I tried to open my eyes but it just wasn't working. My eyelids felt as though they were glued together and I eventually resorted to pulling them apart with my hands.

The room was bright and something warm and heavy was on my legs. In fact I couldn't feel them at all.

I tried to sit up but the weight at my feet prevented it. I glanced down, confused, and my eyes nearly fell out my head at the sight that met them.

Laura lay curled up and fast asleep, her head resting high on my thighs. Her hair was tousled and her face peaceful. She looked adorable, with her arms wrapped around her torso and her body still and relaxed.

I watched her for a few minutes until she shifted and her head moved even higher making me feel uncomfortable. I tried to tug my legs out from under her but she was too heavy. I leaned down and shoved her, causing her to groan. I pushed her again and her eyes opened. It took a minute for them to focus then they widened and she jumped off me, landing hard on her butt.

"I'm so sorry!" She said, her hands covering her mouth and muffling the words. I told her it was fine but she still retreated to the bathroom to recover from the embarrassment.

I leaned back and watched the ceiling. The swirls were fascinating and if I stared hard enough they would move, spinning around and around, making me dizzy. I welcomed the feeling, the slight sickness, as something to distract me from what was plaguing my thoughts. I knew I couldn't avoid it for long but the short rest bite was almost enjoyable.

If I squinted I could make shapes from the twirling spirals. A lollipop, a clown face, a laughing baby.

There it was, the sign that the spell had been broken. The sadness came crashing in and I could only hold it at bay with the small spark of hope that flickered in the bottom of my stomach. For every second I was optimistic another fifty-nine would be spent in despair.

I pictured how happy Anne had been when she'd told us about the baby, how eager she'd been to be a good mum, and the tears could no longer be held back. They spilled from my eyes, hot and wet, and trickled down the sides of my face. I felt an inexplicable anger at the world and everyone in it. How could they let this happen to her? What had she done to deserve this?

I felt someones arms wrap around me and I was pulled up into a warm, soft embrace.

"Shh," Laura whispered, "It's okay, shh."

I twisted out her grip and wiped my eyes fiercely.

"I'm fine." I snapped, "I don't need you."

"The baby's going to be all right." She said even though her eyes flashed with hurt. It made me feel good to see someone else hurting, made me feel a little satisfied.

"I know." I said and went into the kitchen.

She followed even though she looked very uncomfortable.

I put some bread in the toaster and leaned against the counter, deliberately avoiding looking at her. She sighed heavily and I heard a chair being pulled out.

"I'm sorry Lilly, I'm sorry this had to happen to someone you love, she didn't deserve it."

"Your pity isn't going to help anyone." I said coldly. "If she didn't deserve it why don't you tell her that when she comes home?"

"I don't think she'll want me there after-"

"After what?" I screamed, turning to face her. "After her baby died? After everything she ever wanted just went up in a puff of smoke? After-" I broke off, my sobs choking me.

"Oh Lilly." Laura breathed sympathetically as she came over to me. She sat beside me where I'd slid down the counter and turned into a ball of weeping mess. "Not again."

She opened her arms and I collapsed into them, hugging her tightly and pressing my face into her shoulder. She rubbed my back gently and rhythmically, trying to soothe me.

It took a while but eventually it began to work and I felt calmer, my breathing coming more evenly and the tears slowing down. As my senses returned I became acutely aware of her body against mine and the way in which I was timing my breaths with hers so that our body's would press together, even closer than they already were.

I pulled away from her, embarrassed by my body's reactions to her. I stood up quickly and took the butter from the fridge.

She pulled herself to her feet and her top rode up a little to reveal those fabulous abs. I couldn't take my eyes off them so when she pulled her top down I sighed with disappointment. I heard her laugh softly and realised she'd been watching me. My face flushed and I turned away, going back to buttering my now cold toast.

The phone rang, breaking the silence and I jumped to get it. It was my mum.

"How's Anne?" I demanded. The silence was deafening. "Mum?"

"She's fine but..." She sighed heavily. "The baby's gone."

"No." I dropped the phone to the floor and felt tears falling down my face.

"I'm sorry Lilly." Laura said, pulling me into her arms in a way that was becoming very familiar.

After a while there were no tears left to fall and I just lay there listening to her breathing, feeling her chest rise and fall under my head. It was so quiet that I felt myself slowly drifting off.

"Lilly?" It was Jarrod, standing in the doorway watching us with wide eyes.

"Jarrod." I said, pulling myself out of Laura's grasp. "What is it?"

"Where are mum and dad?" He asked, pushing his glasses up on his nose.

"They went to the hospital with Anne."

"The baby?" Jarrod asked, his eyes widening. When I nodded they filled with tears but he didn't bother to wipe them. "Poor Anne. How is she?"

"Mum says she's fine but I think that's her health not her, you know, feelings."

"I bet she's sobbing her eyes out right now." Jarrod said and I nodded. "What about Eric? How is he taking the news?"

"I don't know." I admitted feeling bad when I realised I hadn't given Eric a second thought. "I didn't ask."

"I'm going to call him." He said and left.

"I feel bad now!" I moaned, "why didn't I ask how Eric was?"

"You were upset, you weren't thinking about anything apart from your sister and her baby."

"That's my point, I wasn't thinking about anyone else." I covered my face with my hands and if there had been any tears left in me they would have been falling at that moment.

"God Lilly, will you stop feeling so sorry for yourself! It's driving me crazy!"

I stared at her and her mouth fell open. I couldn't believe what she'd just said but... she was right, wasn't she? I was feeling sorry for myself, acting as though no one had ever suffered apart from me.

"Oh shit Lilly! I'm sorry, I just- I didn't mean..."

"Yes you did." I said, "I'm sorry I'm just being a cow aren't I?"

"No I was-I'm sorry Lilly." She looked horrified.

"It's fine and I'm sorry too."

"Don't apologise you did nothing wrong."

"I'm still sorry." I said and she frowned at me.

"Stop it."

I didn't reply knowing my next words would only annoy her. Turning away I left the room.

She followed me and we sat silently on the sofa, side by side. I couldn't help remembering how it had felt when she was lying on me. I glanced at her and noticed that her cheeks were tinted pink, what was she thinking about? The same thing as me? Surely not... I could find out, if I really wanted.

That wouldn't be right though, I couldn't do that to her. I remembered how she had freaked out the last time I'd entered her mind and couldn't do it. As much as I wanted to, it would be breaking her trust and I'd worked too hard to loose everything.

***

The day had passed slowly but now, long after the sun had set, mum and dad had come home. Dad had seemed surprised to see Laura but he didn't question it.

I immediately pulled my mum into a tight hug and sniffled into her shoulder. She held me at arms length and gently wiped away my tears.

"It's okay sweetheart, don't cry over it. Come in here and sit down." She pulled me down onto the couch and held my hands tightly in hers. "Talk to me."

I shifted uncomfortably, this was what we normally did when anything was bothering me- I was surprised they hadn't forced me into one about my soul mate yet- but the fact that Laura was sitting beside us, watching curiously, made me hesitant to talk.

I twisted my head to look at her and she smiled at me.

"Could you, uh, leave, please?"

"Sure." She smiled at me understandingly and I felt a bit better.

"Sorry."

"It's fine, I think I might have overstayed my welcome eh?" She said then laughed a little.

"No. No, you could never stay here too long, don't ever think that." I insisted. She threw me a smile as she walked out the door. I felt guilty for making her leave even though she'd said it was all right.

"Talk to us honey." Mum said, distracting me, and for the next half an hour I was lost in the feelings that flooded me.

The conversation was depressing and I wanted nothing more than to go to bed but there was something I had to tell m parents first.

"At least we have your soul mate to cheer us up Lilly." Dad said. I smiled and started to say,

"About that dad, uh, the-"

"When are we getting to meet him?" My mum asked.

"Oh yes, I'm looking forward to meeting the man who stole my daughters heart. He'd better be a big, strong man, no sissy boy would do for you." My heart slowly sank and I stood up.

"I'm beat, I think I'm just going to go to bed now."

"All right honey." Dad said and I claimed the stairs, a tear making a slow trail down my cheek.