Some of the events in this book are based on a true story. The main characters' relationship is completely based on me and my ex. I do not support any toxic relationships. There's a reason I'm talking about me and my ex, not me and my boyfriend.

I decided to share the way my relationship was because I know a lot of girls and boys are in the same toxic relationship that I was in. And I know it's hard to leave. That's why I made this. To let you know it's okay to leave the toxic people or relationships behind. So you have more room in your heart to love the people that actually deserve it. An amazing woman once said: if you sleep next to someone and still feel alone, why not be alone?

And she's right. Leave until you still can. Leave before the hurtful word becomes a hurtful bruise. You don't need anyone but yourself, because you are strong and amazing and beautiful, no matter what you think of yourself.

First, you need to love yourself and know your worth until you can love anyone else. So be strong because everything will be alright.

If anyone needs a talk or an advice, my DMs are open. :)

English is not my first language so I apologize for any mistakes in advance.

Enjoy!

____________________

The idea that we are

So capable of love

But still choose

To be toxic.

___________________

**

"Fuck that was good!" A hot girl, whose name I forgot, says panting and laying herself down next to me.

"Eh it was alright." I say, putting the bitch in her place. Getting up to get dressed, I can feel her glare burning through my back.

"Are you for real right now?" She says, clearly offended. As she should be.

Yeah that's right. You ain't special. Not to anyone, especially not to me. I know that she needs to leave or we will get into a fight.

But not yet. I'll have some more fun until she leaves.

"Yeah, you can't blow for shit and you really smell down there. Just saying."

I crunch my nose and put my boxers back on

"What the fuck? I can't believe you just said that! Why were you saying my name then while I was on top of you?" She snaps at me. Damn girl chill. Who does she think she is? Fucking Mia Khalifa?

"Well I thought you'd come and leave faster," I shrug, grabbing her ugly wrinkled clothes and throwing them on the bed. I slowly walk to the bedroom door, opening it to let her know it's time for her to leave.

Honestly, I can't stand whores, so I act like a piece of shit towards them. It's not my fault the only thing they're good for is sex. I know I'm not any better, but still.

"You're throwing me out already?" She looks at me confused, like we're doing this for the first time. "You won't let me sleep here?" She tries to make me let her stay, but I shake my head. No one ever stays here after sex. Or in general. That's my rule.

"Hell no. I'm going to take a shower and when I come out, I expect you to be gone." I walk to the bathroom, closing the door behind me and locking it.

Before I turn on the shower I hear a 'fuck you Luke' and a slamming door. Thank god that bitch left. I can't fucking stand her but she gives good head so it's worth it. I guess. I just hope her hoe friends won't bother me for kicking her out.

I got out of the shower and went to bed. My sheets smelled like her. What a nasty smell.

...

"Shit!" I jump out of the bed. "I'm fucking late!" It's the first day of school and I really don't want any fucking problems with my annoying teachers. "Ah fuck it. I'm already late. I'm not gonna rush."

I get up and go to the bathroom, brush my teeth and do my hair. I put on a plain white shirt and black pants.

"Shit where are my keys" I murmur, looking around. I don't live on the campus, because I bought myself a nice flat - with my parents' money, but that doesn't matter. The only thing bothering me, is the fact that now I have to drive to the campus.

I find my keys on a shelf. I take them and walk to the garage where my BMW is.

When I finally find a parking spot, which took 10 fucking years because I was so late, I start looking for my classroom. Gotta love NYU. It takes you forever to find anything.

Because I'm so focused on finding my classroom, I walk right into someone.

"Watch where you're-" Damn. She is fucking hot. Her brown hair is falling onto her face, because I ran into her. Her grey eyes are looking right at mine. They're filled with annoyance. Probably because of me. Oh well. Shit happens.

"You walked into me you know. Asshole." She hisses at me. Oh she's feisty. She must be good in bed.

I mean, the feisty ones usually are, right? And the sad ones, but that's besides the point right now.

"Okay, I'm sorry damn," I look down at my feet, acting sad. Maybe she'll feel bad. Then I would take her out, buy her a drink and take her home.

It usually works.

"It's okay. Don't worry about it." She smiles. What a beautiful smile.

And full lips.

And white teeth.

Damn, I wanna do things to her.

"I can make it up to you at the party tonight," I smirk and wink at her. By the look on her face I know I fucked up.

Shit.

"You're disgusting." She spits and walks right past me, and disappears behind a corner.

"No, wait!" It's too late. She's already gone. Cursing under my breath, I focus on finding my classroom.

"Shit Jones, since when do you ask girls to stay?" I hear a laugh behind me.

It's Dylan. My best friend. We've been best friends since I can remember. He's the only one who knows me. The real me. The shit that I've been through. He knows it all. And I couldn't have asked for a better best friend, as cheesy as it sounds, it's true. He's like a brother to me.

I hate everyone and everything except for him. And sex. But once again, that's besides the point

"Fuck you man, she was hot as fuck. Did you see that ass?" I smile just at the thought of it. So big and full.

He laughs. "All you ever think about is sex," he laughs even harder. "If you do bang her, call me if she has a hot friend," Dylan smirks and we walk to class together.

Emma's POV

I was already late, looking for my classroom and then I had to run into that guy. For a second I thought we could've been friends, until he made that disgusting remark.

When I finally get to class he is there. Well I'm lucky. As always.

I walk to an empty seat. I know he's looking at me. Looking at my every move. Why can't he look away? He's doing it on purpose. Either to make me uncomfortable, or annoyed.

"So now that everyone is here, I will give you your first assignment" the teacher interrupts my thoughts.

When the teacher finished giving us instructions, the class ended.

He walks up to me.

"Why did you run off before?" he looks at me, confused, yet cocky.

Oh I don't know, maybe because you harassed me?

"I don't want anything to do with you," I hiss, turn around on my heels and walk away. I have classes to attend to and they're far more important than this asshole.

He starts following me. Why is he following me?

He has to be some kind of a serial killer. I'm sure of it.

"What do you want?" I snap, dying on the inside - scared he might kill me.

He looks at me with his kinda pretty brown eyes, "well I could name a few things," he smirks, clearly looking at my cleavage now.

"You are so disgusting," I spit and want to turn around but he grabs my wrist. "What are you doing? Let me go!" I say, raising my voice.

"I will if you come to my party tonight," he smirks and looks at me dead in the eye.

I feel a lot of things going on in my body right now. Mostly anger building up. How dare he touch me without my consent, even if it's just my wrists?

"No. Now let me go." I try to pull my wrists away but his grip tightens. I swear to god I'll report him to the police. This must be illegal.

"Oh come on," He steps towards me. He's too close. The smell of cigarettes enters my nostrils, making me cringe - I hate them.

"I'll think about it," I gulp, just so he'd let me go. Thankfully he does so.

"That's all I wanted." He winks and turns around. Finally, he starts to walk away but something makes him stop and turn around. "What's your name?"

"None of your business."

He looks at me, disappointed and kinda sad. I sigh, "Emma."

"I plan to see you later, Em," he suddenly smiles at me and leaves.

What a fake bitch.

What was that? Why did he act like that? What's his problem? I don't even know his name and he's over here grabbing my wrists.

I went to the cafe after school in hopes to get a job there. I could use the money especially now that my mom and dad are having a crisis at their little store.

"Hi, what can I get you?" A nice looking girl behind the counter asks me. She tucks her black hair behind her ear. I'm pretty sure she's my age.

"Actually, I was wondering if you were hiring?" I smile at her.

"We were just going to put up a sign tomorrow, but we can hire you today already if that's okay with you?" She asks me, "oh and my name is Vanessa."

"Nice to meet you Vanessa, I'm Emma," I shake her hand and smile, "And about the job... I would love it, if you hired me today." I'm so lucky! At least something good happened today.

"You can come to work on Monday."

I thank her and leave the cafe. I'm so glad I got the job. At home, I was never as lucky. It took me forever to actually find a job that was hiring, let alone a job that would be ready to hire me.

I go back to the campus. After searching for my dorm again I finally find it.

When I walk into my room, the bed that was empty in the morning is now taken, but there's no one in the room. Maybe they'll come back later.

I sit behind my desk and start doing the assignment, which was given earlier today.

A few hours later the door opens and Vanessa steps in. Is she my roommate?

"What are you doing here?" She asks me, clearly confused.

"This is my room," I answer.

"This is my room too!" She says, excitement in her voice.

"So we are roommates and co-workers now huh?" I smile at her.

She sits on her bed and we talk until it's 7 PM. She tells me all about New York and the parties and school. Basically about everything.

"Well I'm going to Luke's party, so I have to get ready," she stands up and smiles, "do you want to come with me?"

"I don't know.." That's right! The party. I hope she isn't talking about that other guy though. The last place I'd like to be at, is his house.

"Come on! It'll be so much fun! I promise." She assures me.

Is Luke the guy I met before? And if it is his party, at least he won't harass me in school for not coming. I guess it would be better for my sake to go.

"Okay. But I have nothing to wear," I complain to her.

"Let me see what you have," she walks to the closet and opens it. After some time, she finally pulls out something - a blue mini skirt. "You should wear this," she looks at me and gives me the dress.

"Isn't it a bit..short?" I ask her, "it barely covers up my butt." Remind me again, why do I have this dress?

"That's the point. If you have a nice ass, you gotta show it off," she laughs and looks at my butt, slapping it. "And you'll let me do your make up right?" She smiles at me.

"Uh..sure?" I look at her, unsure. She jumps and claps her hands. "You'll look so beautiful. Not that you don't look beautiful already," she says and grabs her make up bag.

40 minutes later she's done. She uses blue eyeshadow and cuts the crease with white concealer. For a finishing touch, she added white glitter on the concealer. It looks so good and I feel more confident.

"You're all done. This dress looks so good on you! And the make up! Girl you're gorgeous," I hug her and thank her.

She puts on an even shorter dress than mine. I didn't think that's possible but I guess it is.

"Well, let's go have some fun!" She squeals and I chuckle, shaking my head.

**

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