《Finding Sunshine (Sope)》24 pt2
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"Alright, it's your turn to tell me your thoughts." Yongguk said as he and Yoongi left East Gate. He held a bag of fresh Chinese food in his hand.
Yoongi stuffed his hands into his pockets and looked down at the ground."I suppose so." He was really nervous about telling his thoughts to anyone, but Yongguk had already confided his own thoughts to Yoongi. So he needed to do the same in return. It was their deal.
"So what's on your mind, bud?" Yongguk was curious to hear what sort of problem Yoongi was struggling to handle.
"Well..." Yoongi scuffed his heel against the ground a couple times. He knew he shouldn't do that because it could tear up his shoes, but it was just something he did whenever he got nervous or embarrassed."Are you going to judge me?"
Yongguk nodded simply."We all judge each other, even if we don't mean to. It's natural. It's okay though. I'm not important in your life, so my opinion shouldn't matter to you."
That made Yoongi feel a little better."At least you're honest." He inhaled deeply then let it out through his nose to help himself relax a bit."Several months ago, I let a friend set me up on a blind date. I'm no good at dating, so I expected it to go badly."
"Did it?" Yongguk asked with curiosity, cocking his head a little to the side.
"No, not at all." Yoongi didn't know how to feel as he thought back on that first date."It was a little awkward, and I was foul-mouthed, but he was sweet."
"He?" Yongguk blinked a couple times with interest."You're gay?"
Yoongi shook his head."No. I'm pansexual. Gender doesn't matter to me." He pulled a hand out of his pocket to make a small, dismissive wave with it."Anyway, the date went so well that we ended up going out again. And again. We made it official."
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"That's nice. So what's the problem?" It sounded like a nice thing to Yongguk, so he didn't see why Yoongi was having troublesome thoughts.
A heavy sigh slipped out from Yoongi."I keep growing more and more attached to him. I'm so fond of him, and I'm losing sight of what I could be without him. He's changed me, and I think I've become a better person. Calmer, I think. But am I still the person he met on that first date?" Yoongi felt so conflicted. He wanted to be a better person, but he still wanted to be the same person Hoseok met on their blind date.
"Well, that doesn't sound like a big problem." Yongguk smiled softly."This can be resolved if you just speak to him about the way you're feeling. Open communication is important in a stable relationship."
"But that's not all." Yoongi lifted his hand to rake his fingers through his hair."I, uh..." He had to say it. He had to get used to stating this feeling, right? If it was true, he needed to embrace it."I love him. He means the world to me. I've never met anyone else who understood me so well. And I..."
When Yoongi trailed off, Yongguk understood. He made a small hum."You don't know if he loves you in return. Am I right?" He glanced at Yoongi and saw him nod with a lowered gaze."Have you told him that you love him?"
"No." Yoongi felt like such a coward. He was so scared that Hoseok would reject his feelings."What if he doesn't love me? What if my love for him ruins our relationship? I don't want to lose him. I'd rather fall into a bottomless pit and never see the light of day again."
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"I think you should discuss this with him and find out how he truly feels." Yongguk suggested."It seems to me that you're so caught up in your own feelings and thoughts that you've blinded yourself to his feelings. And maybe you're blind to the possibility of happiness."
"I don't know." Yoongi knew that he was blind to many things. A happy life was one thing he had thought he could never obtain before he met Hoseok."He is my happiness, my muse, my motivation. I'm scared of losing him."
Yongguk shifted the bag of food to his other hand then pat Yoongi's shoulder."Just talk to him. Whatever happens, you can get this off your chest. If he returns your love, that's a win. If he doesn't, well, maybe it's just not meant to be. Our hearts all need practice with love. We rarely get it right the first time. We break hearts. We get our own hearts broken. What's important is that we pick up the pieces and try again."
"But I don't know if I--" Yoongi stopped abruptly when his phone started to play a little tune. He pulled it out of his pocket and felt his heart flip."It's a text from him. What should I do?"
"Respond, of course. Talk to him." Yongguk thought Yoongi's expression of nervousness was adorable. It reminded him of someone from his past.
Yoongi read the text and felt a lump in his throat. Hoseok was asking him to visit."He, uh...He wants to talk about something."
"Go to him. Maybe he has been having the same thoughts as you." Yongguk really wanted to encourage Yoongi. He could tell he needed it.
"Yeah, okay. I hope you're right." Yoongi responded to the text, letting Hoseok know that he was on his way."Thanks for listening to me."
"Hey, no problem. You listened to me too. So thanks for that." Yongguk gave a small wave."Good luck."
A slight smile spread across Yoongi's lips."You too." He turned and headed in the direction of Hoseok's home. As he walked along the sidewalk, his mind was swarming with thoughts of what Hoseok might need to say. It had to be really important for Hoseok to ask him to visit so late. When he got there, Yoongi cleared his throat and knocked on the door. Waiting for a moment, he could tell Hoseok was the one who came to the door, based on how the handle was jingling, which implied he had a little trouble unlocking it. The door opened, revealing that Yoongi was right."Hey, Hoseok. Is everything okay?"
Hoseok didn't look happy at all. It was like the sun had burned out."Yoongi-hyung..."
"What is it?" Yoongi was worried. Something wasn't right."What's wrong?"
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