[8]

"Be back at ten!" I hear my aunt yell, just as I shut the front door behind me. I walk up to the group of people, that is sitting on one of the benches right outside our house, yawning at the lack of sleep that I got the last few nights. When a few leaves crunch under the heel of my sneakers, their heads whip around.

"There you are! Wassup, dude," Kai greets and stretches out his fist, whereupon I bump mine against it. He sends me a big smile as he stands up, which I try to return but the heavy corners of my lips make it hard.

Another few days have passed and it's Sunday again. But lately my condition worsened, since that one incident in school. The nightmares got more intense, more terrifying and more frequent; thus my nights got shorter. The lack of sleep is clearly visible due to the dark bags that are resting under my eyes, which I had unsuccessfully tried to get rid of with some skincare product cream thing or whatever from Chloe.

My aunt noticed it this morning. She treated me differently today. As if I would break apart had she made one wrong movement, as if a waterfall of tears would cascade down my cheeks had she said something wrong.

And honestly, I hate it. Being treated like a fragile doll. Do people think I would feel better if they treated me with so much care and caution? Do they think that I would be grateful when they talk to me as if I was a child?

I just want to be treated like every other day. I don't want to be reminded of how much parental care I have missed out on, how much love I never got to feel. It doesn't help me one bit.

But if they treated me normally, argued with me, cracked super unfunny and awkward jokes, maybe even slapped me on the back of my head if I said something ridiculous, that is, what would really help me. However, unfortunately there is no human being out there who would get that.

"Chase, come on!" Gwen calls out, breaking me out of my daze. I run up to the others, who are already walking through the forest into the direction of the nearest bus station, and fall into step with them. Kai and Gwen had taken the bus this morning to come by for a visit, but in the end they decided to drag Chloe and me out to have some 'fun'.

As far as I know, we're gonna spend the afternoon and evening in some trampoline hall. I've never been on a trampoline before and honestly I'm not really fond of jumping on one, fearing that I might bruise my shoulder even more than it already is.

Anyway, after a good 15 minutes we're at the end of the forest and the bus station comes into view.

"Hey, Chase," someone suddenly says, making me jump. I turn my head and see Cooper flashing a big grin at me, whereupon I scrunch up my eyebrows in confusion. I didn't even notice that he also came along. He wasn't here when Gwen and Kai arrived. . . I think. Or was he?

"Mom threw me out in front of your house. She didn't want me to sit in front of my computer all day long, since it's apparently bad for my back and my education. As if I cared about my education," he explains, mumbling the last part to himself.

I nod. "Cool.'

"You good? You kinda look out of place today." He puts the back of his hand on my forehead, making me tense. I grab his wrist.

"Don't," I say. He looks at me with a slightly startled expression and retreats his hand as if my forehead had caught fire. I sigh, but don't say anything. Even if I wanted to apologize for my harshness now, it would come out of my mouth as something rude anyways, so I should just apologize later.

"Come on, come on, come on! Hurry up!" Kai shouts urgingly and drags me across the room by my arm. From the corner of my eye I see Gwen rolling her eyes and Chloe sighing, while shaking her head; whereas I just silently walk with the rest of the group, trying to prevent my feelings from making me gloomy all day long. However, I fail in doing so.

It feels like there is a big cloud of darkness and pain surrounding me, accompanying me wherever I go, taunting me as if to say that I'm not even worth its time and preventing my lips from forming a smile. It's like a constant reminder of my misery and of the darkness that has trapped me in my nightmares and even in my own mind.

Kai pulls me with him onto some trampoline in one corner of the room and starts jumping beside me, making the net underneath my feet shake and vibrate. I steady myself, inhale sharply and press my feet into the net, trying to jump a few inches into the air. When I push myself off the net I go a couple of inches into the air before I land on the net again. Just as I was about to breathe out in relief, my foot twitches. I fall.

I press my hands against the net, securing my chest and head from colliding with it, but by doing so, a hot pain rushes through my shoulder, whereupon I bite my lip, holding in the cry of pain that I so desperately want to release. I swing myself around, so that my back is on the net, and let out a shaky breath.

"You ok?" Kai yells from across the trampoline. I hold up my thumb, as an indication that I'm perfectly fine, even though I'm anything but that. But he doesn't notice that. He doesn't notice that I'm not sincere, or that my chest feels tighter than normally, or that it's harder to get oxygen into my lungs than usual. He doesn't notice. Nobody does.

I get off the trampoline and plop down on the ground next to it, welcoming the cold floor that is caressing my back as I lay down. The air smells like sweat and it burns my nostrils with its stinging smell, making me wanna gag. But I don't; I just lie there on the ground, one hand on my stomach and the other one underneath my head, looking at the ceiling.

The sounds from trampolines moving up and down, its feathers squeaking loudly, fill my ears. All around me people are laughing and chattering, and in the distance I even hear a ball fall onto the ground with a thud. It'd be quite a comfortable atmosphere to be honest, if it wasn't for the smell and the excruciating pain in my shoulder.

So, for the next couple of hours, we just jump around, crack jokes, eat some snacks and, in my case, try to hide everything behind a half-hearted smile. When the others eventually start to get tired and the sky changes its color to a darker shade of blue, we leave the trampoline hall. The air has gotten colder and fog has embraced the almost empty streets of Denver.

"Guys, you go first, I'm gonna take a walk," I announce, bringing everyone's attention to me. Some look at me with confusion, whereas Kai and Chloe just look really tired. I give them a reassuring smile, as an indication that I'm absolutely fine and just need some fresh air. And in the end they believed me.

"See ya tomorrow, man," Kai says and bumps his fist into my shoulder, making me bite my lip with a painful force in order to not scream out in pain.

"If you don't come home before ten o'clock, mom will kill you," Chloe warns, but for a brief moment gives me a concerned look, before she conceals it with her usual rather blank expression.

"I won't be late," I assure and watch them as they disappear into a tight cloud of fog. A heavy sigh escapes my lips and I turn the other way around, taking off into the direction of who-knows-where.

The streets are dark and broken streetlights are lined up on either side of the street that I'm walking on. I shouldn't be walking on a street, I know. I was taught that in kindergarten. But I don't fear dying. I don't fear being swept off the face of earth, vanishing into thin air, disappearing into an unknown world. I don't mind being freed of my pain.

So, despite all the things adults say, I walk further down the street, ignoring everything around me. I glance down at the watch, that is tightly wrapped around my wrist. It's 8PM, so I still got time. But did I really? Did I really have time?

Isn't time just another one of my tormentors? Another one of my fears? It's uncontrollable and most importantly unstoppable. Even when people die, it just mercilessly goes on taking away minutes, hours and days of our lives. It doesn't pay attention to someone's pain or to any emotions in general. Time is the definition of ruthlessness.

Suddenly I'm being pulled out of my thoughts by an agonizing pain spreading in my lower back and butt. I look around and find myself on the floor, staring at someone's messily tied ankle boots. When it dawns on me that I just bumped into that person, I quickly stand up and brush off the dust from my sweatpants.

My gaze wanders to the guy's chest, which is covered by a black T-shirt underneath a leather jacket. Something shiny catches my attention, when my eyes trail further up his body. It's a sliver necklace with a cross, hanging loosely around his neck.

"Didn't I tell you to stay the fuck away from me?" His hoarse voice suddenly rings out, making my heart stop beating.

Riku. It's Riku. That one guy that I was warned to stay away from since the very beginning, but yet somehow always ended up meeting anyways.

"Why do I always find you all alone wandering around in empty streets?" My chest tightens when he stretches out his hand.

I stare at it intently, my eyes trailing along the lines on his palms. After a moment of debating what to do, I slowly put my fragile and delicate hand into his, shivering slightly when a small tingle of electricity erupts in the tip of my index finger.

He sweeps me of the ground in one swift motion, as if I was weighing nothing. But I guess he also underestimated how underweight I really am, because I crush into his chest, almost crying out in pain once again because of my shoulder. My hands are resting on his chest, one of them being tightly gripped by his strong fingers.

I hear my heart beating rapidly inside of my chest, kicking and banging against my ribcage. And for the first time in my life I really wish for time to stop ticking, for the ground to open up and for it to swallow me whole, even though it's never gonna happen. Even though it also didn't stop when the life drained from my mother's eyes, or when the color was washed off my father's face, or when my heart stopped beating after he pushed me over the edge of what my body could take as a beating.

It didn't stop, it never did. And it won't stop now as well. It never will, because time isn't anyone's friend nor enemy. It's someone neutral who's watching us in delight, punishing us, rewarding us, or teaching us. It's not listening to our prays and pleas, nor to our insults and curses. Because for all I know, time doesn't have bad intentions nor good wills, it just doesn't feel at all. It's not an individual nor a god nor controlled by anyone. It's on its own, all alone.

Like me. I'm also alone. But I do feel things and I do have thoughts and opinions, because unlike time I am able to stop, to stop breathing, to stop having a heartbeat, to stop having blood rush through my veins. Unlike time, I am able to die.

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

Hey there,

I'm not feeling very well lately, so it took quite a bit for thos chapter to be finished. Anyway, I hope you're all doing well and are not being penetrated by that stupid virus.

Stay safe y'all!

❤

- L I S A