"I'm shaking." Kurt said as him, Mercedes and Piper stood in the line for lunch. "And it's either from low blood sugar or rage."

"Well, we all knew it was only a matter of time before Rachel tried to take over the Glee Club." Piper shrugged.

"Yeah. In my opinion, we should've let Santana give Rachel a good slap." Kurt said.

"She wouldn't have lasted ten seconds in a fight with her." Piper argued. "We had to stop Santana from murdering the girl."

"Well, we'll forget all about it tonight at bowling." Mercedes said, before picking up an apple and placing it in Piper's tray. "Here, P. Have this too."

Piper smiled at the gesture, nodding at Mercedes, grateful to have such an attentive friend even if she did feel kind of babied sometimes. Her smile quickly disappeared, though, when Kurt spoke up.

"I can't." Kurt said. "Blaine asked me to hang out."

"Wait, we've been looking forward to it all week." Mercedes protested.

"You girls can still go." Kurt offered.

"Wait." Piper frowned then. "Are you two going out? Like, officially?"

"Yeah. Because if you are, I think you need to come clean." Mercedes nodded.

"What? No." Kurt shook his head then. "I don't want another Jesse/Rachel traitor scenario to overcome. Please, girl. Mum's the word."

At that, Mercedes and Piper exchanged a look.

"We'd be happy for you, you know?" Piper said, as Mercedes nodded in agreement.

"Yeah, I mean, we know how lonely you've been."

"All right, we just hang out. Nothing about Glee club even ever comes up." Kurt protested. "It's just nice to have someone to talk to."

At that, both girls frowned, offended.

"What is that supposed to mean?" Mercedes scoffed.

"I mean someone like me." He said, as Piper scoffed.

"What am I? The family dog or something?" She muttered under her breath as Kurt chuckled.

"I promise to make it up to you, though." He said, throwing an arm over Piper's shoulders and frowning a bit when Mercedes let out a delighted gasp. "We'll hang out Friday night."

Curiously, Kurt and Piper watched as Mercedes cut through the line and stopped in front of the new batch of tots that had been just placed in the line.

"Excuse you." Mercedes called to a student before placing herself in front of the lunch lady and shaking her head when the woman placed a bit of the tots in her plate. "Whoa, whoa. A couple more. Thanks."

Piper chuckled at that, then, letting the lunch lady put some tots in her own plate as well before turning to Kurt as the three of them fell in line again.

"So what are we going to do about Glee Club while Mr. Schue is sick?" She asked.

"I have an idea." Kurt smirked as Piper and Mercedes exchanged a funny look before turning back to look at Kurt. "Have you met the new Spanish teacher?"

***

"Dude, what are you doing?" Finn asked, as he stood beside his best friend who was crouched on the floor, by the door.

"Kurt got us a substitute, so I'm buttering the floor." Puck explained, as if it was obvious.

"But Sectionals is, like, two weeks from now."

"Hey, Gigantor." Artie called with a chuckle from his place beside Tina, Mercedes and Piper, causing Finn to look over at them. "We're all gonna swap names, yo."

"Hum, did I hear something about a substitute?" Rachel demanded, walking into the room, before slipping in Puck's buttered floor.

Finn gasped, watching as his girlfriend struggled to get up while Mercedes and Piper snickered a bit at her.

"Yes! It works!" Puck cheered.

"Well, at least I didn't fall and break my talent." Rachel said as she fixed her bangs a bit and moved to go take a seat. "I'm fine."

Still giggling a bit at the scene with Mercedes, the two of them almost missed how Ms. Holiday — the substitute teacher for Mr. Schue — walked into the room, sliding right through Puck's buttered floor and stopping flawlessly in front of the kids as they all gasped at her.

"Oh, what the hell?" Artie asked.

"Hola, clase. Nothing says bienvenidos quite like a buttered floor." She smirked, before taking a moment to look around the room. "Let's start with some introductions. My name is Holly Holliday. What's yours? Go."

"I'm Finn Hudson." Puck said in a stupidly bad impression of Finn, causing his best friend to look at him, kind of offended. "I'm quarterback of the football team."

"I'm Rachel Berry, his loud, loud girlfriend." Santana raised a hand as Rachel scoffed at her.

"I'm Mike Chang." Brittany said, as Mike nodded his approval.

"Those aren't your names." Ms. Holiday said. "You know why I know that?"

"You're psychic?" Brittany asked.

"I know this because I recently watched a video of you guys performing at Regionals, where you came in last." She said, as everyone frowned a bit at the painful memory. "Maybe it's because the songs were about 30 years old, but..."

"Those songs are classics." Finn argued.

"Those songs are amazing." Ms. Holiday agreed. "But they sounded like somebody else's favorite songs. Not yours. Just sayin'."

At that, Piper nodded in silent agreement.

"She speaks the truth." Brittany whispered.

"I'm not your average, run-of-the-mill substitute teacher." Ms. Holiday said. "I want you guys to do things that you want to do. I want you to have fun in our fabulous but fleeting time together. What do you say we have class outside today?"

"It's raining outside." Mercedes said.

"Well, then let's take a field trip to Taco Bell." Ms. Holiday offered as all the kids smiled and cheered. "Should we take up some medical-grade marijuana? I wish."

"It's really hard not to like this woman." Finn mumbled.

"Okay, no." Rachel said, always the buzz-kill. "We can't just goof off all day. We have to write a set list for Sectionals."

"You're right." Ms. Holiday nodded. "What songs would you like to do?"

And at that, no one really knew what to say. Not even Ms. Rachel Berry herself, being caught off guard at the very blunt question. Noticing their lost expressions, Ms. Holiday smiled.

"Oh. Don't get asked that question much, do we?" She asked.

"Ms. Holiday is right." Kurt spoke up. "Mr. Schuester's setlist sometimes seems like he hasn't listened to the radio since the '80s."

"He never listens to what I have to say." Puck admitted. "He shot me down real fast last week and I asked if we could do Cee-Lo."

"Cee-Lo!" Ms. Holiday smiled. "That's what I'm talking about."

"Okay, excuse me?" Santana scoffed. "What would you know about Cee-Lo? 'Cause you're like, 40."

"Top 40, sweet cheeks." Ms. Holiday smirked as everyone laughed. "Hit it!"

And after getting everyone — except Rachel who didn't seem happy at all with what was happening in that moment — to join her in her performance of Forget You, Ms. Holiday clapped along with the kids as they all cheered for her.

"Let's go get some tacos!"

***

"Oh, we have to get there early on Friday." Mercedes said, as her, Kurt and Piper found themselves back in the cafeteria the next day. "It's league night for little people, and they'll buy up all the small shoes if they get there first."

"Oh, I totally forgot." Kurt said. "Greg Evigan is starring in rent at the community playhouse, and Blaine got us tickets."

"Us as in all of us?" Piper raised an eyebrow at Kurt who just bit his lip a bit, awkwardly.

"I think he could only score two." He said, and Piper opened her mouth to protest, but before she could, Santana and Brittany walked right in front of her and grabbed a whole tray of tots before dumping them all in a trash can nearby.

"Wait!" Mercedes called. "Where do you think you're going with those?"

"Principal Sue banned the tots." Santana explained, quickly.

"She can't do that!"

"They look like deep-fried deer poop." Brittany mumbled, as Piper frowned at her.

"Take it up with principal Sue." Santana spat at Mercedes before turning around to leave with Brittany.

Before she disappeared, though, Brittany turned around and sent Piper a smile and a wave that were quickly sent back at her before Santana tugged her best friend forward angrily and Piper turned around just in time to see Kurt trying — and failing — to calm down a very angry Mercedes.

"We'll get you some... Some..."

"Ugh!" Mercedes groaned, walking away from them and stomping her feet as the two of them exchanged glances and sighed.

"Well, okay then." Piper mumbled as Kurt shrugged beside her.

"Come on." He smiled at her as Piper giggled. "Let's calm down the Mercedes."

***

"Look at this crap." Mercedes spat during lunch the next day, still very much upset over the ban on tots and Sue Sylvester's new healthy food policy. "Foam fish sticks? Principal Sylvester's only serving predigested food now to give us more energy. I mean, do I look like a damn baby bird?"

"Don't fret your culinary disappointments." Kurt smiled. "I come bearing gifts."

"You brought tots?" Mercedes asked, hopefully, as Piper turned to look at Kurt with a frown, confused as to what Kurt could be possibly talking about.

"Better." He smirked. "I've set you up on a date."

"Oh, God..." Piper mumbled, when Mercedes' whole face fell.

"I get it." Kurt continued, clearly missing the way Mercedes seemed less than amused by his antics. "My new budding friendship with Blaine is making you feel left out, jealous."

"Who's the guy?" Mercedes asked.

"Anthony Rashad." Kurt said, nodding at someone behind them as the three of them — not very discreetly — turned around to look at one of the football dudes in a table nearby.

Surprisingly enough, the Anthony kid smiled at Mercedes and waved, and, as much as Mercedes did the same, she soon spun back around to face Kurt with a scowl.

"Why him?" She demanded.

"No reason." Kurt shrugged, unconvincingly.

"Oh, so it has nothing to do with the fact that he's one of the five black guys at this school?" Mercedes scoffed.

"Hum, no, he is a wide receiver on the football team, he is very good-looking, and he is a member of the black student union." Kurt defended himself.

"Any non-black activities?" Mercedes asked.

"I don't know..." Kurt admitted as Piper snorted a quiet laugh, watching Kurt being pressed like that against the wall by Mercedes. "My Google search was a little..."

"I can't take this anymore." Mercedes rolled her eyes, grabbing her notebook as she started to write something down.

"Mercedes, trust me, love is just around the corner." Kurt assured, turning to look at Piper when the girl reached a hand over to grab his arm when Karofsky walked by.

"What's up, homos?" He called after them, causing Kurt to pet Piper's leg a bit to calm her down.

"That's not what I'm talking about." Mercedes mumbled, snapping the two of them out of their thoughts as they turned to look at her.

"Mercedes!" Piper hissed when her best friend stood up in her chair, holding up a sign that read tots.

There was a moment of silence as everyone just stared at her, but, suddenly, another girl stood up as well.

"Tots!" She demanded.

"Oh, my God!" Kurt jumped, surprised.

"Tots! Tots! Tots! Tots! Tots! Tots!"

And as everyone joined in on their little chant, Piper rubbed a hand over her forehead.

"Mercedes needs a distraction." She whispered over at Kurt as she leaned over to her friend. "You're hanging out with us. I don't care if I have to drag you out of your house by your hair, but you're hanging out with us."

Kurt sighed then, looking over at Mercedes leading a very uncalled for revolution over tots and then back at Piper with a sigh.

"Can I invite Blaine?" He asked, as Piper shrugged.

"You can invite the freaking president for all I care." She said. "Just please, hang out with us?"

***

So, her idea of hanging out with Kurt had gone wrong after all, Kurt did invite Blaine and Blaine did come and, as much as Piper enjoyed his company, whenever he and Kurt decided to go off in a tangent, they could go on for hours.

"Drunk people who get married to someone just saying that they met an hour ago by an Elvis impersonator... I mean, that's a bigger insult to marriage than two gay guys getting hitched." Kurt said and, as much as Piper agreed and she had some very strong opions in the subject as well, she was starting to feel left out, not once having been asked anything at all.

"Totally." Blaine agreed, as Piper took a sip of her juice looking over to Mercedes and laughing when the girl sighed heavily. "It's, like, if marriage is so sacred, they should just outlaw divorce. Right?"

"Right. Right."

"What do you think, girls?" Blaine asked then as Piper choked in her own drink at being addressed so suddenly.

"Oh, about, hum, don't ask, don't tell?" Mercedes asked, patting Piper on the back as she coughed a bit.

"No, we're on prop 8 now." Kurt said.

"Totally for it." Mercedes said, clearly lost in the subject.

"Against it." Piper chuckled.

"Right." Mercedes blushed a bit as Piper scooted closer to her in the booth and leaned against her side. "I'm sorry, I kind of just blanked out."

"Oh, don't apologize..." Blaine smiled. "We should talk about stuff that you're interested in, too."

"I know, let's play a game!" Kurt offered and, for a split of a second the girls got all excited, thinking they'd be more included this time. It all crumbled down when Kurt spoke up again, though. "Okay, on the count of three, name your favorite 2010 vogue cover. Okay, ready? One, two, three..."

"Marion Cotillard." Kurt and Blaine said together.

"Yes!" Kurt smiled.

"Oh, my God, stop it!" Blaine laughed. "Yes, I know. She's amazing!"

And after that, Piper zoned out a little bit, still leaning against Mercedes as she watched the gayest exchange she had ever seen in her life happening right in front of her. After what felt like forever, though, the two boys seemed to recall they had company so they turned to look at the girls.

"What do you think?" Kurt asked suddenly, as Piper shrugged, unsure of what they were even talking about now. "P?"

"On what?" She asked.

"I was just talking about the Buckeyes... I'm a college football fan." Blaine said, as Piper nodded. "I like sports, too, you know."

"Oh, way to break the stereotype." Kurt laughed.

"Excuse me." Mercedes called over to the waitress passing by, clearly fed up with whatever it was that was happening at their table. "I know it's not on your menu, but I was wondering if you guys had..."

"You want some tots?" The woman asked with a smile. "You kids must go to McKinley."

When Mercedes nodded, the waitress left to get their order and, a bit happier now, Mercedes turned back to the boys, trying not to move around too much while Piper kept her head on her shoulder.

"So, what were we talking about?" She asked.

"Has anyone read Patti Lupone's new book?" Kurt asked and, as soon as him and Blaine fell back into conversation, Piper sighed heavily.

"Maybe you and I should've just gone bowling without Kurt." Piper said, as Mercedes laughed.

"Maybe." She agreed. "But hey, on the bright side, we'll get some tots out of tonight."

"You'll share your tots with me?" Piper gasped dramatically as Mercedes rolled her eyes with a smile. "I feel honored."

"As you should." Mercedes warned her playfully. "I don't share food with just about anyone."

***

"Psst!" Mercedes called quietly, causing both Piper and Kurt to turn around and look at her. "Look what I snuck in. My heart was racing."

When Mercedes pulled out a whole bowl of tots from her locker, Piper gasped.

"Mercedes!" She hissed.

"Are you out of your mind?" Kurt asked. "After what you did to Sue's Lecar?"

"You're gonna end up in prison!" Piper added with a nod.

"So?" Mercedes shrugged. "You know what they have in prison. Tots."

"I'm not breaking it off with Blaine. I really like him." Kurt sighed, as Mercedes frowned just a bit. "You are substituting food for love, Mercedes. And more importantly, you're substituting me for a boyfriend. Look at me. Two weeks ago, I thought there was no way I'd ever find someone like Blaine. And there he was. You will find somebody. But until then, you just got to take care of yourself. And treat yourself with a little respect."

At that, Mercedes sighed, pushing the tots back into her locker as she closed it with a smile in Kurt's direction.

"You're right." She nodded. "I got to go."

"Where?" Piper asked.

"I'm gonna go talk to that Anthony kid." She said, causing Piper and Kurt to smile. "First time I saw him, I thought he was kind of cute. Maybe we have a shot."

Nodding at her in encouragement then, Piper watched her best friend leave with a small smile on her lips.

"I hope it works out for her. She deserves a nice guy." Piper sighed contently before turning around to look at Kurt and frowning when she noticed his hard stare on her. "What?"

"Now that Mercedes is gone, we can start talking about you." He said, as Piper scoffed.

"What about me?" She asked.

"What about you?" Kurt rolled his eyes. "You're doing the same thing Mercedes is doing."

"What are you on about?"

"I know you're hanging out with Brittany a lot these last few days."

"So what?" Piper shrugged. "We've gotten closer during the duets week."

"That's not what I mean."

"Kurt..."

"When I said you're hanging out with her, I meant you were making out with her a lot."

At that, Piper huffed, crossing her arms in front of her chest as she turned to glare at Kurt.

"And so what if I am?" She challenged. "Britt is nice enough and she wants to make out with me sometimes. It's nice to feel this way, you know? Wanted. You're not the only one who has that right."

"I know that." Kurt argued. "What I'm saying is that this is not what you want. You're using Brittany as a distraction from who you really want."

"Who I really want doesn't want me." Piper shrugged. "So maybe it's not love what I have with Brittany, but I enjoy spending time with her and she's a great kisser. Who knows? Maybe something will blossom out of it."

"I'm just saying you need to be careful, P." Kurt warned gently as Piper sighed. "You might end up hurting yourself and a lot of other people."

Piper bit her lip then, unsure on how to respond to that, but, before she could even start feeling awkward for not saying anything, she jumped in surprise when no one other than Karofsky approached her and Kurt, glaring at the two of them as they both took a small step back and away from him.

"Question for you, homos." He said. "You tell anyone else what happened? How you... You kissed me?"

"You kissed me, Karofsky." Kurt corrected him harshly, causing Karofsky to look around a bit, scared. "And I understand how hard this is for you to deal with, so no, I haven't told anyone."

"You, Lesbo?" He demanded from the girl as she just shook her head.

"I didn't tell anyone." She said.

"Good. You two keep it that way." Karofsky glared at the two of them again. "Cause if you do, I'm gonna kill you. Both of you."