《Keep you safe [Eruri]》25: A single tear
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Erwin's office was shrouded in darkness, the only source of light coming from a singular candle that burned away on his desk. Beside it sat open books about the history of the walls and the reign of the titans that Erwin had been reading a day or two ago. Unfinished letters and a battle plan to retake Wall Maria lay in front of his empty chair. Bookcases and shelves surrounded the walls of the room, with books of tales of brave soldiers and battles against titans resting within them. An open window to the roof let in a small breeze and the occasional ray of sunlight that doused the two chairs on the other side of his desk in light. A door in the very right hand side of the room remained shut, as it had been for the past half an hour.
Levi knew the room like the back of his hand. Every little detail he could memorise and recall without a second thought, however there was something new in that room. Something that made the reality of things sink in.
A stand in the centre of the room, against the wall next to the window, held a large trench coat with the scout emblem on its sleeves and its back, with one of the sleeves tied in a knot. Resting around the collar of the coat was an emerald green bolo tie.
Levi had been standing in front of this new addition to Erwin's office for around half an hour now, his mind going crazy with thoughts and flashbacks of the fight for Shiganshina. Many brave souls had perished on that mission, with only nine survivors to live to tell the tale.
Erwin Smith was not one of them.
The commander of the scouts had selflessly risked his life, despite being a stones throw away from realising his dream, in order to preserve the scout regiment and have the slimmest of chances of winning the fight. His final resting place was a house not too far from the basement he was so fixated on seeing.
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At the thought of this, Levi suddenly threw his fist into the wall out of anger and sadness. His cause for living had gone, the only light in his life had been extinguished forever. The promise they had upheld for several years had been broken.
"God damn it all, Erwin!" Levi yelled, falling onto his knees, his knuckles bruised and bloody. "Why didn't you let me break your legs while I had the chance, you bastard!?" The emptiness that had been bubbling inside of him finally consumed Levi. His heart truly ached for the first time since the day his friends had died as he slowly got back up, his eyes filling with salty tears that he refused to let flow.
Enough.
A voice. A deep, yet incredibly calming voice that Levi recognised spoke out of the blue. He turned rapidly thinking that he was there, standing at the door with that soft look on his face, holding his arms out wide with a grin. But he wasn't. Erwin would never step foot in this room again.
Do not regret. Remembering your regrets can weaken the next decisions you make, and you will entrust that judgement to others.
Erwin's lesson that he'd taught Levi that day ran through his mind. Shaking, he took a deep breath and calmed himself. That's right. He thought. I mustn't regret the past, just keep moving forward.
A knock at the door bought him back the the present.
"Hey Levi. It's time to go now." Hange said gently as they opened the door. They had been down a lot too recently; they had lost someone close to them as well. His name was Moblit, and though Levi wasn't exactly sure what he was to Hange, he knew that he had sacrificed himself to save them. For that he was grateful to Moblit. To think he could've lost his lover and his only remaining friend in one day...
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Levi turned back to face the trench coat and bolo tie that once belonged to Erwin. Memories of their time together flashed before his eyes. The late nights on the roof, each other's company on expeditions, their dedication to return alive to one another, and Erwin's dreams of finding out the truth about the walls, and the one where he and Levi would set up a tea shop along the road to wall rose. They would live a peaceful life in a log cabin far away in the countryside. However, those dreams now could not come true. Not if Erwin wasn't there to see it.
Levi's right hand instinctively rose to his lips. He took his middle and index finger, kissed them and planted them on the bolo tie with the most gentle of touches.
Goodbye, Erwin, and thank you. I will live for you. I'll always return here alive. And I'll slay the son of a bitch that took away my true happiness. I promise.
As a single tear rolled down his cheek, he turned to face Hange, their eyes full of sympathy.
"Right," Levi replied, stealing one last glance at the office he'd spent so many joyful nights in.
"Coming."
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