A/N: There's a little self-harm scene below so be warned, I tried not to go into details much.

I wish I was still homeschooled. Going to an actual school is honestly horrible when you're like the only human there and especially when you're adopted by the Betas and the soon to be beta is your "sister". They look at me like I'm this "threat" as if I'm a wall blocking them from Avery. I hear them speaking sometimes of how Avery has changed ever since I came into the picture. She was distant, she visited the pack house less and was only there to train and for official pack stuff and hunting every Sunday.

Not mention this one whole group of girls, with their bitch queen leader, Bianca. She loathes me. Absolutely loathes me. And it's because she has this "girl crush" on Avery. She thinks she can control everyone because her dad is the head warrior or something, and she's like, no one gets to talk about Avery, but her. It bugs me honestly cause she's acting all possessive as if she's her girlfriend of something. She fucking isn't. Avery is my girlfriend, my mate.

Today has been boring too, just a few messages from Avery being sweet as usual gives me the strength to go through it and Bianca's wrath and eyes. I looked up from phone and immediately I saw her, speak of the devil. I quickly turned away, not wanting to interact with her again today, because all she ever asks is Avery this and Avery that.

"Human." I sighed as I hear her behind me and turned to her, an eyebrow raised. She sneered.

"Getting comfortable are we?" She asks again and I see the other girls giggle and stare at me like I'm filthy and cheap and look like a sack of potatoes. Yeah, it doesn't work well with my confidence which I'm trying to build.

"No," I mutter back, looking back down to my phone.

"So tell me human, is Avery's mate, not 18 yet? You should know, you're her sister after all?" she says, her voice annoying and loud. Jeez. I shook my head. She says the word "sister" with a weird underlying tone that makes me uneasy every time.

"Dunno." I simply said. She huffs.

"Is that why she's spending her heat somewhere else? With some other people?" Thump. Thump. Thump. What? Other people?

"I don't know," I whisper now, my fingers getting cold and clammy. Avery wouldn't right? How does Bianca even know this? She's just playing. I need to calm down and not give anything off, shit!

"We all know that heats are terrible to go through alone, and it drains so much from someone if they don't mate, and she seems perfectly fine every time she comes to the house, but," she takes a step closer to me as if she knew it's gonna hurt me and continues, "what she does smell like is of sex, wolves, humans, and alcohol, almost every other night."

I started to panic and I swear I see the evil glint in her dark eyes. The other girls snicker seeing me close to crumbling. Are they joking? Did they find out I'm her mate? Is that why they're doing this? She bends down and leans into my face, her lips pulled back evilly, and she whispered.

"Even as a Beta she couldn't control herself and she wouldn't even try to, she would give in and...." I pulled back away from her, taking a step back, snapping my eyes away. My breath got stuck in my throat as I try to not focus on the words she was saying.

"She wouldn't. She doesn't, she hasn't met her mate." I say, so softly, almost to myself before I took my bag and run out of the library. My heart was beating so fucking loud, my thoughts and feelings a mess. Avery wouldn't do that. She's taking the potion, she told me. Right?

But, she is out late, coming home sometimes at 3 in the morning, that's when she would send me another goodnight text. Sometimes when we called I could hear the music. Fuck. No. She wouldn't do it. This is all wrong, it's messed up. They're just messing me up. It's all just coincidences, that's all. Just coincidences. I trust Avery. I trust her. She promised that she wanted me, she would wait for me.

My phone beeps, pulling me out from my head. It's a message from an unknown number. I open it and my heart drops, tears well up in my eyes as I watch the video.

******

The next thing I know is I'm running, I'm running out the gates of the school, I don't care that I have another few periods. I run and I'm panting, my calves are aching but I'm running home. Tears pour down my face, my hair sticking to my neck, I hear my feet against the pavement and road but I run.

I get home, heaving. No one is home. I run upstairs.

Find it. Find it.

I pulled out my drawers, finding something that I shouldn't have. Then I see it. I smirked slightly. I took it and walked into the bathroom, getting into my bathtub after removing my jeans and staring at the scars on my thigh. It's just gonna be extra's, a decoration, my canvas, it's mine to paint.

So I cut. I cry out but fuck the pain feels fantastic. It isn't supposed to feel this good but it does.

My other hand reaches for my phone, fingers aching and cold, knowing what to do. I call her. And start sobbing before it dials. Everything hurts too much. Why am I calling her? I just want her home. Just as I was about to cut the line, she picked up.

"Sam?" Avery breathe out through the phone, making my heart skip a beat. I gripped it tighter, my teeth biting into my lips to control my sobs. I am such a mess like how I have always been, even more so since she left. I wanted her to come back home, to just come back to me. I miss her.

"Baby girl, you there?" she asks again as I still haven't said anything and I try my hardest not to break. Baby girl. That name just makes me want to crawl into her arms and let her kiss me and tell me everything will be okay.

"I.." I closed my mouth again, not being able to say anything. What do I say?! I was shaking, I wanted to scream and ask about that video and about her heat and tell her that I love her and I wanted her home with me. I wanted to tell her that I felt like I was losing her like she's slowly slipping away from me and I'm....... I'm letting her go.

"Baby, breathe baby, please. Where are you? Are you home? What's wrong love?" my heart skipped a beat with that last nickname. Her voice is frantic though, afraid even, I heard rustling and footsteps. I cried even more.

Love me, Avery, love me, please. Do you love me?

Do you love me? I love you.

She calls out my name a few more times, urging me to speak, she knew I was on the line, my breathing was loud and she could hear me crying. God, I'm so pathetic. I'm such a child.

"I'm fine," I whisper out finally. But, I wasn't fine. I had tears pouring down my face, new cuts on my thighs, blood everywhere.

"You're not fine, Sam, what happened? Talk to me darling, please?" she begs out, her voice a soft melancholy now, she was scared for me. A part of me felt like she knew what I was doing.

I was breaking promises. Empty promises I made then, which I knew had to be broken someday.

"Gonna take a shower," I mutter back in a small voice, closing my eyes and resting my head against the wall. I was tired.

"Yeah? Did you have a good day at school?" she asks, just creating conversation, trying to get me to say anything and I shook my head even though she can't see.

"Yeah, I did." I lied. I hear her sigh. She must hate this. She must find this so annoying. I'm annoying and stupid and childish. She doesn't need another burden. She doesn't need me. A stupid human mate, girlfriend, who's unworthy.

"You're lying to me baby, tell me, what's wrong please? Want me to get mum to check on you?"

"I'm not a baby." I got out under my breath. I feel her tense.

"No that's not-" I cut her off, angry, my hand reaching for the blade again.

"You do. I am not a baby. I don't need anyone taking care of me like I'm made of glass. I'm not a baby!" I yelled out, voice thick of tears, my breathing erratic and loud, my heart equally screaming like my mind. Cut. Cut. Cut. I'm not a baby, not a fucking baby! She doesn't need to treat me like this.

"Love, listen to me." Her voice, was soft and calm. "No one thinks you're a baby. You're not. You're a teenager, and you can take care of yourself, but sometimes it's okay to let people take care of you, Sam, like how I want to take care of you." I hear her whisper, her voice making a statement though. It just rings through my head, but I don't listen. I cut anyway.

"But you're not here are you?" I breathe out scoffing, hissing slightly when the razor goes too deep, my eyes focusing on the new blood. I hear her gasp slightly at what I said, and I felt a little remorse. I shouldn't have said that. Guilt washes over me, but I did.

"Sam, you know why-" I cut her off again.

"Yeah. I know, stupid mate pull." I muttered to myself, even though I knew she could hear me. Shit. Why did I even call her? What was I even saying? I was just so mad.

"Sam, what the hell is going on with you?" I flinched at her tone, tears welling up at my eyes again. She's gonna leave. That's it. I overstepped it this time.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." I mumble over and over again, heaving and sobbing out now, my throat tight, stopping me from screaming out.

"No, darling, shh, please don't cry, I'm sorry, I wasn't mad." She started her voice, panicky and stressed.

"I just, you need to talk to me love, what's going on? Do you need to see me? I'll come. Just tell me and I'll come. Fuck the rules, fuck everyone, I'll come if you want me to." She heaves out, I hear keys and door slamming and I shook my head but said nothing, just breathing loudly and sniffling. I want her to come and see me but that would be so selfish of me. She can't do this, I know she can't, we tried it and it didn't work. She's not coming for something so stupid, me being stupid. I don't say anything though and she continues.

"Shh, baby girl, I'm here, don't cry please, I'm here. I'll come okay. I'll come. Just gimme ten minutes, I'll be there, hang in there please." I hear her chant for me to wait for her, but I was getting dizzy. Oh no, no, no, no.

"Avery...." I whispered out, one last time before my vision grew dark. Her voice echoed through my phone, calling out my name but I was too weak to say anything. I gave in.

-----------------------------------

(A few

I groaned, feeling a hand on my head, and another holding my own. What the hell happened?

"Honey? Sam, hey." I hear mum calling from beside me and I opened my eyes, turning to her, finding her green ones, so identical to Avery's but they weren't the right ones.

"You feeling okay?" Dad whispered beside her and I nodded.

"You fainted, in the bathtub honey, don't worry, I bandaged it up, you should eat something okay?" Mum said again and they helped me sit up.

"Yeah okay." I was so weak, Jesus. I fainted? I was so embarrassed. They found me like that? I can't imagine their faces. What have I done? Tears welled up my eyes again as mum took my hand again. I looked up at her and her expression grew forlorn as she leaned forward to hug me.

"I'm sorry." I cried out into her shoulder.

"Shh, it's okay Sam, it's okay. We're so glad we found you on time and you're okay." She kissed my head and her arms tighten around me, and soon she was crying too, sobbing, gripping my shirt. This caused me to feel more pain. She was worried, she was worried about losing me.

"Don't ever do that again, you have to promise me." She pull back and cup my cheeks and I nod furiously, sobbing, holding her hands, dad came forward too, holding my arm.

"We're here for you honey, to talk, about anything. We're your parents now, we love you, you're our little girl okay?" he pulls me into his chest and I nod, heaving loudly, as mum clutched on my other side, kissing my head and cheeks. Their daughter, their little girl. I'm so selfish. God.

"I'm so sorry, so so sorry, I love you both, I'm so thankful," I whisper, my words tumbling over each other, but they nodded and held me so tight until I calmed down.

"Avery's outside," Mum whispered and my heart literally stopped. She's here? For real?

"Can she-" Mum nods before I finished the sentence. She caresses my hair and gives me a small smile, wiping her tears.

"She can come in, but she has to stay a few feet away from you okay? We tried it just now, nearer and she can't handle it." They say and I nod, feeling better immediately, I could see her after all these months.

"Please eat while you guys talk, she made soup for you, says it's your favourite." Dad mutter, giving me a cheeky smile, making me turn away with a blush.

"Thank you. I'm sorry again, for that. I won't do it again." I say and they nod, both kissing my head before walking out. My hands got clammy, I was scared. I was seeing Avery again, after so long. And she was seeing me after I did something so stupid, she must be so disappointed in me. I sighed and looked down, playing with my fingers, looking at them. I allowed them to cut myself again. Even after I promised I wouldn't.

"Hey." My head snapped up, finding those green eyes which I missed so much, finding them to be filled with longing and worry.

"Avery." I breathe out. I see her crack a small smile, taking a step forward and stopping, my heart longed for her. Just for a few seconds, I wanted to be in her arms, just to feel her warmth and remember her smell.

"Are you okay, Sam?" she asks, cautious, her eyes watching me, grazing over my figure as if to find other cuts.

"I am, I'm sorry - I just, I shouldn't have called you, I'm sorry," I mumble, feeling embarrassed again that I acted like a child. I never thought about her or my actions. I was selfish.

"No, don't be." Her voice was sharp. I look back into her eyes.

"I should have made sure if you were okay. I should have called more and tried to come to see you," she says softly, her voice going sad.

"It's not your fault," I whisper and she looks away.

"You almost died Sam, again. I almost lost you again. There was so much blood baby, so much blood. Your heartbeat, it was barely there, love..." she spoke as if she was distant, "I almost lost you...I haven't got you yet, Sam, we haven't lived our life together, I can't lose you." Then I see her cry. And my heart breaks.

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)

Things are better now, my wounds are healing, a few scars left, thanks to Avery's blood. Everything was getting a little better. She called more now. During her breaks at university, and when she was free at the pack, after her training. She made sure to text me as much as she could, to make up, although it wasn't her fault for what happened, it was mine. That's the thing about Avery, she makes it her fault. Says it's her fault for not being there enough, but we both know it's mine. I just wasn't ready to face that yet and she doesn't question. She knows when she's stepping a line and pulling back when I get distant. One day we'll cross that line, once we're together.

A ❤: Missing you, sunshine! Hope you have a good day at school. Call me once you're out xx

Me: Missing you too. Have fun being Beta! xxx

I smiled as she sent an emoji back before keeping my phone away. We're gonna be okay.

That day when I cut myself, Avery and I talked a lot, for hours, she was here till two in the morning. We had dinner with mum and dad downstairs, even though she has to be seated a few feet away from me, everything was going okay.

I asked her about the video and she told me that she did go to a party last Friday, and now thinking back she did tell me that she was. And she promised that she never did anything with anyone, she wasn't like that. And if she did have sex with anyone else everyone could smell it, like smell the certain person and mum and dad couldn't. She didn't do anything. It took a lot of convincing but she did it. She calmed me down, showed me pictures and talked, told me details, and there was nothing. She didn't do it. She barely danced that night because she was tired and she was in the booth with her other friends. She showed me some videos of that too. I believed her. She wouldn't do that to me.

She said the mate bond is special. She's been saving herself so long for her soulmate and just because of her heat does not mean she's just going to give her virginity up. She said, "why would I want someone else when you're made for me? It doesn't make sense, it wouldn't make sense, it's not right, it won't feel right, only you will."

God, how that made my heart the happiest.

My thoughts go back to the text she sent once she went back to her apartment that night. It was the sweetest, cheesiest thing she has ever said to me but I know it rang true. And god, I love her. I love her so much.

"You're all I want baby girl, always. Don't let anyone tell you anything. You're perfect and beautiful and so smart and all mine, as I am yours. I have been since the day we met. You make me want to go through my heats and be a better person, a better Beta, and a better mate for you. Everything I am and will ever be is all because of you. It's all you. You are my life now."

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A/N:

Firstly, sorryyy! It's been a while since I last updated, just spending time at home with the family plus writer's block. But I will be updating more often from now on. Hopefully (fingers crossed).

A massive thank you to everyone who has read this book and voted and showed support, it makes me so happy! Please continue to do so.

Hope everyone is doing alright and hope you guys enjoyed this little chapter! 7 months down, a year plus to go!

Thanks again, everyone! ❤