《Baby of the family》part 80
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Ant stayed by Decs side for the next couple of hours.
Dec still wasn't saying much,just drifting in and out of light sleep every now and again.
"You don't need to be here you know" Dec stated as he rolled over to find Ant still lounging beside him on the bed,flicking casually through a magazine.
"Yes I do need to be here actually" Ant replied.
"I know what you're doing" Dec sighed.
"Do you now,Mr smarty pants?" Ant smiled "what am I doing then?"
"You're trying to get me to talk about today" Dec sighed "about how I feel about it all"
"Well,I've pretty much told you that" Ant pointed out.
"If I talk to you,will you leave me alone to get some sleep?" Dec enquired.
"Might do" Ant grinned.
"Ok" Dec replied,sitting up and leaning himself against the headboard of the bed "what do you want to know?"
"How you're feeling about what we saw?" Ant asked concerned "you were very upset"
"Guess that tells you how I'm feeling then doesn't it?" Dec shrugged.
"Yeah,it does" Ant smiled "but only to a tiny extent.I know you,and I know it helps you to talk when you're upset,so out with it"
"I don't know where to start" Dec replied sadly.
"Wherever you like" Ant encouraged Dec by offering a starting point "those kids were great weren't they?"
"Yeah,they were" Dec smiled at the thought of the youngsters they had met at the school they visited earlier.
"They were a happy bunch weren't they?" Ant smiled.
"Yeah" Dec nodded in agreement.
Ant was still struggling to get Dec to open up,but he wasn't going to give up too easily.
"It was a hell of a day" Ant stated "Emily was amazing wasn't she?imagine bringing all those kids up single handedly"
"Poor woman" Dec sighed "and poor kids,it's so unfair"
"Yeah,it is" Ant replied "you wanna tell me how you're feeling now or are you going to make me do all the talking?"
"I'm feeling like shit ok?" Dec snapped "is that what you want to hear?"
"If that's how you're feeling right now,then yes I do want to hear it" Ant replied with understanding.
"I fucking hate myself ok?" Dec retorted.
"What?" Ant asked surprised,that wasn't what he had been expecting Dec to say "why?"
"Why do you think?" Dec retorted "I live the life of luxury back home in my huge house with its beautiful swimming pool and gym back in a lovely area like Chiswick,while people are starving here with not even as much as a bed to sleep on,I'm a selfish,greedy,bastard"
"Well,if you are,that makes me one too" Ant stated calmly.
"Maybe we both are then" Dec shrugged.
"Declan" Ant replied firmly "now you listen to me.Of course what we've witnessed today was bloody awful and my heart goes out to these people,I wish to God that they had it better,I really do,but you not having any of the things you've worked so hard for,isn't going to help them is it?"
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"Don't know" Dec shrugged "I just feel so guilty,it's just so unfair that some people have so much while others have so little"
"I promise I do understand how you feel Decs" Ant smiled "I feel that guilt too,but we can't be held personally responsible for other peoples misfortunes"
"I know" Dec replied sadly "it was just so hard to see it and knowing we're going back to our lovely homes while people like Emily can't even afford to buy milk for her baby...that just doesn't sit right with me"
"I know" Ant sighed "and I promise I do understand as I feel the same,but I guess feeling guilty about what we have is a wasted emotion,we've worked hard for what it"
"I know" Dec replied "but we've always been able to afford to eat,even before we became well known,we've never been that desperate,it just breaks my heart and seeing it in person was a million times worse than I had expected"
"I know kidda" Ant replied "but you donate thousands of pounds to charity every year"
"No one knows that though" Dec pointed out.
"And no one needs to know that either" Ant replied "it's no ones business except yours,but my point is you do a lot to help those less fortunate than you,you should be proud of that"
"I just feel so sad" Dec announced.
"I know" Ant sighed "me too"
Ant placed an arm around Decs shoulder and stroked his arm lovingly.
"God,why can't I stop crying?" Dec frowned as tears cascaded down his cheeks once again "I'm annoying myself now"
He shrugged Ants arm away and got up off of the bed and made his way over to the french windows that led to the balcony.
Ant felt slightly hurt and rejected by his actions being brushed aside so abruptly,but he knew now wasn't the time to worry about that.
"Just look at this place" Dec said as he stared down at the amazing swimming pool that was brightly lit up with artificial lights in the dark evening,a few people still enjoying a late dip.
"Amazing isn't it?" Ant smiled.
"Exactly" Dec retorted "it's amazing and we must be the biggest hypocrites to be staying here"
"We have to stay somewhere" Ant shrugged.
"Yeah,but why here?" Dec questioned "what is this hotel?four?five stars?"
"Five I think" Ant winced,now feeling very uncomfortable at the point Dec was making.
"So we spent the day meeting some of the poorest people on the planet" Dec sighed "hearing how hard their lives are,crying over how awful they've got it,then we come back to a place like this,that makes us hypocrites in my opinion"
"Declan" Ant replied firmly "you're looking at this all wrong"
Dec didn't even question what Ant meant,but blurted out an idea that even took Ant by surprise.
"I'm gonna sell my house when we get back" Dec stated.
"What?" Ant asked shocked.
"You heard me" Dec replied "I'm gonna sell my house.I'm gonna downsize,why the hell does a single guy like me need a huge house like that?"
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"Declan,you're being ridiculous" Ant shook his head in despair "what good is that going to do?"
"Will make me feel better" Dec shrugged.
"You're not always going to be single though are you?" Ant mused "you bought that house with having a family in mind"
"So what?" Dec snapped childishly.
"So how will you giving up your dream home help anyone here?" Ant enquired.
"Don't know" Dec sighed.
"Ok Decs" Ant smiled "can we please have a reality check here?today has been tough for both of us hasn't it?but we knew it would be.Of course we've seen some heartbreaking things and heard some awful,tragic stories,but you beating yourself up because you have more than others isn't going to help anyone is it?"
"I can't help the way I feel" Dec sighed.
"I know you can't and your feelings aren't wrong" Ant replied "there is no right or wrong way to feel about something like this,or anything else for that matter,your feelings are your own and you just have to deal with them the best way you can"
"I guess" Dec replied.
"Look Decs" Ant smiled "please come and sit down"
Ant patted the space on the bed next to him and Dec obligingly did what had been requested.
"Maybe you should look at this from a different angle?" Ant suggested.
"How?" Dec asked curiously.
"Well" Ant continued "instead of focusing on how much everyone has or hasn't got,how about focusing on the good that charities like Comic Relief have already done?"
"I suppose I should" Dec nodded.
"Good lad" Ant smiled "think about how much has been done with all those millions raised over the years already,that's a hell of an achievement don't you think?"
"Yeah,it is" Dec smiled.
"And that school today..." Ant continued "that school wouldn't even exist if it wasn't for guys like you and me coming out here to highlight what needs to be done"
"I know you're right Ant" Dec sighed "I guess I just got overwhelmed by it all,I'm sorry"
"No need for any apologies" Ant smiled while pulling Dec in for a sideways hug,this time his arm wasn't shrugged away,so he kept it firmly in place,stroking the tips of his fingers gently up and down Decs upper arm.
"You'll be ok Dec" Ant reassured his friend "I know you will"
"Yeah" Dec nodded,as he sleepily rested his head on Ants chest "I hope so"
"I know so" Ant replied gently "um...but there's one more thing I just wanted to check you're clear about?"
"What's that?" Dec asked sleepily.
"You do understand why I didn't give you a cuddle at the time don't you?" Ant questioned "you know,after we visited Emily?when you were crying outside her place?"
"Yeah,I do" Dec replied gratefully "you knew if you'd hugged and comforted me right there and then,the floodgates would have opened and I would have been a sobbing wreck for all to see"
"Exactly" Ant replied "and I know you would have hated that"
"Yeah,I would" Dec nodded "I'm glad you held off until we got back here,I don't mind you seeing me crying,but everyone else?that's kinda embarrassing,they've already got me on camera sniffling a bit"
"Don't you worry about that Decs" Ant smiled "anyone with half a heart will understand"
"Certainly made up for it once we got back though didn't I?" Dec frowned.
"Yeah,ya did" Ant laughed "but no one saw that except me and I'm good with it,I'd rather you sobbed your heart out in my arms than hold it all in"
"I certainly did that" Dec replied.
"You're ok now though?" Ant asked concerned "you're not going to do anything daft like sell your house and go and live in a bus shelter?"
"No I'm not" Dec laughed "I'm ok now,thanks to you,I'm dealing with it and I'll carry on dealing with it the best way I can"
"Good lad" Ant smiled.
"We've got more of it to come tomorrow though" Dec stated nervously.
"Yeah,I know" Ant nodded "but hopefully that won't be so traumatic,we'll be seeing more buildings that have been built as well as seeing what else needs to be built,rather than meeting a lot of people,maybe we'll just be with one guide all day?"
"Yeah,maybe" Dec yawned "I'm shattered "it's been a long day and this heat has worn me out"
"Alright kidda" Ant laughed "I can take a hint,you want to go to sleep now?"
"Yeah I do" Dec smiled "need a shower first though,should have had one when I first got back,but I was...er..."
"You were otherwise engaged" Ant offered helpfully.
"Exactly" Dec replied "now my sweaty body has been all over my nice clean sheets for the last couple of hours and so has yours for that matter"
"Er,yeah,sorry about that" Ant laughed "guess I'll make my way back to my own room and my perfectly clean,fresh sheets then"
"Shut up" Dec laughed.
"Come on Decs" Ant smiled "hug it out"
Ant stood up from the bed and Dec followed his lead,Dec fell willingly into Ants open arms where they embraced each other lovingly.
"Thanks Ant" Dec muttered into Ants chest "you always know what to say"
"No problem mate" Ant smiled as he rubbed Decs back "it was my pleasure and anyway,it's my job to look after you"
"I think we established that years ago" Dec laughed as he pulled out of the hug.
"Yeah,we did" Ant smiled "and that's never going to change"
"Good" Dec smiled contentedly "thank you though and I'll see you in the morning"
"You're very welcome" Ant replied "now get some sleep and please don't worry anymore ok?"
"Ok" Dec smiled.
"And just remember one thing Declan" Ant beamed.
"What's that?" Dec asked curiously.
As Ant made his way to the door,he turned back to his best friend and smiled.
"Tomorrow is a new day!"
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