"What did you two talk about?" The question comes off nonchalantly, voice soft but I know better. I know him better. Throwing a smirk over my shoulder, I shrug back just as nonchalantly.

"Wouldn't you like to know?" Chatter brought us out of our little bubble. I look back over the rest of the couch, watching as Kai and Liam sit next to each other on the other couch, playing with Kai's switch. We had helped Liam organize everything in his room before ordering in.

I'm brought back to reality when I feel two large hands grip my hips from an angle. Tripp sends me a pout, features softening as he presses his body flush against mine. "I would very much like to know, won't you tell me?"

Pretending to think about it, I look over towards the pair again before pulling myself away from Tripp and standing up. "Maybe later."

Making my way to the kitchen, I stop at the refrigerator, gasping when a familiar body presses against my back, holding me in place. "Okay, let's do something else now."

"Right here?" The words are whispered, hissed as Liam and Kai start cursing at each other from their respective spots on the couch. Sure, privacy is hard to come by, but we still have our own room.

Turning me over to face him, Tripp grins, holding my wrist in a soft grasp. "We're heading to bed now. Kai, if you're planning to stay over you can use the couch, there's extra blankets in the closet."

They make a noncommittal noise in acknowledgement, continuing their game. With that, I am promptly dragged to our room. We push through the door, and the second it closes, I'm being pushed against it, Tripps soft lips pressing against my neck as his hands grip my torso.

It's a complete turn off, but something in me simply goes off and I, " I have a dildo."

Tripp pulls away, eyebrows meeting in confusion. "You have a what now?"

"A dildo." I repeat, rather easily. No embarrassment, or shame, a good sign in my self confidence.

"Uh," He grins, as though he finally understood the joke. "No you don't."

Of course, "Yes. I do." I huff, stepping away from him and heading over to our shared closet. Because I was in a hurry when hiding it; due to the emergency call for Kyle to come to my campus, I had simply shoved it into one of my shoe boxes, and then promptly shoved that beneath the lower rack of clothes.

Taking it out of it's 10-out-of-10 hiding spot, I walk back out and hand it over to Tripp. His reaction is cute, he simply stares at it for a solid second, eyebrows knitted and lips pouted, his curls encasing his face perfectly before his eyes snap back up to mine. "Why do you have this?"

A shrug, "I used it."

Tripp let's out a sound that resembles a choke as he grips the dildo. "To do what?"

"Well, at first, I shoved it down my throat to get used to having something there, and to get used to relaxing my gag reflex. This," I pointed to the fake dick. "Is the secret thing I bought that Kai thought was lingerie. Which clearly, it isn't."

Clearly.

"Clearly." Tripp murmurs, reading my mind, I shove him, making him giggle. "And you stopped using it?"

I nod, "Yeah, I started giving you blowjobs and well. . .we haven't really gone further than that and I don't really know uhm, how to use it - I mean I can guess, obviously - but, yeah."

As the words come stuttering out, I make my way over to the connected bathroom, flicking on the light as I start my nightly routine. It's true, I only ever did buy the dildo for my gag reflex, anything beyond that point simply escaped my mind. And frankly, it kinda scares me. Because I don't exactly know what to do when it comes to my ass. Actually, I look up as Tripp stands behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist and resting his chin on my shoulder, "Do I have to get an enema before we have sex?"

It's arousingly obvious that I would be the receiver in all of this, no convincing needed.

Tripp blinks, "Those are painful, no. The best option is a douche, but really you kind of don't need to use one."

"What do you mean?" I scrunch my nose, pulling back to spit into the sink. "We poop out of our assholes, dude."

He smacks my thigh, "Smart mouth, pretty." A full body shudder, I refuse to indulge him. "But the rectum does a good job at ensuring poop stays out-of-range. Usually, just eating light and showering is good enough. If it makes you feel more comfortable then I can go out and look for a douche kit for you. Or. . ."

"Or?" I spit one last time, leaning forward and pushing back against him to cup a handful of water, rinsing my mouth out and turning to face him. Tripps hands shift to rest on the sink behind me, caging me against it successfully.

"I could bottom until you feel comfortable." The suggestion makes my heart falter and my breath stutter, because even before coming to terms with my sexual orientation - or rather, my attraction towards my very male best friend - I always pictured myself beneath Tripp. So, the prospect of anything else occurring is. . .different. Not a bad different, just different.

"You'd do that?"

His eyes soften at the question, "Logan, I only want to make you comfortable and happy."

Not that I want to, the idea of handing over all control over my pleasure to Tripp was intoxicating, "What if I'm never comfortable with it, though?"

A kiss presses against my temple, I relish in the contact. "That's okay too. I think you're missing the point that I've been crushing on you since we first met, and that I've been in love with you since our senior year of high school. Sex doesn't have to come with that package."

I gnaw at my bottom lip for a second, pretending to think about it. "No, I want to bottom. And, I think we can discuss that douche kit afterwards, yeah?"

He grins, "Anything you want, sweetheart."

꒰꒱꒰

"You know," Tripp begins from beside me. We're laying in our bed, wrapped in each other like noodles. It's the following day, the day of my unofficial last therapist visit. "I just realized that I've never taken you out on a date."

Scandalous.

"No, thanks."

"No, thanks?"

"Yeah." I lean back to look at him. "I'm with you practically all day. We live together, go to school together, workout together, play video games together, get groceries together, sleep together, make-out. The only thing we don't do together is cook, and even then, we eat together. And, we also haven't slept slept together, we're practically an old married couple, Tripp."

He whines next to me, "Don't call us old." A sigh, "I guess you have a point."

"I do, always." I boast.

"Well, one other thing we didn't do together was help Liam pack." I roll my eyes as I get comfortable against his chest, of course he is still on about that.

"You really want to know what we talked about?"

Tripp nuzzles into the top of my head before responding. "Yes."

"Fine." I huff, rolling onto my back. "He wanted to apologize about intruding into our lives so unexpectedly and he also wanted to reassure me that everything between you two is platonic." A snort escapes me. "Which I had no doubt but, anyways, he also started telling me how he admired you, and me, and us."

"Us?"

"Yeah, us." I turn to face him, catching his gaze on me already. "He said that he admires how we are around each other; how we express our love. It's what gave him courage to officially break things with his girlfriend because they were never like us - in a way, I don't know, but it gave him an idea of what he really wants in a relationship, you know?"

Tripp nods, lips forming a cute pout. "Mhm. He wants us."

- I elbow him. "Shut up, you're not making this better. I'm never telling you anything ever again you ass."

"You like my ass."

"That's not the point." I hiss, turning to shove him, hoping he falls off the bed. He doesn't, shame. Tripp laughs at my antics, gripping my wrists and holding them down by my waist as he rolls over on top of me. The air in my chest rushes out of me in a quick gust as we come face to face.

The tips of our noses meet but instead of kissing me, Tripp simply rubs them together, grinning. "We better get ready before we're late to your appointment." I growl, snapping my teeth as he pulls off me with another laugh.

Maybe I didn't love him. Hmph.

✩

"So, this is it, right?" The question leaves me as I fidget against the cushion of the couch, that had initially started comfortably, but now was plain annoying. How people manage to sit on these chairs for days out of the week is beyond me.

Alondra smiles from the other side, always strictly professional. "Yes, I simply wanted to check on you after everything that has taken place. We still haven't gotten to the bottom of that dream of yours."

No, I agree, "We haven't. But based on how the case is going, it is reasonable to believe that my father did molest Kai when he stayed over with us for that week."

It was all we were unable to uncover, seeing as many professionals do not believe in the use of hypnosis to uncover a person's memory. It is a common practice, for individuals who want to uncover certain details of their life that they simply can't remember, but for individuals who are trying to build a case - or for individuals who are going to testify against other people - it isn't recommended. Especially seeing that, if the opposing team finds out of hypnosis as a practice, it can be used to call into question a victim's entire testimony. That's why I refused to go through with it, sure, it's a visualization that followed me for years, but now I have at least some semblance of an idea as to what it means.

"Do you believe that that's what your dream revolves around?" She's relaxed, calm, and it makes me feel comfortable around her.

"Yeah." Nothing else makes sense. A) The child is Kai, after something absolutely terrible happened to him, and he wanders into my room, shaking me awake, asking me to go home, something like that. B) The child is, in fact, me, crying and begging to go home even when I am home, because the home I was raised in is hell, and it isn't what a child should consider home. Both of these are options, it's unknown which one is correct, but I at least know both options, and that's what's important.

The appointment continues like that, back and forth conversation until the time runs out. Alondra stands from the couch, fixing her skirt. "Then this is it, I'll always be here if you wish to speak to me, but at this moment, I do not believe you require any further assistance from me."

I stand from the couch, taking the brief time to stretch my legs and back. Alondra smiles at me from her door, and when I find myself standing in front of her she extends her hand. We shake hands, "If you ever need any more help don't hesitate to reach out to me or any of my recommended colleagues. It's okay to ask for help."

Her gaze is firm and level, it's almost scary. I gulp, nodding my head and ducking out from the door with a last awkward smile. Have goodbyes always been that awkward? Tripp is waiting in the lounging area, as usual, and he throws me a lazy smile as I walk out. The drop of my heart to my stomach at the sight is now normal to me, it's always been there, mixing with warmth and butterflies.

And when before I would reach far and wide for excuses; reasonable explanations as to why he made me feel as such, now I just sigh in overbearing fondness, reveling in the idea of finally finding peace within myself.