"Do you still have feelings for me?" As the words slipped from his mouth I felt my heart race.

Did I?

Did I still have feelings for the boy who came over with tomato soup (I hated chicken broth) every single time I was sick? Did I still have feelings for the boy who kissed me like he hadn't seen me in years? Did I still have feelings for the person who stroked my hair when we lay down, never asked for sex because he knew I wasn't ready? Did I still have feelings for the boy who was my best friend and boyfriend and loved each and every part of me like he meant it?

"Yes." I did.

Deep down, I still loved Griffin. But I also had feelings for Jay. And after I'd broken up with Griffin, he'd done so many things. Terrible things that he knew would hurt my heart despite me being the one who broke up with him. I told myself I'd never forgive him. But I did. Each day away from him chipped away the anger, and now, in this moment, it all melted away.

Before I could open my mouth to say anything else, I felt Griffin's lips crash onto mine.

The perfect synch; it's like we never stopped kissing. And I couldn't help myself- I didn't just let him kiss me. I kissed him back.

He gently pushed me down onto the soft mattress. I lay on the pillows, my hair spread around me like a halo. He kissed my lips- soft kisses that gradually became harder, more passionate- and then his tongue slipped into my mouth and there we were- connected again. But it didn't feel right. I kissed him back not because I wanted to love him, but because I needed closure. I'd never go back to Griffin. I couldn't.

I heard the floorboards creak by the door. I immediately jumped up- thinking of Jay. What have I done?

When nobody appeared to be there, and Griffin told me I'd just imagined it, the guilt still didn't subside.

Griffin shrugged and crashed his lips onto mine again, and his hands gradually made their way to the waistband of my shorts. I wasn't kissing him back and he didn't notice.

"Griffin, stop."

He retracted his hand and sat up. "What's wrong?"

I stood up and shook my head. "I'm sorry. This shouldn't have happened." I ran out of the room, leaving Griffin on the bed, confused as ever, calling out my name.

That was two people I'd led on. I felt a lump in my throat and my eyes welled with tears. In the moment, everything had felt so right. Because when your lips are locked with the boy you once loved with everything you had, nothing feels wrong. But it was. And it was either Griffin or Jay and right now I felt like I didn't deserve either of them.

I needed to find Jay and tell him. He deserved to know. The sober Jay does. If it was the drunk one, then I'll wait until tomorrow. I'd just be fighting a storm.

I pushed through the crowd. Jay didn't appear to be inside. I figured going outside was my best bet. There were less people in a more spacious area and I would be able to actually see who I was looking at.

Jay was nowhere in sight. Where could he have gone? My heart hurt but I didn't have any self-pity. I led Jay on and then told Griffin I had feelings for him and let him kiss me. I had to make this right. Or, at least tell Jay before Griffin does.

I wanted to be alone for a moment. Away from the party. The best I could do was sit on the dock. Griffin was upstairs, and so were a bunch of other people. Everyone was either inside or in the backyard. Nobody was on the dock. I wanted to relax by the water for a bit. Privacy was my only consolation right now.

As I made my way to the dock, I heard two voices. A deep, male one, and a feminine voice, laughing and talking.

I went closer. The gate to the dock was open and there were people sitting at the edge of it, lips locked. When I got closer and could see in the dark, I nearly dropped my cup.

A familiar dark head and ginger curls turned around once they heard my footsteps on the dock.

This was the worst possible pang to my heart. A stab in the gut. They turned around and the knife went in deeper. There were hickeys all over Jay's neck.

"What do you want, Alina?" Erin snapped. "He doesn't want anything to do with you anymore. He saw you kiss Griffin."

All the breath was sucked out of me. Jay probably saw us and assumed the worst. Well, it was.

I didn't think Jay felt the same way about me. I didn't think this would hurt him that much. But when I saw the look in his eyes, the way he drunkenly moved about, and the way his brows were furrowed, I suspected he felt something in that heart of his. I didn't know how I would explain this to him. He was so stubborn- but I had to make it right.

"Jay, I-"

"Save it, Alina. Go fuck yourself. And that blondie. You two look like siblings. What a great match." He spat. He was drunk, although I'm sure his words would be just as venomous if he was sober.

"Jay why do you care? You sleep with girls left and right? Why do you care so much?"

"I don't." He was lying. Save it, Alina. He cared, he just didn't want to show it. His eyes gave it away. Jay Von Baron could act as tough as he wanted to but his eyes could never mask what he was feeling. That's why he never played poker.

"You do. That's why you're angry. Jay, can we please talk? When you sober up?"

"I don't care what you do. I'm only pissed because you weren't supposed to hook up with someone behind my back. I was gonna do it first. I wanted to be the one who led you on then ended it first." He said.

They say drunken words are sober thoughts, and I wondered if Jay actually meant what he was saying. I was on the verge of sobbing. I'm sure Erin could see my tears. I'm sure she was just loving this.

"I'd have gotten pissed you did that." She said. "But I don't really like Griffin. Anyways, I prefer Greenwich bad boy over here." She leaned in to kiss him. He let her lips touch his, but Jay didn't kiss Erin back. He just looked at me.

I didn't want to start crying in front of them, so I hurried away. There was nowhere to go, but I have to be anywhere but here. I turned around, one last time. Jay was still looking at me.