《Lose Myself》Chapter Twelve: Flashback (Amara)

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It took a while for me to cool down, Dominic seemed lost in thought – probably trying to figure out the purpose of the attack. One part was obvious, to get the people talking. It wasn't a secret that Dominic was pretty much the most eligible bachelor in NYC and that the media was almost always all over him, surely word would get around and his supposed 'reputation' would be ruined. Dominic was this perfect business man that now the world would know was involved with some awful things. Not to mention the giant wave of curiosity that would draw attention to me, I'll be labelled as his new 'plaything' – not that I cared what they thought or said about me.

What mattered was – besides the obvious factors – what was the real motive? They shouldn't have allowed their men to be killed so easily, they would've at least sent people to back them up. I think the sole purpose was to observe, how Dominic fights, what my relation was to him and how I fought as well. They'd figured out by now who I was, or least a small part of who I am and they wouldn't hesitate to do something about it. This meant war, I was sure of it.

"Can I use your bathroom?" I knew I was blushing but I felt like I was interrupting something, he was now sitting on his couch with blood all over his suit and blank look on his face. Deep in thought.

"Uh yeah," he rose and walked over the hall, "Just down there and the last room on your left."

"Thanks." I smiled before making my way there, I ignored the feeling that he was watching me and entered the bathroom – locking the door tight behind me.

I wonder what he thinks of me now? Is he disgusted that a woman who should be feminie, gentle and ladylike was capable of the things that I was capable of? If he wanted to marry someone I was sure it would have to be someone less manly, less intimidating, less predictable, less dangerous, less me...

I rolled my eyes at my insecurities and locked them up for another time. I was feeling these things now but later it would not matter. As I stood in the mirror I noticed things I always took notice of but never truly mattered to me because no one's opinion had mattered to me in a long time. I looked like someone who would be gentle and kind, someone who could be somebody's mother or somebody's wife. But the image was tainted by the blood on my body, smeared on my cheek and smothered all over my hands. It was like a real life horror movie and I was the psych patient.

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I washed my hands then began stripping off, I ignored the voices tormenting me from my subconscious mind – your legs are too muscly – why do I care? I entered the shower and tried to forget but all I ended up doing was counting how many people I killed today... about nine. That means Dominic killed eleven. He seemed fine, like he'd forgotten and like there was much more important things to think about. That had probably been his attitude towards homicide since the very beginning, he had a task to complete, things to protect and more important things to keep his focus on. Like what comes next, not what just happened. I wished I could be like that.

I always lose control and I never forget.

"Amara don't cut your meat like that, I taught you how to do it properly – now please do it properly." My mother scolded from across the table a sure frown on her face, she watched as I changed my tactics in 'meat cutting' then continued to consume her own food, satisfied with my fine workmanship.

"Are you going out with Caylen this weekend? You don't have much time to spend with her you know." My dad says. I put my fork and knife down and continued to chew my food as if in deep thought, though I wasn't. I'd already made up my mind, I'd spend these last few weeks with my family – they are the ones I would miss the most. I was the only child they had left after my sister had died five years ago and they'd surely regret telling me to spend more time with my friends than them.

"No," I forked a pea, "I think I want to stay here and do gardening with mom."

"Doesn't it bore you? We can do something different." My mother frowned once again.

"I'd love to do something different, so long as it's with you." I elaborated, it didn't have to be gardening – just something my mom wanted to do. Something my dad could participate in if his heart willed him to.

A 'clang' sounded from outside, I figured it was a stray cat at first before I heard the slight shuffle of slacks right afterwards. I put a finger to my lips and slowly rose from the table, I walked slowly to the front door and pushed the door open cursing myself for forgetting that the door had a squeak. As soon as the door squeaked a number of armed men – around fifty or sixty – emerged from the darkness pointing guns of all different types. I rolled my eyes and let out a frustrated breath, this couldn't be happening right now and at my parents' house none the less.

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"What do you want?" I demanded standing still with my arms behind me, at this point I had reverted to my Schwarzer Regen mindset and I was well aware that my parents were about to witness what I had been learning at 'school' for the past seven years. The thought sickened me to the core but I knew that if these men tried to engage I would do anything to protect my family – what remains of it.

"We are here to take you back to Germany. You have outlived your stay." The one who appeared to be the leader of the operation voiced. I turned to face him with a blank look, what a nerve they had showing up and demanding my return when I had clearly been granted a year.

"I still have four months remaining. What kind of fake resonance bullsh-t is this?"

"We are not trying to reason with you or appeal to you in any way. This is an order."

"And at what level of authority do you have to be telling me what to do?"

"I am the Commander."

They shifted closer as I took the first step but relaxed only slightly when they saw that not only was I outnumbered but I had no weapons either. I continued to approach the 'Commander' grateful of their underestimation of me. I stood in front of him then slowly cocked my head to the side, "Why?"

"We have no idea."

"Well then it is not my business. As far as I am concerned I was given a year, if that fact has been changed I'd like proof of it otherwise I cannot trust you."

"It is not negotiable, we are to bring you back today."

"Then you will have to defeat me first."

"This not a game Ms. Akerman."

"I didn't think it was," I paused and then mocked, "Commander."

Guns began shooting from every direction as I knocked the machine out of his hands and began unloading bullets into every body within my line of sight. They shot as if they couldn't aim but I killed each with a single bullet. My casing ran empty and I groaned at the thought of having to make actual physical contact with these men. I put my concerns away and began snapping necks and squashing skulls. One would be on the ground and I would stomp on his neck, one would be coming from behind and I would trip him and step on his skull. All these things would happen and I wouldn't see it, not until it was all over, not until it was too late.

I looked around and sneered in disgust, the mess was not my biggest concern, I ran to the door of my house and stopped in my tracks. Images flashed through my mind, memories of them still alive, memories that had only occurred minutes ago. I fell to my knees examining their lifeless bodies and held back a sob as I rose, I stormed back outside my vision blurry and anger taking control of my entire body. My limbs were shaking, my heart was beating and everything in my mind was ill. I went around feeling the pulse of all the men that were now either dead or dying on my lawn. Luckily for me the 'Commander' still had a little life left in him.

"Who sent you?" I shouted in his face lifting him up by the neck. He only groaned in response. I let go of his neck – I didn't want to be one of those overemotional idiots like in action movies that expect a response when they're cutting off the victims air supply. "Who fucking sent you?" I leaned closer and spoke in a normal voice.

"The boss. Euler. He –"

"Shut up." I spat.

I hadn't thought I'd spent as much time as I did in the shower until Dominic began banging on the door, I quickly turned off the water and wrapped a fluffy towel around my body. I almost slipped rushing to the door but fortunately made it without making a fool of myself. "Uh sorry, I must've wasted all your hot water."

"Water bills are the least of my worries Amara." He frowned down at me, miracle it was that he wasn't staring at my breasts now even though I was naked. I understood what he was saying, he was worried about me.

"Well," I grabbed my clothing off the floor, "I'm fine, so you have nothing to worry about."

"Of course, you're always fine no?"

"Yes." I glared at him, he knows that 'no' 'sì' bullsh-t confuses me. He was trying to get me to admit that I wasn't okay, something I wouldn't do if it killed me.

"Guest room is second door over there," he pointed to the door across from us, "Goodnight." He sang as if he wasn't covered in eleven other human being's blood right now. I rolled my eyes and closed the door but the good little girl in me couldn't help it.

I slid the door open again, "Goodnight." I whispered.

"Troppo carino." I heard him chuckle, "Buona notte bellissima."

And with that I closed my door.

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