clothes after 'you know what,' and I intended on keeping it that way. Whenever I picked any of my red shirts, my mind immediately notified me that once upon a time, I wore red outfits just to get Caelum to look at me more than his sister's annoying best friend who was hell-bent on discovering the secrets he kept hidden away from the world.

Quickly putting on an orange tee, I not-so-gracefully wore my jeans before picking my bag from my bed and going downstairs.

Mother was using her laptop, her reading glasses perched upon her nose. Seeing her sat there reminded me that she had only taken a temporary break from work, and our bonding time was coming to an end. January was fast approaching.

Ignoring my sad thoughts, I walked up to her and informed her about my tutoring session with Caelum. Earlier at school, I'd asked Caelum if he was still willing to tutor me, and surprisingly, he agreed. It was awkward talking to him since we hadn't exchanged any words after the day he gave me the little break-up speech, but I was willing to put aside our differences just for the sake of Calculus.

I also decided to ignore the fact that he'd lied to me. I couldn't go around calling him on his lies when the guilt of not talking about the drunken kiss with him was eating me up. Plus, he was a Jensen. And from what I had learned over time, they all had reasons for doing what they did.

She grinned. "You like that boy, huh?"

I shrugged. "It doesn't matter."

"Why not?"

"Because he doesn't like me that way," I said.

She frowned. "Did he tell you that?"

Did he tell me that? Of course, he did. He said he was sorry, and that was a full apology for him not liking me back.

"Whatever," I said. "I'll be back a bit later, though. Emery wants us to hang out."

She gave me a look and I frowned. "What? She shook her head but kept her gaze on me. "Why are you looking at me like that?" I asked.

"It's just refreshing to see you talking about friends and all," she said. "Lisa was pretty much the only friend you had, but after her dad took up Dale's case, I stopped seeing her around."

"Oh," I said, nodding. "Apparently, she felt guilty so she didn't want to hang out with me anymore."

"Do you still talk with her?" she asked.

"She came to talk to me after school last week," I said, plopping myself on the couch. "But we're not friends anymore."

Mother removed her glasses and placed them on her papers, before averting her gaze back to me. "I do understand Lisa a bit," she said. "Imagine if the roles were reversed and you were placed in Lisa's shoes, how would you feel?"

I shrugged. "I don't know."

"You do know, Daesyn," she pressed. "So, tell me how you would feel if the roles were reversed."

"The roles aren't reversed mum, so I wouldn't know the feeling." When I saw the look on her face, I refrained from rolling my eyes in annoyance. "Dad would've fought Mr. Gretchen's case if the roles were reversed. He would've done anything to bring the killer to book, and I wouldn't be in Isa's shoes because I would not have felt guilty."

"Daesyn."

I frowned. "Yes, Mum?"

"If Will was the one in that accident, I know your father would've fought the case," she said. "He would've done anything possible to find the person behind his death, but one thing would've remained a constant. The fact that if he didn't find any evidence, you would've felt extremely guilty to talk to Lisa."

"No, mum," I disagreed. "My father would've found the evidence and put the person behind bars."

"Then what if he hadn't found any evidence, huh?" she countered and I bit my lips.

"I have to go." I stood. "I'll be back soon."

Just as I reached the door, she spoke and my stomach dropped. "Let's be realistic here Daesyn," she said. "Even though Will didn't find enough evidence to put that person behind bars, we both knew that Dale wasn't coming back no more, we both accepted the fact that a huge part of our lives died that day, but what about Lisa? Did you for once think about what she was going through?

"A month after Dale's death, do you remember what you told that girl? You told her that if her father couldn't do that one thing for you, you wouldn't speak to her anymore. Now Daesyn, tell me what sane person wouldn't feel guilty after the case ended?"

"How do you even know what I told Lisa?" I asked. "And stop making me look like the bad guy here!"

She chuckled. "I'm not making you look like the bad guy, honey," she said. "You made yourself clear with Lisa. You asked her to tell Will to avenge your father's death, or your friendship was over."

I turned away from the door. "Yes, I did. And if she was really a friend, she would've done what I'd asked her to do. Everyone would've done the same."

"Now, this is where you're wrong," she said with a slight shake of her head. "The problem with you is that you always believe you're right, even when you aren't."

"What is that supposed to mean?" I asked, offended by her words.

"If I were in your shoes." Her voice took a teasing note, but it wasn't funny. "Which I somehow was, seeing as Will was a friend of mine, I wouldn't have thought of an ultimatum like that because I knew they couldn't change anything."

"You would," I retorted.

"But I didn't," she said. "I didn't cut all ties with the Gretchen's just because Will didn't put the criminals behind bars. I tried to understand that some things were beyond our control."

"I don't know why we're talking about this." I threw my hands up in exasperation, annoyed at the fact that her words were making sense. "I already forgave her and we're moving on, so what's the issue?"

"The issue is that I want you to think about others too, I want you to look at things from other people's perspective, not just from yours. There are some situations that are out of our control, so you should try understanding others too."

My nails pierced into my palms from how tight the grip on the straps of my bag was. "You don't know what you're talking about!"

"I am your mother, Daesyn," she retorted, standing and making her way towards me. "I know a lot more about you than you give me credit for."

"I forgave Isa a while ago, and we already had the closure we needed." I was still trying to prove that I wasn't wrong, but it sucked because I knew I was. My eyes burned from trying to hold back unshed tears.

She chuckled. "I know you've forgiven her already, but I knew you held the incident against her. If you didn't, you would've reached out to her first irrespective of whatever happened. You just assumed Lisa wanted nothing to do with you when she stopped talking to you, but you both knew your friendship was over when she couldn't do the one thing you asked her to do."

"Mother I—"

"I know I'm being harsh by bringing all these up." She placed a hand on my shoulder. "But I want what's best for you. I want you to understand that not putting yourself first every time is the right thing to do. You have to consider others sometimes, and understand that you're not the only one hurting."

As she pulled me into a hug, I could only hear the sound of her voice, and the constant ticking of the clock. "The thing about Brett—"

"Brett?" I asked in disbelief, pulling away from her. "This is what all of this is about?"

She shook her head, then said, "With Brett, you just assumed I wanted nothing to do with you, but you didn't for once consider the fact that I needed to work to provide for you."

I opened my mouth to speak, but no words came through.

"You were closer with your dad than you were with me, but I swear on my life that I didn't love you any less," she said. "Every day when I saw your voicemails and texts, I knew I had one person who I could count on and that person is you. I met Brett along the way, and even though I still wasn't super happy, I felt a bit better."

I didn't know if I was quivering from the rage of always putting myself first without even knowing, or because everything Mother had said was right.

With Lisa, I never thought about how she felt when I'd indirectly cut-off our friendship by giving her an ultimatum. An ultimatum I knew I couldn't do if I were put in her place, but I kept pushing the blame to her.

And then there was Caelum. I wasn't perfect, and neither was he, but honestly, I was always looking for faults in him. He had a reason for pushing me away constantly, but I just couldn't see past what I wanted to see.

I had confessed my feelings to Caelum, and by distancing myself away from him, I never realized I was hurting Emery in the process. I never thought about how she felt when I avoided her too. When she had the issue with Cole, I wasn't there for her because I was nursing my wounds from the rejection. I had broken the best-friend promise I made to Emery and it made me sad that if Mother hadn't pointed this out today, I was going to continue that way: not caring about anyone other than myself.

That evening, although I had lied to mum about my tutoring session with Caelum, I ended up at the graveyard. Folding my jumper tightly around myself, I leaned on the damp headstone, and absentmindedly played with the white roses I had brought with me. As I stared at the thick cloud promising rain, my heart felt so heavy, and though I had nobody to be strong for, I tried hard not to let the tears fall from my eyes.

-

Author's note:

Yayy, I updated a new chapter like I promised to, I'm glad ::)

I had to add this chapter, for obvious reasons. I mean Isa was Daesyn's childhood friend, so her mother knew about her, and what not.

Thank you for reading, don't forget to leave your votes and a comment <33