|Nine | Ego Trip (Lessons Pt. 2)

Christian

You were both the drug and the dealer. I find it easier to articulate these words for you while my addiction to your energy breaks. I'm sobering up in shorter terms.

Or I'd like to believe I am. Symptoms of withdrawals still quill my skin, even when I try my best to forget your touch. How lazy of me to get so carelessly personal with you.

Like a fiend with a fiery-itch needing fixing, my actions only fueled my own desires; and now look at me, recording my thoughts and feelings down like a love-stricken school girl; What have I come to?

I have a problem, and it's you.

That's the first step to recovery, right?

Admitting to one's own ego.

As these conversion of thoughts come together more frequent, I might find myself becoming more repetitive. But it was my own nature that allowed me to be burned.

Etched in my soul was something I thought could be forever. See, even things like that are so over dramatically poetic, I don't even mean for it to be interpreted that way.

But somehow you awaken a shift in my pen. An interruption in thought brought forth just from being in proximity to your energy.

Sadly, I was poetry, but he couldn't read.

"Wassup Christian" He finally spoke, his closest circle of friends all turning towards me, snickering and smiling as I walked past. Half-heartedly, I nod back and roll my eyes. Nothing about that seemed genuine. Almost as if he were mocking me.

I kept it moving, eyes forward trying to block him from my view. Out of sight, out of mind as they always say.

I made it to my locker, only a few strides down where Joel and his friends had posted themselves up. Shae seemed to be heading in my direction, not too far from me at the end of the hall.

I was going to look away until I saw Joel grab her attention, yanking her focus from me to a conversation with he and his dumb friends. I took one more glance before deciding to shake the negative thoughts from my mental.

By the time I put the rest of my things away, there she was already in talking distance.

"Friend!" She yelled. Of course she chooses to raise her voice when she's practically in my face.

"'Wassup" She approached with wide, open arms allowing me to hug her.

Her grasp was released as she stepped back, giving me a look that only she could. She knew something.

"Soooo..." a grin stretched her cheeks. I knew where this was going immediately.

"Nope," I closed my locker quickly and began walking, "Whatever he said Shae the answer is either no, I don't know, or I don't care."

"Ugh," she sucked her teeth, matching my pace by my side, "you don't even know what I'm about to say"

"Something about Joel." My eyes rolled.

"Okay!" She laughed, "It wasn't bad though I swear."

"What is it?" I gave in. Fighting her to leave the situation alone would only worsen my mood.

"He just wanted to know if I was going to the homecoming game on Friday."

"Okay... so are you ?"

"Only if my best friend is going." She smiled ear to ear hugging my shoulders while we walked.

School functions weren't my thing. I hadn't been to a single football or basketball game my entire high school career. If I had a choice, I wouldn't be at the pep rally's either. They were sorta pointless to me, we didn't even have a good team. I think our bowling team had more accomplishments in the past four years.

We made a right into home-room and sat at our desks in the back.

"I still haven't heard a response grumpy hoe.."

"Okay." I say pulling my phone from my pocket.

She paused and looked at me unassured. I could feel her gaze at the side of my neck. ".... You lying ass slut, you say that every year I ask you and you never end up going." I couldn't help but laugh a little. I did have a habit of doing that.

"You know I barely like this school."

"None of us do Chris!" She hollered laughing, "This is the last one before we graduate though, you gotta have some fun. The party afterwards is always the best part."

I thought about it again, maybe it wouldn't hurt to go.

"You know Joel asked if you were coming too, I said-"

"Fine. I'll go. Not because of him though." I roll my eyes slightly.

She gasped in all her extra ness, "You're for-real this time?"

"For real this time."

"Yay!" Shae bounced in her seat like a child, "You definitely have to help me with an outfit."

"Shit, I have to help myself first." I were trying on clothes in my head. None of them giving me the right feeling or looking correct in thought form.

"Ouuuuu, and you never finished telling me about Von." She said hitting my shoulder lightly and pulling out her lip gloss from her purse.

"Oh yeah, nothing really major happened. He apologized for his shit. I kind of apologized for mine. We just kicked it after that."

"Mhm, that must mean y'all together." She said giddy and playfully.

I sighed, " I'm not gonna pretend like we didn't talk about it..." a small smile did creep on my face and left as quickly as it came as I calmed myself, "Im good right now though, don't have the time or emotional capacity for a relationship at the moment."

"Well at least he realized what he did was wrong. Gotta give him credit because I personally never thought it was gonna happen. I still want to beat that hoe he cheated on you with up."

"Tuh," I reply, "You and me both."

The morning bell rung, provoking the rest of the students still in the hallway to make it to class before they were counted as late.

"Morning everyone." My teacher came in, for a large stack of papers in one hand, a large cappuccino in the other.

The school wide intercom was broken and had been for a solid two years. It made the morning announcements funny as hell at first.

Imagine a muffled Alvin and the chipmunks breaking in and out over the intercom and that's what it sounded like. After awhile it got annoying though.

The teachers would have to give us printed copies of what the principal was saying just to keep up, not to many people cared though as the class usually just talked over him anyway.

"Last day to pick up ten dollar tickets for homecoming is.." He didn't get to say much before I started to tune him out and just read the paper.

My phone buzzed on my desk catching my attention. Von's name popped up on the screen.

"Speak of the devil.." I say lowly to myself.

Von : Mornin' Hope you have a good day

It was cute enough to put a smile on my face, I'll say that much.

: Morning and thank you, hope you do too

A feeling came over me. I don't know why but people I "like" always seem to text me around the same time, or I always had a feeling they would.

My phone vibrates twice this time, showing two notifications. One from Von and the other from another devil in my life.

Von : wyd when you get out of school ? Wanna chill ?

Joel 😩: I guess you must be mad at me huh ?

I- did he really just ask me that ? I thought to myself. He can't be serious right now. No way he's this clueless. Absolutely no way.

:I wonder what gave you that idea

I responded with a fury. I even got mad looking at his name in my phone, going so far as to delete the emojis out of it. Next step would be his contact entirely.

Buzzing again, before I could even respond to Von, my phone catches my attention once more.

Joel : Meet me in the bathroom