull. It's its own special magic, so even if there was magic involved, Night should have been able to resist it. Only an evil magick using magie maléfique could overcome the sheer force of the Destined One, but the evil magicks were the first to be taken out by the wolves all those years ago. Not one was left alive and the magie maléfique died with them. The wolves made sure of that before they came after the good magicks."

Considering the three of us didn't even know any magic or magicks had ever existed, this was a strange and frightening world Raevyn had lived in hundreds of years ago.

"There is only one thing left to do with the pain, Neera. But you won't like it."

"Does this involve removing her brain or anything?" Owena asked. To be honest, I'd been a little afraid that Raevyn's solution was going to be something a little grisly, too, like tearing my heart out of my chest and replacing it with a rock.

Raevyn shot Owena a horrified look. "No. But maybe something almost as extreme from Neera's point of view."

"OK, tell me. I'm ready," I said as I closed my eyes, my body tense.

"You have to go back," she said quietly.

Owena jumped up, her chair skidding away from her with a screech.

Echo clapped her hands over her mouth as if she was trying to prevent herself from throwing up.

Me? My eyes popped open. "No," I said firmly. "No. I can't go back there. He'll kill me. And even if he doesn't, seeing them together will kill me. I could even survive being a zeta, I think, but seeing them together will just...will just...no. I can't do that."

"You must," Raevyn said, just as firmly. "Being near to him will help with the pain. Between proximity and my sleeping remedy, you will be able to survive."

I huffed out a short laugh. "Survive. My life has become such a joke that the best I can hope for is to survive. This rejection is the birthday gift that just keeps on giving."

"We'll figure this out," Owena vowed. "We'll go to human doctors and see if some of their strong medicines can --"

"No," Raveyn said. "That will not help Neera. And if you two loyal friends really do want to help her, you must make sure she goes back. If she does not...well, if she does not, Neera will eventually perish."

"Great! I perish if I don't go back, I perish if I do go back. Is there a third option, by any chance? Like, can't I stay here with you?"

"I'm only keeping it at bay," she told me again. "Even my magic can't do much more and it won't last forever."

For a long, long time, I looked down at the table, wondering if this is how people felt when they were sentenced to death long ago and had to walk out to face their executioner. Going back would mean my death. My wolf was sweet, but I'd discovered two weeks ago that she thought of Night as hers and she'd fight anyone who said otherwise, fight anyone who tried to take our mate or even put their hands on him.

Only the Alpha decree had kept me from attacking Lindsay Morgan, but now? No such decree existed.

Fine. Living like this wasn't living. I'd go back, a Howl returning to the Alpha who rejected her, and I'd do my best to keep my wolf suppressed and live my life as best I could...as a freaking zeta, no less...until I could take no more and my wolf broke free.

When I looked up, Raevyn, Echo and Owena were looking at me with varying expressions of pity and compassion.

No.

"We'll head back tomorrow morning," I said. "We'll be home in two days."

So, the next morning, we said goodbye to Blaisall, and then we said goodbye to Raevyn. "Thank you for everything," I said as I hugged her. "I appreciate everything you've done for me."

"Good luck to you, child," she said, her mouth set. Then she hugged me again and whispered some last-minute advice in my ear.

Goodbyes over, we piled into the car, Owena driving the first shift. She honked as we pulled away, and we began our journey back to the pack lands.

We barely said five words the rest of the day, each of us lost in thought.

The next day was a little better, but as we grew closer to the pack lands, we stopped talking again. Complete silence reigned for the last twenty miles until I was pulling up to the gates. The guard looked surprised when he saw me.

"Howl," he said, addressing me with a respectful nod as if Night hadn't rejected me.

"That's rejected Howl to you," I corrected him with the tiny little bit of spirit I had left.

I doubted it would last long. At some point on the way home, I'd realized I could be in quite a bit of trouble beyond just being rejected. As a zeta, I wasn't allowed to leave pack lands, and I'd not only left, I'd left without permission from the Alpha's Teeth.

The guard waved us through the gates, and we drove -- once again in silence -- to the apartment complex where we all lived.

After I parked, I sat back in my seat. Staring straight ahead, I swallowed. "I just want to thank you two for going with me and standing by me through all of this. You are everything best friends should be, and so much more. I will never forget --"

"Stop it. Please just stop and don't say anything else," Owena ordered, her voice thick as she pleaded with me.

"We'd do it again," Echo sniffled from the back seat. "Just know that."

I nodded, unable to speak, and then we all got out of the car.

"Holy shit!" Owena burst out, grabbing my arm and directing my attention behind us. "Alpha wolf dead ahead, coming in straight for you."

A wolf is a beautiful creature. An Alpha wolf, twice as large as most others, faster, stronger, more ferocious, was a breathtaking sight.

He was coming to kill me. I knew it. He was running full out, and I'd only been on pack lands for three minutes. This was a wolf on a mission.

To kill me.

I stood tall, unwilling to let him see my fear. He could probably smell it anyway.

Then my ride or die friends did something so foolish, so dangerous, I couldn't believe it. They shifted and stepped in front of me, their message clear.

Not today, Alpha.

As if the two of them could stop him from killing them with one swipe of his mighty paw.

Ten feet from me, Night shifted and stood in front of me, naked and just as beautiful as when he was wolf. Muscled, amazing arms crossed over his broad chest, thick thighs braced.

"Away," he gave the decree to Owena and Echo, and though they whined, they had no choice but to obey and they moved back from me.

In three long strides he was in front of me, his hands grabbing my arms, those golden eyes searching mine until I looked away. Never would I look into his eyes again, remembering all too well those delicious connections being built between us -- until he'd shattered them.

"Where have you been? Are you OK?" His voice, as was often the case after a male shifted, was deep and guttural, sometimes seeming to belong more to a wolf than to a man.

Trying to shake off his hands, I became frustrated when he wouldn't let go.

"I've been looking all over for you. I sent out teams to track you the minute I realized you'd left. Were you taken? Or did you leave on your own?"

There is something about being the focus of an Alpha's intensity. It's overwhelming, it's disorienting and it's a little bit scary. The kind of power I was facing had never in my life been directed at me, and I didn't like it.

"On my own," I stammered. "I left on my own."

"Don't do that again," he commanded me.

"Right," I said, still looking at the ground. "Because zetas can't leave pack lands. Got it."

He made a noise that sounded a lot like impatience and gripped my arms a little tighter.

"Because I was worried," he snapped. "Two weeks I didn't know where you were. None of the teams I sent out could find you, not one single trace of you. I didn't know if you were alive."

"Well, I'm sure that was a huge concern while you were busy fucking Lindsay Morgan."

Shit! I did not just throw that in my Alpha's face. I must have had a death wish, trying to accelerate the inevitable or something, because taking that tone with the Alpha would normally spell lesson time.

"Look at me," he said.

But strangely, he didn't make it a decree.

Which meant I didn't have to obey. So I didn't.

"Look at me," he repeated, more forcefully this time, but still not as a decree. Why?

"No thanks," I tossed back at him. "Last time I was forced to look at you, I did not like the live porn show, so I'm never going to look at you again."

Ummm, where the fuck was this coming from? Why was I suddenly not afraid of this man? Was it knowing I was going to die one way or the other and the when and the how no longer mattered? They were just unimportant details that all ended at the same place: with me dead.

Then he stepped back from me and howled, long and loud. Calling everyone to the Den.

Oh, shit. He was going to execute me in front of everyone at the Den.

Then he grabbed my hand -- my hand, not my arm -- in such a strong, firm grip, that I couldn't tear my hand from his hold no matter how hard I tried.

And I tried.

He pulled me after him, and I glanced over my shoulder to see Owena and Echo following, their wolves trotting after me, exchanging worried glances.

"Why are you doing this?" I asked him, suddenly realizing I didn't want to die today. "Please don't. I'll be good."

He didn't stop, but something in my tone must have broken through to him.

"What do you think is happening?" he asked me, just a hint of concern in his tone.

"You're taking me to the Den to kill me," I choked out.

"No," he said, walking faster. "I have an announcement to make and I need you there for it."