《I'll Love You》2}~ Because I Was Smart

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The ten or so faces on my screen were all laughing and chatting, me with them, but there was one of them inpaticular, one of them I felt instantly comfortable talking to, as if i had talked to that face all my life.

A strange sensation soared through my stomach, into my heart and landed precariously in my brain. It felt like I was being bombarded by people shouting at me, telling me something I should know, I did know, I need to know.

I tried to push it away and ignore it, but a feeling so big and overwhelming isn't easily pushed away.

"Beth!" Someone shouted to me, and I looked to see my sister, Nicole, waving, trying to get my attention from the corner of my screen. I gave a little smile in response. "What were you thinking about?"

"Nothing, just thinking." I said hastily.

"You don't sound to certain," replied Nicole, a little smirk dashing across her face.

"Well my thoughts don't need to be publicised thank you very much!" I laughed.

"Feisty aren't you!" This was the interesting one who said that, the one I couldn't stop thinking about, the familiar one. We all laughed and my face started to go a nice shade of pink, making me laugh even more.

His sister was sitting next to him. Netty was the odd one out, as she didn't like gaming or anything in that genre. She was decent and sweet though, which is something.

"Joe remember we need to be up early tomorrow for uni, and you've been talking all day, come and I'll order a Chinese."

"We have to go back tomorrow too, it really sucks." Said Amy, making Salem nod in reply.

It turned out they all did, except Rosie and Finball, who were American, and Lee and me, who were still in school.

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I hated school, no one payed any attention to me really, I was just Michael's girlfriend. Michael was one of the most popular guys in our school, and he decided I was pretty, and I somehow became his girlfriend. But it wasn't like that really. Him and his mates would force me to do their homework, because I was "smart", and if I didn't they would hit me and hurt me.

Then at home it was worse. He lived next door, with his big sister, but she was "out" all the time, so it was just him.

He would invite me over, and force me to clean his house, cook his meals and wash his clothes, but I was only sixteen . He thought that because I was his girlfreind, I was his slave.

At first I didn't mind.

It was Wednesday evening, after his Rugby practice, And I was at home, when he called me, telling me to get my lazy arse over to his right now. So I went round and he shouted at me for not making him dinner, then started beating me, head to foot, 'til I was black and blue, and screaming and crying for him to stop. But he kept going, unleashing all his anger out on me, as punishment for when I "hadn't cleaned the mircowave properly" or the time I forgot to buy him a Coke after school, or when my "curry was too mild" and everything else I had done wrong.

After he was finished, I dragged what felt like a corpse to the bathroom, and started cleaning myself up. I jumped in the shower, a let the hot water stream over my swollen neck, across my beaten back and down my cut legs.

Once I was clean, I looked at my disgusting body in the mirror. I reached for the scissors I knew were under the sink, and dug them deep into the worthless flesh of my wrist. As I did so I told my self why I deserved each one.

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I was lazy, and couldn't help someone when they needed it.

I was worthless.

I was ugly.

I was fat.

I was unnecessary.

I was alone.

~-~End of Flashback~-~

I had to go back to Michael tomorrow, and do his summer homework for him.

We had been together since December last year, when he seemed so sweet and sincere. I want to hate him, but I just can't . Something inside me told me not to, and to love him.

I wanted to break up with him, yet he threatened to "hurt me beyond repair". I lived in fear of my own boyfriend, th one who claimed to love me, the one who claimed I love him.

I was going back on Thursday, because my school decided to have a half week to start with to "ease us back into the way of everything". Personally I thought it was rubbish, a week is a week whether it's a half week or a full week.

"Joe, come on the food is here, let's go!"

"Fine, bye everyone, talk to you tomorrow? Here is my number." Joe recited his phone number, and I scribbled it down on my hand.

"Ok, I'll call you later." I said after a pause. The thought of calling this guy, even though I had been talking to him for 12 hours, gave me the nerves. Michael said my voice sounds horrible over phone, even more than it does normally.

Joe and Netty waved good bye and then left the call. In the end everyone else decided to as well, and one bye one the fun faces vanished from my laptop screen. I sighed. I was alone, my mum was away with her work, and my big brother Andy was out with his girlfriend and probably wouldn't be back until the morning, when he would try to sneak into the house, and fail, waking me up with his stomping and banging.

I got up and wandered into the kitchen, and found myself the remains of the pie I made last night, and devoured it. I had no idea how hungry I was until I finished my pie.

I ate the last of it, then went back upstairs and climbed into bed, letting thoughts drift through my brain, going in and out of consciousness, until I finally slipped into the lovely land of sleep.

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