Panic. It is something which the more you try to control, the more it shows.

It is a feeling that boggles your mind. It leaves you in a state where you let the pessimist side get the best of you.

You can't control it because your senses and the right set of mind vanishes, leaving you clueless as to what you should do or how you should control it.

How do I know all this?

I know it because of first hand experience.

I'm not saying that no one has ever panicked before. All I'm saying is that I started having panic attacks since that incident that happened long time ago.

No one knows about these attacks. I have kept them a secret. I always try to supress them which I think is the reason they are getting worse every time.

The moment I became the laughing stock for everyone, I panicked inside. I didn't hear the present laughter. All I could hear was the laughter and comments from the 'incident'. If Shelly had done this when no one ws watching, I would have rolled my eyes at her.

I wasn't not- responding because of what she had done. Honestly, it was childish and stupid.

The reason I stood there shutting my eyes as hard as I could and clenching my fists, was to block the laughter and the snippets of the 'incident' which haunted me till date.

I knew that I had to face my fear to avoid the panic attacks but I was scared. I knew perfectly well that I was being a coward but I couldn't help it.

I cleched my fists even tighter and shut my eyes so tightly that the force sent a pain through me. My head started spinning around with all the laughter and taunts that were being thrown at me.

My sticky eye lashes sent the drops of orange juice down my face and the spaghetti sauce on my head began to suffocate my hair spaces.

My mind boggled and the spinning of my thoughts and the sounds from the cafeteria started making me feel dizzy. I opened my eyes to feel a bit more steady but the imaged that my eyes captured beegan to blur. My knees gave out and the last thing I remember before blacking out was the intense pain that swarmed my body as my knees hit the marbeled floor followed my my body.

******

"Don't worry. You'll do well," Mom encouraged as I stood in front of her trembling.

"B-But what if I fail to perform well?" I asked as I looked at myself in the mirror.

The girl in the mirror wore a cute little red dress that reached till her knees with a large black bow that wrapped around her waist. Her hair were tied neatly in two pigtails and had matching clips keeping the hair in place.

"Have you even heard yourself? You sing like a rockstar," Candy came in the dressing room followed by my father and answered before my mother could.

"He isn't kidding kiddo. You can sing better than any nine-year old out there," my Dad bent down to my height and kissed my forehead.

This made me smile brightly. All the nervousness I felt vanished.

"I can do this," I said and everyone nodded in agreement and cheered.

But all the nervousness I had felt came back the moment the host of the show announced my name.

"Go on," Mom pecked my cheek.

I pulled my dress to straighten the non-existant folds and walked slowly towards the stage.

My mom had enrolled me into this competition after hearing me sing, which according to her was really good. I had got many compliments from my relatives too, so I decided to go with my Mom's idea. As I entered the stage, I glanced at the crowd. The adults and the elder people were seated in the last three rows and the children and the high schoolers were seated in the first five rows. The rows in between were occupied by the groups of people of the age group of fresh adults (17 to 18 year olds)

The very first row was really close to the stage and was occupied by the children of my age and maybe even younger ones.

As I walked towards the centre of the stage, I didn't look where I was going and so I tripped on one of the wires which were attached to the mike system.

I fell face-first on the stage. Everyone in the audience burst out laughing. I tried to get up but to my utter horror, I fell even before I could get up and my dress rose up, putting my modesty on display.

At that, the laughter rose up a notch. I felt tears pricking the corners of my eyes.

"Look she has Barbie on her underwear!"

"She is such a loser!"

"Who let her on the stage?"

By now, I couldn't see anything as tears blurred my sight. I quickly got up, untangling the wires and ran from the stage. I ran and ran, ignoring the calls of my names until I reached a big tree. I slumped down near it's roots and cried. All I could hear were the words 'loser' 'klutz' 'fool' 'shame'....

I got up abruptly, sitting straight as I just took in my surroundings. I was in a room with white walls and a distinct smell of sanitizer. I glanced around and found some medicine boxes along with a curtain that blocked my view of the other side of the room.

I was in the school infirmary.

I tried to remember why I was here. One look at my clothes, and everything came back rushing into my mind. I touched my face and tasted a salty liquid that caressed my tongue. I was crying.

And why wouldn't I?

The dream-more of a nightmare actually- felt so real. It was as if I was reliving that day. The day I started getting paranoid.

The day my confidence was shredded.

The day I stopped singing in front of an audience.

The day when I started hating attention.

The day I started having these panic attacks!

And today they got the upper hand. I could control them to some extent earlier but today it went overboard. I needed to control this.

I quickly got up and jumped off the bed. I felt a little dizzy, but I regained my composure in a few seconds and then I went out of the room. On the way into the hallway, I bumped into the nurse.

"Hey sweety. I didn't know you were up," she said in a gentle tone.

"I just got up. I just want to go home and take a shower and just sleep. If that's okay with you," I replied as politely as I could under the circumstances.

I could already feel a headache coming up.

"Oh sure sweety. Let me write you a hall pass. But make sure you take some rest," she said and wrote me a hall and a gate pass.

I nodded and thanked her. I walked a few steps when I realized something.

I didn't have a ride back.

The school wasn't over yet and it was usually mom and dad who dropped me and picked me up from school. Plus right now they would be at work.

Great!

I couldn't go to Sam since her case was the same as mine.

Going to Kinsy wasn't an option at all. After her recent ignoring,I doubt she would help.

My only other option was: Candy.

But how do I go to him? I knew his schedule by heart by I didn't know what period was going on.

I swept my gaze across the corridor to find someone but there was no one. I tried looking in other hallways but with no luck. I was going to give up when my eyes spotted the school clock.

According to the time, my estimate was that Candy would be in his Gym class. And I had only about ten minutes before the hallways filled with students. And that was something I didn't want to face. I had had enough for a day.

So I quickly jogged towards the gym. My knees hurt a bit but I jogged anyway. I reached the gym in three minutes, to be exact.

I slowly crept into the large hall, so that no one noticed me. The students were playing dodge ball. I tried looking for Candy but he was nowhere to be seen. I went a little forward and looked here and there.

I stood on my tiptoes, searching for a certain brown haired idiot. I was busy searching the crowd so much so that I didn't even notice the ball coming towards me.

All I heard was,"Watch out" and then I slammed into a wall.