《Lucky》114
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"Yeah, come in." Colby said and sat up, putting his computer off to the side. I walked over to the couch and sat down, folding my hands in my lap so I could fidget with my rings.
"It's okay, V. You don't have to be nervous." He said quietly as my eyes watered. "No...I know..I just...I just am." I said and looked away from him, trying to keep myself together.
"You can talk to me..I missed you." Colby said as a tear fell from my eye. "I forgive you." I whispered and closed my eyes. "But I can't do this anymore. Not right now." I said feeling the familiar feeling in my chest.
"What?" He breathed out, his voice cracking. "I realized that I'm depending too much on other people for my happiness. I need to find it for myself." I said then looked up and into his eyes.
"I rushed from the heartbreak of losing my best friend and just put that same desire to want to be loved onto you. It wasn't fair." I said as a tear fell onto his cheek.
"I don't mind, Violet. I love you just as much as you love me. We can make this work." Colby said as I shook my head. "I know we can. I just have to love myself before I can let you love me." I said as a steady stream of tears fell from my cheeks.
"I have to listen to my heart." I sobbed out as he sat up and pulled me into his arms. "Shhhh....it's okay." He cooed as I sobbed harder. He just held me for a second before I pulled away and took a shaky breath, shaking out my hands.
"I'm going back to Ohio. I don't expect you to wait for me or keep my stuff at your house...I just need to find myself again." I said and looked down at my lap.
"I'll wait for you. I won't give up on us." He said as I shook my head. "No. I don't want you to wait. If we're meant to be we'll be together again but I don't want to keep you hanging on when I don't even know when I'll be back." I said and wiped my cheeks.
"When are you leaving?" He asked as I let out a breath. "Tomorrow. I already called my job and told them that I won't be in anymore." I said feeling my heart crack again. "Where are you staying? Do you need money? I don't like the idea of you being alone out there." Colby said as I breathed a laugh. I reached up and wiped a tear from his cheek.
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"I'm staying with Daisy's mom. She's gonna help me get settled in. I might try to get a job at the nursing home my grandma is in. I don't know how well that would work though." I said and brushed my hair behind my ear.
"Your grandma?" He asked as I nodded. "Yeah. She needs some family around to visit her. She doesn't even know my parents are dead." I said as he frowned.
"Jesus..." He breathed out as I rubbed my palms on my legs. "We can still be friends, right?" He asked as my heart twitched in my chest.
"I don't know...I just don't want to hurt you or myself anymore. Maybe one day we can be friends but right now..I think we just need space." I whispered as he nodded. "I never meant to hurt you." He said as I stood up. "I know. That's why I forgive you for what happened. I'm seeing it as a good thing for now. It made me realize what I needed to do for myself." I said then smiled sadly at him.
"I'm sorry." I said as he shook his head. "Don't be. I know how hard it's been for you." He said then stood up and smiled at me sadly. "If we're meant to be, then we'll be." He said then wiped a tear off my cheek.
I felt the last bit of my heart break out of my chest and fall into his hands as he did that. "Thank you for everything." I said as he nodded. "I'll always love you, V." He said causing another fit of sobs to jerk my body.
Colby took a step forwards, opening his arms so he could hug me again. I took a step back though, shaking my head. "I can't." I said and brought my hand to my chest, trying to release some of the tension.
I could tell he was in pain as he lowered his arms, watching me. "I'll see you tomorrow. I leave for the airport at noon." I said then turned to leave.
My body felt like it was moving through molasses as I slowly made my way out of the room. I knew this was going to be the hardest thing I ever did, but it would be worth it in the end.
If we were meant to be, then we'll be.
I heard Colby sniffle behind me, but I couldn't bare it to turn around. I didn't want to see the hurt on his face.
I went downstairs and to my room. Sam, Kat, and Ki were still in there, standing awkwardly as I walked in.
"Are you okay?" I asked quietly as I nodded and started to silently pack my things. "Will you take me back to the airport tomorrow?" I asked, keeping my eyes down. "Of course...will we still be friends though?" Kat asked as I sniffled and nodded, holding one of Colby's sweatshirts in my hand.
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"Yeah. We'll still be friends." I said and nodded before turning towards Sam. "Can you guys give us a minute?" He asked Kat and Ki but kept his eyes on me.
They nodded and left then room, closing the door.
"Are you sure you want to do this?" He asked as I nodded. "Yeah. I need to fill the void that's been sitting in my soul for the past 5 years. I can't have anyone else fill it right now. I need to be the best version of myself." I said quietly as I looked down.
"Promise you'll keep in touch?" He asked as I nodded. "Of course...promise you'll take care of him?" I asked as he grinned. "You still love him don't you?" He asked as the tears started to form again. "Yeah. More than anything. That's why I have to do this. He deserves the best, and I can't give that to him right now." I said as he came over and hugged me. "I understand." He said and scratched my back.
Everyone ended up leaving me alone for the rest of the night so I could get my stuff sorted. I cried the entire time, which only helped me fall asleep.
I didn't dream, and I didn't have any nightmares. I was at total peace until the sun came up.
"Violet?" Ki asked quietly as she shook me awake. "Hey there sleepy head." She said as I rubbed my face. "What time is it?" I asked and looked for my phone.
"11..I wanted to let you sleep more, but I don't think you want to miss your flight." She said as I nodded. "Are you gonna be okay? I don't know when you plan on going back to West Virginia but when you get there I can drive down to see you." I said and got up.
"I think I'm gonna hang out here for a while. Kat said I can stay with her, but I'll let you know when I get back to the east coast." She said as I nodded.
I spent the next hour making sure I had everything before we went out to the foyer with my stuff.
Everyone was waiting there so they could say goodbye to me.
"I'm gonna miss you, V. Please keep in touch." Tara said as we hugged. "I will." I said then turned to Sam. "Let me know if you need anything." He said quietly as we hugged. I nodded and wiped my cheek as silent tears fell from my eyes.
"Promise you'll cook for us again when you come back?" Jake asked as I laughed a watery laugh. "Of course I will." I said and hugged him before turning to Corey. "I'll miss you, Vi." He said and held me. "I'll miss you too, Corey. Don't let them scare you too much okay?" I asked and pulled away. "No promises." He said with a laugh as I turned to Colby.
"Give me a couple months." I whispered as he nodded. "I love you, Violet Richards." He said as I nodded. "I love you too, Colby Brock." I said then opened my arms for a hug. I knew it was a bad idea letting him touch me because the pull I was feeling in my gut was unbearable.
I wanted to stay with him.
I hugged him then pulled away. "I'm sorry, I can't resist." Colby said then lowered his lips to mine, kissing me. This kiss was different than any other kiss we have had.
This one felt like goodbye.
It was very bittersweet.
I pulled away from him before my body could convince my mind to stay. "I'll talk to you when I'm ready." I whispered then turned around "Ready?" Kat asked as I nodded.
Everyone followed us outside as Kat, Ki, and I piled into the car. I took a deep breath and waved at them as Kat pulled out of the driveway.
I got one last look at the house then turned my face so I could look into my lap.
Once we were far enough away from the house I looked out the window, taking in the scenery of LA. I didn't live here that long and I didn't know if or when I would be back but I was grateful.
I was grateful that I won that contest. I was grateful that I met Colby. I was grateful that Daisy left me. I was grateful for it all. Even the part when I walked in on Colby and Jordan.
Everything that happened since I won that contest has been a whirlwind but it taught me so much. It made me realize that the missing peace of my heart wasn't from my parents.
It was from me.
I don't think I would have realized that if I didn't win that contest.
And for that reason, and that reason alone.
I was lucky.
The end.
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