| Alex |

"Baby, what's going on?"

"Argh!" I watch my daughter as she throws her head back, and Ali leaves the room, giving us some privacy. "I've been fielding calls and screening colleges for weeks."

"What do you mean? You're not even 17 yet."

"I know. They want to offer me an Early Admissions Scholarship so that I can play on their soccer teams."

"Which colleges?"

"UCLA, NYU, Berkeley and Stanford, those are the ones I've actually answered. UCF, the Univeristy of Central Florida has been calling me almost nonstop."

"And you don't want to go to college?"

"I do, mom. It's just..." I watch my daughter pause, taking a deep breath while she bites her lip. "Don't take this the wrong way, but it just feels like they only want me to be there because you're my mom. They never called me before the media found out, nobody cared. They're even calling Jack because Hope adopted her."

I watch on, not bothered by what she's saying. I know they're calling because she's my daughter, I know that without that they wouldn't be chasing her so badly - same with Jack. What I do care about is that it's bothering her so badly. I care about how she's stressing herself out just rehashing the past to me, how the bags under her eyes have grown significantly.

"It's not just schools mom, teams have been phoning me."

"What teams?"

"Washington, Arsenal, Chelsea, a few Australian teams and...Lyon."

I see my daughter cringe when she mentions my former club, and I instantly want to pull her into a hug and never let go.

"Mom, it's making me fall out of love with soccer. Before when I lived...where I lived, it was my only outlet, I felt free. Now it's like I'm suffocating. People look at me and they see you, they see how I should be playing like you and when I don't meet those expectations..." She trails off, tears threatening to spill from her beautiful blue eyes. "It makes me feel like a loser."

I take a minute to think about how to approach this situation. Never having been in her shoes, I think of all the pros and cons but the only thing that really matters is that my daughter is happy.

"Then don't be like me." I start, and her attention snaps to me, a look of confusion across her face. "Sweetheart, you don't have to play soccer if you don't want to. Despite all these calls from schools and teams, you don't have to say yes to anything you don't want to do. You can stay in high school, finish at the same pace as everyone else, then think of your future. Right now, there's no pressure to do anything other than grow up and happy. I'll make some calls and hopefully get all this attention to stop. I only want one thing from you, besides your health and happiness."

"So three things." She sasses. "What's that?"

"I want to be the first to know if you say yes to anything."

"I'll always tell you first, mom." I watch the tension in my daughters shoulders visibly ease away, her smile growing, making me smile in return.

"How is Hope dealing with all this when it comes to Jack?"

"I'm not sure if she knows. I didn't even mean to tell Ali, but she's like a fly on the wall, she hears everything-"

"I'M NOT A FLY!" I laugh at my teammate and my daughter when her eyes widen, her face coming closer to the screen as she whispers.

"See what I mean?" She jokes, pulling away from the screen to where she was sitting before. "I have to go mom, I have homework."

"Okay baby girl, just remember what I said, ok?"

"I will, thanks mom, talking to you really helped."

"I love you sweetie, goodnight."

"'Night mom, love you too." I chuckle as I watch Cody try and hang up on the Facetime call, eyes barely open, yawn after yawn trailing from her mouth.

| Cody |

.

I don't know where I am.

I don't know how I got here, wherever here is.

I don't know why it's so cold until take a look around. My surroundings constantly changing. One minute I'm in the woods near my old house, next minute I'm in my old bedroom.

I wait to see if the surroundings will change again, when they don't I start to walk. I move to the staircase, walking slowly as to avoid all the creaks in each step that I've memorized over the years.

Successfully down, with both feet on the ground, I venture to the kitchen, only to stop when I hear the sound of a plate smashing against another surface. I walk cautiously to the kitchen, where the noise came from and I peer inside to see my eight year old self curled up in a ball, on the kitchen floor as my 'dad' throws plates and empty glass beer bottles against the wall above my head, the shards raining down on my, cutting me.

"Daddy, please...stop. It hurts!" I watch myself cry out in vain. It's no use, he never did stop.

"Shut the fuck up! I told you not to talk to me!"

I'm helpless as I watch him move forward, grabbing my younger self by my arms, his hands tight enough to leave bruises but he doesn't care. He only cares about himself and his on satisfaction, his own sexual gratification. I try and stop him taking my young self away, putting my hands up to halt him in his sick quest, but he moves through me like I'm a ghost, like I don't exist at all.

"Daddy please!" I watch as my eight year old self knows what's coming, far too young to go through this, and I'm too invisible to stop it, but I don't quit trying. I follow behind him up the stairs to that bedroom. His bedroom. The epitome of all the things I hate, the room where all my self loathing and hatred was birthed. The one place I wish I could destroy in this entire world. I run ahead of him, standing like a barricade between him and the door, a useless barricade that he walks right through, much like my entire life with him.

He closes the door behind him, which I go to open but I can't. I can't help myself. I can't save myself as I listen to my younger self scream bloody murder. I continue to bang on the door, kicking and screaming from the other side to let me go, but nothing works. Nothing ever worked.

"LET ME GO!!!! GET OFF!"

"Cody! Cody wake up!!"

I jolt awake, sweat riddled and tears streaming down my face as Ali and Hope sit on either side of my bed, watching me with sympathy. They sit in silence for a minute or two, letting me get my bearings and my breathing under control before I'm swallowed up in a group hug between two people I trust in this world. However it doesn't help, right now the only person I want is Alex.

I get up, knowing I'll not be able to sleep again, not that I want to even risk it. I thought that once I was back in the care of my mother, and Ali, that I'd be able to move on from my past but I can't. I'm constantly being haunted by it.

| Ali |

"I'm not sure Alex, she doesn't tell us what they're about but they're getting more frequent. She's having nightmares everynight."

"Fuck. I'll try and leave camp early-"

"No, that's what I was calling about. Hope and I think that her and Jack need a distraction so we were thinking of bringing them down to Arizona to see the game against Australia, if that's okay?"

"That's fine Ali, I miss her anyway, and you. I can't thank you enough for doing this Ali."

"You don't have to thank me, I love Cody, she's a great kid. How's things going for the Brazil game tonight?"

"It's looking good, less rookies means we're all on the same page, we all know how each other plays."

"Cody and Jack have plans to watch the game, they're with Hope right now at the store, getting snacks." I smile as I hear my teammate laugh, something she doesn't really do on gamedays, she's always hyper focused.

"Poor Hope." Alex and I say at the same time, making us both laugh.

"I'll let you go, I know your gameday prep is less time on the phone talking to injured teammates."

"Thanks Ali, I'll see you guys in a few days."

"Bye Alex."

| Cody |

It's been a few days since the USWNT beat Brazil 3-0. It was awesome to watch my mom get two goals and Pinoe getting the third. It's great to see my mom enjoy soccer again after a disappointing season with Orlando. It's also been a few days since Ali and Hope told Jack and I that we'll be going to the game against Australia, which meant traveling to Arizona, and that's where we are.

Unfortunately we won't be able to see the team until after the match, which means I have to wait to see my mom, something that actually bugs me. But it's her job, so I let it go.

I'm in a hotel room with Jack, slightly happy I don't have to share with an adult and while my best friend is in the shower, I rifle through my suitcase, looking for my medicine. My medicine being the bottle of vodka I packed from home, mostly because of the 11 bottles I had in my closet, it was the only one with anything left in it - I'll have to get more while I'm here.

I take a long gulp, letting the alcohol burn my throat, numbing my senses and I feel myself relax, forgetting about my nightmares and my flashbacks, even if it's only temporary. I rush to hide the almost empty bottle under the pillow of the bed I'll be occupying as I hear the shower turning off, knowing Jack will be out in a few minutes. She doesn't take long to shower and change, something that I usually love but in this moment I hate it.

"Are you okay Maxi?" My best friend asks, barely through the door of the bathroom and already sensing something is up. I smile, loving that she uses my middle name as a nickname because nobody else does.

"I'm fine, Jackie." I can't help but laugh as she rolls her eyes at me, hating her first name.

"I hate you."

"You love me."

We're about to squabble endlessly when we're interrupted by knocking on the door, Jack answers it and in comes Hope and Ali, dressed and ready for the game. I tell them I'll meet them in the lobby because I'm 'not ready' and they look at me before leaving. I take the moment to finish the vodka under my pillow, making a mental note to get more later, and I quickly brush my teeth, eating a mint as I meet up with the others.

When we get to the stadium, we take our seats and I'm left between Jack and an empty seat, which is occupied before the teams come out.

"No. Fucking. Way." I say, as I see who takes the seat next to me.

"Hey Cody, Jack."

"Hey Ellie!" I chuckle at Jack's enthusiasm, she's already told me that Ellie has her stamp of approval. It happened after I told her about Jo, and that Ellie saved me, I also had to sit on Jack to stop her leaving the house to hunt down Joanna and 'tear her limb from limb, stupid fake Barbie bitch' - her words.

"Are you following me?"

"I was here first, Ellie. Are you following me ?"

"Maybe." She answers, and we look at each other, eyebrows raised in a questioning matter, before we start laughing and I see Ali smiling at us.

SKIP TO HALFTIME.

"Oh come on! That was never a foul!"

"We got a penalty, get over it."

"It wasn't a foul."

"It was."

"Oh my god, will you two shut up!" I snap at Jack and Ellie as they continue to complain that Australia got a penalty when Becky brought Kerr down in the box. They're arguing about it so much I'm tempted to move seat and support the damn referee! I don't have to though because I'm saved from the act of double homicide I'm about to commit.

"Let's go get something to drink, Cody." I look to Ali as she holds her hand out for me to take, and I do, letting her pull me up. A drink sounds good.

We walk to concessions, and wait in the line, it's not as long now because the second half is about to start. I can tell the teams are back out on the field when the crowd starts cheering. As Ali gives the server the order, I take a chance to glance around at the people around us, who all look happy and minding their own business when I see a woman, looking right at me with a blank expression on her face. I do a double take, being pretty sure I recognize her I turn back to Ali, tapping her shoulder relentlessly.

"Ali, Ali!"

"What's wrong Cody?"

"I think I see-", I start, turning around preparing to point out the woman, but she's gone.

"You see what?"

"Um...I thought I seen...nevermind." I bite my lip, looking down with a furrowed brow, wondering if I really seen her or am I crazy?

_____________

The game ended 1-1, Alex scoring the equalizer from Kerr's penalty in the first half. I loved watching Alex play when I was growing up, but now that I know she's my mom, I love it even more.

After Hope and Ali told us that they were going back to the hotel to get ready, both the US and AUS National team members are hanging out tonight, since a lot of them are teammates at their clubs. It gave Jack and I a chance to spend time with Ellie, which consisted of going to the arcade and getting coffee.

As I sit down with my coffee order, I get a sense of deja vu when I sit in the middle of another petty argument between Ellie and Jack.

"I totally beat your high score!"

"You wish, Jax."

"Seriously? Do I have to seperate you two?" I laugh as I watch the two drop their heads in shame that I'm forced into the 'mom' role.

"We should finish these up anyway, the adults might start searching for us, thinking I've kidnapped you both." Ellie states, and shivers at the thought of being targeted by the more mature players.

________________

Jack and I have been banished to the kids table, with Kling, Pinoe and Ash. Which isn't as fun as it sounds when everyone else is drinking and I'm craving it. Ellie left us to spend time with her friends but not before introducing us.

I walk outside for some fresh air as it's getting too hot inside, and I notice my mom follows me out.

"Hey, are you okay?"

"I'm fine mom, sick goal by the way." I praise her, making her laugh, but her smile doesn't reach her eyes. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, Cody. I just didn't realize how much I truly missed you." I don't get a chance to reply before she pulls me into her, squeezing me so tight I'm sure I'll stop breathing. I mumble out a small 'I missed you too' into her shoulder, before I lift my head from her chest to rest against her head, my chin on her shoulder and I tense, which she feels immediately, she pulls away and looks at me. "What's wrong?"

"I seen her earlier." I point behind my mom, to the woman standing down the street, not taking my eyes off of her this time. My mom turns and follows the direction I'm pointing in, and I feel her grab my hand.

"Do you know her?"

"I think so...I can't be sure, I can't see her face. Those sunglasses are huge."

"It's a bit late for sunglasses..."

I'm about to tell her I think it's the woman who raised me, when Ash comes stumbling out of the bar, Tobin and Emily van Egmond in tow. Gotta love all these Australian accents all under one roof.

"There you are!" Ash slurs. "Will you both please tell Tobin I could whoop her ass at arm wrestling!"

I glance to Emily and Tobin, they're faces both turning red as they try not to laugh at the keeper, Alex too looking like she wants to laugh.

"Ash, chill out."

"I am chill, Tobin! No lessons needed here!" I watch as Tobin takes my mom's hand, leading her back to the bar, and Ash and Emily turn to me.

"I thought they would never leave." I raise a brow as Ash suddenly stops slurring, seemingly completely sober and the confusion shows on my face. "We have a prank we need some help with. We gain too much attenion so we need you and Jack to go get Kelley away from Hope."

So I go and find my best friend, who is talking with Ellie and the three of us find Kelley. It takes us about ten minutes to get her away from Hope, but alcohol really did help, Hope wasn't as suspicious as she usually would have been and we meet up with Ashlyn and Emily who are on the balcony area overlooking the dancefloor. It's a good thing that this entire place was rented out just for the two teams. Ashlyn was stood beside a bucket filled to the brim with water balloons, while Kelley took up the space next to one of two buckets filled with feathers.

"Okay. Kelley, and Ellie take a bucket of feathers each and wait for the signal to dump the buckets once me, Ems, Cody and Jack have hit everyone with the balloons. Ready?"

We all nod, and Ashlyn, Jack, Emily and I start throwing balloons, laughing as the girls below scream in horror and Ash shouts 'NOW!' to Kelley and Ellie, and it's only until we've seen the Aussies and American players covered in feathers, looking like ghosts of dead birds, then Emily asks,

"Was that too far?"