|Two | Contempt

Christian ( In Media 😍😍 ]

How many times do we have to go through the same thing that's hurting us before we choose to stop it ourselves?

We experience a pain that doesn't scar or scab. It doesn't bleed and shows no marks on our skin. Instead it leaves memories of a time where we were just happy somebody showed interest in us. A time where this pain, was nonexistent. The only thing that we felt was happiness.

Heartache is what he caused me. He told me all the right things to try and forge his name on my heart. Heartache had made its name known in my life before he did but only with him, my ex, did it ever become apparent that love was something only dreams could conjure up.

Heartache plagues our lives and we do nothing but accept it because we're in "love".

When will someone finally give up and speak into existence that they're not in "love" But that they're in pain. Pain is so blatant and uncaring. Pain isn't even visible on the outside of our skin. It hurts so much deeper than a simple cut.

I've become way too comfortable with this feeling of heartache. My 'sucker for love' nature was replaced with that of contempt. I was contempt in knowing that my Prince Charming had probably died on his way to my castle.

I waited to answer the phone until Shae went upstairs.

The bitch is nosey.

Once I knew that she had finally left I slid the green answer icon over.

"Hello." I said sternly. I had no interest in talking to Von. Atleast I'm trying not to anyway. I try to leave him alone because it's the same thing literally every time he shows some form of interest to me and even though that's all I ever wanted, his cycle of bullshit never ceased to stop and I dont need anybody like that in my life.

"Wassup baby? What you doing?" He spoke lowly. My stomach clenched at each word he spoke. The unnatural raspyness in his voiced projected the influence of the weed already in his system. I knew that tone all too well. He only spoke like that when he didn't want anyone to hear him.

"Don't call me that."

"What? Baby?" He seemed to be suprised when he really shouldn't. I haven't talked to him in months so calling me 'baby' is completely out the window. He chuckled to himself, irritating me because he thinks everything's a joke. Including me.

"What do you want Von?"

"Shit, I'm just trying to chill with you. Where you at?"

"Somewhere minding my buisness." I scoffed, rolling my eyes. I get tired of the same, constant routine where he always finding some new way into my life again. Being over it is an

understatement.

"You at Kayla's ain't you." He said, more of a statement than an actual question. "I'm coming over there with y'all then."

"Nah," I shut whatever idea he had of us hanging out down, "What you can do is stay exactly where you are, smoking your life away with your male 'friends'." I continued lecturing him with emphasis on the 'male friends' since they were one of the main reasons I decided to give up on him.

I heard the toilet flushing and the faucet water going from the upstairs bathroom.

"I got to go Von," I tried rushing him off the phone.

"Man," he huffed, " don't hang up on me. I'm trying to talk to you."

"Bye." I quickly pressed the red end call button when I heard Shae's feet jogging down the wooden staircase. She skipped the second to last step, making a thump as her feet left the stairs and met the floor.

"Who was that you were on the phone with?" She asked, all the while her eyes were glued to her own phone.

"Von." His name escaped my mouth quickly as I rolled my eyes. I'm usually very quick when it comes to lying, able to think just about anything up on the spot and make it believable, but it gets tiring. Besides the fact that she would have got it out of me anyway.

"What did my boo want?" She teased a mocking tone. Shae is probably one of the very few people that actually like Von. Completely insensitive to the way I felt, she felt the reason we broke up was because of me. She thought he was perfect for me and that I would eventually get back with him.

I had no intentions of doing so.

"Nothing, trying to get on my nerves." I sat on the couch making a plopping sound and scrolling through my phone.

"Y'all gonna be back together soon." She sat next to me and lifted her feet on my lap."How long you staying?"

"Don't ask me that like you actually had something to do." I scoffed, scrunching my face at her. I felt my phone vibrate in my hand. My face wanted to light up at the sight of seeing Joel's name on my screen.

Joel 😩 : I'm at home. Come over.

"Move your feet, since apparently I'm not welcomed." I moved Shae's feet out of my way, mocking her in the same breathe. "I'll be back."

°•.•°○

I made the walk towards Joel's. I watched the red and orange leaves of autumn dance to the ground in elegance. He lived only a street down from Shae's but my mind was lost in the trees, eliminating time.

It was a nice walk to say the least. I needed time to think to myself. I think my problem is I rely too much on others for my happiness. They leave me, like they always do, and take what was left of me.

Lonely piece of shit.

Once I seen the pathway that led to Joel's front porch I followed it. It was red brick of his town house was sleek and clean. And wasn't new nor was it old.

I got to the front door and was going to knock but then I remembered whenever we smoke, he was always going to be sitting on the back porch.

I huffed to myself once I had realized I had waisted my own time and went around the house to the back. To no suprise there he was, smoking his heart out on the steps of his wooden back porch.

He looked at me, but he said no words. His eyes lower and even cloudier than they naturally are.

I watched as his lips touched the end of the blunt first. He pulled back and sucked the smoke into his lungs and released it out of his nose. He took the blunt to his mouth again for a second round. He coughed and choked on the smoke in his lungs and handed it to me.

I wasn't a regular smoker. I only did it when I was in my feelings or too stressed out.

" It sucks when your so hurt, you have to get high, or drunk just to be on a higher level than everyone else. You smoke your life away, and for what?" He spoke gently. I could tell he was in his feelings as much as I was. I didn't respond to him, I only listened. It seemed like he had a lot on his mind.

"Christian?" He said, his voice as low as his eyes that we're bloodshot red. It resembled that of someone who who had been crying their heart out. He didn't look at me when he called my name. Instead he stared off, straight ahead. Making me only wonder what he was thinking about as I took the last few puffs out of the blunt.

"Do you think Tiara's right for me?" He asked sincerity in his voice. His stare remained consistently straightforward. I wanted so badly to be honest with him. To simply tell him 'No, I'm what's right for you ' wouldn't be easy though.

"You want her right?" Just asking him the question almost made my stomach cringe.

"Yeah." He said.

"Well then," I huffed, "That's your answer."

"I'm just so tired of feeling like ain't nobody with me like they say they are. Everybody so temporary Chris. Everybody." He shook his head as his fingers ran through his loose curls.

"Just know that I'm here with you."

I nudged him with my knee making his body slightly move. I nudged him again and tried to get him to look at me. He laughed and nudged me back, finally turning his head slowly to glance at me.

His look said something to me. There was silence in the air but our elongated stares in my opinion said everything there was to say. He leaned his head over to me and looked at my lips.

This was the movie moment.

I watched him to see how close he would get to me to see if he was just kidding around. He came inches close to my lips and I wanted to attack his so bad but it didn't feel right. He didn't mean this. 'It's not supposed to happen' is what I told myself in my head.

"What are we doing?" I looked at him as a fake laughing escaped my body. I regretted my decision soon afterwards when my curiosity for him and his sweet touch. His sweet lips.

He stopped in his subtle movements towards me and immediately pulled himself away from me, smiling and scratching his head again."My bad," he chuckled, "I don't know what I'm doing."

I groaned as I tried to pull my self up by the railing from the back porch. My body was numb but my bones were begging to be stretched. Joel grabbed the steel railing and got up with me. He pulled his phone out from his pocket, stared at it as he came closer to me.

He let a small huff out as he put the phone back in his pocket and looked at me with those sad eyes of his.

"Tiara just text me." He said. He spread his arms in the form of a hug and wrapped his body around mine. The smell of his cologne was now masked by that of strong marijuana. My arms came around his neck as I hugged him back.

"Thanks for coming to see me. I needed someone to vent to." He spoke in my ear, sniffling a bit as if he had been crying but I knew he wasn't, his nose was probably just runny. The marijuana in his system forced his voice, to become raspy and wavering, sending a soothing, subtle shivers down my back.

"You know I got you. Always." I said smiling a little.

I'm such a mush.

He released me from his hold and pulled his phone back out.

"Make sure you text me." His eyes hung low and dark as he licked his lips. I simply nodded to give him assurance. "I'm dead ass Christian bruh, text me." He put more bass in his voice this time.

"I heard you boy! Damn." I groaned. His whining was ruining my high. I turned around to walk away, only to feel a hand hit my butt. I turned around quickly only to find him walking up the steps to his back porch, smiling with his tongue sticking out.

He disappeared the same as I did walking back to the front of the house. I walked down the pavered bricks that led to the sidewalk. Though I wasn't crossing the street, out of habit, I looked both left and right. Many cars passed but only one was recognizable.

The car pulled up to the curb that I stood behind. The dark tinted windows made it clear who it was and that it was no suprise to me when the windows slowly rolled.

I was going to catch hell this time.

It was Momma.