KIMBERLY

the sun—at that right time before sunset—was hitting the glass windows of the meeting room ethereally.

The tense atmosphere created by the board members was balanced by the light, giving me some faith that maybe—just maybe—everything would turn out okay. It was wishful thinking, but right now, it was all I could depend on.

"How lovely of you to join us, Ms. Astor," one of the senior board members, Markus Farrell, greeted me, animosity seeping through his tone. Looks like he's been taking a leaf out of Dad's book. Nonetheless, you don't make it in this world if you let them get to your head.

I had my own reasons for disliking every single cell of skin on that man, but for the sake of running a company, I couldn't let that show... theoretically.

Markus Farrell has been with our company—serving as the COO—for a little over a decade, so he had the seniority and connections that would make Dad kill me if I did anything to piss Farrell off.

It didn't matter that Dad didn't like him either. After all, business was business.

Placing myself in the seat adjacent to Dad's, I forced a smile in his direction. "Of course, I wouldn't miss this for the world."

"I assume you are aware as to why we called for this meeting," a slightly warmer voice called out.

Dr. Keisha Adebayo was another one of the high-ranking board members and CFO of the company. Being a woman of color in a white man's world is not to be taken lightly, but Dr. Adebayo filled her role with grace and dignity. The same can't be said for everyone here.

With more respect in my tone, I responded, "I think I have an idea as to why I'm here, but there might be more I'm unaware of."

This was nothing but the truth. My drinking situation—and the habits that came with it—wasn't an unusual topic of conversation, but it's not often that all the board members gather to discuss it. It was more something Dad preferred to berate me about in private because 'image matters'.

Dr. Adebayo continued, knowing that the only person who I would remotely listen to was her, "As you already know, our long-term investors are getting angsty with the transition of power from your father to you."

"Angsty is an understatement," Markus rudely interrupted. I narrowed my eyes in his direction and opened my mouth to let out what would be considered an inappropriate retort, but the death glare Dad was giving me put my comeback on hold.

"Refrain from interrupting me while I'm speaking," Dr. Adebayo continued. "As I was saying, they are especially uncomfortable because of your very public habits that they consider a weakness against our old, but strong rivals."

She didn't even need to name them. I instantly knew who she was talking about.

There are a few companies that dominate a majority of the industry that they are in. As a conglomerate, we have a foot in many of those industries. However, there was a company that was giving us a run for our money.

Laurent-Shaw Inc.

Gregory Laurent and David Shaw were two very lucrative business partners and created a major alliance to save their suffering companies. They were doing great for a while until David Shaw suddenly passed away about a decade ago.

It shocked the business world, but the company slowly recovered and recently began attacking at full force, putting their seemingly docile nature aside.

I didn't know much about the two, but I definitely knew Gregory Laurent's son Nathan Laurent.

There are only two words I can think of to describe him: fucking asshat.

The twenty-seven-year-old has already developed a reputation of being annoying and an absolute nightmare to work with. He was cunning, which was a given considering his father, but the rest of him had my fist itching for a target.

I had the absolute pleasure of meeting him when he inappropriately touched Vivian at one of the galas we attended a couple years back.

Needless to say, he walked out of there with a black eye and a crooked nose.

The press was a nightmare the next day and I had to listen to one of Dad's lectures about how punching future CEOs was not appropriate behavior. Sadly, he was right because Laurent had a stupid grudge against us because I messed up his stupid face. Dad would kill me for saying this, but I didn't regret my actions in the slightest.

"That's exactly why I'm ready to start handling more responsibilities. I know their weaknesses and everyone here can agree that my habits never made me neglect my duties," I stated for the millionth time.

I understood their hesitations—I truly did—but I have always proven myself capable of being in charge of this company.

It was in my blood. It was everything I worked for.

Sure, over the years, I developed a few bad habits, but this company was all I had. It was the last vestige of normalcy in my life.

Wahid El-Amin, another board member and friend of Dad's, decided to butt in at this time, much to my dismay. "With all due respect Miss. Astor, your habits are what got us into this situation with Laurent-Shaw Inc. in the first place."

No, it was his disgusting nature that got us into this mess.

"I have to disagree," I started, feigning innocence. "I happened to be quite sober when I punched that asshole," I truthfully responded.

"Kimberly! This is not a joking matter," Dad chastised from right next to me.

"I'm not joking. I'm dead serious," I responded nonchalantly, done with everyone's whining about my actions. It's not like I was denying punching him. Hell, I was wearing it like a proud badge that I polished every night before sleeping.

But I was in no mood to tolerate getting all this blame thrown at me for no reason.

The crisp and clear authoritative voice belonging to Dr. Adebayo cut us all off. "I am not interested in knowing your state of being that day nor do I think that we should continue to discuss it. I am merely concerned with the future of this company, which is exactly why the board members have all collectively come to an agreement."

"Okay, hit me," I bluntly stated, knowing that I would not like the words that left her mouth after this.

Nothing good ever came out of a group of people deciding the future of your life.

She cleared her throat before continuing, as if she herself did not like what she was going to say either. "Well, Kimberly, we have decided that having a formal merger with Kingston Industries is the best way to go."

This shocked me. Like genuinely shocked me.

"How much more of a formal alliance do you want?" I asked, genuinely perplexed. "Alex has been a family friend for ages. He wouldn't do anything to hurt us. If anything, he'll support us vehemently."

I spoke nothing but the truth. I loved Alex like a second dad, considering I've known him for my entire life and Dad's known him for probably his entire life too. It was years and years of love and loyalty.

But the looks on everyone's faces clearly told me that I missed something yesterday while I was busy getting drunk.

Shit.

"As of yesterday, the official CEO of Kingston Industries is no longer Alexander Kingston. As stated in the press conference last year, Alexander's son Jace Kingston began transitioning into the role and was officially announced as the CEO yesterday. Is there any reason you were not aware of this?" Her expression showed that she knew exactly why I wasn't aware of this.

Because I was getting shit-faced drunk.

"Of course not," I lied. "It must've slipped my memory for a second. You know... lack of sleep and all." I avoided all eye contact knowing she could sniff out my bullshit.

"Sure," Markus snorted like the attention snob he was.

Deciding to ignore him and change the subject, I continued, "I am still confused on what you mean by a formal alliance. Do you think Alex's son is out to get us or something?"

I didn't know much about the man, considering he randomly showed up into the public's eye not too long ago. According to Dad, I was too busy 'making a fool out of myself' to meet him, and I haven't gotten the opportunity since.

Almost everyone else I knew got to meet the guy, but none of them said anything bad or particularly alarming about him.

"We trust in Alexander's choice of a CEO and Jace Kingston seems very respectable. However, considering how we know nothing of him and he knows nothing of us, there's a lot of gray areas that we wish to cover to have a solidified and stable front for Laurent," Wahid attempted to explain.

What the hell is he on about?

Dad took the initiative to continue, seeing the look of pure stupefaction dancing across my face. "What we're trying to say is that a marriage alliance between you and Jace would be very beneficial to this company."

"What?" I all but yelled.

He continued, as if he didn't just utter the word that had me freeze from the inside out. "He's a sensible young man and you need direction. The stability of your marriage will be beneficial to your image, our investors, and help slow down our issues with Laurent."

Of course. Of course he would have no qualms about using my life as a business move, forgetting how badly this would affect me.

I couldn't do this. I couldn't get... married. Even thinking the word triggered my gag reflex, turning the butterflies in my stomach into angry wasps.

He couldn't possibly be serious. I knew he had his back to the wall, but this was just going too far. Dad knew me. He knew—to some extent—why I couldn't and wouldn't want to ever go through with this. So, why? Why was he acting like this was nothing when I was sitting here, struggling to breathe?

"Dad," my normally sarcastic voice reflected the mental turmoil I was experiencing. In a matter of seconds, I was back to being the little girl who felt her life spiraling out of control.

It was all I was used to for so long.

I didn't want to feel that again.

His familiar face held that stern expression, emphasizing the fine lines that came with age and the stress of having me as a daughter. The expression he reserved for matters that were strictly business because—apparently—that's all my life was to him: purely business.

Why was it like this? Why did he have to change so much? Doesn't he know that—deep down—I needed him? Didn't he know that I was struggling to keep going?

Dad was looking at me. Sure, he was looking into my eyes. But he was looking with as much emotion evident on his face.

"Additionally, it will allow you to transition into your role in this company with minimal pushback. His strong business background makes him excellent for this," Dad responded as if he's been thinking about this for ages.

Knowing him, he probably has.

Keep calm. Keep calm. I was so close to opening my mouth and saying 'why don't you marry him then?', but I was not in the mood to be launched out of a skyscraper.

Like it did so many times before, my hand immediately shot up to my necklace and my fingers started tracing the dainty letters. The soothing and familiar notion helped to control my breathing. I couldn't help but notice how Dad's eyes followed the notion.

For the first time since the start of the meeting, I saw an emotion other than anger and indifference on his face. For the first time in a while, there was guilt.

Like I cared...

"Well, where are they? Shouldn't they be here to discuss this since it's a freaking marriage we're talking about?" I asked, later realizing that it didn't come out as calm as I wanted it to.

Dad sighed, clearly expecting this reaction from me. "They're currently having a similar meeting discussing it. But Alex seemed very enthusiastic at the prospect."

Double shit.

♕♕♕

Vivian watched me silently as I entered our apartment and went straight upstairs to my room.

My best friend knew me well enough to know that if I wasn't insulting anyone or cracking obnoxious jokes, something was wrong. And—in this particular case—something was very, very wrong.

I didn't even bother turning on the lights, opting for the natural moonlight and lights from the nearby buildings to fill my room. Changing into something more comfortable, I plopped onto the bed, grabbing my favorite bottle of Polish vodka as if it were a stuffed animal.

It was oddly comforting: holding my vice as if it were the only thing giving me solace.

In many cases, it was.

Theoretically, I didn't mean to start drinking as heavily as I did. At least I had self-awareness. But, once I started, everything just felt better.

Well, I wouldn't say better, but everything just went away. And when things went away, I felt better. When my mind didn't have all those thoughts running through it, muddled by the effects of alcohol, I felt better.

I knew it was bad, a toxic relationship of sorts. I had enough people breathing down my neck and informing me of its detriments, but until I found something else that made everything go away, this would have to suffice.

Swinging my legs off the edge of the bed, feeling the fluffy duvet consume me like some sort of fucked-up burrito, I took the time to calm down, unscrewing the bottle to take a drink.

The familiar burning sensation hit my throat and I couldn't help the sigh of satisfaction that left my mouth.

What seemed like a few minutes later, the door to my bedroom opened, the warm white light from the hallway seeping in, highlighting the silhouette of the woman who knew me better than I knew myself.

The open door gave Momo the perfect opportunity to strut through, jumping up to take her rightful spot on my stomach. I began petting my little friend, the familiarity and comfort of her purrs filling the room.

Shutting the door behind her, Vivi finally entered, plopping down on the bed next to me.

"That bad?" Vivi asked, breaking the silence.

Tears pricked my eyes as I took another drink. "He wants me to get married," I whispered, as if saying it quieter would make it less real.

As if I could whisper it out of existence.

Vivi's breath hitched, clearly not expecting that response out of me. "What?"

"He thinks it'll clear up my image," I explained, shifting to place my head against her shoulder. In response, she shifted to accommodate me, bringing her hand up to my hair in the way we were accustomed to. "You can say 'I told you so'," I attempted to joke, the words coming out like a pained sob.

"I wish I couldn't," she responded, continuing the motions. "Who?"

"Jace Kingston."

She stayed silent.

I knew she met him in the past, and I vaguely remember her mentioning how aloof he seemed. Coming from the queen of aloofness herself, that meant something.

Oh my god. I was going to marry a complete fucking stranger.

After twenty-five years of knowing me, Vivian was used to all the subtle shifts in my behavior, so it was no surprise she sensed my thoughts of realization. "Are you okay?"

"No." The words 'I'm fine' wouldn't cut it with her, so I settled for honesty. "I can't marry him," I continued. Dread was filling up in my body, slowly making its way to the top before it completely consumed me.

I wish I was being dramatic. I wish I could just accept this like a normal person.

But I couldn't.

"Is there any way out?" she asked, stepping into lawyer mode.

"No," I huffed. "The board members made it clear. If I wanted to be CEO, I'd have to marry him to fix my reputation and all the other things that come with an alliance. God, you and Ash were right."

"Kim, we really hoped we were wrong," Vivi replied apologetically. "So badly wrong."

"It's not your fault," I quickly got out. "I started this problem and this is how Dad retaliates. What happened happened. I just have to deal with it."

At this, she turned to face me, her face slightly illuminated by the dim light coming through my large windows. "You're Kimberly Nyla Astor. You don't just deal with things. You grab it by its balls and have them bend to your will."

I gave her a weak smile. "Where do I even start? I don't have the energy to fight anymore."

"The marriage may be against your will, but the terms don't have to be," she explained. "Set your boundaries. Lay out your conditions. Give yourself control. This"—she gestured to my defeated state—"isn't you nor will it ever be you. Remember that, dumbass."

I flipped her off, silently laughing because I knew she was right.

I was Kimberly freaking Nyla freaking Astor.

No one walked over me.

No one made me feel helpless.

***

we love seeing powerful woc in business.

also, the original version of this chapter didn't have the last part, but i genuinely like having her vulnerable side showing this early on.

what do y'all think?

love, zia.