After five tests, the portal allowed Ben to pass through. It was disorienting to stand in the world of the living again. Bright morning sun shone down on the craggy rocks of Ahch-To, and the grass glittered an outrageous, briliant color of green. He had appeared about ten paces from Rey. She was looking right at him, her eyes wide with surprise. It had been a month since Yoda had told her Ben might not show up. He tried to take a step forward. 

And then, what felt like a giant gust of wind slammed into him from the front. He knew what was happening. "Aw, fu..." 

"...ck." He tumbled out of the portal and rolled to a stop in the dead lands, right at the feet of Yoda.

Ben was in a rage by the time he'd stood. He turned to face the portal, and yelled, "You fu...," but stopped when he saw his mother.

Leia hated his nickname for the portal. And she didn't care much for his language, either. He was making an effort to come to some middle ground with the General-Princess. She hadn't tried to outright mother him. Yet. He was expecting it. She mostly used her 'general's face,' the one that radiated disapproval, and remained silent. Luke found their interactions endlessly entertaining.

Ben had spent a month trying to overcome the portal, only to have it jerk him back out of the living world as soon as he put his feet down for the first time. It was infuriating. 

"See her, you did," said Yoda. He nodded in approval.

"For about three seconds," said Ben.

"That's good, dear," said Leia. 

"How's that good?" said Ben.

Yoda shook his head. "So young. Success requires work."

Ben scrubbed at his face with his hands, completely exasperated with this little green menace. "I've been working."

"Mhm," said Yoda. 

"How do you stay on the other side for so long?" said Ben. 

"Work," said Yoda, and he turned and walked away.

"I can't believe Luke put up with him as a master," said Ben. 

"It was difficult," said Leia. "And it was mutually frustrating. Luke didn't learn everything he needed. Yoda will be an excellent teacher for Rey. But she does need you, too."

His mother was the only person in this place of gray silence who spoke to him on a regular basis. The others passed their time in quiet thought. He had no idea what they spent their time thinking about. He used to think about Rey, but now every bit of his mind was bent toward defeating the portal.

"I'm no teacher," he grumbled.

"You understand how Rey interacts with the Force. You may be the only one who does. And while you used it for ill whilst alive, you did have good control. That's what she needs. Before she harms herself or others."

"So you all say. But Rey has done just fine without me. Despite me, in fact. If I can't get there, she'll survive."

"Survival is not a goal." Leia's voice was stern. "She must thrive. A great weight rests on her. If survival is all she attains, it will crush her."

Ben wasn't so sure about that, but he wasn't stupid enough to argue with Leia when she used that tone. He turned and studied the portal. He hadn't learned anything new in his first successful cross over. Passing out of the testings, as he had taken to calling them with Anakin, hadn't felt any different than moving from one test to the next. He didn't know he was through until he opened his eyes and saw Rey. He hung his head in defeat and took a few deep breaths. Rey. She had looked so good. Healthy and thriving. Leia might be wrong after all. Rey might not need him.

The last tests had been different than the ones that came before. These tests involved General Hux. And since he hadn't killed Hux, he didn't have to feel the excruciating terror of watching a lightsaber move for a killing blow toward his helpless body. He didn't have to live the horror of watching the masked demon, himself, end his own life. 

What he did experience in Hux's mind was devastating. The man had lived his entire life as a victim. He had never been good enough, not in his eyes or those of his superiors, and so he had watched as others took his place over and over. He was a kicked dog, bullied and belittled. He was also a terrible human being, but Ben's actions hadn't helped that. Ben was shocked to realize that he identified with Hux at some level. And he felt legitimate remorse for how he had treated the General. It surprised him. 

Also, the Force Choke hurt like hell.

"Oh," he said. 

He glanced to the side and found his mother standing there, watching him. 

"Tell me about it," she said.

He sighed. "I'm not an out-loud kind of processor."

"You're not a processor at all. That's part of your problem. Your father wasn't, either. You can't just smash things when you don't feel like you have control here. You must face it."

The silence swelled up around them. A living person would have heard blood pounding behind their ears. Felt their chest tighten. But all Ben heard was the endless, maddening silence. 

"I didn't fully understand the portal after all." 

Leia smiled and gave him an encouraging nod. He no longer wanted to run from her. 

"The portal doesn't just want me to repent of my sins. It wants me to identify with my victims."

"Why do you think that is?"

He thought about Hux, about how they hadn't been all that different. Their paths had diverged based on innate power - which Ben hadn't done anything to earn. A stroke of random luck could have reversed their situations, and Ben wasn't sure he would have been able to manage Hux's lot any better than Hux had. 

"Because there is no true repentance until I fully understand who these people are and what I have taken from them."

Leia nodded, and left him standing in front of the portal.

This revelation made his task so much harder. He had a long way to go before he became a Jedi master.