《When You and I Collide》14) The Darkness
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~Snow's POV~
"Hojo?" I raise an eyebrow, speaking up first after an awkward silence. "You mean that crazy scientist guy that you guys killed?"
"I see Avalanche has told you of their adventures," Reeve nods. "Yes, he was thought to be dead. Especially when Vincent practically gutted him." I glance nervously down at the crazy vampire man beside me and internally shudder. Creepy.
"How would he be alive then?" Tifa crosses her arms with a scowl.
"I didn't say he was. It's merely a theory. Who else has a fascination with things from other worlds as great as his? And to answer you question, Hojo enjoying creating clones, correct?" She nods skeptically. "We tested the remains only to find that Vincent, you merely defeated a clone of Hojo." Fang's green eyes meet mine and I shake my head. It's no use talking to him about it. He'll just clam up again.
"Hojo's alive then," Yuffie huffs, plopping onto the floor. "Great."
"I'm very sorry," Reeve shakes his head. "But about our theory... I need someone to tell me from the beginning what happened."
"I will," I speak up, surprising everyone. Reeve nods and starts walking to a closed door.
"Come with me then."
I follow him into the room with a small smile toward my friends and then shut the door.
"Please sit down," the robed man nods toward a chair in front of a desk I'm assuming is his. "Now, what exactly happened from beginning to end?"
"I guess... One night, me and my fiancé Serah got in a fight and she grabbed the keys to the car. I think she was gone for three hours before I finally called Light. She told me... That Serah had gotten into a car accident and died." I glad down at my lap where my balled up fists rest. Guilt fills me from the feelings I get around Tifa and I clench my jaw. I'm so sorry Serah. "I don't really remember what happened after that in detail, just that I ran. I ended up running all the way to the ocean shore where I could see Fang and Vanille trapped in the crystal... But none of this matters, sorry."
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"No, actually it might help," he says with a small and friendly smile that urges me to go on.
"I think I fell asleep after that. Sazh woke me up and said something about going home. I'm not sure why everyone came to get me though. I just know that they were all there and then there was an earthquake or something and Fang and Vanille managed to break free. I was knock unconscious and then we woke up here."
"Do you have any idea how long you were out in the woods before you woke up?" Reeve looks down at his notes.
"No idea. Sorry that we won't have much information."
"You gave me more than I expected," he smiles. "And I'm very sorry about your fiancé, Snow."
"Me too," I look out the office window. I'm so sorry.
~|~|~|~|~
Tifa gives me a concerned look as I pick at my lunch. I'm not really hungry and it feels so wrong to be even thinking about her when my mind should be on Serah. I feel like I've been cheating on her or something, even though nothing has even happened between us. Fang scowls at everyone around her in this small café, on edge even as Vanille chats aimlessly with her. Vincent disappeared minutes after Reeve first mentioned Hojo and Cloud seems to be lost in space. Not even Tifa can get his attention.
"Well I'm gonna go back home," Yuffie stands. "Vincent'll turn up there some time."
"Kid's probably right," Sazh sighs and stands, carrying a napping Dajh. "There's no use moping around here. Reeve will call you guys when he gets something. Cmon Cloud."
"Hmm? Oh." My fellow blonde stands and glances over at me. I stand without a word to Tifa and leave with the two. Hope waves to me from the café window as I ride off on the Shiva twins in their gestalt mode.
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"Snow," Cloud stops me from hiding off in my room. I sigh and look back at him. "You guys don't have to get involved in this if you don't want to."
"We already are," I shake my head. "If he had anything to do with Serah... Or our planet, he's long gone." He nods and turns back to the living room.
Sitting on the edge of my bed, I pull off my necklace and stare long and hard at the charm of Cocoon. This was once a charm of commitment, a token of a love that was never supposed to end. But now... I can't just throw it out the door, not only for another woman. But she's not just another woman. That's the problem. I want to have something with Tifa, but the guilt of Serah stops me from doing even the simple things. It's my fault she's gone. If I hadn't have made her mad... And then let her drive away... Gods, I hate crying. The pain of this all... I just want it all to go away. If Hojo is responsible for any of this... I want to wring his neck before Vincent gets a change to lay a finger on him.
~|~|~|~|~
My phone ringing waves me up a fee hours later. I don't even remember falling asleep. When I glance down and see Tifa's name, I frown and force myself to set it aside, putting the device on silent. We exchanged numbers at breakfast yesterday, but now... Now I can't even stand to think about it.
Looking around my dark room, I realize this is how I am inside. Dark. Cold. I'm shutting all sources of light out so that they can't illuminate what I feel, things I don't want to feel, places I would rather be. I'm slowly fading, sinking, falling into the darkness, and if I lose any more light, I will surely be sucked in and vanish into it for eternity because my walls are closed to tight, no brightness could possibly find its way in.
Maybe I should give in and answer. No point in taking the light into the dark with me. But I can't bring myself to move my hand toward the device. It'll light up the pain and guilt that I can't push out, only hide. And I'll hide it until the day I die because showing it would only make me sink back farther. Maybe I don't belong here. Maybe I should leave. But where to? No, I have to stay. There's nowhere else I would rather be, no one else I would rather be around. I can't hide it much longer, but I have to try. Then maybe the darkness won't consume both of us.
~|~|~|~|~
"Tifa called to ask if you were alright yesterday," Cloud says to me at breakfast the next day. "Said you kept hitting 'ignore' on her calls."
"I wasn't looking to see who it was," I lie.
"Hmm," he hums, glancing toward Sazh. The man shrugs.
"Why don't you call her back then?" Cloud presses.
"Does it really matter?" I snap at him. He blinks at me before going back to eating his breakfast. After I finish eating, I shrug my trenchcoat on and leave the condo to go for a walk. The darkness is spreading like a plague, it seems, and if Tifa gets pulled in, there's no saving me.
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