Greetings!

Let's get to the mandatory awkward introduction!

Hi.

I am Tabbymax. I am a med student, artist and writer in that order. Cat/dog person, fandom trash and part time otaku with social anxiety if you want to extend that list.

Now that we're done with that, I should tell you what I'm doing here.

I wrote a book two and half years ago called Smoke and Mirrors. It's got a sequel now called Saints and Sinners. Yes, I'm shamelessly promoting it – go check it out, it's not the worst way to waste your time. (I think.)

If you know that already, then you know Victoria and Xavier.

The two grown adults I've been babysitting for two years now.

They're kinda weird.

And over these two years, I have learnt a thing or two about dealing with the wondrous species of fictional idiots. Here are some family friendly ways to deal with characters who won't. Stop. Talking :

1. Do NOT write a book about them. I repeat, do not engage. Stay far away from pens or papers or Wattpad because they feed off of this and then you won't be able to get them to shut up.

Xavier : Victoria doesn't shut up when she's five thousand feet in the air, so it's not entirely your fault.

2. Do NOT let them talk to your readers. Seriously. Just don't.

Victoria : Xavier professes his love to every fangirl he meets. So you know, our relationship is going really well.

3. Ever think about asking them to behave? Yeah, that almost never ends well.

Xavier : Woman, you throw us off cliffs and get us drunk every three words and now, you want us to 'behave'? Right.

4. Don't ask them about their day. (Manners = bad.)

Victoria : I just spoke to my dead mother floating by the ceiling of my bedroom. It's been hunky dory, thanks for asking.

5. Think you're going to get a nice night's rest after a long day? Think again.

Xavier : We live in different time zones, so it's only natural that I wake up at 3 AM to tell you about how pretty Victoria is. Oh, and I can't find my socks.

6. Sometimes I put them in different rooms so I don't have to deal with this.

*the sound of Victoria shooting the lock

7. If you try to kill them off –

Xavier : Four times. Still alive. Better luck next time.

8. Don't be sad around them. They'll try to cheer you up even you're perfectly content with being miserable.

Israfel : There, there. Human lives are short and meaningless, and you'll die in the span of me blinking my long lashed and gorgeous eyes. So don't worry.

9. When all else fails, offer food.

Victoria : Thanks for the Biscuit :

10. Don't let them go. They're annoying but I can't really get rid of them so I have to be ok with letting them stay in my head. (Rent free by the way.)

Xavier : Fine whatever, I love you too.

(Victoria : I told you he does this.)

Seriously though, writing this book was one of the best things that I've ever done. To my wonderful fans, please take my unlimited supply of unicorn and yellow heart emojis because you guys make my day and 4.5 million reads couldn't have happened without you.

If you haven't already, come down to my profile and meet the voices in my head. This is nothing. Trust me.

Light sabers and BTS merch I can't afford (A.k.a lots of love)

Tabitha G