《TBATE : Prelude | Ouroboros》Chapter 10 - Realisation
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As my consciousness faded, the last thing I remember seeing is Caera's face, lips quivering as she mouthed inaudible words. Her eyes glistened with tears and the reflection of the frozen surroundings which slowly turned red. The ringing in my ears died down as I found myself in a place that felt familiar.
The tunnel.
My being was adrift in this vast nothingness, having no control over my motor functions. Time seemed to be irregular as it felt as if I had been here for years or just for a few minutes.
Soon in this void, something flickered in my peripheral vision. I lazily willed my body to turn towards the source of the disturbance. The sudden brightness stung my eyes as I tried to focus on it.
The thing in question turned out to be a swirling mass of flames, which was gold in color. It gave me a sense of warmth and security, wanting to embrace it.
But soon, the flames withered, as if scared of something. The feeling it gave off made me want to huddle up in fear.
The flame shifted, turning into blood red as the extensions arising from it whipped around violently. Desperation and anger.
The flames flickered once more as they changed to a familiar colour, purple. The same flames that I had managed to conjure while facing Seris. Suddenly I felt like I was in the King's tournament, with my sword embedded in Cecilia's chest. These flames brought out the feelings of resignation and despair.
My ethereal body trembled at those memories as the flames spread out, reaching me.
"...elp," "Deat.." "...orgivable" "Destr..." "Save" "...y baby" "Daught..." "...rath" "Kill"
Multiple voices emerged from the flames spouting incoherent words as it caressed my hand, laced with despair. The voices were of multiple people of all ages. Who are these people?
The power it gave off felt intoxicating, hungry for consumption.
Before I could drown in that feeling, my thoughts shifted to her. The person, despite being young, despite knowing my origins treated me like family. Her hair like the midnight blue sky and eyes which held deep affection shining like the brightest of rubies. I only wished I had more time with her.
My family, my mother, sister, Nico, Cecil...Seris. They all had treated me with love. Not wanting to fall into despair even after death, I pulled away from the flames. But it followed me, as I desperately tried to lose it.
Before it could touch me again, several chains of purple wrapped around it and held it in place.It wriggled around violently before going dormant. The power felt familiar.
'Mother'
She's helping me even in my death. I really didn't deserve her.
A nostalgic feeling encompassed my body as it drifted towards a direction where there was light.
'No. Am I being reborn again?'
Slowly I felt myself back in a physical body as the pleasant odour of flowers invaded my nose. The aroma made me feel relaxed and calm. Something heavy rested upon my right side of the body as I felt that my arm had gone numb. My left hand however was held in place by someone resting their head on it while holding them. The touch felt familiar, comforting.
'At least I have both arms in this life' I chuckled to myself before opening my eyes that felt like they were glued shut. After the stinging of my eyes subsided I was greeted by a ceiling which had intricate designs of silver over black.
I lazily lifted my head a little to be met with a curtain of pale wheat hair which housed an obsidian black curved horn.
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'Sylvie.'
She was hugging my right side of the body tightly as her breathing was rhythmic, faint red lines ran under her eyelids indicating she had cried herself to sleep. My chest tightened at the sight, having worried her again as I gently caressed her hair with my...right hand? Wasn't it cut off?
Looking to my left, I felt my body relax at the sight of Caera holding on to my hand like a plushie, resting her head on it while a little bit of drool escaped her slightly open lips. Her horns weren't visible but that could wait for later.
My eyes stung once more as my vision blurred, choked sobs escaping my lips due to my parched throat. All this time I was ready to give up my life for them, not considering how it would affect them.
Gently caressing Caera's cheeks, I continued to let it all out as my sobs turned into wheeze. I felt movement to my left. Caera seemed to have awoke from her slumber, hey beautiful eyes now looking at me with a myriad of emotions.
Her lips shook as tears glistened in her eyes, her eyebrows furrowed in grimace. I was soon tackled in a tight hug as she sobbed uncontrollably, her pained voice sending a volley of swords through my heart. She didn't need to say anything to convey everything. Her actions spoke volumes as to how bad her state was, seeing me on death's bed. I held her impossibly close as her tears wet my shirt.
This whole ordeal seemed to have woken up my sister as she looked at me with full moons.
"Brother...I-I thought I lost you! hic I-I couldn't feel you or h-hear you! hic Waaaa,"
Unlike Caera who hugged me on sight, she just sat there as started to wail, her hands curled up like a cat trying to wipe her tears. I pulled her close as she buried herself between me and Caera, shaking violently.
"Looks like we missed our window, Seris"
Mother strode from the door towards us with Seris next to her. I tightened my grip around Caera and Sylvie at her sight.
"Grey, calm down. Seris isn't an enemy like you think," mother said as she looked at Seris who had a solemn smile on her face "she had been looking out for you ever since you started your training. She also gave Caera an artifact to hide her manifestation."
I looked at Caera who nodded in approval.
"But I thought..."
"Yes, she hadn't revealed her intentions because she wanted to be sure if Agrona would access your memories or not. But before she could, this happened. And whatever your purple flames were seems to affect your mind too much in a negative way, so you attacked her. So I was forced to seal it."
"Thanks mom. I don't know what I'd do without you. Those flames seemed sentient." I replied.
"Yes, I sensed something inside it, more like ..." she trailed off in thought " ...no nothing. And two of the three runes which are on your back are complete, one of which were your flames and the other seemed to be of spatium genus. Not only that, your mana channels have been tempered and strengthened so much, I could easily navigate aether through it without burning them. Do you know what happened?" she questioned.
"I felt like the flames expanded my channels when they appeared. And I could perform a technique better than burst step using aether, maybe the rune of spatium genus is that." I replied.
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"Anyway, glad you are okay my son. In fact, it was Caera who healed your injuries." she said as Caera and Sylvie broke the hug and looked at me.
"Thank you Caera. You seem to always take care of me." I said with a genuine smile.
"You don't have to thank me. I'll always do it, like you always do for me," she replied with a slight blush gripping my hand in hers. I felt my face heat up at her actions.
Turning to face Seris who had a grin on her face, which soon turned back into the solemn smile she had earlier.
"Seris, I-I'm sorry I didn't-" I was cut off by Seris pulling me into a hug. Caera still held my hand but I felt like it tightened a little now.
"It's okay Grey. I won't lie that it didn't hurt that someone who I see as a brother looked at me with hatred, but your actions were justified. And thank you for being there for Caera all this time." I was caught off guard with her uncharacteristic actions but I soon returned the hug with my free arm knowing I felt the same. That's why I thought of her back in the void.
"Thank you, Seris. For everything." I replied as we broke the hug.
"Let's go Caera. It is better that he rests. And yeah, Nico and Cecil are here. They were relieved to find out that you were safe and are currently in the garden."
Oh they also came to check up on me. Caera reluctantly let go of my hand and got off the bed. "See you later Grey," she fidgeted for a moment before leaning in and giving a small peck on my cheek and running off.
I just sat there frozen as my heart pounded against my ribs trying to organise my thoughts. Caera just, kissed me. It was on the cheek but still. My palm unconsciously rested on my cheeks replaying the scene over and over in my head.
I looked up to see mother and Seris looking at me with coy smiles on their faces whereas Sylvie started giggling.
"My~ my~, someone has grown bold after the camp." Seris chuckled before following after Caera. My face felt so hot at the moment, I could feel steam escaping my ears.
"Mom it-she..." I stuttered trying to think of responses.
"Grey," mother called out to me with an unusual seriousness in her voice " what do you think of her? After this, even you should realise what she feels for you."
I would be lying if I told I hadn't noticed that Caera was attracted to me. But as to what my feelings were, I'm not sure. And there's the matter of mental age, I'm very old and she deserves someone better.
"I don't know mom. I know I care about her a lot, possibly the most if I remember both my lives. But these feelings I have are so foreign, I don't know. And I'm older, mentally. Won't she be disgusted?" I questioned while a heavy feeling settled in my heart.
"Good. At least you are thinking about it. Don't make light of her feelings, my son. And regarding age, do you know how much older my husband is?" she questioned.
I shook my head.
"Even I don't," she replied, "for entities like us who live for a very long time, the concept of age blurs as more time passes. And it is not like you can go chasing after older women just because your mental age is like what? 30 years ahead?" she chuckled.
"And it is Caera's decision regarding that. You don't get to decide for her, remember that."
It made sense. But I still couldn't come to terms regarding my feelings, at least for now.
"I'll try mom. Right now I have a hard time processing what I feel but I promise it won't be long."
"And you should be the one to step up, okay Grey? Never cause a situation where she is forced to do it. She took the first step, you should be the one to lead."
She's right, when caera took the first steps, I should atleast not force her to make the rest of them.
"Yes mom. I'll keep that in mind." I replied with a smile.
"Good. I'm so glad to have you as my son, little Grey." she said as she ruffled my hair with a content smile on her face.
"I'm blessed to have you as my mother, mom. And Sylvie here as my sister." I replied while patting my sister's head.
"And yeah, I have sealed that power of yours which only activates under certain circumstances, which I won't be revealing as to what. So Grey, grow strong enough that you won't need to rely on it," I nodded at her statement. " And visit the orphanage sometime. Seris has been managing it ever since you guys left it even though she wasn't asked to."
This surprised me as well as made me realise how wrong I was about Seris.
'Thank you Seris.'
'Oh my Vritra! Oh my Vritra! I kissed him! It was at the spur of the moment but I didn't like it when my mentor hugged him with his face against her...'
"There you are, Caera. Have to say, that was pretty bold of you," my mentor teased me with a sly grin on her face.
"Aaaa mentor! Please stop teasing me! I just hope he doesn't hate me for what I did."
"Of course he doesn't. You should've seen his face after you left. It looked like it was his first time ever being kissed on his cheek," she replied as I looked up " he was more red than your eyes" she started laughing.
I couldn't help but smile at this. It was certain he doesn't hate me for it at least.
"But what do I do now? I have never felt like this before," I questioned, unsure of what to do next.
"Why don't you ask someone who is currently in a relationship, like them," she looked outside the window. Tracing her line of sight, I saw Cecil and Nico as they walked through the garden with their fingers intertwined.
"I guess I will. Thank you, mentor!" I replied as I strode through the hallways to reach the garden.
"Remember they don't know about your manifestation so it should stay that way," she said before I left.
Passing through the archway that led to the garden, I was greeted with a cool blow of wind that carried the essence of many flowers. Lavenders, lilies, jasmine, roses and some more I couldn't differentiate.
"Caera?" Cecil's voice brought me out of my trance to see both of them looking at me.
"Hey guys. Grey is awake and is healthy!"
"Oh thank god! Although I know he is a cockroach, I am still worried about him." Nico answered with a relieved tone. Cecil gave a smile at the news.
"I wanted to talk to you about something," I finally said as I felt my face heat up a little.
"Let's go sit somewhere," Cecil answered, noticing my condition in an amused tone.
We went to the middle of the garden where the tables were set up for a tea party under a beautifully designed dome.
After settling down, Cecil spoke up "So what is it that you wanted to ask us Caera?"
"I-I think.." no that's not it "No, I'm certain that I love Grey. So I wanted to ask you guys for advice regarding that."
Both Nico and Cecil's eyes widened like full moons at my statement but Cecil's eyes turned serious the next moment.
"How do we know you really love him and not after his title as a prince?" Cecil asked suspiciously. I felt anger flare within me at that insinuation.
"Huh?! What do you mean! I love him because he is the kindest person I've ever met. Having already been through s-so much, he still wants to make people around him happy. You of all people should know that! I just want to lift his burdens so he can show a smile that isn't hiding any pain that he's always in!" Nico recoiled in fear but Cecil was unfazed but a small smile tugged at her lips as she started to talk.
"Who do you see yourself with in the future?"
"Grey"
"With whom can you spend a day with, not feeling awkward even in silence?'
"Grey"
"In whose arms do you wish to wake up everyday?"
"Grey"
"Whose pain hurts more than your own?"
"Grey!"
"Who can you not bear to see with another woman?"
"It's Grey! Grey!"
Tears welled up in my eyes as Cecil got up and took me in a tight embrace. "It's okay Caera, I just wanted to make you realise that you loved him since there was a lingering doubt in your tone. I'm sorry I had to do it this way"
"Thank you Cecil, yes I did have my doubts but now I'm certain," I answered as she let go of me and sat in her seat.
Nico tugged at her sleeves sheepishly as he asked with a blush on his face "Cecil, all that you asked her...you also think about our future like that?"
A mischievous smile crept up her face as she answered "Of course my dear~ Nico, I even have decided what their names will be~" she almost whispered the last part in his ear causing him to turn beet red.
I chuckled at their interaction wondering if Grey and I could ever be like that.
"Have you done anything to hint him about your feelings?" she asked.
"I kissed him on the cheek," I replied, embarrassed but with a hint of pride.
Cecil smiled with genuine appreciation "Good now that you have done that, let Grey take the lead. You have done well Caera. He now needs to come to terms with his feelings and knowing him, he'll keep thinking you deserve someone better of your age. So just keep reminding him that you still love him through subtle actions so that he gets enough confidence to say that he loves you first."
"Yeah even in his past life he has zero experience with women, be it physically or mentally. So, it'll take a while." Nico intejected.
"See he's a vir-" Cecil stopped midway as her face chowed confusion.
"How do you know that, Nico?" she questioned with an authoritative voice.
Nico's face looks like he messed up as his eyes widened and his body shook. "I just guesse-"
"Nico, the truth." Cecil asked with a serious tone
"I-I might have kept tabs on him when he was a k-king," Nico answered as beads of sweat formed above his eyebrows.
"You spied on him!?" Cecil roared.
"N-No I just-"
"We are going to have a long talk later. Nico." Nico shuddered as his frame visibly shrunk at Cecil's rage.
I won't lie that it made me happy to know about this. No wonder he used to get flustered at the slightest provocations.
"At least someone here likes the news seeing how a wide smile has made its way to her face," Cecil teased as I reached my hand to my mouth to see that I was indeed smiling. I covered my mouth immediately to hide my smile but it was useless as they had already seen it.
"Anyway, Nico, can you tell the maids to get us some refreshments?" she asked him. Nico got up and left to do as he was told.
"You know, I had a crush on Grey," Cecil began as I flinched at this new information "And before you ask, now I don't harbour such feelings so don't worry about it. This was long ago. He pushed us away to protect us from the dangers he was about to face and became cold,"
I nodded as she continued " He tends to push people away if he thinks they are going to get hurt because of him. So keep him close and make him learn to lean on you. Because with the short amount of time he has spent with you, I have seen him smile so brightly that I had thought wasn't possible," she said in a solemn tone.
"I know Cecil. Thank you for telling this."
"He's lucky to have someone such as you, you know?"
"Likewise"
"You really love him, don't you?" she asked with a graceful smile.
"Yes, I truly love Grey"
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